Yeah thats me.. I am functionally illiterate tonite -- THE VENT BOARD

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Subject: Yeah thats me.. I am functionally illiterate tonite
Author: KRIS!!!!!	[ Next Thread \| Previous Thread \| Next Message \| Previous Message ] Date Posted: Sunday, December 29 2002, 19:58:14 GMT ( - 8 ) In reply to: ris* has a tummy ache from laughin* 's message, "Oh my sweet lord!" on Sunday, December 29 2002, 19:56:10 GMT ( - 8 ) Wanna make sumthin of it? [ Next Thread \| Previous Thread \| Next Message \| Previous Message ]

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: I would respond to that if I understood it! WTF???? Where did you get condoms out of that???
Author: Mitchell [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: Sunday, December 29 2002, 20:01:45 GMT ( - 8 ) [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!! Mitchell!! A poem!! FOR ME!! YAYYYYYY!! You ole sweet talker, you!! HAHAAA!! AND a story! I never knew you were writer of such ::ahem:: "skill" HAHAHAA btw..

Author:
Lance
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: Sunday, December 29 2002, 21:20:39 GMT ( - 8 )

THATS NOT BUBBA! I KNOW BUBBA AND THAT AINT HIM! THAT'S
SWAMPY!!
My Man!
YEAH BABY!

Now I KNOW that you're trying reeeally hard and your poetry DID manage to convey a most flattery statement, hahahaaaaaaa

I will print it out and frame it! HAHA!

Now, seriously, if you like love poems... here's a couple of poems written to me (not as eloquent as yours of course!)

Shadows Across My Heart

Rain soaked streets
our footsteps on
a
carpet
of despair

wet and dark
in the hands
of night
haunting me
like
the memory of your
voice

I cry out
to you

smoke and
ashes
never define me
rocking you
to sleep
in the cloak of
a fierce
and lonley
dream

the one
where you
reach out
to me

like a
child,
on thin
ice
an echo of
laughter
inside
the sharpest
blade
of
winter

tears break
soft as tiny
waves
forever
frozen on
your lips
salty and
sweet

I turn
away

the Wind
some
howling maniac
and we fade
like vapor
into the echo
of a
starless
night

You dance
in the shadows
of my
heart.

--------------

And this one is my favorite poem ever because I love the person so much who wrote it. He was in an abusive relationship, very physically abused by his b/f, and he was thinking about killing himself i found out later, and then we met and he wrote this as a gift for me. I treasure it so much, just like I treasure him.

The Key

Caught
in a nightmare
a windstorm
of pain,

alone in a corner,
unfamiliar
and
dark,

my heart aching
as I rise
only to step
ever so carefully
over the wreckage

of my life.

A flicker,
some glimpse
of light
piercing and bold

I reach out.

Glass shatters
fragments glisten
and fall
like ice from
a pine needle,

falling...

falling...

My past,
an old film
on a torn screen
yellow with age,
plays before me.

My hand
touched by light,
warm and safe.

No blood...

Breathless

A boy,
young,
and so small
to be
lost in such
a great
dark
place,

knows
only
to pull back
and recoil.

They weren't puppets,
those monsters on strings
that moved on their own,
whispering to him...

follow us home...

You're not safe here
without us

Please...

follow us home...

I am lifted
pulled close...

the walls of my prison...
...parchment

and lies crumble as dust

and the demons that touched me...

their wings now in flames, fall far from my sight.

I am

lifted,

pulled close by you.

Comforted,

in the silence of you,

this new language of hope.

Shining like a new star,
its place in the night,
forever strong,
light cascading and sweet.

A far away lighthouse at sea,
distant and beckoning.

It was you all along.
I know, as I know my mother's smile.

It was you.

It was always you.

An arm around me,
laughter splits the night sky.
Stars burn so bright.

I turn my head... looking back.
A tear falls,...a eulogy for pain.

I looked back for too long.

I missed seeing your face,

trying so hard to find what I lost,

but you're still here beside me...

this gift I don't deserve.

You're still here.

Your laughter finds my own
and together
in a chorus
of angels
we stand,

my shame
turned to pride

Oak leaves ablaze in red
that color you love so much this time of year.

Beach glass from the sea, catches my eye.

Your head on my shoulder.
Its been hard for you and sleep sings
it's voice safe and sweet as

Miranda's smile.

For I can see you
eyes heavy with
dreams.

The beach glass moves
from my hand to yours.

On the sand we stand upon
is a pathway of shells

So...
we'll walk together,
you and I,
how long I dont know,

but like the waves washing over me
I'll always remember

and I'll always see
that it was you

Lance

who saved me.

It was you.

Strolling ahead of me now,
a silouette against the night,

but I can still feel you,

for I have pockets of shells to drop
one by one...

For if I get lost, I will find this place again,
so remember me
and I'll wait for you,
in this place where I'm happy.
This place you took me to.

Looking out
past the dark water,
the sun's lips
kiss the sea,
and I am haunted.

I am grateful.

I gave you beach glass,

but you gave me

...a key.

That one gets to me every time.

Anyway, I thought you might like t read it.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Those are pretty good for amateurs, not as good as mine of course! I was thinking, I need to talk to Lewis. I need to get into one of those fancy art schools so I can hone my skills, no need in wasting all this talent!

Author:
Mitchell
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: Monday, December 30 2002, 4:51:04 GMT ( - 8 )

Ya know, this all reminds me of something my son said to me day before yesterday.

We were talking, he said something and I couldn�t hear him so I ask him to repeat it. He said, �I�ll say it in your native language so you can understand it.� Then he starts making MONKEY SOUNDS!!!!!!

OHHHHHH!!!! He�s a fucking riot!

LOL!

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: ROTFLMFAO!! I'm glad to know my daughter isnt the only smart ass at this age!

Author:
Lance
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: Monday, December 30 2002, 8:36:34 GMT ( - 8 )

when she was three I took her to work with me one saturday morning, I used to DJ at this roller skate rink. She had never been there before. My boss, Nancy is a really nice, very strict Catholic lady.Since I was working, we arrived before it opened and Nancy had to buzz us in. So we were in the lobby, I was talkin thru the ticket window to Nancy about the parties that were booked, getting my instructions about what games they wanted, etc and my daughter tries the door and its locked so - and this is the FIRST time my boss ever met her - she says - 3 yrs/ old - "Open the god damn door aready!"

and we both just STOPPED talking and I said, "what honey?" I didn't want to believe what I thought I heard. And she repeated it like it was the most normal thing to say in the world. And Nancy looks at me and says (so that my daughter didnt hear her), "well, I can see that she's YOUR daughter." and I was soooo emarrassed but I say to her(so that my daughter couldn't hear), "noooooo. That's her MOTHER'S daughter. MY daughter would have dropped the "F" bomb!" and walked off! HAHAHA!

Needless to say, I had a talk with her mom to watch how she talked around our daughter. As for my daughter, I didn't embarrass her or anything. So when we were inside, and I was putting on her skates, we were having a friendly conversation and I mentioned that sometimes grownups use grown up words when they are angry and that little girls dont want to say those kind of words. And she said, "Oh, OK Daddy." Of course, she ALWAYS picked up on all the "bad" words as soon as she could talk. Why is that?? They can hear it ONCE and they go around repeating it, singing it, over and over! haha.

My high school band teacher used to come up to the rink every thursday night with his 2 kids and hang around, talk to me. We were good friends. So one night I had my daughter there with me and she was out on the rink with the floor guards - everyone loved to take her around with them while they were working - she was the little mascot of the place!

My teacher wanted to know which one was my kid - and just at that moment - my daughter, who couldn't really skate yet - she just kinda WALKED around out there next to the rail - a couple of bigger kids were racing and they didn't see her in time, so to avoid running over her, they plowed into each other and the rail and fell down - they didn't touch her - but she sat down anyway. HAHA! So I point to the pile up on the floor - they're all getting up and the big kids are helping her stand back up - and we couldn't hear what she was saying but she was so mad and just lecturing them - you could see her just running her little mouth - and her soooo tiny! She was laying down the law! HAAAAHAHA and he says - never mind - I KNOW which one is YOURS! HAHAHAAAA!!

That's right! That's my kid! HAHA! Stands up for herself! She's fearless!

Only now she wants school clothes "just like Britney Spears wears, Daddy" and when she grows up she wants to be a cheerleader. UGH! That's her career choice! A cheerleader! OMG! I'm gonna just shoot myself now!!

She used to be so cool, a little skater baby, with baggy jeans and hoodies, and now she's all pink ruffles, lace, and glitter, frilly, girly, clothes and ribbons in her hair AND - when she was trying on school clothes, she's checking out her butt in the mirror....I swear to God! I almost had a stroke! The saleslady was laughing her ass off at me. My little girl tried on a pair of glitter covered jeans and she's asking me "Do I look fat in these?" Shes only in the FIRST GRADE and she's twisting around from side to side trying to see her butt in the mirror!! It's like a damn nightmare! It's like shopping with JJ! HAHA! My God, she's only in the first grade and she wants to dress like a slut on MTV!!! I'm not ready or this! HAHA!

I am going to be the most conservative Dad ever. The older she gets, the more conservative I become! hahaha! I tried to take her to the Gap to buy some PLAIN jeans and PLAIN tee shirts and she just laughed at me and rolled her eyes and said "ohhhhh Daddy!" like I was senile! Haha!

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Ya know, theoretically this thread could go on forever....

Author:
Mitchell
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: Monday, December 30 2002, 19:06:47 GMT ( - 8 )

I remember when my son was between 2 and 3 years old. My mom and dad had a vegetable garden that year, he liked to eat banana peppers right out of the garden (now he will only eat things in nugget form). He called them pop picks (I have no idea why LOL!).

My son, my dad, and myself were all in the garden one day. My son said he wanted a pop pick, dad said he would get him one. My son said, �NO! I�ll pull my own damn pop pick!� Dad and I were both trying not to laugh but it was funny as hell!

Mine is fearless as well. You know those rock climbing walls like are setup at fairs, festivals, and things like that? My son has been climbing them since he was 4. When he was that little he would always draw a big crowd, everyone walking by would gather around shoulder to shoulder just trying to see him. He loved the crowd more than the climbing (OMG! He�s going to be like Lance! *gets nervous*) .

The wall has 3 sides: easy, moderate, and difficult. This year when I took him to the fair, the guy was putting the harness on him and my son told the man he waned to go up the hard side. The man was telling him, �No, no you need to go up this side (pointing up the easy side)� My son is yelling at him that he can go up the hard side, he�s done it before. The man looked at me, I nodded my head yes and he let him go.

My son took off up the wall passing all the bigger kids going up the easier sides and rang the bell. That man look at me and said, �Damn! He can climb!� You know, my native language maybe monkey. Because, that boy has definitely has some monkey in him! LOL!

My sone is the same way about clothes that I am, he won�t ware any crap! LOL! My mom bought him this ugly-ass leather-like coat, he wouldn�t ware it! I had to take him to buy a real leather coat, he loves it! Something he does, if another kid in his class has a shirt like he does, no matter how nice it is, he won�t ware it again!

Your daughter wants to be a cheerleader LMAO! When I was in high school I had the funniest relationship with the cheerleaders. When I first started high school I was really shy, one of the girls on the JV cheerleading squad sat beside me in one of my classes. She would flirt with me and I would about crawl under the desk. Apparently she liked that so she got the whole squad in on the action. I would be walking down the hall and meet one of them they would stop, bat their eyes, look up at me, and say in a long drawn out voice, �Hhhhhhiiiiiiii Mitchy!� (Usually followed by a wink or a blown kiss.) If there was ever more than one of them together they would usually hug up together and tell me something like how they were going to take me and make me a man LOL!

On the day of a foot ball game they would wear their cheerleading outfits to school. I only had to de-skirt 2 of them in the halls to get them to stop! LOL

When I was a senor and in band the last few football games the cheerleaders started riding our buses. The way the band boarded the busses was by seniority, senors first. We got on the busses, the cheerleaders were already on the bus and in MY back seat! We argued an fought, I told them they were guest on our busses they could set up front, but they wouldn�t move.

Most people wore their jeans under their uniform, that sucks! I never did, I always brought mine and changed on the bus after the game. No one in band ever thought anything about it. After the game I got in the bus striped down to my underwear they all flipped out! �What are you doing??�

I told them, �I�m getting ready for you, if your going to set in my seat your going to work for it!� They set up front the rest of the trips! LOL!!!

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Hell my son just doesnt wear clothes.. yeah shoulda named him Tommy..

Author:
Kris
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: Monday, December 30 2002, 21:12:50 GMT ( - 8 )

The only thing he cares about is having a dino on his clothes.. underwear.. socks..

I took him into Best Buy to exchange the game his Gramma got him for Christmas, and after wanderin around a bit we finally decide we need to ask for help. So while I am trying to find a salesperson Siah walks up to a counter stands on his tiptoes and YELLS "HEY! WHERE ARE THE PLAYSTATION GAMES!?" to his credit he did say Thank you afterwards.
He went with as to Gart Sports today. First he didnt want to go , then he didnt want to leave! He was having to much fun on the stationary bikes...yeah he's my boy...

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: You ijit.. Earl looks preggers! sheesh..
Author: Kris [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: Monday, December 30 2002, 20:56:58 GMT ( - 8 ) You need a WOMAN to explain all that to you? [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Did you ever take biology in school?
Author: Mitchell [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: Monday, December 30 2002, 22:02:16 GMT ( - 8 ) [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: I am a westernerwe dont take biology.. we just watch the horses and cows do what comes natural
Author: Kris [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: Tuesday, December 31 2002, 9:24:43 GMT ( - 8 ) [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Okay I'm getting to know WAY to much about you guys (and Kris!)
Author: Trevor/TJ [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: Tuesday, December 31 2002, 20:23:58 GMT ( - 8 ) So you were like 16 when you became a father, Lance? I knew you were a quick learner, but sheesh! You know, they say (and I've seen lots of proof) that your kids will give you as much grief as you gave your parents. God's little "payback", I s'pose. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]