Blessings from across the continent -- Hogalum Discussion

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Subject:

Blessings from across the continent

Author:
Jeff-Warrior Monk

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Date Posted: 09:46:34 07/29/02 Mon

John, I send out blessings to you and Aoy during this awful struggle. Hopefulness that you are able to connect with her feelings and begin to heal her wounds. I send out willingness to Aoy to trust you and allow you to see her pain and suffering. I can imagine the language barrier isn't making it easier for her to express her hurt and you to listen without struggling to understand let alone empathize.
What has happened? Can you tell us why she chooses,(I understand if its a culture behavior) to shut down emotionally and not share with you?
How else can we help? I wish I could do more and feel kinda useless just sitting here.
Keep writing to us every day and let us know your progress, in any.
Take a moment to stand still, close your eyes and feel the blessings from America coming your way. Your heart is our heart!!!
Know that you are loved!

Amen, baby, Amen!

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Replies:

[> Subject:

follow up

Author:
John
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Date Posted: 06:29:46 07/30/02 Tue

There's a lot going on and it's not easy to talk about now.What Aoy is going through is not a cultural thing, it's a psychological defense mechanism--disassociation. It's very common for people who have been abused, attacked, and traumatized. Instead of facing the horror they withdraw and try to go someplace else in their minds. It's been difficult for her to see anyone, including me. I've only seen her for a few days this month. She needs to see a doctor, but I can't pay for that and I can't stay here beyond the 8th. I can't even guess how long it will be before I can afford to come back here. Now, with all this going on we can't do anything about a visa. Aoy keeps telling me she wants me to find a new lady, that she's no good because she has so many problems. I'm hoping to set up a meeting with her and a mutual friend who speaks English very well. We did that last week and we were able to discuss these issues in great detail.

[> [> Subject:

Re: follow up

Author:
Jeff
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Date Posted: 10:43:54 07/30/02 Tue

The time will come John when you will clearly see that Aoy has her own path to take. Whether she chooses to get help or turn to you for help is up to her. (I know you know that.) Accept who she is as she is, now. Maybe she is just one of those 'seasonal' influences in your life. Although you hoped for a future together, maybe this is an answer to your question. Maybe that answer is no. Your paths have crossed but its time for those paths to separate and head towards different terrains.
If you have learned something new due to Aoy, then that is what you were meant to learn.
I'm not saying you should leave her or you should keep trying, I'm just wondering myself if there is an answer here to what is in store for your life. Maybe if all was different and you both had very positive experiences on this last visit and everything regarding a visa just seemed to fit together, then it was meant to be. Maybe all this trouble is telling you, this is not the path for John, his path will take him elsewhere, to someone else.