| Subject: Meth is just a symptom |
Author:
Hulalea
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Date Posted: 21:40:09 01/08/07 Mon
I know we all come here about this very specific subject but there is a larger dynamic here than we sometimes see going on. Meth is a symptom of something deeper - it's also self-centeredness, selfishness, self-pity. Basically a complete focus on self (or like my cousin says, putting your glasses on backward). What they're not getting, the unmet expectations, the "entitlements" that they didn't get and living in a mindset of wanting their cake and eating it too! Complete loss of humility and gratitude. As many of you know, I went through a lot with my ex after years then we got remarried after 4 years in Oct. of last year. He went through intensive inpatient treatment for almost 2 years before that, ran AA meetings, etc. and stayed clean for a while. Recently (in his mind) he's not getting what he wants, getting his way, etc. and running the blame game so I am seeing so much familiarity. He has decided to move out again because I refuse to put up with any issues - God knows how much we have put up as a family. It's just a matter of time before he gets slammed with reality of what life is in his own understanding. He always "processes" things incorrectly and thinks that because he's not getting what he wants that we are against him. He will then arrive at himself and then realize that he was being self centered, etc. and then wants everything to be back to normal and is sorry - typical addict behaviour. Once again, this is where I believe I am to get out of the way and let him see his consequence without a warm comforting, loving, supportive wife to buffer his rough days. He's also hanging with a guy at work that has dumped his wife for strippers, etc. and has told my husband that if I don't give in and say anything that he should "backhand" me. After all the positive influences that my husband has been exposed to in church, at meetings, etc. it amazes me how he falls for destruction. And thats what it is - pure destruction to the family. Complete sabotage but this time to himself - not really to us. The house, my business, etc. is only under my name from the last divorce so theres really nothing he is entitled to, I'm no dummy.
More than that, the kids see it for what it is and also let him know how disgusted they are at his antics. He will shut down and not engage with the family until he gets what he wants. They have been there, done that. Now they just do whatever they need to do and do not even really react to the fact that he wanted to leave. They say that it was impossible to live with him because his self=pity mode. We have nice times and peace without his "issues". They are 18 & 21 now so it's a blessing that they're a lot older. Anyway, I just wanted to share this because many of us are not aware of the character defects that are there because the insanity of meth and all of it's accompanying insanity will overshadow other things. I believe there was real change in him but we were always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm not sure if he's using because he sleeps and eats regular but I'm also aware that he is on the path to relapse. My peace comes in prayer and being in God's word - fellowship with our church and just being with my kids daily. They are the funniest, most loving and caring creatures ever! I am truly blessed! God Be with you all - you are always in my prayers - you all keep praying, too!
Hulalea
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