| Subject: Re: My son is a meth addict and I have not heard from him in 3 months. |
Author:
Rhonda
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Date Posted: 14:06:18 04/03/06 Mon
In reply to:
LS
's message, "Re: My son is a meth addict and I have not heard from him in 3 months." on 01:49:15 04/03/06 Mon
Thank you for your understanding. I also ended up with a grandbaby during this circus. Only thing is, she is in atlanta with my ex husband and his wife. I tried desperately to work with them. I kept the baby for 8 months of the first year of her life. You know, trying to help " get them on their feet." This was before I knew my son even used meth. I knew the mother had in the past but was told that she had not in years. Long story short, the baby went back to her mother after my son and her and split up. My ex ended up getting emergency custody of both the baby and her sister because of the unreal neglect. He brought me the baby and both the girls court appointed attourney and social workers thought this was the best place for her. Then you get to court and the judge has a fit because she is out of state. You see, this girlfriend of my son was married when she gave birth to my grandbaby. So, in the state of georgia if you are married. The state makes the atomatic assumption that the baby is the husbands. So the baby could not have my sons name or could he be named the father. To the judge.. I was no one. but the moment I laid eyes on her ( 2 min after she was born) I knew down to my very soul that she was my grandbaby. Everyone else denied her but myself, my son, his younger brother and my mom. The judge made us get the baby to georgia ASAP. We did as he said and she went to stay for the time being with my ex. Until we could find my son.. get the paternity test and legistmize the baby. Well, my son ended up in jail (again) and had to do 4 months for almost beating a boy to death while high on meth. This same boy that before, I called my gentle giant. He is 6'7" and wouldn't hurt a fly. Not until meth anyway. He got out of jail and moved in with my father in altanta. Got a job, my dad took him to and from his job and he was saving money hand over fist. Finally got enough saved to get an attourney and have the pernity test done and give his daughter his name. He paid for it all himself. Even managed to buy himself a car. Also, paid his child support on time every wk. All in about 5 months. I was so proud. Then, by accident... I found out that my son had failed a drug test with his probation officer a few months earlier. No one ever told me this.. I just happened to find out. My father said he didnt want to upset me. I had been upset for 3 years.. why stop now. They should of told me. Anyway, I talked long and hard to him about him using again. He said he just slipped.. it would happen again. In my gut, I knew better. So shortly after that I went for a visit. He looked great!!! But then yet, the last time I had saw him.. he looked like death walking so anything was an improvement. We had a great visit I really thought maybe he had woke up. Then, shortly after that my dad heard a noise late at night. Got up to check and went to my sons room and he was gone. (He had a very strict curfew) So, my dad calls him on his cell phone that night and confronts him. My son never came back. Left the papers to legitamize the baby sitting at the attourneys ready to be signed, his job and his family heartbroke again. At this point my ex stopped all communication with me ( he still had the baby) I heard from my son several times.. he all the while swearing he was not using but wouldnt tell anyone how to find him. Then he was put in jail again. We heard from him then but we did not get him out. One thing we did right from the beginning. We NEVER got him out of jail, not once. I have always told all 3 of my boys... " If you get yourself put in jail. Don't call me, I didn't put you there and I wont get you out!!!!" That one thing I at least stuck to my guns with. The last time I spoke to my son was Dec. 7th, he called and wanted to come home and bring his new girlfriend for christmas. Christmas was always a big thing with my son. Loved to help me decorate and as he got older... dearly loved to play Santa for his 2 younger brothers. I ofcourse wanted him to come but I must say that at that point, I was at the end of my rope. He kept talking about this new girlfriends baby that was a year old. How cute she was, how I would just fall in love with her. Well, I kinda lost it. I told him that he had a daughter that he had not been able to see in over a year because of his own doing... that was beautiful and that I loved. So dont be telling me about some other cute little girl and that if he came here and brought another "Ice whore" or another pregnant girl or if he was using... He could just get back in the car and go back where they came from. He said " I know Mom, I am sorry, I won't. I promise you that.' I havent heard from him since. Now again I find out by accident that my ex is trying to adopt the baby. He wont answer my phone call or anything. I can't leave here and run to georgia . I have 2 kids here that need me. If my ex adopts her, he will never allow my son to be a part of her life. But ofcourse he doesn't deserve to for a very long time. Maybe it was just a foolish dream to think he ever would. This meth mess has been going on for 4 years now. My kids have done without me emotionally and phyically for to long because of this. For the longest time I ran to georgia.. pulled my son out of meth houses to go to court.. brought him home to get clean several times. He would just leave or refuse to come back with me when we would go to georgia for yet another court date. I know my husband misses me.. hell, I miss me!!!!! but his lack of understanding has been the hardest part. I tell him all the time that if it was one of the other 2.. he would get it. This would be as hard for him as it is me. When the baby was born... he refused to admit that I was a grandmother. I was 38 at the time but I had my son at 18... he had a baby... IM A GRANDMOTHER !!!!!! My husband is 5 years younger than myself so I can see how he didnt feel like a grandfather but I wish he could see how my heart aches for my son and grandbaby. Don't get me wrong, he's a hard working, religous man. One who has never done a drug of any type in his life. He is a great provider for our family. Only thing is... for the first time in our 13 year marriage, something has taken me emotionally to another place. He is constantly fussing at me about how I am acting. I am just sad, have been sad way to long. He says that its not whats going on with my son.. it's that I don't care about him anymore. Has been this way from the beginning. You don't realize how selfish someone is until something like this happens. I have tried to be everything I have always been to my family but there is an underlying sadness I just can't shake. He just doesnt see that this is enough to cause me to be different. It has to be that I don't care about him. He is relentless in hounding. Meth has ruined what was once a fantastic marriage. I resent him for not being here for me and I don't think I will ever get past it. I have never felt so absolutely alone. I am so glad I found this website. Although it is heartbreaking to read all these stories. I came to realize that I am not in my own private hell, some out there do understand. Sorry I got a bit long winded but I guess I just needed to vent. I need to find a way to get myself back now. Let my son find his own way back. I can't do this anymore.
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