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Subject: Wow!

Author:
Hope

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Date Posted: 13:14:32 11/05/02 Tue
In reply to: KatherineJ 's message, "What to do when your man isn't doing it right" on 14:48:13 11/01/02 Fri

Well Kat, I'm sure you won't like what you've read here and I'm sorry but I can't do much but agree with everyone.

There seem to be alot of problems for such a short relationship. Your relationship started our very rocky and doesn't seem to be evening out in any way.

I guess all I can say is that you are not his Mother so stop treating him like a child. He doesn't need you to remind him to get counter cheques or to make a deposit. He's a grown man... if he doesn't know how to take care of himself by now... he's hooped.

Kat, you know I think the world of you and wish you all the happiness you deserve. The ultimate decision, of course, is your own but think hard here. If you put your situation on someone else... say me for instance, what would you say to me if I posted what you wrote above?

If I'm being totally honest here... you're not coming across well here. It sounds like you're reprimanding him constantly for not doing what YOU feel he should be. He is not you... he has his own way of accomplishing, or not accomplishing things and your badgering him won't make an iota of difference... except to maybe make you look like a shrew for getting on his case constantly. He needs to take responsibility for his own actions. If he fails to show up... go on without him. If he doesn't have a reliable car, that's not your responsibility and quit making excuses for him. He's an adult, let him get his own shit together.

He's got alot going on and having you there supporting him is wonderful. But support him, don't try to fix him. Men can't be fixed any more than someone can make a woman change her mind once it's set... LOL

Take care and good luck!

H

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[> Subject: That's what dating is about

Author:
Mark7
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Date Posted: 22:13:42 11/09/02 Sat

I agree with all your concerns. By the way, most men who live alone do clean their homes, and most men are obsessed by having reliable vehicles (I am one of them).

Probably your BF doesn't interview well, so you can help him by running scenarios, where you play the interviewer and he answers questions.

Neat organized appearance is also critical in the hiring process. I'm not saying he is lacking this, but you may want to "groom" him before you let him out to interviews.

Anyhow, bottom line is you cannot change anybody. You take them as they are and learn to live with their faults or you look elswhere.

While I agree that all these things can tear down an otherwise beautiful romance, I caution you with respect of hoping he will change later. If anything, people change later into something you don't like.

Anyhow, the best of luck. Just take it easy, take your time with dating, and learn as much as you can about him, and later you will be able to figure if you can live with him for a life or not. 4 months is not a lot, so just play, have fun, and relax.