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This board is for women who are suffering after an abortion, and want a place to express their pain and get support for healing.

This is a moderated board and personally abusive messages will not be approved.

For any questions about this board or for a free packet of healing information, email DCHERYL51@yahoo.comorCHERYL51@mail.com

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Also here is my website: Post Abortion Help and Healing



Subject: I think I am making myself sick


Author:
Carrie
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Date Posted: 07:41:08 04/27/09 Mon

So this last weekend was the anniversary of when my boyfriend and I concieved the baby we aborted last year. I can't stop thinking about it and I think it has gotten to me so much that I am experiencing pregnancy like symptoms. Is that possible? I am in no way pregnant. I just got my period. Is this normal?

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Subject: im scared,,,


Author:
soft spoken (afraid)
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Date Posted: 02:15:07 04/25/09 Sat

I'm so scared idnt even no wat to do...I had sex wit my ex three days ago. Nd of coures we used a rubber. But it came off nd got stuck inside me. When I finally pushed it out it came out backwards...the circle part came out last...I wake up this morning extremly achey pain in my stomache nd thought nothing of it...I get to work nd I feel like I was gonna puke...but it dnt come out...my parents dnt even no I have sex....I'm 19yrs old nd my rents think I'm a lezbo....they find out about this...nd I can kiss my @$$ gud bye...my question is I no its called the morning after poill..but would it still work three days later?

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Subject: Can't really talk to anyone


Author:
Carrie
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Date Posted: 15:04:21 04/23/09 Thu

This is the first time I am actually telling someone how I feel. Please bear with me if this comes out jumbled.

Last year I had an abortion.

My parents are very religious, I also have a daughter from a previous relationship that I am raising on my own. They weren't happy about that pregnancy because I wasn't married and had no intentions of being with the father(he was a summer fling that I was already done with by the time I found out I was pregnant). They got over it and they love my daughter so much. But honestly, I don't think I've ever really done anything that they have been proud of. Don't get me wrong, they are good people and they love me.

Last May I found out I was pregnant. The father was one of my very good friends and we were just starting to have a real relationship at this time. I didn't want to be the only one to make this decision because #1 I just couldn't go through raising another one alone and #2 this wasn't just something that was going to affect just my life.

He wanted the abortion. I couldn't put my parents through another "disappointment". I told my Aunt and she even said to get the abortion. The father also made another good point-"Do you want to have 2 kids with 2 different Fathers? What if we don't work out? What will that be like?". He made a good point.

I cried as soon as we got to Planned Parenthood. I asked him if he was sure. He said he was. I cried the whole time we got there. I even saw my baby on the ultrasound. I almost couldn't even swallow the first pill they gave me. I also cried the whole way home. The next day My boyfriend had to go to work for a while and I took the pills alone. I was in the bathroom for 2 minutes and felt it come out. All I could do was look at this blob that was the child I aborted. Most days that moment is all I can think about. I think about it every day. What my life would be like right now. I just held a friends little boy that would be the same age that my baby would be at this point. Since that moment a week ago, All I can feel is a worsening pain that I thought was just starting to subside. Its 10 times worse now! I feel so much resentment, guilt, remorse, and sadness.

It felt good to say that to people who understand.

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Subject: not sure where to go from here...


Author:
Carolyne
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Date Posted: 22:18:33 04/09/09 Thu

I got pregnant in late August of 2008. The father was my on again off again boyfriend. I was very reluctant to begin any kind of physical relationship with him, but he kept pushing it and sadly I gave in. After that he stopped talking to me completely, wouldn't return messages nothing. It's weird because I felt that part of me knew that I was pregnant. I took a test and it was positive. I was eighteen at the time and a student from a very conservative family. My father once told me that if I ever got pregnant he would kick me out. I always wanted a baby, and a few of my friends had even gotten pregnant and decided to keep it. I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about my pregnancy though. When I finally got a chance to tell the father he told me that he didn't believe me and if I was telling the truth I couldn't keep it. I felt as if I didn't have a choice, nor did I really make one, I just made the appointment anyways. Afterward I felt so alone. I would have been due in May. Since then I still haven't told anyone about my abortion, this is the first time I have said anything. I still feel like I made a selfish mistake and am having a really hard time adjusting. If anyone has any advice or can identify please let me know.

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Subject: TO ALL:


Author:
Diane Cheryl
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Date Posted: 23:10:28 03/11/09 Wed

This is the best resource webpage that I have found with many helpful links and information.
http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org
Make sure to go to Resources for help after abortion.

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Subject: My Terrible Mistake


Author:
Amanda
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Date Posted: 00:03:10 03/07/09 Sat

My name is Amanda and I am 29 years old. I never really thought about having children one way or the other. I have always just thought that because I have never gotten pregnant because I never did. Not until a month or so ago. I have been with the man that I am seeing for almost 2 years and we have never used protection. Then it happened. I got pregnant and I really didnt know how to feel about it. I cant realy go into grerat detail about the circimstances nut we decided to have an abortion and the appointment was scheduled 5 days after I found out I was pregnant. I was fine during the whole procedure but a couple days afterward I started feeling so empty, and am still currently experiencing the worst depression I have ever dealt with. I guess I didnt realize until it was too late that I wanted that baby and all I can think about is that I made a mistake and I want it back. My first child, a child I never evn thought i would have is gone at my own hands. I asm looking for any kind of help at all in dealing with this, so please, if anyone reads this that can help or relate, please respond. This is something that i am feeling incredibly guilty and regretful about, and i really dont know how to deal with this. i dont know if i can ever forgive myself for what ive done and will think about that child every day for the rest of my life

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Subject: grieving


Author:
Carol
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Date Posted: 20:36:01 02/27/09 Fri

I got back in contact with a former co-worker from 2006 last August. We really did not know each other. I only saw him briefly when he came to pick up his paycheck at that time. There were a lot of red flags with him and his family to begin with, but I never knew of these things until a few months back. He is 37 and still lives with his mother and 18 year old brother and works to support them. His mother is completely bedridden and his brother does not work or know how to drive. His mother is very controlling and manipulative of her sons,and tries to be with everyone, and always very judgmental towards people. They are not aware anymore of their problems and think that everyone else is the problem and they can do no wrong. They always have a victim mentality. I stupidly thought I wanted to be physical with him, and we were about three months. The first few weeks he always brought protection, then stopped. I did get some from a clinic but they weren't used each time and I got pregnant mid-October. I should have said no when he didn't bring protection. I had terrible nausea to begin with but it became worse and worse, to the point that I could not drink water or take prenatal vitamins, as I could not even keep them down, much less food. I began loosing weight and felt as though I was dying and was scared my physical condition would kill the baby or cause birth defects. I did complain a couple of times to my obstetrician, said I could not even get out of bed and could not even keep water down. He prescribed Phenergan, which did not work. Nothing they suggested I eat, etc. worked either. I was completely bedridden. I think I was dehydrated and malnourished. I guess I should have complained to the doctor more, but I was just barely existing at that point. When I was too sick to spend hours on the phone daily with the baby's grandmother(his mother)I next to never saw the baby's father and his mother stopped encouraging him to spend time with me as I was no longer under her control. I just realized this month I may have had undiagnosed hyperemesis gravidarum, which is rare in pregnant women and you can be hospitalized to treat that, but according to a nurse friend of mine there is no guarantee treatment will be successful and this condition can be fatal to the mother and child. I have read of cases in which the pregnancy was planned and the women got treatment for this condition, but ended up terminating their pregnancies.
I terminated my pregnancy a few days before Christmas, thinking I was having a therapeutic abortion. I have never been for abortion. Just the past two weeks or so I have started to wonder if this was a therapeutic abortion after all, if treatment would have worked in this case and if I and therefore the baby might not have died. My intent those three months was to put the baby up for adoption, as the baby's father decided he would take the child to live with him in the den and that they would bring the child over here sometimes. That is a very bad environment for any child, and I was told social services would never allow the child to live there. They also live in poverty and don't even have heat or air conditioning, but he decided he always wanted a child. They were obviously not thinking, as they could not even financially support the child, not to mention the bad living environment. My mother said he would never forgive me if I had put the child up for adoption. I planned on having an open adoption so I would be sent pictures of the child, but wondered if he/she would be placed with good adoptive parents. I don't know how I will feel in July as the baby was due then, and every December from now on. Sorry this is so long.

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Subject: Soon


Author:
Carly
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Date Posted: 00:27:58 12/16/08 Tue

I'm 25. I've never wanted children in my life. I'm always very careful...except 3 weeks ago when I was drunk and I don't really remember what happened. It was fun....and I didn't think to ask about condoms until a week later. It was too late for Plan B. I hoped I'd be lucky.
I wasn't. Let me reiterate- I never want children. So finding out I was pregnant was like a nightmare come true. I barely know the father- it was just a fun night...My appointment is on Saturday....I just can't have a child. I know I would be a terrible mother and even adoption isn't an option.
I've never hated myself more. I know this is the only option but I feel terribly guilty.

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Subject: Re: Sad and confused


Author:
Linn
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Date Posted: 09:44:36 12/11/08 Thu

Hi, Joy;

I am sorry for your loss. I too, know your pain of having made that choice. But, there is forgiveness and hope in Jesus Christ. Please, seek counseling with a local Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area. If there is not one close by, find one on the web, and give them a call. I promise, there is someone who will love and help you through this. God Bless you.

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Subject: sad and confused


Author:
joy
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Date Posted: 21:46:59 12/04/08 Thu

I am 41 years old, in my last year of college, have two beautiful girls and last week I had an abortion. I felt my only choice was to have one. I had spoke with the guy who I was pregnant from and he wasnt ready to have a child, just bought a home, and so on. He couldnt help financially. I wasnt looking for that at all, just felt it was right I told him.
I cry everyday, wondering if I made the right decision. I am such a strong person and just felt with everything going on in my life, my oldest daughter off to college next fall, me finishing my bachelors degree next fall, struggling financially right now, that I couldnt bring a baby into this world. I think to myself was I wrong??
Yesterday I took my oldest to the gyno. for her to talk bout getting birth control and there were two women in the waiting room preg. This just killed me, I just wanted to cry, thinking that would have been me in a few months.
No one knows that I got an abortion except the father, I felt I couldnt tell anyone, feeling they would of talked me out of my decision but know I feel I should have talked to my close friends. Not sure that would have made it easier.
I feel lost, and dont know what to do with how I am feeling

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Subject: An empty feeling


Author:
Denise
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Date Posted: 14:58:52 11/24/08 Mon

Im 20 years old and when I was 18 I had an abortion. At the time I was really confused. It wasnt the decision i wanted to make at all. When i told my boyfriend that i was with for 4 yrs that I was pregnant he really just left the decision to keep it o not up to me, but he kept droppingclues of how much of a burden it would be. And when I told my mother about my pregnancy she was Completely unsupportive. I understood her being upset, but she said so many horrible things to me, she begged me to get an abortion. She said she wouldnt be a part of my babies life or anything. After listening to her and to my boyfriend i decided to go through with the procedure. I was only 7 weeks pregnant at the time of the abortion so when it was over idint feel as though it was a big loss because i hadnt really had time to bond with my pregnancy and with my baby. Since then i have had 8 of my friends get pregnant and have their babies and now I feel empty. I watch my friends with their babies and emotions they have the firt time they hold them, and i feel a sense of jealousy. Dont get wrong im completly happy for them but i always want that feeling for myself. Btween the time of my abortion and now my BF and I broke up, but im with a new guy now who ive been with for the past 8 months. I really do love him, and im at the point were I really want to get pregnant again, and i know neither of us are ready for a baby, but parts of me want to just break down and get pregnant. My intent is not to get pregnant without him knowing about it at all. At the same time I know he wont agree to having a baby now. I know it sounds really stupid, but I'm afraid that my emotions are going to get the best of me and I'll end up being irresponsible and getting pregnant on purpose knowing that now is not the best time in my life for it.

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Subject: my shame


Author:
kc
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Date Posted: 08:14:30 11/15/08 Sat

Its been 2 months since i aborted my baby. It was the biggest mistake of my life...that i now know. Im 28 and already have 4 children and before i fell pregnant for the 5th time i would of said that another child would never be a possibility...but after it becoming reality i felt different, it was apart of me. My partner and i have been together for 13 years and from the moment i told him i was pregnant he knew what he wanted and that was not another baby. In the end i know my decision was my own but how could i bring a life into this world knowing my partner never wanted it. He never speaks about it and not sure if he even thinks about it.....me on the other hand cant stop thinking about it, every waking moment and boy is it doing my head in, How do you make the pain stop? killing my baby was the worst decision i have ever made.

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Subject: Post


Author:
Al
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Date Posted: 12:49:10 08/09/08 Sat

I am a twenty year old girl. I have had two abortions in two years. The first time it was with my first boyfriend and I was young and stupid. I realized that I was pregnant early and never had any regrets about my choice. However with my second abortion the child was the man I loved. He thought that he couldn't have children. It was a terrible experience. Right before they took me in for the procedure an ultrasound was preformed. The nurse and doctor had nothing to say to me but they talked about my babies heartbeat among themselves. We went to the operating room, I was already anxious and a little confused. As I laid down my doctor told me to relax all my muscles and remain calm. There was no lamalee inserted so my cervix was dialated by hand... I started to tear. Eventually I became insistant that I couldn't bear anymore pain and they gassed me. After the procedure my boyfriend ( who i was living with) drove me home, and never mentioned what happened. He was very sweet about doing anything that i needed, but unable to talk about what had happened. I felt like I had done something wrong, he continued to push me away and I became more and more depressed. As of yet I still can't get over it, although I can get out of bed in the morning now. But our relationship has weakened. I love him but what can i do to help him understand...

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Subject: I feel as though i want to give up my life


Author:
elizabeth (despair)
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Date Posted: 19:47:46 01/19/08 Sat

Help me. I feel as though i can not go on. I was in a relationship with a man and everyone has heared the story. I was in love with a liar and false promises.
I am a single mother already and didn't want to go through that again. I didn't know what to do. I lost my job. The pregnancy made me so sick unlike my first.
I ended up in the emergency room for deydration due to excessive vomiting. I was abandoned again with another child on the way. I freaked and got scared.
But now i feel it. My babies life is gone. I felt the babies soul inside me. I took it away. I am a horriable monster. I felt like a hurt animal running around with out any escape. I was escaping a baby. A life. I am ruined. Please help me. I want to be a good mom to my first but all i see when i look at my son is the unborn child i gave up. I let go. I'm alone again. I'm unemployed. what am i doing..

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Subject: New


Author:
hurtting (sad)
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Date Posted: 12:27:02 08/20/07 Mon

Hi,

I've just joined this sited today. I had an abortion 11 months ago and I'm really having a hard time it would be nice to have some-one to talk to

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