Help -- METH HELP FOR FAMILIES

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Subject: Help

Author:
Heather

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Date Posted: 19:51:31 11/24/06 Fri

He contacted me the day before Thanksgiving. WHY? He knows I have this soft spot for him. I didn't let it show through. I didn't let him get to me the way he wanted to. He was shopping and wanted to know our sons size. I told him to write them down and know that he grows every so often and the sizes will change. He was trying to manipulate me because of the Holidays. This I already know. I figured a few things out these past few weeks and I told him what I figured out. About his dual personalities. He says he knows and he is recovering and it will take a long time. I told him not to contact me because I am trying to keep my house as calm as I can and I do not need to be down especially around the Holidays. Well I am DOWN, very down. I am hurting so bad. But this is always. When I am home, all I can think about is him. He has me like that. I let that happen. I try to get out as much as I can and not be home, but sometimes we have to stay home. I try to forget all the time, but I can't. WHY? I don't understand. I really don't. Aftert all this time and after all he has done. Maybe it's because I know it's the drugs and if he gets the help he needs, he can get better. And I have seen so many people in my life kick the habit for good and they have good lives. Why can't him and me? I don't know. I really hate feeling this way. I need to forget about him and move on. I try I really do try. Anybody go through this? I can keep him out of my life physically, but emotionally seems to be the most difficult thing to let go of. I am a very beautiful woman and could probably date some pretty nice and decent men, but I have this wall up I guess hoping Spencer will get better and climb it or knock it down. Why do I have so much hope? Why?
I know that I look at our son everyday and he looks identical to Spencer. Yes that is hard. He has his personality too, minus the drug behaviour of course.
Sorry to bable and whine, but I am hurting so bad. I am tires, and have been for a very long time. I don't know how to get out of this for good. I try all the time. Any advice? I feel stuck. I feel like my life is going nowhere.

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Re: Help	Hulalea	01:06:39 11/25/06 Sat

Re: Help	TR	12:08:51 11/27/06 Mon
Re: Help -- Heather, 14:13:31 11/27/06 Mon