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This board is for women who are suffering after an abortion, and want a place to express their pain and get support for healing.

This is a moderated board and personally abusive messages will not be approved.

For any questions about this board or for a free packet of healing information, email DCHERYL51@yahoo.comorCHERYL51@mail.com

For online resources Silent No More Awareness

Operation Outcry

Unplanned Pregnancy Message Board

Also here is my website: Post Abortion Help and Healing


Subject: Relief from the pain


Author:
EK
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 15:34:03 05/02/06 Tue
Oh my Gosh, i've been searching for some type of message board that i could get some relief from! I JUST had an abortion on Friday, when i left the clinic i was SO content. I have plenty of reasons for not keeping my baby girl, and at the time couldnt find a strong enough to protect her life. I was told that i would be miscarrying her, and 2 weeks earlier i had lost something in the toilet, i thought it was her! I was so heart broken and boy did i cry. Over the next few days i became disconneced, calling my dr. trying to get in for an appointment and being put off. I came to find out that she was still in my uterus, STILL HOLDING ON!! I was frustrated b/c i had lost something in the toilet, i guess i must have been carrying twins. After dropping the 1 baby in the toilet i became extrememly Ill, it was worse than morning sickness. They gave me the strongest medications that they could give a pregnant woman and told me that they couldnt do anything to make me any more comfortable (did i mention i have a fibroid tumor in my fundus???) I got two different answers from 2 different dr.s and got angry. I had missed two weeks of work and school! I was TIRED of being sick and having to force feed myself, cramping and i didnt see a way to take care of her, i simply have nothing to give her. I decided that on Friday i wouldnt go back to the dr. i was getting an abortion. I can tell you that on Saturday I thought i was insane, i started crying and didn't know why. I've been crying since Saturday morning and i can't move on. My heart is soo broken! I miss having Madison in my tummy, i miss her making me sick, i long for the cramping b/c it let me know she was there. I fell in love with her the moment i knew that i was pregnant, I just knew that i couldnt keep her. I have a void in my heart, i need counseling so bad and i don't know if i can deal with this much longer. It's so hard to face the world. I want my baby so bad, i want to feel her grow inside me, i hate seeing pregnant women. No one understands how i feel. My friends who have had abortions have all moved on. My pain is too much to bear. I want another baby already and i KNOW that this baby wont take Madisons place. I worry about her so much, i want her back, i want to make it better. I secretly hope that the abortion didnt work and that my baby is still hanging on. I love her more than anything in this world. I am starting to get clingy with her father b/c he is all that i have of my baby. God i miss her so much and i pray that God and she forgives me. I pray that she didn't suffer and that she wasn't affraid when they ripped her from my womb.
Madison Jai Kennedy
Conception-March 19, 2006
Death - April 28, 2006
RIP & Please forgive me Baby Girl!

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Subject: i have a real big question!!!!!!!


Author:
Liz
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 12:39:23 05/06/06 Sat
first of all Hello!!
Ok i havent got an abortion or n e thing but
the problem is that i got my period on Feb.24,06
and since then i havent gotten it and its been like 3 mons or so?? but n e way ive done 3 preg. tests and they all
been negative and im real acurate bout my periods im scared too because im 17 yrs old n i have a 7 month old baby boy
n i really dont think i can make it w/ another 1 i mean after all the experiance about goin to the hosp because he has a virus or stayin up late when hes sick i get frustrated because my boyfriend doesnt really help me w/ him
n i feel like i have all the responsability of taking care of him. I have visited this one web site about gender predictions n it turns out that if i am preg. i would be havin a little girl By Dec. wich i love but at the same time i kno i cant do it

is it posible for preg. tests to come out negative even if the girl is pregnant?????

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Subject: 17 ...and still hurt.


Author:
Sandy
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 22:22:34 05/08/06 Mon
On April 4, 2002, I had an abortion. I was 13 years old. The man who I was pregnant by was a 20 year old alcoholic/drug addict. When my parents found out, they told me that I could not keep the baby, they couldn't afford it. So my mom told me my only two options were adoption and abortion. My god-parents cant have children, I wanted to give my baby to them. After thinking about how hard it would be to watch my child being raise by them, it killed me. I decided to have an abortion, it was the best thing at the time. I had just turned 13 and in a dysfunctional relationship. Two weeks after I had the abortion, the guy, went to jail for trying to run me over. and eventually stayed in jail for 2nd degree rape. It's really hard coping with this. My boyfriend tries to help me as much as he can, but he doesn't know what to say. Can anyone help me?

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Subject: post-abortion scared


Author:
Amy
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 14:37:58 04/25/06 Tue
Hi,

I had an abortion 3 weeks ago, and I was feeling fine. I started the pill right after, and I am supposed to get my period in a couple days. I had sex for the first time again five days ago and two days ago. Both times I used protection, but he didn't pull out. He came in the condom, but I get nervous because last time I got pregnant I had been using condoms as well. I was late taking my pill a couple times, I guess I am just wondering if I am stressing out too much about this? I am just scared that this is all going to happen to me again. Can I get pregnant while I am on the pill and using condoms?? Or am I just really stressed out from everything that happened to me already. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.

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Subject: To all...


Author:
Diane Cheryl
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 22:26:27 05/08/06 Mon
Please email me if you would like to receive a packet of post abortion healing literature. This would be free and confidential. I would love to talk to you.
Please contact me at DCHERYL51@yahoo.com
Subject: to Liz


Author:
Diane Cheryl
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 21:25:54 05/06/06 Sat
Hey Liz,
I put your question over at this other place. Go to http://www.voy.com/66018/
Please email me as well.
Thanks.
Diane Cheryl
DCHERYL51@yahoo.com
Subject: lost


Author:
liz
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 20:36:39 04/25/06 Tue
I am 21 years old and i have had two abortions. My first one was forced by my father i was 18 and my daughter had just turned one. I never thought i would have to go through that again, i had talked about my first experience once and then never spoke of it again. The second one was my fault..i was scared and it was the first thing i thought to do i know that sounds horrible i just wanted a good life for my daughter. I never spoke about the second one and i guess i just shut myself off i had no feelings and then around a month ago it hit me....i feel like dying i am so miserable and its all i can think about. I sit on these websites and read for hours and i have noone to talk to about this...noone understands around me and i feel alone and empty i started drinking and now its the only thing i can do to keep my mind off of it. I don't know how to deal anymore i have never felt so empty and i am so worried that my daughter will hate me because sometimes i just shut off. I love her more than life itself and i don't know how i could do this to her or my other children. I would have 3 beautiful children now. I feel selfish and i can't fix myself i keep closing down and it scares me i want to feel and i just can't. I just need help

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Subject: Freedom


Author:
Sarah
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 05:09:54 02/12/05 Sat
I am eighteen years old and I had an abortion a week ago. I was 7 weeks pregnant. When I told my boyfriend I was pregnant he was incredibly supportive and between us we decided that this was what we wanted to do. We didn't tell our parents so we are the only people who know about it. I had a medical termination - he came with me and was amazingly supportive.

Although we were both sad that we were going to lose our child, we also knew that once we have both finished University and settled down to a proper life there will be plenty of time to have the children we both want.

Have been reading through some of the other posts from people who have had distressing abortions and wanted to let anyone reading through these who haven't decided yet that it can be a very positive experience - I know I was very lucky.

Sarah

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Subject: I regret my abortion, can anyone help?


Author:
ML
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 00:41:14 04/14/06 Fri
Hi there..

I have always being a happy and very positive person..one who doesn't like to take life or anything too seriously.
(not even myself)

I'm 32, married with a nice job, house and a nice husband..or i thought?.. that is why i'm finding so difficult to cope

I had an affair(felt unlove and also sex wasn't there) and during that time i felt pregnant.. i was very careful with that guy but stupidity i allowed my husband for one not to use protection while having sex, (on the day before i splitted up from 'my boyfriend' and in a way was hoping for a new beggining..)

I found out later on that i was pregnant..never being pregnant before.. thouse things didn't happen to me.. i was shock but straigh away had this so special wonderful feeling i was going to be a mother..? was i?.. after the first month of keeping quiet(needed to start having proper sex with my husband)started feeling nauseous and was strageling at work..early mornings, carring a trolley with you, going to hotels, feeling so lonely.. feeling PLS SOMEBODY HELP ME.. I called her Honey and that night in that hotel i wrote her a letter.. i cried as i've never cry before it hurted so much but i wasn't going to keep her(i thought it was a girl) i told her i couldn't give her a Daddy as i couldn't give her the started she needed so i couldn't allow her to live.. i told her i loved her and to forget me..

Sorry there is more to the story as u can imagine but the main point here is the regret i have to live with the totally empties and the trauma. I find difficult to enjoy thouse little things in life who make u happy .. i just feel so empty.. i can do anything as feel i shouldn't be doing.. feel i should be pregnant..

I was nearly 2months pregnant i told my husband that the baby could be not his.. and that i was sorry and prepare to work as hard as i could in our new family.. eventhough he seemed to forget me and to agree to it.. a week late as he came from work he told me he wanted me to have an abortion.. i thought if i do it the problem will go and i wouldn't lose him.. now i find out the proble has never gone and i have lost my husband(we r separating)

I have ONLY one regret in life and it's taking thouse pills that day.. it was very painful and for me it didn't work as i had to be back in the Hospital 2weeks later for a proper abotion as they found 'product' still on me

Regrets.. it's little to say.. in a way it felt that baby was going to save my marriage, myself, and i was going to be what without me knowing i always wanted 2b a mother and a proper wife. They grounded me at work and i was going to start this new life.. everything was pink till i allowed doubts and others to take control of my life.

Now there is nothing i can do .. NOTHING.. I have to carry on being a life but that wonderful, carefree girl has gone and i'm so sad so empty so lost

Just wish i had read ur messages b4, just wished i had talked to people before just wishing that that November wouldn't have ever happened.. just wishing i was pregnant with that baby .. ..

If in doubt pls don't do it.. better advice that i can give u... L. xx



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Subject: Guilty (I should have decided)


Author:
Stephanie
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 23:31:57 02/03/06 Fri
am 18 years old and it has been almost a year since my abortion. Lately I have been feeling guilt, regret and depression. After my abortion I felt all these emotions but they faded away in a few months but I also didn't let myself think about. But now as the anniversary of my abortion nears I find myself feeling emotionally and physically sick. Also, my best friend is pregnant! And I want to give her my full support but I find myself becoming more increasingly jealous of her. I love her with all my heart so the fact I'm so envious of her also hurts me. I wish I could fully be happy for her without any negativity.

I was 17 years old and had been with my now newly ex-boyfriend for only 4 months. He was extremely supportive of me but I felt he much rather would have liked to keep our baby. But he decided that it was best for me to make the final decision because it was my body and I was also so young. I wanted to keep it at first but my boyfriend called me before I could tell him and said that maybe he liked the idea of an abortion. (He like I was confused and conflicted) I didn't handle it well; I wanted someone else to make this grown up decision for me so I went to my father. My father with only my well being in mind, reminded me of all the hardships of this huge undertaking and thought it may be best for me to have the abortion. And so I called in the appointment even though it crushed my heart. For the next month and a half I was rethinking my decision. I kept saying I have time to stop it if I change my mind. I cried everyday. I was dreading the date that was coming too fast for me. I still up to the day before hadn't really made up my mind. And I knew my boyfriend was the only person that wouldn't have been disappointed in me if I decided to keep it. Although I never told him how I actually felt. I really didn't mind that he be the father of my baby. My partner. The day came and I did what I thought was expected of me. The drugs didn't numb the pain in my heart, and I cried the entire time. The doctor didn't tell me when the procedure started. She said that she just had to check me. I wanted so bad to say no, stop. It was too late.
My decision was not based upon what was best; but by the fear I had of what my family would think. Their disappointment frightened me more than being young, with child, and poor! This is why I can't justify it to myself. I wanted the baby to feel the warm sun, sand under its feet and cool soothing ripples of a lake. I now pay the price of doing this for everyone but me. I feel guilt. In giving my decision away and going with what somebody else felt right; I left myself without the closure that was necessary for me to heal.

Thank you for giving me the chance to let this out.

I believe, quite passionately, that it is a women's right to be able to choose. And whatever that decision might be, I feel that no one has the right to say that she was wrong.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Subject: scared for the future


Author:
Natalie
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 13:54:48 03/19/06 Sun
Hi , I just had a surgical abortion 2 weeks ago and i feel relieved as well as very sad and i regret it as well. i know im not ready for a child, but i feel very bad, and i often question if i will be able to have children in the future? i am 23 years old and wondering , will an abortion affect me having children in the future, i had a check up on sat. and the doctor said i was fine.......im just wondering if anyone has any advice, thanks

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Subject: My regret


Author:
Erica
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 03:24:33 01/27/06 Fri
I had an abortion this past monday 1/23/06. I am 22 years old with a good job. I just got engaged to my BF of 2 years 2weeks ago. I started school again and was supposed to be going to my dream job as a veterinary technician. Even though it was bad timing I was so excited when I found out because I have always wanted a child of my own ....I thought my fiance would share my enthusiasm. Instead his reaction was horrible...he already has 2 children and with 2 different women. He swore to himself he would never have another baby out of wed lock because of his bad experiences. He claims we cannot afford a baby even though he makes alot of money. He said we would never be able to have our wedding or buy our house or anything and that he would love our baby but be miserable with me and hold it against me if i decided to keep it. I would be the one to slow down his life. You see none of his children live with him ...and whether he wants to believe it or not he is a part time father to me none of those kids have ever lived with him so he is just seeing an unmarried situation where eventually we break up and he has more child support and goes back to living in poverty......not only that is that he has had such a rough life that he doesnt show emotions. Now that he has goals for his life he feels that he cannot stray from that path or his life will be over. During the course of the past few weeks b4 the abortion he was going back and forth about it saying it was my decision but when i made my decision to keep the baby he was ok but by the next day he lets his thoughts go crazy about finances and conviced himself that abortion was the best option and then again with the ultimatums. I was raised in a catholic family and am very against abortion but his pressure was enough to break me down. I regret me decision so much for I miss my unborn angel desperatley and I feel so much anger and hatred towards him. I want to work things out with him but it is so hard because I dont feel the way I should about a fiance. He said he is willing to go to counseling with me and to give me space and time but I dont think even that is enough. He is in denial because he keeps trying to convince himself that our 10 week old baby was just a few cills....he refused to see a picture of it and I know he feels bad but all i want is for him to show that he is hurting as well as me. I am the one who had to look at my child b4 it was taken from me and see its heart beat ...he doesnt know what it feels like to have a life inside of you. It is so hard for me because I am all olaone with him in the state of NJ all of both of our families are in different states. I feel like i have no one. I feel so empty and horrible for what I did. Not only that almost every female in his family ( they are all my age ) have kids or they are pregnant.....it is so hard for me to think of it and not be jealous...i feel like he took the most precious thing from me. I also have to see him with his other children and sometimes i feel like the 3rd wheel....like these other women (who were just girlfriends) their kids were good enough for him but his own fiances werent. THey have that experience with him and i feel like I am missing out on something.....and the first time I could have that he threw it away Please help....I want to reconcile with him but I dont know how to get that loving feeling back for him. I just dont know what to do at this point....I am heart broken and devestated

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Subject: i am so lost and alone i just want to sleep and never wake up


Author:
elizabeth
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:25:31 05/04/05 Wed
I had an abortion in march on the 17th to be exact...it was a very hard decision to carry out because i really want to be a mom, it was with the man i am head over heels for but it just was not right. now two months later he has left me to be with someone else even though he says things are great with us there is no x factor...part of me thinks that if i had of just kept our baby maybe we would be in a different place, then i feel so guilty for what i did and now wanting to have kept my precious baby to hang on to him....this is not me and i feel like my life is spiralling out of control i talked to someone and it didn't help i just wish i knew it got better because knowing i lost my baby and now the one i wanted to spend my life with at the age of 25 i am so lost. i still have bad dreams and it hurts so much when people talk about pregnancy and i can't share...i was 2 1/2 months along and had the nausea, weight gain, sore boobs, change in tastes, peeing a lot etc. but i can't talk about it and my biggest allie and partner in this is gone.

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Subject: After Abortion


Author:
Ms.J
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:37:22 03/13/06 Mon
I had an abortion a little over a week ago. This would have been my second child. I terminated because of health difficulties I had w/ my last pregnancy. Yet I feel so sad. I feel like I am going to hell and that I will not be worthy to possibly carry another one of the lord's children in the future. I don't know how to cope w/ these feelings. I know under the circumstances I did the right thing, but I can't help but feeling sad. I pray over it every day and hope I will come to some type of closure, but I don't think that will ever happen. Please offer any advice you have to cope.

Sad & Confused

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Subject: pain and lonliness...but mostly guilt


Author:
Angelica
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 01:05:15 02/23/06 Thu
i had my first abortion last summer...i was going to have twins. After that abortion i was very traumatized and yet i became pregnant again less than 4 months later...I still can't believe i was pregnant...again i aborted this pregnancy early january 06. This second aborion was more of a blur....i don't want to make excuses but i made these decisions. all of them...and yet i still feel the pain and the hurt and the guilt. At night i cry myself to sleep. I'm seeing a counselor but i still feel so alone and it's a weird feeling but i miss them...I now have this feeling of wanting to be a mother so badly...i guess because of the loss. I feel so empty inside. I have asked for forgiveness from God...but the guilt is too great to feel forgiven..because i did it twice...i can't seem to forgive myself. My due date would have been in a couple of weeks for the twins...i'm finding it hard to deal with that. I need someone to talk to...so much going through my mind.

Replies:
Subject: Will the pain ever stop


Author:
Laura
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 01:00:42 06/17/05 Fri
I was 16 when i had an abortion, my boyfriend at the time didnt want anything to do with me when he found out he just made it clear that he wanted me to have an abortion. I was 16 weeks pregnant and had to go through labour and see my little girl at the end of it. I am 20 years old now and the pain just keeps getting worse i can still picture my baby everyday and keep having nightmares about it all, i have tried to take over doses a few times but nothing works, i've started drinking alot more and taking drugs just to block out the pain. But it is still there the next day. i love my baby so much and just wish that i was with her, i hate not been able to hold her or kiss her, but most of all i hate myself, because it was me that killed her. i've tried to get pregnant since then but not been able to as yet. but if i never get pregnant again that is only what i deserve

Replies:
Subject: yesterday


Author:
Jeanette
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 03:30:33 02/12/06 Sun
yesterday i had an abortion. i am 22 years old and my boyfriend of 2 years and i are now struggling to deal with this. a year ago we were in the same situation and made the same choice, but he was in boot camp at the time and i had to go through it alone. he would have been in iraq when the baby was born this time so we decided to not keep it. the worst part of it though is my twin sister is pregnant. shes actually less than a month away from her due date. i know that will be hard. seeing my nephew, knowing i didnt keep my baby. i dont know how i will be feeling a week from now, or a month or a year, but i know today i am devastated. i feel like i made the wrong choice. i wish i could go back and make a different choice. i feel ashamed of what ive done and of my thoughts about it. part of me is relieved because i still wanted to finish school, and my bf and i will eventually get married and have kids but it wasnt the right time now. but am i lying to myself? i think my worse fear is falling into the depression i feel i should feel. will i be forgiven? or live a lifetime of regret? am i burdened to never feel whole again?

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Subject: Childless and alone


Author:
Gina
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 03:42:27 01/29/06 Sun
I had my abortion December 30; i was 12 weeks pregnant at the time. I am an 18 year old college engineering sophmore. When I first found out I was pregnant I felt an amazing feeling of joy and happiness...as well as feelings of fear. A few days later I told my boyfriend the news - he immediately backed up from me and quite insisted that we cannot keep the baby, a reaction i pretty much suspected.

I in my heart wanted to have this child, yet in my head i thought that it would not be fair to bring a child into the world whom may grow up without a stable home. Another thought was my highly old-fashioned and religious parents as they are incredibly strict with me even tough I have been out of their house for 2 years now, and I don't hesitate to say that they would have disowned me and cut off all financial support if they knew of the pregnancy. Lastly was the fact that I have two years left until i get my degree and to be able to attain my life dream of being able to work towards the betterment of mankind.

Despite all the realities I could not bring myself to have an abortion - from the moment i knew i was pregnant (which was truly before the pregnancy test) i was in love with this child. Finally at 12 weeks I decided to have the procedure. Looking back I was mentally ready to have the baby, yet simply did not have the support or financial ability.

I went to the clinic alone. My boyfriend did not take the day off to go with me (yet he was able to take a day off two weeks later because he simply didn't want to go in for work), nor did he bother to think of how i was feeling (physically and emotionally) and do ANYTHING to ease my pain. Even worse was that he was wanting intercourse less than one week after my procedure! Regardless, he is the only person who knows (until now) of those 12 weeks of my life, henceforth me writing here.

The emptiness inside is the worst feeling ever. To cry at the sight of your flat stomach in a mirror, to know that you CHOSE to end the life of your first child, to feel depressed at the sight of children, baby items, and your pregnant friends, to do a lab at school dealing with ultrasound and fill up with tears the entire time because all that i see is the picture of my baby Keili on that ultrasound.

I wish I could be pregnant again, pregnant still. "To have that feeling once again, reuinited in the end" I just feel terrible that I was so selfish to chose myself over my child. I know i did it for some quite strong reasons, yet the thought remains - what if. What if things would have worked out beautifully. I cover my feelings because my boyfriend doesn't particularly want anyone to know and his underlying "just get over it" attitude does not help. It just hurts sooooo bad. I know they say 'that which doesn't kill you will only make you stronger' but it is such a daily struggle to keep the pain from killing me.

Replies:
Subject: Abortion


Author:
Mary
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 22:45:43 01/09/06 Mon
To Annmarie,
I too had an abortion that I thought at the time I was doing the right thing. Now that the time has come when the baby would be born, I am a mess. Everyday, all day, all I think about is going back to that clinic and walking out!!! I cry a lot and my husband, who was the father, regrets our decision too. We have been trying to get pregnant again, but we have not been successful. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. I too am dying inside everyday..

Replies:
Subject: Young N Naive


Author:
Gee
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 22:45:50 01/02/06 Mon
Hello Im A 17 year Old Female that had an abortion Nov 29, 2004. I was 15 at the time and my bf was 19...Im still with him today...Well since i have had the abortion i have been stuck in a depressed state. I hide my pain and only talk 2 some about what im going through. I talk 2 my boyfriend about it but the most he can tell me is that i have done it and dats it. I didnt really want to have that abortion i was young and scared and just thought that it was the right thing 2 do...untill i took it out and really felt this sence of emptyness. It was like wow its really gone and i am the cause because i killed my "7.5" to "8" week old fetus. The Doctor couldnt even find the baby on the screen but i searched frantically and when i did i got attached..something i tried so hard to not do. I went from bitterness to wow thats my baby that small dot. When i was on that table.. the 2 nurses there were trying 2 keep me calm because at that point i was jus so scared of that needle and falling asleep because i knew how i would wake up...but they jus kept saying dont worry its gonna be ok....INow i want a baby and i dont want a baby because i need something 2 love but my body, mind and heart is urning for one. im not trying 2 replace n e thing but trying 2 make up for something i have done. I never felt like i wanted something so bad. I need help I dont kno how 2 cope...i cry every night im depressed and i feel like a phony and a fake...I feel like a mother that killed her own baby in selfishness. I dont feel alone because i kno people go through this but i feel alone at a point where my bf doesnt share the pain i feel....

Replies:
Subject: Will the pain ever stop?


Author:
Laura
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 22:42:04 01/09/06 Mon
since i last posted i started to feel abit better never forgot my baby but started to be able to grieve more, but now its like im back to the begining , i have since then had a mis carriage which i blame myself for and have turned to drugs more than ever, i cant go aday without taking drugs as it seems the only thing to get me through the days, this has caused alot of pain for my family but i cant help the way im feeling, nothing seems to help.

Replies:
Subject: Should i keep my baby


Author:
Emma
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 09:15:53 08/16/05 Tue
Three weeks ago i was at a party and my drink got spiked with GHD, i didint know what had happened to me but knew i had woke up with no clothes on next to one of the lads, i had bruises all at the tops of my legs and pains down below, i asked what had happened and he just threatened me and said i agreeded to it so dont go to the police and that it werent him that spiked my drinks it was one of the other lads. I have today found out i am pregnant, i have wanted a baby for so long since i had an abortion 4 years ago, when i was just 16, but now i dont know what to do. I have not gone to the police or anything i have just been trying to get on with my life but i love this baby so much, but i have to see the lad every day as we live a few doors away from each other and i can not have him in my babies life and am scared what he would do if he did find out i was pregnant. i promised myself after my first abortion i would never do that again but now it has come to it i dont know what i should do.

Replies:
Subject: I feel so alone


Author:
Becky
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Date Posted: 15:01:50 09/20/05 Tue
I had an abortion 7 years ago and am having a really hard time coping with the guilt and the overwhelming sense of loss.

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Subject: Thinking Twice


Author:
Mary
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Date Posted: 14:42:39 11/23/05 Wed
I had an abortion 7 months ago and I regret the choice that I made. I had gotton pregnant by my then fiance. We were planning a large wedding and the stress of it all was to much for me to handle. Now we have been married for a few months and are financially more secure then we were at the time I decided to have the abortion. Last month I decided that I did want to be a mother and started trying to get pregnant. I have not been getting my periods for the last month and I am NOT pregnant again. I feel like I am being punished for my decision and that the powers that be don't think I deserve a chance to be a mother. All I can think about is the pain of the procedure and how badly I want a second chance. Am I the only one who feels this way?

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Subject: my girlfriend had an abortion


Author:
joe
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Date Posted: 21:01:43 12/17/05 Sat
hello- my name is joe. i've never done something like this & i'm not sure where to begin. i read thru this site & see that most messages are written by women. i hope my message will be considered. i'm not sure how/what to say. my girlfriend had an abortion...i was opposed to an abortion. i dont sleep much anymore,naps mostly. i begged her not to do it. i love her so much...how could she do something like that? thats what brings me here to this site, i guess. i was searching the internet for some answers, i guess. what makes a woman choose to do this? i fell in love with her before i knew her name. i treated her with nothing but respect & love. when she told me she was pregnant...i was happy,i told her i loved her & i asked her to marry me and i wanted to be with her for the rest of my life and have a family with her. she had a child from a previous relationship that clearly didnt work out & i accepted her little girl. i told her that her baby was half her & that was good enough for me......i held out my hand and gave her my heart...what did i do wrong? i bought her a mothers day gift and told her i loved her and a day or so after mothers day she had an abortion. how does someone do that? how does a MOTHER do that? how could i ever love her again? i'm 34 years old, and in 34 years i've never been in love til i met her. i was so sure about her. i've never been with someone like her...i just felt like she was the rest of me & i was the rest of her. now i cant sleep, i dont eat normal, i have this terrible sense of loss and a terrible sense of failure. i could not protect my own child. i feel like i failed as a man. nothing makes me happy anymore. i feel guilty if i do feel happy. i offerred her a very large some of money not to do it...i told her i would take the baby...we both have excellent salaries, its not like it was a financial issue. why was she so adamant about having an abortion? why wouldn't she let me have my baby? how can it be that i have no right to my own baby? i want to scream. this is the united states? i tried to do the right thing. i'm so frustrated...what did i do wrong? i sit here and do nothing but think about what else i could have done. it drives me crazy. the emotional pain i feel affects me physically. it makes me sick sometimes. i wish i could just evaporate most days. how does someone say i love you and say that they want to be with you too...believing that her deceased father "sent me to her" and then proceed to go have an abortion? she tells me she wants to be married & have kids with me but does that? & then finds it hard to believe that i have trouble believing that she loves me? for 7 months i've had this "event" playing out in my head...i cant do this anymore. it affects everything i do. all i do is think about it. how do i relieve myself of this burden? how do i get on with my life? how do i become normal again? how do i ever date another girl again? how do i ever let myself fall in love again? i couldnt take going thru this again. how do i get her out of my mind? how do you stop loving someone? how could i love someone that did this and equally hate them? where do i take this anger and frustration? i'm a guy...someone hurt my baby, now i need to hurt them...but i cant. how could i hurt the person that hurt my baby when its the person i love? my babys mother?

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Subject: Regreting my abortion


Author:
Julia
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Date Posted: 10:29:27 12/15/05 Thu
I had my abortion back in sep. My father raped me and got me pregnant, the thought of carrying my fahters baby was to much for me. I cry myself to sleep every night about what I have done and I hate myself for this. I just don't know what to do or how to handle the pain anymore.

Julia

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Subject: Sister had an Abortion, but Im hurting aswell


Author:
shelly
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Date Posted: 12:40:46 12/15/05 Thu
My sister had an abortion on Tuesday, December 13, 05.....She is 31, she had her first child when she was 16, he is now 15..she has been with her boyfriend now for 3 months. They were a couple 17 years ago, and just found each other 3 and a half months ago....We all thought it was fate, her finding him and all....She and her son quickly moved in with him and his 3 kids and he had made it very clear that he did not want anymore kids..Hes 35...So she was having some medical problems to begin with and she was waiting to see a fertility specialist, she went to the appointment but the boyfriend must not of known what type of appiontment she was going to....See she has wanted a baby for the past 10 or so years, and has tryed for all of them, with no luck.....Well turns out she got pregnant the first few times her and her new boyfriend slept together, how often does that happen.....Anyway, she went for an ultra sound but didnt think anything of it, she never though that she would be preg after trying for so long, but there it was, 8 weeks, 3days a heart beat....She went home and told him and he freaked, there was no way that he wanted this baby, and there was no changing his mind...Now both our mother and me know she wanted it, but the fear of him breaking up and being an a jerk for the rest of her life held more importance over her decision to abort. He had three weeks to think it over and still to the day it was to be done, he still didnt want it..And he wasnt willing ot take the time off work to sit by her side while their baby was taken. I did how ever site by her side while the abortion was done, and cant stop thinking about it...Im so mad that she didnt make him go, but im glad i could be there when she needed some one.....Every night since, i cant help to remeber what i heard in that room...I think it wil haunt me for the rest of my life, and my sister is in total and complete denial....To top it off she wants me to go to their house for christmas, and ive said id go, but im not sure if i will....I not one to hold grudges, but this one will take along time.....Can anyone tell me if they are the secondary victom....Does anyone feel the way i do, no one to talk to, and feel just as hurt as the mother? sorry to ramble but i have to get my feelings down..thanks for listening...
Shelly

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Subject: Scared


Author:
jen
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Date Posted: 06:22:56 08/13/05 Sat
I am hoping that perhaps just typing this will help me a little. I feel scared tonight. I had an abortion. Afterwards, I wanted to forget everything that happened. I no longer even remember if it has been one or two years now. It could have been three for all I remember. I have stayed with the man I was with when I got pregnant. We love each other very much, and I can not picture my life without him. Yet, every time I feel even the slightest bit nauseous, I fall apart. Tonight is one of those nights. It's 4 in the morning and I have to go to work three hours. Sometimes I feel as if I just can't take these feelings anymore. I swear to myself that the next day I will break up with the man whom I have loved for the past 5 years. Then I see him and I pretend that everything is OK. I can't get pregnant again and have another abortion. It would kill me. Tonight I just keep screaming in my head for help, and it seems as if no one of importance in my life will hear me. But tommorow will come soon and I will call off work and spend the day being miserable. After that, life will be back to the normal routine. Until the next time I feel sick...It seems a never ending cycle.

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Subject: Mistakes


Author:
Sad
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Date Posted: 12:50:36 08/15/05 Mon
To say that my abortion was a mistake seems absurd. Mistakes are what we make when we bring home a pair of jeans without trying them on, and discover that they are too big or small. No word can capture the gravity of my choice last September.
I was 46 years old, and my children were grown. I'd just moved in with my fiance' when I dicovered that I was pregnant.
My life has never, and will never be the same since my abortion. It has altered my life forever. I have a high paying job for a major corporation. It means nothing to me. I live in a grand home with the means to purchase any luxury I want. This means nothing to me.
I wish to live in a trailer, and to hold the baby that I chose never to hold. This means everything to me.
But nothing can change what is done. Nothing can bring my choice back.
I work 55+ hours a week. I get home, and have a drink before going to bed. Hoping on a concious level that the booze with help. It doesn't. I go to sleep. When I awaken it is time to get ready for work again.
Believing that God will not forgive me is really a moot point to me as I will never forgive myself. Until last September, I believed that there was a spot in Church for me. Now I feel that I would be a hypocrite to attend Church.
I so deeply, so profoundly, and intensely regret the abortion that I had. No matter how warm the weather, or how the sun shines...it pours. The rains never end.

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Subject: Abortion


Author:
Annmarie
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Date Posted: 01:34:18 07/20/05 Wed
Hi there. I too had an abortion 2 weeks ago.I was 9 weeks pregnant.I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year now and things are great.I was on the contraceptive pill when got pregnant so it was a shock but apparently an upset tummy suppressed the pill.I was quite afraid but excited when i found out.I told my boyfriend a couple of nights later thinking he would go mad but he was great.He said it wasnt my fault.A part of me thought he was going to say he wanted it but he didnt. He calmly said he thought an abortion would be best as we were too young (we are both 23 working fulltime), he said he wasnt ready to be a dad, he works away during the week and said he couldnt stand being a weekend dad.Kids should have both parents around all the time he said and a stable home.(we both rent).Of course there was always his plans to go to Australia in couple years time that a baby wouldnt fit into. I didnt particularly get asked if i wanted to keep the baby,i was told it wouldnt be good idea to be single mum,too difficult and all that. I agonised over the decision for weeks But everytime I looked at my boyfriend i couldnt tell him i wanted to keep it. I love him dearly and didnt want to lose him. He came with me to the clinic and was so supportive and caring. I shook uncontrollably all the time i was there. I still wasnt sure. When i had the scan and caught glimpse of the picture i nearly died. It happened all too quickly and before i knew where i was it was all over. Its now been 2 weeks and the cramping and bleeding have just gone, but i feel so empty and low. i keep bursting into tears. Everytime i see a baby i want to cry, everytime i see a pregnant woman i want to cry. The guilt i feel is unreal. The sadness i feel at the loss of my baby is awful. I keep thinking of the little thing been taken out of my body and cant believe i did it. My boyfriend wont talk about it, he says i should just get on with life now and forget about it. I wish i could. Im not eating and all i want to do is sleep. Everything is an effort. My parents knew about the pregnancy and they too feel the abortion was right for us. So there really isnt anyone i can talk to. Life is so different now. I realise how much i wanted that little baby and i will never forgive myself for what i did. I should have listened to my heart. Im dying inside every day....

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Subject: I can't do this


Author:
Candace
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Date Posted: 00:32:41 09/05/05 Mon
I had an abortion yesterday. I have since spiraled into this depression like I've never known. I've never been a very slef-confident, self-loving person, and I've just really made it all worse. I officialy hate myself. My Ex and I broke up at the end of May, but continued to sleep together on occasion cause, I thought anyway, we still loved each other. Well then when I told him I was pregnant, he freaked out. Said his parents would kick him out of the house, he wouldn't be a good dad... had a million reasons he was so upset. I feel like he never even considered how I was feeling. I knew my parents would be unhappy with me, and I couldn't financially afford a child or the medical costs of pregnancy. The next day he told me he thought our best option was abortion, even though neither of us have ever believed it was right. I don't know if I had my abortion for him or if I really had decided I wanted to do it myself. Doesn't matter now I guess. I just am so angry. He's got a new chick he's interested in and I am so angry that he's looking into a new relationship while I'm falling apart. I was talking to him tonight about how depressed I am and he's just telling me to basically get over it and move on. He says I'm feeling how I've been trained a woman will feel after an abortion, not how I should feel. I know he's a jerk and I'm better off without him, but I can't handle really loosing him, especially right now. Plus I feel like because He said he loved me, but I couldn't hold on to that, I won't be able to ever hold on to a guys love and affection. I feel so worthless. Sorry to you all, I just really needed to vent and let this out. I have no one to talk to except the father and he's just making things worse. I don't know what to do.

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Subject: I CANT GET OVER IT


Author:
EMMA
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Date Posted: 15:32:59 11/05/04 Fri
I'm not sure where to really begin but i just want some help. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now and back in january I found out i was pregnant. At first i was ever so shocked, it was a complete accident i was taken the contreceptive pill and never missed. but an upset tummy may of been the reason for it to stop working. I remember the moment telling him i was pregnant he was over the moon. it was a saturday afternoon and he cancelled his football match to spend the after noon with me he was so happy. I was excited too, we began to talk about the future, even that evening i began to look through the argos book for baby things. sad i know. I was dreading telling my parents. Monday came and i knew i had to tell them. I didnt want my boyfreind with me i wanted to do it alone.
They went mad, absolutely mad. i was upstairs with mum sobbing as i told her. she looked at me in disgust. i was 19 and felt ready for a baby. dad said if i kept it he would never speak to me again. They wanted my boyfreind round to explain how he was going to look after us. yes fair enough we didnt have a house but we both had good jobs. we could of saved. it would of been a struggle but it would of worked. i know. we would of loved that baby with all our hearts. throughout the week they brain washed us into having an abortion. even my boyfriend who was so happy began to become negetive and say an abortion was best. I was so confused but did not want to loose my mum and dad so i agreed. we went to the doctor and it was all arranged. i sobbed my heart out all the way to the clinic, i was scanned by a doctor to be told i was too far gone to be treated there i needed to go to another clinic to go under aneasthetic. i was 11 weeks pregnant. she handed me an envelope and inside contained pictures of my little baby. my mum took them straight of me i found them during the week before my other appointment and gazed at my baby. feb 14th i had to go to another clinic. it was so so awful. the clinic was horrible. that was neary 9 months ago. just after i had the abortion my partners sister who is the same age of me announced she was pregnant, her family were so supportive of her i felt sick every time i saw her, i couldnt bear to talk to her. how dare she have a baby i wanted to be one having a baby not her I had to watch her progress through her pregnancy by august i tried so hard to be nice and supportive and talk to her about her plans but deep deep down i was so jealous. the baby was born wednesday i cant bring myself to go and see it, i cant bear it when his family are talking about the baby, i get so angry i cant stop. and the worse thing is i take it out on my boyfriend i become so evil its just not like me. Please somebody help me i am going to end up driving everybody away from me. My mum or dad have never mentioned the abortion if only they new how i was feeling. i cant bring myself to talk with them about it. i really dont know what to do next.

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Subject: past abortion


Author:
michelle
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Date Posted: 21:27:24 09/10/05 Sat
I am almost thirty, which means I had an abortion 15 years ago 2 days before my 15th birth day. It still haunts me. I remember going to the clinic ( 2day procedure) all of the protesters were outside telling my how horrible I was. The nurse ask all the usual question and once told me that if I continued to cry they could not proceed. I asured her I was ther on my own free will.Inside I was thinking how can I can a child and then celebrate my own birthday in a few days.I also told myself to just get it over with and then I could block it out of my mind forever. Life did go on and I did seem to put it in the back of my mind, but I have never forgave myself and I dont know how, I have no excuse except I was selfish and didnt want to give up my teenage life. My parents would have forgiven me and even help me in any way I needed, Iwas just SELFISH. aT THE AGE OF 25 I got pregnant again and even though I was happy I could not enjoy my pregnancy. I was terrified thet god would pay me back for what I had done by taking this child because I wanted to keep it. She is now almost five and I live in fear of losing her as payback for my selfishness. I am still not against abortion it is a womans right but one she should be well informed on and think it over for her own self not influenced by parents or boyfriend, or even fear of losing friends and free life.

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Subject: so lonely


Author:
mercedes
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Date Posted: 23:13:14 08/19/05 Fri
i have just turned 15 and i was 14 at the time i got pregnant. To young to be having sex but i thought i loved someone. I'll never forget the day i found out. It was like everything went from amazing to the point i just wanted to die. I should have known what was going to happen. I know everyone out there has been in love with that one person who told you they loved you but wanted to hide you and act as if you wasnt together. Well that was my situation. the begeinning of my ninth grade year was going great i was deeply in love and just so blind and stupid. i thought that every word adam told me was just so true. i should have known i was the girl he had to have sex with on the side, but when your in love you just dont see the worst of things. When i told him i was pregnant he flipped said it wasnt his that i was sleeping with everyone and that there was no possible way it could have been his, knowing good and well that i was only with him for the past5 months. i really didnt know what to do so i decided to hide it from everyone for as long as i could and do things by myself. a part of me wanted to keep it at times and then another part couldnt take on that resposibility. the times i wanted to were the times he told me he would help that an abortion was wrong and then other times he would say the worst things anyone could think of like i'll get someone the fight you to have a miscarriage or i'll kill it or i hope you and it die at the same time.
so i decided to tell him that it was all a mistake that i started my period but that i could still be pregnant i could be spotting but more than likely i wasnt 2 weeks past and i started getting sick and i called him and told him i was getting sick that i had spotted and i was going to the clinic for a check up. i was for sure i was pregnant but i went any way. when ii found out for sure i told him and even told him i'd show him the results. it was awful i'd never seen such maddness in someone. people started noticing things at school about me that i was getting pale and sick alot. not to mention being tired and out of breath all the time and all the school i was missing. people began talking and he left me in one of the biggest schools in kanawha county by myself to deal with all the hype on my own he went and made a fresh start at a school where no one knew him and about the entire situation. have you ever walked in a room full of people and knew every single person was either staring at you or talking about you? i have a billion times. everyday someone would have a remark to say about what was going around. but i'd deny it with every bit of strenght i could. and just doing that hurt so bad cause she was my child my daughter. at 18 1/2 weeks i finally saved enough money to have an abortion done. so my friend picked me up and we went to the clinic. i had did so much on my own kept it from my parents had a doctor sign for me and everything and went into the room to have it dont and found out i was to far to have it dont in west virginia. i was devistated. and thats when they told me that it was a girl what i had always said i wanted. when i told adam he was furious with me he told me i was a lier that i just wanted him by my side and that i wanted to have a child. at that time i started trying to figure things out on how i could tell my parents. i had no clue what to do so i told a friends mom and we set up a plan but at 23.3 wks my parents found my papers about americus in my room and read them and found out. so 2 days later i had a 2day process abortion. and everyday i think about what if i had her. and i want her. its so painful to think about it. i cry everynight. i've did it since i had it done on march 1. thats almost 5 mnths ago. i cant even bare being around babies. it hurts me so much to know that i was going to have one but i chose to have it termminated. the only thing i remember about the abortion is waking up for a second and saying why did i do this.
if i could take back time i would have had her a put her up for a open adoption so i could be apart of her life. and to beat it all after he said all them terriable things about how he would make sure i didnt have it. he called me 6 days later crying saying he wishes i would have had it. and if he would have just told me that from the begeinning. i'd have her right here by my side and i wouldnt be going through all of this pain. thinkin about what she looked like and how she would have been as she got older. she's on my mind day a night. and i act like it didnt bother me but deep down inside it does all the time. and i hope Americus Rijon is happy in heaven and i hope she know's that mommy is so sorry for what she has done and if i could turn back time i would have her.

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Subject: abortion


Author:
helen
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Date Posted: 09:23:48 08/10/05 Wed
im set 2 have an abortion 2moz....(tablet insertion)
im overcome by all these women who r emotionally scarred or devastated by their experiences...im sure the experience 2moro will b very unpleasant, and it will b stressful, painfull etc
but im sure i will have the strength,...2 carry on with regular day 2 day activites and lead a normal life
im 18, and single,...have no-one 2 talk 2 yet.. i feel that i can find strength in myself 2 make this experience postive and learn from what has happned...

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Subject: I need help with my monsters.


Author:
Elle
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Date Posted: 21:55:53 07/30/05 Sat
I am 19 years old.
I have been with my partner for just over six months and got pregnant almost exactly one month after we started seeing each other. I had an abortion at 16 weeks even though I didnt want it. My partner is a fair bit older than me, and I thought he would be ok with having a baby, but he wasnt. I told my sister with specific inatrutions not to tell my parents, but she did anyway and from that point onwards I had them calling me up almost every day telling me that I would be a bad person if I kept the child. All I have ever wanted is a baby and now I have killed my one wish... the one thing I know I would be good at.

About a week after the abortion my doctor called me up and told me that I had chlamydia, so I had to break the news to my partner and even though neither of us know who had it first I feel as though he blames me.

So for the last month I have been taking no less than 5 tablets a day and still bleeding and feeling awful.

The night before last I felt that (after being told by my doctor hat my fallopian tubes are probably very scarred) I have no longer any purpose for the community. I can't get a job no matter how hard I try, I joined a gym, but only go because it cost me so much money, I have been declined a position in the educational course that I desperatly want to take and my partner has been working and corresponding with his ex- girlfriend. I truly believed that I had no use to anyone and that here was no light at the end of the tunnel, so I ate a half a bottle of mefanamic acid.

It took me about half an hour before I could bring myself to tell my partner and when I did all he could do was yell at me and tell me how stupid and selfish I was being. I got put into the hospital and they kept me there overnight. When he came to get me yesterday morning all he could say was that he resented the fact that he had to talk to the phsyc nurse because he doesnt like his coping skills to be questioned.

Last night we had a huge fight because he works a lot and is very good at what he does, but that means that for a part of the year I come second. Unfortunately I kinda needed him at this time of the year and he didn't have time to help me. He has blamed me for putting him under too much stress and tells me that he has stomach ulcers because of me.
(He drinks a fair amount, smokes heavily and takes a heap of iboprofen)

Today I had a curette done because they didnt get all of the stuff out of my uterus and things seem to have changed. He has been a little more attentive and has been thoughtful and caring towards me. He even bought me a chocolate cake on the way home. I just want him to know that all of these things that have caused all of these problems between us are not what I am... they are monsters that are living inside of my head and heart and they are making me into a terrible human being. Everything that he has said, done and insinuated have all been responsive to things that I have said and done, but they still hurt and I need to find a way to help him understand what I am going through.

Now that I know what is wrong with me I can move on and get the help that I so desperately need, but I also need to find a way to sit down with him and explain what is in me. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to make this relationship work, because he is the man that I love and I know that it has never been his intention to hurt me, and that we are both partially responsible for what has been said and done. I want to be with him for a long time, but I am afraid that everything that I have done will make him leave me without actually knowing who I really am. Please help.

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Subject: my second abortion


Author:
asle
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Date Posted: 11:28:54 03/08/05 Tue
when i was 22 i was young dum and in love i met what i thought was a wonderful man we were together for 3 yrs. so i became pregnant to make a long story short i was not the only one he empregnanted there were three others that were pregnant all at the same time i was disgusted and hurt i knew i could not make a life with this man and i also knew i could take care of it by myself so i had an abortion.it was a very difficult time for me because i still loved him and i knew it was over in my part plus i was very empty inside .at the age of 28 i met my husband we married and had a daughter. In the winter of 04 we decided to have a baby again i was pregnant by march we started argueing alot i was very moody i guess u can say it was my hormones. the arguement got so bad that we decided to have an abortion because we felt it would relieve some stress in the marriage and maybe we wasnot ready for another child and it had been a mistake .i had the abortion in may 04 and till this day i have hate and anger my relationship to my husband has gotten worse everyday i think why didnt he stop me.why didnt i stop myself i live with this pain in my heart everyday if we loved each other like we said we do why did we kill something that represented our love 4 each other.see when it happen to me the first time it was just with a guy who toyed with my feelings so evenually i got over it but for some reason i cannot get over this one maybe cuz i wake up everyday with that man that i love and ilook at him and see him go on his daily routine and as for me i wake with a pain in my heart that feels like is never going away.i am emotionally a wreck i donot know what to do i cannot go to my family cause they donot know.I feel that part of my life is gone i feel completely shutdown i no longer feel the love for my husband like it use to.i donot htink ill ever be the same again

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Subject: ONe of those days


Author:
Hannah
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Date Posted: 20:06:07 07/04/05 Mon
Sorry I'm having one of them days.

back in October 2002 I had an abortion. I was 17, too young, couldn't provide, and was just beginning life so I opted to have an abortion. As much as I wanted and loved the child I had to do the best thing for me. I think about my angel all the time and ever now and then talk about it. I'm currently pregnant with my 2nd baby, I have a 17 month old daughter already to a man whom I love. Anyway,.. I have joined a website with some of the other girls have angels either via nature of abortion. Anway, the board mod just spoke to me saying that other girls on the board feel uncomforatable about me mentioning my angel baby and for me to not mention it again. WEll that has upset me! tis ok for them to talk about their angel babies but because I had an abrtion its wrong for me to love and think of my baby,.. :(,...

Grrr

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Subject: does it get better?


Author:
Pamela
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Date Posted: 02:22:10 04/09/05 Sat
I'm almost 20 right now and had my abortion when I was barely 16. I wanted to keep the baby, but my boyfriend at the time told me that I'de be a terrible mother and that the child will hate me. My parents pressured me too, telling me that an abortion would be best. I went through it when I was between 12 and 13 weeks and my good friend told me the other day that I haven't been the same since then. I personally know nobody that has been through one. My brothers live with me and not even they know! I started drinking and cutting myself to stop thinking about the pain. I remember it every day and it brings me to tears. After 4 years almost, I can't see myself ever getting over it or even getting better. I want a child in my future more than anything, but worry that I will either have trouble or not be able to concieve. The docters say I'm fine, but I still worry daily. I have felt empty, alone and without my usual happy personality ever since then. People tell me that God has forgiven me, but I need to forgive myself. I can't seem to do that, knowing that I should have been stronger or stood up for myself. Please tell me, does it ever get better and if so, how?

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Subject: Re: Someone Help Me Cope with This Pain


Author:
Scott
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Date Posted: 01:24:54 06/01/05 Wed
It breaks my heart to read of the pain you are going through. When I was 19 I got a girl, also 19, pregnant. We decided to have the abortion, and both of us have gone through the same sort of guilt you are. It is normal that you feel so bad. You do not and should not suffer through this alone. There are programs like Project Rachel and other resources like Silent No More with information on how you can heal. The only path for me and my girlfriend was to turn to God to heal. Speaking to a priest and admitting what we had done was a frightening and emotional experience, but it assured me that God loves me and forgives me for what I have done. The pain and regret will linger-- it has been 5 years now, but it will heal with time and with the hope of God's love. Please turn to God.

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