| Subject: grieving |
Author:
Carol
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Date Posted: 20:36:01 02/27/09 Fri
I got back in contact with a former co-worker from 2006 last August. We really did not know each other. I only saw him briefly when he came to pick up his paycheck at that time. There were a lot of red flags with him and his family to begin with, but I never knew of these things until a few months back. He is 37 and still lives with his mother and 18 year old brother and works to support them. His mother is completely bedridden and his brother does not work or know how to drive. His mother is very controlling and manipulative of her sons,and tries to be with everyone, and always very judgmental towards people. They are not aware anymore of their problems and think that everyone else is the problem and they can do no wrong. They always have a victim mentality. I stupidly thought I wanted to be physical with him, and we were about three months. The first few weeks he always brought protection, then stopped. I did get some from a clinic but they weren't used each time and I got pregnant mid-October. I should have said no when he didn't bring protection. I had terrible nausea to begin with but it became worse and worse, to the point that I could not drink water or take prenatal vitamins, as I could not even keep them down, much less food. I began loosing weight and felt as though I was dying and was scared my physical condition would kill the baby or cause birth defects. I did complain a couple of times to my obstetrician, said I could not even get out of bed and could not even keep water down. He prescribed Phenergan, which did not work. Nothing they suggested I eat, etc. worked either. I was completely bedridden. I think I was dehydrated and malnourished. I guess I should have complained to the doctor more, but I was just barely existing at that point. When I was too sick to spend hours on the phone daily with the baby's grandmother(his mother)I next to never saw the baby's father and his mother stopped encouraging him to spend time with me as I was no longer under her control. I just realized this month I may have had undiagnosed hyperemesis gravidarum, which is rare in pregnant women and you can be hospitalized to treat that, but according to a nurse friend of mine there is no guarantee treatment will be successful and this condition can be fatal to the mother and child. I have read of cases in which the pregnancy was planned and the women got treatment for this condition, but ended up terminating their pregnancies.
I terminated my pregnancy a few days before Christmas, thinking I was having a therapeutic abortion. I have never been for abortion. Just the past two weeks or so I have started to wonder if this was a therapeutic abortion after all, if treatment would have worked in this case and if I and therefore the baby might not have died. My intent those three months was to put the baby up for adoption, as the baby's father decided he would take the child to live with him in the den and that they would bring the child over here sometimes. That is a very bad environment for any child, and I was told social services would never allow the child to live there. They also live in poverty and don't even have heat or air conditioning, but he decided he always wanted a child. They were obviously not thinking, as they could not even financially support the child, not to mention the bad living environment. My mother said he would never forgive me if I had put the child up for adoption. I planned on having an open adoption so I would be sent pictures of the child, but wondered if he/she would be placed with good adoptive parents. I don't know how I will feel in July as the baby was due then, and every December from now on. Sorry this is so long.
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