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Subject: Lost-Can't hold on


Author:
Kenny
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Date Posted: 15:34:20 11/24/07 Sat
 I Got divorced in 1994 after a while i met a girl and lost my head and we married and was terribly unhappy so i divorced. I felt bad about the divorce but i had tried to get out before the marriage but she wouldn't have it.Then the big thing happened. I met the love of my life. She was beautiful ever thing i ever wanted total happiness seemed like.As weeks went by things started coming to light that was things that i never dreamed a nice woman would do.But for some reason i couldn't let go of her.Then one day she told me she was pregnant. She said that she had never been pregnant before.She wanted to have an abortion.We was having problems from the other things but i wanted to believe that some how we could overcome the previous life before we met. and i said to her she could have the abortition. she started making arrangements. we talked about it every day. We said it was murder. Even though we talked about it being murder i started trying to get her not to do it.I wanted to show her how much i could love her and be her's. To the last day i tried to love her into keeping it.Our doctor told her that it would not be as she thought.Her gynecologist would not treat her anymore if she did it.We had started seeing a counselor for the previous problems before she got pregnant. She tried to advise her not to do it. She was crying one day and said there is a little Tracy or Kenny growing inside me. She didn't want to kill it she said. Seemed everything would be ok. Then in just a couple of days she started saying things like this f--ing thing inside me is f--ing up my body. And other horrible things and she went forward with the plans to have the abortition. As the time neared i tried to love her out of that decision. I would try to get her to have it and give it to me if there was no chance for us to have it.Since the abortition i have searched every where in my soul could i have done anything else. How could i have let this happen. How can time be turned back.What can i do. Lord please come and get me. I can't stand to live life here anymore. I take antidepressants.I cry inside daily.I look at my job and i think i just can't stand to carry this heavy load and do this job.I am a man how can this affect me so. Yet i just can't get this off my mind.I love her still but i hate her to if that can be.If you know of help for me please reply.
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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: Lost-Can't hold on


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 09:42:59 11/25/07 Sun
Dear Kenny,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's really important that you are searching for healing & I'm so glad you posted here.

Please keep working through the hard times and don't get stuck in the misery of it. We all need to grieve loss - it's one thing our society is very poor at doing. You need to allow yourself to grieve in healthy ways. Write down your feelings and get them out, cry and let yoruself be angry,feel guilty, etc. Then you must find the way to heal those wounds.

Getting stuck in any of them can be very damaging to you and others around you.

Please look up a Pregnancy Center near you at this site:

http://www.optionline.org/hadabortion.html

They offer post abortion counseling (all free) and they may be able to direct you to a mens group for it.

There is also this site:

http://www.safehavenministries.com/

They have many message boards and it would be really good for you to see that you aren't the only guy going through this sort of thing.

Finally, please understand that God loves you and wil forgive you and wants to heal you. There is no pit so deep, that HE is not deeper still (Corrie TenBoom said that). God wants to make you whole and healthy and help you through this.

Hang in there,

Kris

[> Subject: Re: Lost-Can't hold on


Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 00:14:58 11/29/07 Thu
Kenny,

I'm sorry about this whole thing. Kris gave you some good links.

Examine each of the things you did that led to this event and seek God's forgiveness and healing. He will give it to you. He doesn't want you to harm yourself, and He's not ready to take you Home. He has a purpose for your life.

It is normal to hate the person who does something like this to you. Most relationships are destroyed by abortion. I have no idea what got into her, but it sounds really bizarre. It doesn't sound normal to me. She may well be hurting, but you are in no position to help her at this time. Concentrate first on restoring your relationship with God.

You were that baby's father, and it is natural for you to want to protect him or her. I don't find your reaction surprising. I am gratified that you haven't suppressed how you feel, because your openness will lead to healing and forgiveness.

Look for a woman who is worthy of you, and make a commitment to her before starting a family. Cherish your wife and your children. God will redeem the situation for you.

Remember how God forgave David and Paul for their egregious sins. Jesus died for ALL your sins, including the ones that led up to this. Accept His forgiveness, and then His word, and forgive yourself.

We will be praying for you. Please keep in touch and let us know what happens.

Take care,
Pat
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