Oh my God!!! Ben cheated on J. Lo!!! -- <font size = "4">The Drunks Bar </font size "4">

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Date Posted: 13:41:40 08/04/03 Mon
Author: Mr. Lyle Odimar
Subject: Oh my God!!! Ben cheated on J. Lo!!!

Oh my God!!! The National Enquirer says that hunky Ben Affleck gave oral sex to two female strippers in Vancouver!!! How could he?! How can Jennifer Lopez ever tongue kiss him knowing that his tongue touched the cootiferous, high traffic vulvas of strippers? I mean, Ben was the first man that Jennifer ever had sex with and she is so pure and Catholic and has never even, at least according to Teen Beat, been poked in the poop shoot with a hardened penis, a dildo, a can of Spam, a small statue of Elvis, a lighted stick of dynamite, but that she has had several hot cheese enemas -- but who hasn't?? I mean, hot Velveeta: Come on, that's a hoot in the poot-poot! Most people have anal fondue parties on hot summer nights and so we all understand. Even Rev. Mike Sutcliffe came by my last Anal Fondue party and did some chip-dipping!! Ole!

I have written Ben Affleck to express my severe disappointment and to force him to accept The Enquirer's challenge to take a lie detector test.

All of you J. Lo fans, gay or not, should be concerned because if we can't believe in the integrity of celebrities and major sports figures, then then what do we have left? I mean, Kobe Bryant stands accused of jizzing a girl that was not his wife and then there is that whole steamy thing the media is hiding about Michael Jordan and Ozzie!!! It looks like Ozzie is biting the head off a big black foreskin-bat!! Ouch!

I weep because I want to believe and in stars and stardom and yet I can't. My heart was broken when I was personally molested in my 30's by the late Anne Dundee, the lady who played Alice, the maid on the Brady Bunch. I was drunk and she used a toilet plunger on me!

What is this darned world coming to!!? What happened to The Wizard of Oz and the Yellowbrick Road? Spank my bottom and call me Nancy, but I want and need to believe in a better world!

How about you?

Lyle Odimar is a syndicated columnist whose column "Mr. Lyle Odimar: Unprotected" appears in 1700 newspapers. Mr. Lyle Odimar is not making personal appearances at this time as his recent facial dermabrasion went badly. However, we are glad to report that the silicone implants in his buttocks look great! Mr. Lyle now has a "high, tight, and girlish pooper" just like he wanted!

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Replies:

YOU LYING FAG QUEER!!! -- Rev. Mike Sutcliffe, 17:27:56 08/04/03 Mon
- Lookee here, you jackasses -- Sheriff Billy Ray Bufford, 14:47:00 08/05/03 Tue
  - tims is tuff sherif -- pikkur pace, 14:01:20 08/06/03 Wed
- yu lukkin fer a fit fig girlyboy? -- picker ppace, 13:52:04 08/06/03 Wed
  - No, I'm not lookin for a fat fag, you seahag... -- Rev. Mike "Mantitties" Sutcliffe, 22:27:59 08/06/03 Wed