Re: crazy girl seeks help -- Talking Circle Alternative

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Date Posted: Mon, 02/24/03 5:27pm
Author: mestiza1woman
Subject: Re: crazy girl seeks help
In reply to: chahta_ndn_girl0 's message, "crazy girl seeks help" on Mon, 02/24/03 4:06am

Hey Chanta, Good to hear...er read your message. You wrote about it and I hope that helped. Wish Stars was here, cause she always knows what to say. But here goes anyways. We are always growing and presented with change. That is how it is with life and us as humans. We keep adapting. As ndns we are resilient people or we would never have survived what we have, eh!? To make this more personal, maybe you are here because there is a lesson for you. Not sure. I enjoy reading your posts always. I see you as a bright intelligent young woman. You can't hide much from people, not even on the net. We do see each other. What you have expressed about beating up on yourself, i've done. It's one of my claims to fame. I work on it. You mentioned on the other board about school and your grandpa and I have stories. I think we learned in these schools and about ourselves that we are never good enough, when we are. We just have to stop buying into what these others would like us to believe about ourselves.

Well, that's my 2 cents. Just wanted you to know, i'm behind whatever it is you need to do and to let you know, you aren't alone. Smile...

Mestiza

>Hello all...
>
>I post this here instead of the other place, because,
>well its just more personal hear. This is where only
>my "buds" are!
>
>As I have mentioned before, I have panic disorder.
>Well today is the day that I start (hopefully) getting
>my life back.
>
>I have an appointment with an O-fficial head doctor!
>I am absolutely positive that I am going to regret
>writing this later, but its 3:30 a.m. and I cant
>sleep, and to be honest, am having a very hard time of
>it right now! So, in my feeble little brain of the
>moment, thought, ya know, I need to get some of this
>crap out of my head (before it just explodes all over
>my living room walls - and I just painted in here a
>couple of months ago!)so why not let some of it out
>with you guys!
>
>I have very much learned that I am the type of person
>that can be understanding and sympathetic to anyone
>else having "mental and emotional" problems, and can
>support them. But in myself, it is nothing more than
>a collosal weakness!!! So I am beating myself up
>pretty good!
>
>I think the thing that is killing me the most, is that
>I can so much remember the DJ I used to be! And I
>just can't seem to find her anymore! My mom used to
>refer to my personality as effervesent (bubbly)! I
>was the laughter of the party, the ever optimist! My
>glass was ALWAYS half full. There was nothing that I
>could not do, all I had to do, was do it!
>
>Thats not me now, and I want ME back!
>
>But I wont go in to the miles-long list of all the
>horrible things I feel about my present person. How
>"pity party" is that!!!?!!!! Instead I am trying so
>desperatly to tell myself, convince myself, that I am
>on the road to recovery! I have taken that proverbial
>"first step" toward "mental health"! (barf!)
>
>God, I hope this works. I hope swallowing what ever
>freakin pills they have, and dumping my brains out on
>the table for these doctors to pick thru, will bring
>me back! I just want ME back again!
>
>Ok.. enough of that!! Sorry! Sometimes a girl just
>needs a good cry I think, and hey, why not at 4:00 in
>the morning!?? (I just know I am gonna kick myself in
>the ass for writing this shit!)
>
>So anyway.. wish me luck and all that stuff... and I
>am outta here!

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Replies:

Re: crazy girl seeks help -- sunny, Mon, 02/24/03 8:29pm

Re: crazy girl seeks help -- chahta_ndn_girl0, Tue, 02/25/03 2:54am

Re: crazy girl seeks help -- Chahta Chito, Tue, 02/25/03 6:20am