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This board is for women who are suffering after an abortion, and want a place to express their pain and get support for healing.

This is a moderated board and personally abusive messages will not be approved.

For any questions about this board or for a free packet of healing information, email DCHERYL51@yahoo.comorCHERYL51@mail.com

For online resources Silent No More Awareness

Operation Outcry

Unplanned Pregnancy Message Board

Also here is my website: Post Abortion Help and Healing



Subject: Abortion


Author:
Blair
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Date Posted: 19:35:42 06/25/07 Mon

Me and my fiance got pregnant sometime in the beginning of March. Of course I didnt realize or suspect I was until alittle later. I had already told my fiance I thought I might be and he is the only person I told about it. But my fiance told his mom(grandmother) that I might be and went out and got me a pregnancy test and I took it and it was positive.

Later that same day, my fiance's "mom" got mad at my fiance while I was there and when my mom was on the way to pick me up, she calls her and tells her that she needed to come up to my fiance's house. Then she walks outside and sits outside to wait for my mom to get there. When my mom got there my fiance's grandmother told me "tell her or I am" and I didnt say anything, so then she turns to my fiance and tells him to tell my mom. And he did. Of course my mom was shocked and angry. But after me and my mom leave to come back to my house my dad goes off on me, saying things like "if you want a relationship with me you will get an abortion."

About 2 days later, my mom calls me into the living room to talk to me and says she had made an appointment for me to get an abortion the coming up weekend and asks me if I'm going with her. The day before the appointment comes and I told my parents "no I'm not getting an abortion." Then my dad of course gets mad and said for me to be finding another place to live because he wasn't going to let me stay at his house being pregnant. I made a couple of phone calls and while I was on the phone said something about calling social services. My mom listens to my conversations and says that I'm not going to any of the peoples houses that said they would take me in and there was no need for me to call social services. But I didn't get kicked out that night because I got one more chance to change my mind.

My dad calls a preacher to come talk to me. My mom calls her side of the family in to talk to me trying to get me to have the abortion by telling me things like my baby was going to be mentally retarded. My mom also decided to call some people and see what could be done. She said someone from social services said that she could send me to a place around 2 hours away for me to live if I decided to have the baby. It was a lie.

About 2 weeks later, while I'm at school my fiance calls my mom at work and tells her "if you let me see Blair I will get her to have the abortion" and my mom said okay. And she told me the night before that if I got the abortion I could see my fiance. So my mom jumps on the phone and calls my grandmother and says my fiance wants me to have the abortion. I had to make the appointment.

My fiance went with me to get the abortion and of course my mom was there too.

But right after the abortion my mom says my dad said that I couldn't see my fiance until I got on birth control. So I went and got a birth control shot. Then my dad said I couldn't see my fiance for a month because the doctor said it would take that long for the shot to be effective. And being a medical student knew none of that was true. Then the month passes and my dad says I can't see my fiance until after I go to a therapist that my mom made an appointment with because "none of us were getting along." Well I've been seeing the therapist for around 2 weeks now and still haven't seen my fiance.

But I have to live everyday of my life knowing I killed my own child. I relive that abortion almost on a daily basis. I cry all the time and just think about the whole thing and how big of a mistake I have made. What am I suppose to tell people when I get older and they ask me how many times have I been pregnant. Plus I'm a prisoner in the house I live in and I have to live with the people who put me in this position. I have to take an anti-depressant. Live in a house with 2 liers. And live with the mistake I have made.

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Subject: nightmare


Author:
Nicole
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Date Posted: 21:40:25 05/14/07 Mon

Having an abortion is the worst thing I have ever decided to do. I cry all the time..I have no one to talk to. It is just horrible. I even have nightmares about it. I wish that I was still pregnant. I killed my baby... I am a murderer. Life is just blah!!!!!!

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Subject: I Am Pro-Life


Author:
Brandi
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Date Posted: 01:16:30 04/05/07 Thu

I am a Christian. I have never had an abortion and I am not writing this to judge anyone. My friend's sister was going to get an abortion today and I decided I wanted to learn more about it. I searched the internet and found many sites about women that regretted their decision, but I didn't want to be biased, so I did a search for "no regrets" and somehow found this site.

I have read many of the stories here and wanted to applaud all of the women that have had the courage to speak out about their decision. It is true, there IS a stigma with abortion, and their shouldn't be! It is such a hard decision for many women to make, the last thing they need is a bunch of picketers in their face screaming at them, or families to turn their back on them when they are needed the most. Women in these situations need all the love and support they can receive, even if it is from a Pro-Life stranger on an Abortion Healing Support website.

Being Pro-Life does not give anyone the right to be judgmental or inconsiderate. The sooner this is figured out, the sooner women can openly talk about abortion and the faster they can heal.

My prayers are with you all and I hope you find peace in your hearts.

-Brandi

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Subject: abortion


Author:
Nadia
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Date Posted: 21:35:07 05/14/07 Mon

I had an abortion on January 18, 2007. I thought it was a good idea at the time because I am still in school, and I have a two year old. I feel horrible, but I don't want to talk to anyone about it because I am so ashamed. This has got to be the worst feeling in the world. I just sit here sometimes and ask myself how could you have done that?!? It is just such a horrible feeling, and I would NEVER do it again. I made the biggest mistakein my life!

Subject: Re: yesterday


Author:
Marie (happy)
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Date Posted: 23:43:33 05/13/07 Sun

Jeanette, I went through an abortion too and I regret it everyday. I had mine in 2006, and when a Women makes the decision to have an abortion, the pph will hurry the decision also because by the time you found out you are already 5 to 6 weeks along. I had a really hard time I knew in my heart almost right after the abortion I had made the wrong choice. and I had terrible nightmares about it. But I tried to bury the pain down deep inside and go on as "normal". I went back to church this year and one of the messages was healing the hurt in your life. So I thought about it and I call the main church office to see if they had a post-abortion group and they did. It was hard going in there, but the women there were great and they had been through the same thing and were there to hug me and understand. I was hard at first because part of the healing is talking about your abortion expeience. But It got alot better after that. One thing about keeping your ab to yourself is it has a change to sit on your heart and mind and it keeps it fresh, once you talk about you can let it go. God loves you and he dose not want you to have this burden on your heart. An abortion can be like chains around your heart. Please give God the chance to heal you heart. Getting into a small group and talking is very healing ,so call your local church to and see if they have a post-abortion group, more churchs are starting to see the need for healing in all area's of life. Im sure Mary has already helped you, these sites are a blessing. God Bless you, <:-}

Subject: I need a healing


Author:
Shay
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Date Posted: 22:59:55 03/31/07 Sat

i had an abortion almost two years ago when i was 16 and it still hurts. My mother forced me to have one and convinced my father to go along with her. I think about my child constantly, my pain wont go away. I would do anything to have her in my arms, i was on 5 1/2 weeks but i just know it was the little girl that me and my boyfriend wanted. I was forced i went to counseling and everything it still didnt help i just wish i could go back i would of ran away. The bad thing is that my b/f got locked up in that same week so he couldnt help me fight!!im so depressed!!!

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Subject: I need a hug...


Author:
Nat (Horrible...)
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Date Posted: 15:08:49 03/11/07 Sun

I don't know how else to feel. I feel numb. I know I did the right thing because there is no way that I could've been able to give the child a good life. I can barely support myself. I'm 20 years old. I had my abortion 2 days ago. It's all new to me, I still haven't gotten off my painkillers. Although I don't have any physical pain, it remains emotional. The pregnancy was 15 weeks. I would've done it earlier but I couldn't afford it. I don't know what to think, I keep crying at random times (in fact, I'm doing that right now) and I honestly just want to be told that I'm not alone and that eventually everything will be okay. Last night while I was trying to sleep, I kept feeling like I don't deserve to live. I know in my heart that I made the right decision but I keep going back thinking "What if?"...

Can someone help me? I would really like to talk to someone who's been through this.

Thank you so much in advance.

Nat

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Subject: Confused


Author:
Laura
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Date Posted: 14:34:19 02/06/07 Tue

I had my abortion Jan. 31, 2007, not quite a week yet and while 98% of me feels like I made the right choice that small 2% is dying inside.

My husband and I have been married 10 months and we have a good relationship. We are both college graduates and I'm currently getting my master's degree. He has a good job but we still live mostly paycheck to paycheck like other young couples.

I know that we could have NEVER really afforded to have this baby but it is still so hard. Part of me feels so guilty becuase I know that adoption is always an option as I myself was adopted. I feel so guilty becuase I have done this and I think it has started to tear up my marriage. I have no idea what to do and no one else to go to for advice. My parents would certainly be upset with me and I just don't feel comfortable telling my minister something like this despite the fact that he is a trained councelor.

Any suggestions on what to do to help this pain lessen?

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Subject: I need help


Author:
Penny ((sad))
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Date Posted: 22:19:47 03/04/07 Sun

I had an abortion on February 14, 2007. My first and the last one, I was 4 weeks pregnant since that date I dont sleep or eat. I am so depress that I feel like Im going to die. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years but he is married. I need help, how can I forgive my self?

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Subject: I feel so alone and discarded


Author:
Christine
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Date Posted: 21:23:35 01/22/07 Mon

i had an abortion on the 12th jan 2007 the day be4 my 23rd birthday. i already have 2 kids and i thought i had alot of friends i have always been there through everything for them all but no one rings me no one asks if i'm ok i try to talk to my boyfriend and the only answer i get is "don't worry about it" how can i not. i am plagued by guilt and depression and nightmares. i feel alone and used i keep a brave face on for my kids but when i'm alone i cry. Why doesnt no one care why won't no one help me i feel i screaming some one please i'm not alright but no one is listening.
I thought i was strong i thought i knew what i was doing but you really don't till u have been through it

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Subject: emotions over the past


Author:
Wendy
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Date Posted: 17:41:23 02/19/07 Mon

I had my abortion on November 11, 2006. It's hard to type that..but I'm glad I am. I dont want to hold on to dates, and to have them haunt me in my future, but that's perhaps exactly what i need to do. To see and admit it more, to having an abortion, to violating myself, to killing a life that I had no right to do, to not trusting God in the first place to not have been involved with the father/man.

I am a murderer, and I admit it. I have done a terrible thing. I made a choice, and unfortunately it was the wrong one. Now I have to live with the consequenses of that. I wonder where the self-punishment ends, and I can move on and let go of what I need to.

This hurt and loss will always be there. But I have to live and breathe and continue....even if this baby can't because of my choice. Oh that hurts so much to say.
I've just contacted someone for help. I will get counselling soon, and I really need it.

The other issue is how it is affecting my relationship. He feels strongly about contraception and abortion that it is wrong, and I agree with him. We have been friends for 5 years, and I was in another country for a year when my pregnancy and abortion took place. When I came back I broke up with a man I was seeing and put on hold before I left, and my boyfriend -and now fiance- moved beyond friendship into a relationship which has been so right and so wonderful. And now we're engaged and heading towards being together, and just yesterday a whole mound of emotions, or an 'emotional bomb' dropped on me and us that I didnt quite understand how to relate to. It's good that it's happening now...we are weeding through and out our past to be able to move forward and have a happy marriage together. I just have to take some more time now to deal with my abortion.

And here's a start.

I'm worried about not having another chance at having a baby. I'm worried about how the next baby will be affected, and I want to deal with everything i can now so that it wont affect my/our future. I dont want to pass on unhealthy things to our future together..both my fiance and our future children. My fiance was adopted and abandoned in a lot of ways, and so that is another issue to be sensitive to. I really want our experience of having children to be as pure as it can be.

There's so much I dont know how to deal with right now. I've been crying everyday for the last week...adn I thought it was issues with my fiance that we're just working through...but now I'm not so sure. I'm wondering how I'm behaving and how much of that is reactions to my abortion that haven't been worked out yet. I need to feel some hope and promise that we will be able to work through this...and that I will. I dont want to compromise our engagement. I also know that he is supporting me and that he is there for me through this. He suggested that i get some help before I knew I needed it...and I'm glad he saw it. I knew I would need to at some point, and here it has come. Full blast. He has to deal with it too, because what affects me effects him. I'm worried from just reading some other posts that our relationship will survive all of this, and somehow I know it will. I still have to be realistic in seeing that there is a possibility of it. I guess if I wasnt dealing with this now, then there is 10x more chances of it not working out as opposed to 100x chances of us breaking up if I wasnt getting some help and dealing with it now. So there.

I havent told my parents yet, and I think I will have to do that. My sister knows, and a few very close girlfriends. It's still hard because I feel somewhat alone because it was my decison and my experience that only I have to deal with.
I'm kicking myself because I didnt listen to warnings about it. In a way I feel allright because I dont have to deal with a pregnancy and having another man's baby in this relationship I'm in. I wonder if the most wonderful man in my life now would have ever happened if I was pregnant now.

I believe in God, and have a strong belief in that...I just wish I had a stronger belief in not aborting before I did it. When I was making the decision I did a lot of research...I posted on a board somewhere for advice. I did get the advice that I shouldnt abort because it seemed to the person who responded that I wasnt fully convinced. Well, how could anyone fully be convinced that aborting and killing was right?! I shouldnt have done it..but I had a limited time to decide, as I was in another country and it was also cheaper there from what I understood...and that I could deal with it while i was still in that environment, before I left that place to come back to Canada and start my life new again and maybe leave that in the past. I was wrong about leaving it in the past that much. So that's anther issue.

Now I am posting here, and awaiting an appointment for counselling, and trying to cope and not feel too alone. I'm so glad for my fiance being willing to be with me through this, and I really want to know how to deal with him as well. He's going through some things that I'm not sure how to understand or how well I can be there for him through it. I suppose we'll just do it together. I'm so scared of losing him over my stupid issues and me living in my past. I want to explain something I have no way to explain to him to help him understand how I feel...

I will do my best where i'm at and that's all I can do. I will trust God that He has forgiven me because I've asked him to, but I have to work to forgive myself and not project my hurt or unforgiveness of myself on to others and other situations in my life.

I will do my best where i'm at and that's all I can do.

Please help me out and I'd like to see what you think about this story...my story...



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Subject: I Feel so Awful


Author:
Ashley (Sad...But Numb)
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Date Posted: 00:12:52 02/25/07 Sun

Hi my name is Ashley I am 20 years old and I had a surgical abortion on Feb 16, 2007. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 7 months, and while our pregnancy was unplanned (I was on the pill) I really wanted the baby and I thought he did too. Unfortunatly his family was not so accepting. His mother is very hands on with her family and very evil! She is my supervisor and made work a living hell. To top it off my boyfriend would refrence to the idea that I was trying to trap him, and was not supportive at all. I had finally had it with his mother and his awful behavior and decided to move out and back in with my parents and have an abortion without telling him. I went in to the center on the 15th and thouht I was only 5-6 weeks but turned out to be 8 weeks and 4 days according to my ultrasound. I saw the baby and it was so big I just cried and cried and wanted the baby so badly but I didn't change my mind I just went into this trance and just did not think about the baby at all. The clinic was so scary and just surreal. I went into this room with 5 other women who were future killers just like me. The ironic thing is that when I went back to work on the 27th my boyfriend's mother was nice to me, she was happy well she didn't say that she was happy but she acted like it. My boyfriend was mad and upset that I went behind his back and killed his first child. Since then he was told me that he loves me and wants to be with me and try to work through this. He said that losing me was worse than losing the baby and he wanted me to move back in. I did and I am happy but my Prozac is not helping, I am still haunted by the ghost of our child and will start to cry at the thought of a baby, the sight of a baby or the thought of abortion. My boyfriend wants to have sex already and I am unsure. It has only been one week and one day but do I really need to wait six more days? I want to keep our relationship healthy and I want us to work. Help!!!??

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Subject: It ruined my life


Author:
Julie (sad)
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Date Posted: 08:55:09 02/25/07 Sun

I had been in a relationship for 7 years. I strayed and starting dating a guy from work. I still loved my ex but I didn't have any romantic feelings for him anymore. Being with someone new was exciting and I finally felt passion again. The guy I was dating had a kid already. The mother of the child wasn't out of the picture, although the guy swore she was. She only had custody of her kid 2 days a week. There were numerous police reports and he had a log of things she "did wrong". I should've known at this point that this situation was not right but for some reason I held on. We used condoms sometimes but he withdrew most of the time. It was November and my period was 4 days late. Our relationship was horrible. He accused me of things all the time. When I went to his house and took the test I could'nt belive it was postive. He made me take a second test. He told me that he wanted me to keep the baby. For a while, I thought things were going to be good. I bought furniture for his house and started staying there. We talked about names. Then he got it in his head that this child might not be his(he thought there was a good possibly it was my ex-boyfriends). There was no doubt in my mind that it was his but he wouldn't listen. He then told me he had sex with his ex when I was pregnant. He then kicked me out and had his ex move back in!!! At this point I was crying everyday. He went to doctor appointments with me and I had ultrasounds. I was excited but didn't want to show it because of him. He started telling me that I trapped him and that I wasn't going to force him to be with me. He kept saying that the child was going to have seperate homes and how I was going to ruin a child's life. He kept telling me that he and his ex knew I was going to wait until it was too late to get an abortion. I scheduled the abortion for 12/23. I was about 9 weeks. I went to the hosptial with him. I cried and cried. I couldn't go through with it. He told me if I couldn't do it then we could leave. We left and went to breakfast. We had a really good conversation and I thought that the pressure to get an abortion was over. Weeks went by and things seemed okay. Then he told me to call for an appointment. I didn't want to. He then started again how I trapped him and he wasn't going to be with me. I called and they said it was too late. When I told him he was angry and said that I was doing something I knew he didn't want. I had a little breakdown and left driving. I didn't go to work or tell anyone where I was. He called my mom and claimed he went looking for me. I wanted to die. I came back. He hugged me and said that he was so worried and that he loved me. He said call tomorrow to see if they could do it. I was dumb and very emotional. My mom called. I met with the doctor. He said that it could be done but that I would have to get something in me to open me up. I felt numb. I had him do it. The abortion was scheduled for the next day. That night I went to the father's house. I cried and cried. He asked if I could change it. I told him no because of what had been put in me. He acted like he was supportive. My mother took me the next morning. He said he couldn't go because of work. They put the IV in. I was numb. Finally after hours they brought me into the or. I remember the doctor putting earphones on me, playing dave matthews band. I never liked them before but now they make me physically ill. I woke up and didn't think. They gave me some pain medication. The physcial pain wasn't bad. I went home with my mom. The father came over and hugged me. At this point I had no emotion. I slept. Things got better after the abortion with the father. I thought that by doing it he would stay with me and we would have a life together. I ended up consouling him about his ex, his child and other things. His pain was worse than anything I was going through-or so he wanted me to think. Then 2 days after Valentines day, my power was out at my house. He was acting weird and didn't invite me over. He then got mad and told me to just fucking come over. I said no because it didn't seem like he really wanted me too. I drove past his house. His ex was there. He said that she was sick and that she needed help with their kid. Things went back and forth for a while,with him denying he was with her. She came to his house that day and didn't leave. Six months later she is pregnant. They bought a house and a year after he abandoned me, she's 7 months pregnant. After the abortion I began drinking a lot. I also stopped eating. I tried couseling, it won't bring my baby back. Nothing will. I try to forget. Nothing helps. I cry, have nightmares. The anger I feel toward the father is so great. I have to see him everyday and see his pregnant girlfriend. It makes me sick. I wanted my baby. I have the ultrasound pictures I look at. I can't forgive. I hate myself. I don't deserve to live. He doesn't even care. Our child meant nothing to him but it meant everything to me. If anyone is thinking about doing this please don't. It will never go away. You will never be able to be normal. My coworker is pregnant and I have to avoid her anytime she talks about the baby. It makes me look like a horrible person and I am.

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Subject: Subject: Confused


Author:
Elle
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Date Posted: 01:28:04 12/20/06 Wed

I had an abortion on November 11, 2006. My first and hopefully only. I am 29 years old and have been with my bf for 3 years. Our relationship is great but now was just not the time for either one of us to bring a child into this world. Somehow after 9 years of being on birth control pills, I actually missed multiple pills one month and the result was pregnancy. I never thought anything like that could ever happen to me. I was only about 4 weeks along when I had the procedure so it was relatively easy and i was up and about the same day. The problem is..I somehow feel numb to the whole experience. Like it didn't actually happen. The whole thing was so easy. I feel like I should feel more...more upset, more guilt, more depression. I mean, I find myself thinking more about it now....like when would my baby have been born, how far along I'd be now in the pregnancy, what his/her name would have been, will I be punished in the future for what I've done. Because I was so early, it just didn't seem real to me. I'm comfortable that I made the right decision although I never want to do that again...but I can't help thinking that I should feel much much worse about myself. I know it sounds ridiculous..but is there anyone else out there like me? I know I made the right decision for myself but was that selfish? Am I a horrible person?

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Subject: another post


Author:
Devin
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Date Posted: 15:22:43 08/16/06 Wed

I had an abortion a couple of months ago. i have posted before. My behavior of self destruction has gotten worse. I cut myself, i drink myself to sleep, etc. My boyfriend sometimes asks me whats wrong but i cant even speak. I have contacted project rachel but im embarrassed. i dont know if ill ever get over this. I have accepted the loss but ijust want my baby back. I find myself trying to trick my boyfriend into getting me preganant again. i just want a baby so bad. something is seriously wrong with me and i know it but i just cant seem to do anything about it. i want to be a mom. i could have been such a good mom and i threw it away. my heart just aches and aches. i want to go out there and scream to people just what it is like to have an abortion. no one told me about this. im so lost and lonely. i cry myself to sleep everynight and have horrible nightmeres. i just want another baby so bad but deep down i know it wont replace my first one i brutally murdered. he didnt even have a chance, i just stole any chance of a great life from him. imsso depressed and i hate the clinic. i cant drive down that road i have to take alterial routes because i lose it when i drive there. someone please help me. i need one on one help. please

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Subject: Abortion's Impact on Men Frequently Ignored


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 13:20:45 02/20/07 Tue

Abortion's Impact on Men Frequently Ignored, UCLA Psychologist Says



by Steven Ertelt
LifeNews.com Editor
February 19, 2007


Los Angeles, CA (LifeNews.com) -- A psychology professor at UCLA says the impact abortion has on men is too frequently ignored. Dr. Miriam Grossman, who is a psychiatrist at the university's student health service, says that men involved in abortion decisions have become "invisible" to researchers and members of her profession.
While research on the medical and mental health problems women face following an abortion has only barely scratched the surface, fewer scholars have examined the impact on men.

Grossman says a sociologist named Dr. Arthur Shostak is about the only researcher to examine how abortion affects men.

Shostak looked into the situation because he and his girlfriend reached the decision to have an abortion when she became pregnant unexpectedly. He was curious to know how similar decisions affected other men.

Shostak surveyed 1,000 men who accompanied their wives or girlfriends to an abortion facility at various spots around the country. He then tracked the men over subsequent years to see how abortion changed their lives.

He found that 80 percent of the men he surveyed said the trip to the abortion center was the worst day of their lives.

Grossman, speaking with Agape Press, said the number of men who regretted their decision went up over time.

"The number of men who reported that day feeling some guilt and some ambivalence about what they were doing; the number of men who were asked Do you think that in the future you might have some troubling thoughts about this ? the percentages went up," she explained.

"So a few years afterwards, they were reporting that it was worse than they had anticipated," she added in the AP interview.

Grossman told the news service that her colleagues too readily ignore men's involvement in abortion and how it affects them.

"There is a significant number of people who do have those scars and that painfulness and if we are going to be open to victims of every sort, then we in mental health need to be acknowledging them even if they don't advance a particular ideology," she said.

Grossman says Shostak has suggested that the mental health community do more to help people recover from the problems associated with an abortion.

The UCLA professor has previously spoken out about the lack of response from academics and mental health professionals.

Grossman sat down with Kathryn Jean Lopez of National Review for an interview about her latest book, Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student.

She says the wrote the book in part to "highlight the existence of an invisible group: women (and men) with emotional scars from an abortion."

"They are out there in numbers; many must seek support from networks outside our mental-health system," she said. "This is because although individual practitioners may be sensitive to the trauma of abortion, the mental-health establishment denies it exists."

As a psychiatrist, Grossman criticized "the refusal of my profession to formally acknowledge and reach out to those who suffer with severe emotional disorders following an abortion."

"And mind you, these are professionals who are normally eager to identify and assist victims of all sorts of other traumas be it child abuse, sexual harassment, or natural disasters," she told National Review.

Subject: D & E


Author:
akay
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Date Posted: 12:39:15 02/01/07 Thu

I got my abortion (It's even hard to type the word.) on December 26, 2006. The day after Christmas. I had a 3 day procedure since I was 20 weeks pregnant. I feel so horrible about being so far along and terminating it. One of the huge reasons I felt like I couldn't keep it was because my 30-year-old sister and her husband were desperately trying to conceive for two years and then here I was.. 19 years old knocked up and nowhere ready to have a baby. I just felt so guilty and horrible. I was in complete denial about being pregnant before and I didn't even find out until 19 weeks along. I don't understand how other girls haven't been in denial and tried to ignore it.

There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about it. My boyfriend was so loving and supportive, he's just amazing. I haven't had sex since the procedure and I don't want to have it for a really long time. My heart goes out to everyone who's been in this situation. <3

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Subject: I think I was sorely mistaken...


Author:
Ky (In between the happy and sad.)
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Date Posted: 23:46:22 01/18/07 Thu

I was 16 when I had my abortion on the 29th of September, 2006. Beforehand, I had idea that it would be nothing and I would be able to pretend like nothing had happened. I was definitely wrong. I knew that I had been acting different ever since I found out I was pregnant, but I was under the impression that I'd be able to go back to normal after a few weeks when it was done. Well... After it happened, I waited for the moment when I felt the same as I did before anything about the pregnancy had occured. after a few months, I'd stopped going to school, and I'd been getting sick, and every time I thought I was healthy I'd get sick again. When I was talking to the doctors, and they were asking what medicines I'd been taking and when I said I'd taken the abortion pill they said, 'Well... that makes a bit of sense. You're probably getting sick over stress about that, and it's turning your immune system to mush.' When I finally went back to school to talk to the counselors, one told me that I had highly underestimated the power an abortion can have over someone, and I began to understand it a little bit more. While I hadn't been thinking about it, I'd instead been suppressing it instead of dealing with it, and when I finally let it out, it felt like a ton of bricks falling onto my head.

I'll be going to school again next Tuesday. I'm partially afraid that I'll screw up this semester too, but now that I've finally acknowledged that it was a bigger deal than I first told myself, I'm hoping I'll be able to progress a bit.

I feel dumb and stupid for thinking it would be that simple, and I feel like a fool for letting a whole semester of school down the toilet because of my petty thoughts of making something like that seem small. I've been getting sick again this past week, and I just can't seem to be my old cheerful self anymore. I want to be myself again, and I want to be able to smile and have fun. I've turned into a complete recluse over these past few months, and my moods are totally unpredictable.

The bizarre twist is that, even so, I feel like I made the right decision... And I've learned a lot with this experience that I never would have learned otherwise. The only thing I can't understand is why, if I think that, why am I not feeling any better than I did the day when I came home from the clinic? If I've accepted what I did, and I've accepted that I underestimated its power on me, why am I still feeling so low?

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Subject: lost


Author:
DRM (sadness)
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Date Posted: 03:45:47 12/11/06 Mon

I had an abortion on Deceber 5, 2006. This would have been my 8 year wedding aniversary has i stayed married and my ex husband hadn't died so the whole day was one filled with immense sadness. After telling my boyfried of 10 months about the pregnancy he asked me what I wanted to do...this was his way of saying he didn't want the baby. He told me how he didn't have any money, no home and was going to loose his job. He went on and on about how his priority was his 3 year old daughter and i had to be crazy to even think of having another child (Ihave 2 already). I reluctently made the appointment at which i found out i was carring twins. I told him hoping this would change his mind but instead he just browbeat me more reiterating his circumstances and tell me that he was not going to be around to help me throughout the pregnancy. I have a medical condition that would have made it impossible to maintain a pregnancy and 2 other children on my own. I had the abortion and since then have been having nighmares and an unbearable sense of gilt and shame. I HATE my boyfried for forcing me to do this, we are not kids. He is 49 and I am 33 this should have never been done, I shuld have never done it. I dont know what to do now. I can no longer even look at my boyfriend and i said some horrible things to him because i am so angry with myself for letting him bully me into an abortion. I cannt sleep, i have nightmares about the abortion, i remember the feeling of having my twins torn from my body, i HATE myself and dont know how to move on. All is do is cry now, I am overwhelmed with saddness and loss. I am having problems parenting the two kids I have due to the sadness and guilt. There is no joy or happiness in me anymore and I dont think there ever will be again. Letting my boyfriend bully and scare me into an abortion is by far one of the worst decisions have ever made.

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Subject: Will it go away?


Author:
Geena
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Date Posted: 01:11:26 11/29/06 Wed

I was 17 when i fell pregnant to my boyfriend of nearly a year. When i took the test i didnt do it correctly so it came up negitive first, i went back into the bathroom tp throw it away after telling my best friend it was negitive when i discovered it had two lines showing i was pregnant. I didnt know what to do i was only 17 and didnt really understand what was happening.

Later when my boyfriend came home from work i told him, the first thing to come out of his mouth was "we'll go to Christchurch next weekend". Christchurch is one of the only cities in NZ that has a abortion clinic so i was extremly hurt when he said that, he didnt even ask what i wanted or how i felt.

I went to the doctor and got a blood test, he rang back that day to confirm i was pregnant and then proceeded tpo congratulat me. I didnt know what to say so i hung up on him. I had a scan and the doctor showed me her (i think it was a girl) heartbeat and told me it only started a few days before the scan, i recorded it on my cellphone and watch it sometimes, just the flickering of a tiny heartbeat.

My mum was away at a confrence in Auckland for work by the time i decided to have the abortion, i felt pushed into it by my boyfriend(i know now that he was scared too) what didnt help was that my aunty is the abortion councelor for my city, so i had to arrange it all with her receptionist while she was on holiday. It was a monday when we drove 6 hours to chch(christchurch) and i was booked to have the abortion the following day. I usually get car sick if im not driving but i was so numb the whole way that i didnt feel anything at all.

The nurses were nice to me and the procedure didnt hurt at all, i didnt bleed much afterwards and resumed a healthy sex life with my partner but i cant get over what i did, 6 days ago it was the 1 year anniversary of my abortion and i feel more sad than ever. None of my friends really understand how i feel but i feel like im dying inside, screaming for help but no-one can hear me or help me. Will the pain ever go away? I sometimes wish that the condom will break so i can be pregnant again. I really want to go back in time and stop myself. Will the pain ever lessen? Will i ever feel whole again? I just wish someone would help me, understand how i feel. I just want myh precious baby back, i want to hold her, love her. She was my own little love and i let them kill her, i was the person she relied on.

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Subject: WOW what a mess!


Author:
Sara
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Date Posted: 16:04:56 12/06/06 Wed

Ok...where in the world do I begin. well I will start by saying that i am glad that i found this website. well I will start at I'm a married 21 year old with a 1 yr old. I have only dated 2 people in my life and one of them is my husband. My husband and I's relationship isn't that great but we stick it out for our little one. he's rarely home. He works all the time. I hate it. So a couple of months ago I met this really nice guy while I was out and we started talking and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. It was mostly lustful sex. Until we started talking on the phone everyday and seeing eachother on a regular basis. Me and my "boyfriend" ended up getting pregnant. and There is no way I could keep a baby that wasn't my husbands, but could have easily been an easy way out of a horrible marriage. Me and my "boyfriend" decided the best thing for us at the current time was for me to have an abortion. But the wierd thing about it all is that I am actually in love with this guy.
--The day of-----
I got up early and went and picked up my "BF" and we drove to the clinic. The ride up there was very silent. when we arrived at the clinic there were protesters on the sidewalk.I didn't look I just kept driving and when we walked in they were yelling things that I just blocked out. When I got in to building there were alot of women. 1st you register then sit.....then you go back into a room where they do an ultrasound. then you get blood work done and you have to pee in a cup. after that you sit for a while then you go in to a room with a counsleour and you talk she give you birthcontrol then you go back in to the waiting room and sit....I had a medical abortion which requires you to take a pill which when i got back in the procedure room a fat short dr. walked in and said "Do you want to be pregnant anymore" I replied no and then he said "take this" I took the pill and nothing happened. I opted to take the vaginal pills today and I started to cramp moderatly but nothing to bad. I passed a few clots but nothing serious. I really have no feelings...just the feeling of being NUMB!! I have no remorse or bad feelings or emptyness. I just want to know what people think I would do about my marriage and my boyfriend!

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Subject: Post Abortion


Author:
Eric (SAD)
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Date Posted: 03:06:38 11/25/06 Sat

My girlfriend of very new who Ive always adored had an abortion a week ago.We both decided it was the right thing to do since we were very new in our relationship.Even though we knew we were not going to keep the pregnancy our everyday relationship was great and our feelings seemed to be progressing.We were very affectionate.Now I made sure this was a decision we made "together" without any pressure.She agreed.And because of her carefree and still loving attitude I assumed we were going to be fine.Well I was wrong.After the abortion which was done on the 6th week,I feel her very distant now.We've had some arguements and close calls of splitting up but something is keeping us together.She has had the opportunity to dump me but she doesnt want to but she has resentment towards me.I care for her vey much but what do I do.I am very caring towards her but still feel dumped on.

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Subject: to Marie--Ashamed... too many abortions


Author:
Vee
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Date Posted: 10:26:12 11/02/06 Thu

Hi Marie! I can relate to your feelings as well, as I have also had 3 abortions in the past...My first was when I was 15 and was not in a healthy relationship (lived with my boyfriends drunk family), then again when I was 16 with a different guy, and the last (and the one that hurt the most) was when I was around 24. The last was when my youngest child was only about a year old, and my husband and I decided not to keep it. Men can be really supportive when you give them a chance to be a part of everything. I have spent way too much time dwelling on what might have been with my pregnancies, and yes it is embarrassing to admit that i have been pregnant 5 times but only have 2 children, and never had a miscarriage...But, i have recently had a total hysterectomy (i am only 31) to try to help my endometriosis, and found out yesterday that i also had adenomyosis as well. Sometimes i think that God is punishing me for my TA's by giving me major health problems, but then i give my head a shake and try to get beyond my past and build a good life with my husband and children. I guess what took me so long to say LOL, is that there IS light at the end of the tunnel, and you may never be totally at peace with your choices (i am not, yet), but we still all have to move on with life! Take Care of you first and foremost, thats very important!!

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Subject: Emotional Healing After Abortion


Author:
Micheala
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Date Posted: 22:09:57 11/09/06 Thu

Please allow me to express my sorry for your tragic experience. I want to let you know about a wonderful organization called "Rachel's Vineyard" that has helped many women and men who have had similar experiences. You should be able to find more information about Rachel's Vineyard on the web. The Rachel Network also offers retreats to help women heal from post abortion trauma.

Subject: This Pain Wont Go Away


Author:
Crissy
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Date Posted: 21:38:24 11/08/06 Wed

I'm 23yrs old and had an abortion 2yrs ago this coming Feburary. My baby would have been around 1 this past September. I think about what I did all the time, I cry to myself and think about whether or not the decision I made was right. I'm still with the father of the baby but I feel like I cant talk to him or anyone about it. He is an amazing person but he just doesn't completely understand what I went through. I almost feel like it was a relief to him since he will never understand what I went through and what I still go through to this day. I cant completely blame him bc how better to understand something then to experience it - and physically, mentally, and emotionally men cannot understand as much as women. I know that I was only 21 when I got pregnant and me and him were only together for 7mnths, and there was no way we could financially and maturely support this baby. Now I look back and feel like somehow I could have made it work. I've seen people worse off and they're doing it. I guess I just try to rationalize whether I was right or wrong. Emotionally me and my bf are close, sexually we're not. I cant get myself to be intimate with him anymore and I think the abortion is a part of it.

When I found this website I felt almost relieved that women were going through the same feelings that I am and are able to express it. I praise all of you for being able to speak from your heart and share your stories - somehow you've given me the courage to do the same today. On the other hand it makes me think about it more and more but I guess no matter what, the pain will never really go away. How do you all cope with this?

I know my baby is in heaven right now and I hope he/she understands why I did what I did. Until I can fully forgive myself for having the abportion..I hope my baby can forgive me as well.

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Subject: Ashamed...too many abortions.


Author:
Marie
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Date Posted: 18:21:53 10/13/06 Fri

I do not see any recent messages posted, so I hope that this gets a response. I recently had my third abortion. The first was when I was 19, and although the choice was difficult and made me feel very sad, I feel as though I made the right choice. I spent the next five years with the father of that child trying to make it up to him. He always told me how horrible, immoral, and selfish I was for not keeping it. He did not want me to do it, but in the end he supported my decision. Well...I guess not because he always brought it up when he was angry with me. It wasn't until he started verbally lashing out (calling me "abortion queen") that I decided to leave him. At this time (age 24) I was pregnant again! I had been on the pill for years, but got a kidney infection, took antibiotics, and was careless and didn't use a back-up method. I couldn't face going through this with him again, so I immediately had a medical abortion (I was 5 weeks) and I never told him. I moved away and started a new life: attended graduate school, reconnected with old, special friends. Two years ago, almost a year after I broke up with the ex, I met a wonderful man. We immediately connected and have a positive relationship. We have discussed our future...marriage...children, but have agreed that now is definitely not the time. When I became pregnant in May of this year, I freaked out and was too afraid to tell him. I don't know why I didn't have the courage to tell him. I was afraid he'd be mad or resent me. Although, deep down I think he would have welcomed a child. We are both old enough with stable jobs and lives. I rushed a medical abortion, and looked at it as a quick fix, but I don't know what I was trying to fix. I feel like I am too afraid to go through with a pregnancy and that I really don't deserve to have a child for what I've done in the past. Worst of all, I'm constantly feeling insecure and guilty and ashamed of myself. I think he would be devastated to find out what I did, without even seeking his support, but I know that he deserves to know. I feel like such a liar. And I love this man and he wants to marry me, but I've already betrayed him. Should I tell him what I've done? About my past? It's so confusing and painful because until now, I haven't been honest with myself about everything I've done. And it physically hurts. And even though its mid-october, I feel like I had the abortion yesterday. Any advice?

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Subject: Women Who Regret Their Abortions


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 09:21:31 10/28/06 Sat

Women Who Regret Their Abortions Prepare Ms. Magazine Campaign Response
by Matt Abbott
Some pro-life women are gearing up to answer Ms. magazine's recent pro-abortion advertisement with an advertisement of their own. Georgette Forney, president of NOEL and co-founder of Silent No More Awareness, is calling on post-abortive women to sign their names to a pro-life advertisement that will hopefully appear in several U.S. newspapers. Forney hopes to gather at least 1,700 signatures for the advertisement, which will give a voice to women who regret their abortions. Caron Strong, national director of Operation Outcry, and Karen Reynoso, a founder of Renewed Hope Ministry, are also supporting the campaign. "This [advertisement] is in response to the Ms. magazine ad that ... gave only women who don't regret their abortions a chance to voice their view," says Reynoso. "Several women who regret their abortions wrote to Ms. magazine requesting their side of the story be told, [but the magazine has] an agenda to keep people believing that most women are glad they had their abortions, and to keep abortion legal." Post-abortive women interested in signing the pro-life advertisement should contact Georgette Forney or one of the aforementioned organizations. Read the complete story.

Subject: Should I get pregnant


Author:
molly (sad)
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Date Posted: 17:35:31 10/19/06 Thu

Hi,
I just had a abortion 2 weeks ago, and I want to be pregnant again so bad. The guy I had the abortion with is also the father of my baby girl(she is 10 months. We are together now, but a few weeks ago it wasn't looking good for us. We are working on us, but I still have these thoughts of having a baby. Can anyone help

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Subject: non-surgical abortion


Author:
Christine
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Date Posted: 23:14:10 09/19/06 Tue

I am 18 years old and I just had my second abortion on saturday. my last abortion was a medical abortion and for at least 3 weeks after taking my last 4 pills i was bleeding. Saturday night i took my pills and went to bed. all night long i had dreams about the pills not working. When i woke up the next morning i found very little blood on my pad. Does anyone else think that i could be one of the very few people who does not have a complete abortion by taking these pills?

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Subject: The pain of an abortion


Author:
Kimberly
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Date Posted: 23:31:50 08/09/06 Wed

I dont know how to go on or how to heal. The pain is so great I feel as if its too hard for me to go on. I hope that if you are pregnant and reading this that I can change your mind. The loss of a child no matter if it is born yet is the greastest pain you will ever feel. I feel as if I have no support from anyone and wish I hadnt made the decision I did. And I look at my boyfriend now and I feel the anger towards him and my mother for allowing me to do such a thing. (also feeling the anger and hatred towards myself that I feel will never go away) I had no right playing God and determining if my baby lives or dies. How will I ever get thru this?

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Subject: Overwhelming Majority of Women Regretted Abortions


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 08:07:39 09/13/06 Wed

British Survey Finds Overwhelming Majority of Women Regretted Abortions
by Steven Ertelt
LifeNews.com Editor
September 12, 2006


London, England (LifeNews.com) -- A British pro-life group placed advertisements in six women's magazines there to gather the experiences of women who had abortions and find out their reaction to their decision years down the road. More than 82 percent of the women who responded indicated they deeply regretted their abortion decisions.
Some 248 women replied to the ads sponsored by the group LIFE between April and early July.

Just 26 said they had a few or no regrets about their abortions, including one 74 year-old woman who had three abortions in the 1960s and 70s and another who had aborted twins.

Of that small group of women, they indicated they had no other alternative than the abortion or said it was the "right thing" at that moment in their lives. Still, many said they would not want to do it again. Nine other women said they were undecided about their abortion experiences.

However, 204 of the 248 women said they deeply regretted their abortions.

LIFE asked 96 women in a follow-up survey whether they would have gone through with the abortion had they known the medical and emotional problems abortions can cause. Sixty-four of the women answered no and most very emphatically.

Virtually all of the women said that women considering abortions should be given more information on potential problems. Most said they were only told there would be an inordinate amount of bleeding but were given little or no counseling or information.

The survey found some of the women who had abortions had severe problems afterwards, including 14 who had seriously contemplated or attempted suicide, 15 who had developed alcohol addictions, and three who had severe eating disorders.

Five confessed to abusing drugs, several had emotional breakdowns and another four said they got pregnant again quickly to have "atonement" babies.

LIFE reported that most women reported the kind of post-abortion syndrome issues abortion advocates routinely deny, including anger, shame, guilt, self-hatred, loss of confidence, nightmares, flashbacks, and the pain of anniversaries.

Some of the comments from women who regretted their abortions included: "it completely ruined my life", "I felt crippled, crucified, stupid, insane," "I felt dirty and ashamed," "I'm totally grief-stricken, I want my baby and I feel like a monster," "it was the worst mistake of my life... I cry all the time," "every baby I see I yearn for the one I got rid of."

Most of the women surveyed said they were treated poorly by abortion facility staff.

They talked about being treated "like cattle," "conveyor-belted" and "pushed by bossy nurses."

"They described the bleak atmosphere of waiting rooms and abortion clinics, and how they were often crying when they came round from the anesthetic," LIFE reported.

One woman talked about having an abortion with the mifepristone abortion drug. She discussed how she gave birth to her dead baby at a gas station and flushed the baby's body down the toilet.

Women's abortion regrets did not seem to vary based on how long ago they had the abortion.

A 61-year-old had had her abortion in 1970 and still feels "very guilty and sad"; another 30 years on and [has] never stopped grieving." Some of the women had their abortion less than a year ago and already have strong negative emotional reactions.



Printed from: http://www.lifenews.com/nat2579.html




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Subject: I don't know how to deal


Author:
Jennifer (Struggling)
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Date Posted: 16:21:35 08/22/06 Tue

I had an abortion on the 18th August 2006 at the time it felt like the right thing to do and my boyfriend didnt want it he said it wasnt the right time and i do know what he means by that it wasnt but now its done i feel asif he dont care he aint been near or touched me in a week, fair enough on friday when he picked me up i told him i wanted to be alone but that didnt seem to bother him, now all were do is argu and all i do is cry i cant sleep cant do my work considered crashing ma car cutting myself which ive done a few times when i was younger so i know id do it again. i feel asif its the worse mistake ive ever made and i feel asif ive no1 to talk to and i feel asif my boyfriend dont care i really dont know what to do.

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Subject: Abortion


Author:
Jasmine
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Date Posted: 13:33:32 08/02/06 Wed

I had an abortion last Thursday July 27th, 2006. Never in my life have a felt so sad. To allow these people (doctor and nurses) to kill my child. This was not my decision even though I had the Final say-so,this was the fathers decision he wanted to live his life at the expense of taking his child's life. I keep my sonogram and pray every night that little one's soul is in heaven or wherever our souls go when we pass. I cant stop crying and he shows no emotion. Does this feeling of guilt and hatred towards myself ever go away. tomorrow makes one week since I have killed my child. How do I get through this, how do I continue to live my life when my baby that I loved is gone?????????????

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Subject: Confused!


Author:
Charlotte (Confused!)
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Date Posted: 07:55:44 07/30/06 Sun

Hi everybody, i've got a problem here!! I had an abortion on July 22 which is 9 days ago. No sex after that until today... but i'm still confused because I took a test today (to recheck my pregnancy) and still it came out positive... Is it means its from my past pregnancy? I need help... please help me to understand this! what should i do?

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Subject: Having a hard time years later...


Author:
LN
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Date Posted: 18:01:29 08/07/06 Mon

In the fall of 2003 I had an abortion....I found out I was preg in late November...my now husband and I had almost finished our first semester of college...as soon as I found out the first words out of his mouth was "My mom is going to be so upset"..I knew that both of our parents would be, and because of that and the fact that I was so scared..I didnt know anyone who had been through it..we opened up the phone book and found the number for an abortion clinic. I was so relieved when we made the appointment for just 4 days away...Later that night as I was lying in my bed, I couldnt help but cry and hold my stomach...just because I was so scared and didnt know how our parents would react...even though I was about to turn 19 yrs old. I had it done...It took every ounce of strength I had to walk into the clinic, especially whenever the protestors where praying and shouting "Dont do it, mom"...after it was done, I felt such a sense of relief and was happy it was over...I was very remorsful for a while..off and on but knew it was probably for the best. A month later I got the news that my husbands cousin had gotten his gf preg..she was only 16 and they were keeping their baby. I instantly doubled over with sadness....their lil girl was born in Sept of 04 and our lil one would of been due in July of that same year..I am very close to them now and it hurts me so much to be around her. Now, only 3 years later, my then boyfriend and I are married and have been trying to have a baby since January...Im still not pregnant and lately I have been thinking and hurting badly about having it done those years before. Im kind of a newborn christian..and I have repented several times and I know that God has forgiven me but I cannot forgive myself. I find myself not wanting to do anything but stay home, I cry all the time..and to make matters worse I constantly fight with my mother-in-law..because deep down I blame her for my decision to abort my baby. I just cant let it go..and the fact that Im not pregnant yet just makes it worse..I obsess. Is anyone going through something similar now..years after they did it?

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Subject: MEDICAL ABORTION..


Author:
rochelle
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Date Posted: 16:27:05 06/25/06 Sun

just finished my last 4 pills with the medical abortion.. the pain in my stomach is unimaginable. i'm so sad that i had to do this to my child.. i'm really sad.. and i have no one to turn to. the only one that knows is my boyfriend.. he's been there .. but i feel so alone and sad.. and mostly guilty. it was the right decision i know that because i can't provide for a baby at this point in my life and i wouldn't want it to suffer at all.. i just hope that it knew that i loved it..

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Subject: Does time always heal?


Author:
Christy
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Date Posted: 02:23:42 06/24/06 Sat

I'm 22. I had an abortion on april 11th, 2006. A little over 2 monthes ago. I was never for abortion, but I was never against pro choice.
I just never believed I would be in the situation where I would have to choice between killing my baby, or having a baby a baby we weren't ready for.
I'm still with my bofriend of a little over 2 years. He was the father.
But he does not understand the pain I am in. He tells me it takes time. But he rather play video games and live his life while I can barely live mine.
I feel so distant from him.
He broke up with me a month after the abortion because we would fight too much, i would cry too much, and call him.
I just needed comfort. I was so ashamed and scared and confused, I told no one but him about the abortion.
I didn't want the abortion. I had a name for my baby, Wesley. I was 10 weeks pregant. I loved my baby, whether any one can believe that or not. I did. But I knew my boyfriend would resent us both if I had the baby. He wasn't ready, and I didn't have the support I felt I needed. He promised he'd be there after the abortion.
and now, I cry, and he just tries to ignore it nicely, by asking what's wrong, but not stoping to hold me or help me.
I've planned to start therapy this monday, but it's only friday. the weekend seems long.
I've took a week off work this week. I can't even fuction at work. I constanly want to cry. I wish I could quit my job but I need it.
I think about ending my life. I try to fight it, and tell myself I'll get through this, and I'm worth something.
I never thought the fist time I'd have an ultra sound would be at an abortion clinic, it was supposed to be a happy time. I love kids so much, I want(ed) my own. But when I'm ready. I don't think about the future much now.
just getting through the day.
I wish my boyfriend would understand, and love me enough to help me through the pain. I think he stays with me out guilt. I'm in such a dark lonely place right now.
my self esteem and worth is crushed. I feel like a murder, I try to forgive myself. I think I've forgiven my boyfriend. people keep telling me it takes time.
2 monthes wasn't enough time.
I don't know how much longer I can hold on.

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Subject: Will I ever be ok?


Author:
Lilly
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Date Posted: 23:34:43 02/17/06 Fri

I had an abortion 2 months ago. I miss my baby so much. I have the same dream every night. I dream I'm holding my baby, he's a boy. I don't know how, I just know he was a boy. In my dream I feel so peaceful and serene, and I feel so much love for my son. Then all of a sudden he disappears and I can't find him. I panic and look for him frantically, yelling at all these people I don't know to help me, help me find him. I wake up crying so hard I can't breathe. I have such a vivid picture of my son in my mind. To know I will never hold him, I will never know my son, it's unbearable. I'm seeing a counsellor, reading books, trying everything I can to find peace. I named my son last week, I named him Gregory. Everyone tells me that time will help me to heal. I'll never heal, I can't forgive myself. The guilt and regret inside of me is so strong, not a minute goes by that I don't think about it. Can anyone help? How can I come to terms with the decision I made? How can I learn to live with myself. I don't know to do, I feel so lost.

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Subject: I am 5 weeks preganant and would like to abort


Author:
Tanya
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Date Posted: 22:59:13 05/13/06 Sat

I need help! In our country abortion is not legalized yet and i don't know where to go to abort the baby. There are no known clinics here that do abortion. Can somebody help me, i would like to take cytotec on my own, how many doses or how many pills should i take and how many times should i take in a day?

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Subject: I don't know how to cope anymore


Author:
Veronica
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Date Posted: 20:41:04 03/27/06 Mon

I had an abortion almost two months ago. When I told the guy, which was my boyfriend at the time, that I was pregnant he decided to tell me that he didn't love me, didn't want to have anything to do with me, nor with the baby. My first instinct was that I was going to keep it, and that somehow I would work things out with him or without him. More thought was put into it, and the more I spoke with people the more everyone told me that it was a mistake to keep it. Boy were they wrong! It was a mistake to not keep it. Truth be told, I took the easy (or what I thought would be) way out. Simply because I did not want ot be judged by other people, I did not want to dissapoint my parents or siblings. But I dissapointed myself. I don't know how to deal or cope with my decision anymore. I cry myself to sleep, everytime I see a pregnant woman or baby I start to cry. I've reached the point that I think that if I get pregnant again it'll be better, but I know that is not the case. I'll just be placing myself in the same predicament. I just feel so inhumane in killing my baby. I'm not religious, so I don't turn to that to cope. I just don't know how to "move on" with my life.I almost don't want to, I wnat to go back to being pregnant. Whoever said life would be easy huh?

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Subject: can anyone help me?


Author:
Chloe
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Date Posted: 11:59:48 05/18/06 Thu

im 14 and had my abortion on 15th may, im devestated. i was r**** and sorry but i cant even say the stupid word for it. i told my parents that i had a boyfriend and thats how i got pregnant because i just couldnt bring myself to tell them the real reason, now my mum says she is ashamed of me, my dad dosent talk to me, i dont know what to do. i feel so guilty for having the abortion but they made me they didnt even give me a choice i feel such a failure for not being stronger. can anyone help me? thankyou

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Subject: How will I ever get over this?


Author:
Mya
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Date Posted: 16:44:52 05/09/06 Tue

I had an abortion on Friday. I am 28 years old with a baby girl who just turned 7 months old. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now, and both love our daughter very, very much. However, we knew that we could not offer to give two children the kind of lives they deserved, and so decided to end the pregnancy. I feel the deepest sense of regret and despair... I know in my head I did the right thing, but I just can't make my heart believe it. Every time I look at my daughter, I know I have done this to make her life better. I cry all the time and am scared that I will never be able to forgive myself.

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Subject: I just cant go on


Author:
Devin
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Date Posted: 14:14:54 06/02/06 Fri

I had a surgical abortion last friday. in the beginning when i found out i was pregnant, my boyfriend of a year and a half told me he didnt want a child at this point in our lives (were only 19) but that he would support my decision. We went to the doctors together twice and we even heard the heartbeat. Then the pressure to have an abortion started. As soon as he knew i was sceptical about giving up my life and being able to care fully for the baby, he started to suggest it. Then he really started pressuring me, telling me he wanted it for the child and for me because he loved us. I gave in and had an abortion. Now he is so distant and is treating me horribly. I feel so alone and sad and guilty and confused. I told everyone i had a miscarraige out of shame so that no one would know the truth except for my boyfriend. But now that he has left me so alone like this i have no one to talk to about it. I have considered my own death as I feel more and more like a murderer. I want my baby back so much. i miss being sick, i miss being able to feel him inside me. I want to be his mom but now i cant and i dont think i can handle this anymore. I just need someone to be there for me and im so alone

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Subject: had an abortion six months ago


Author:
Emma
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Date Posted: 23:05:20 06/06/06 Tue

hi every1 im a young mom 2 three girls i had an abortion six months ago and now im pregnant i feel terrible cause im bleeding and i realy excited about having this baby i just round to the idea of having it and i would not be able to go though that agin and i really dont want to miscarry and i think its the fact that i had an abortion that i am going to misscary can sum1 plz help

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Subject: i just dont understand


Author:
kasey
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Date Posted: 02:44:54 08/22/05 Mon

It has been a year since the abortion, and it still seems like yesterday that it happened. My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years now he was the baby's daddy. The thing I dont understand is how he can act like nothing ever happened and if he really does love me. I know this sounds crazy to say and I should know this by now. I really need some help because I am still in love with him, but I need some advise on what is really going on. Can relationships really make it after a tramatic thing like that.
kasey

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