Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 18:26:51 02/26/07 Mon
Julie,
I am so sorry!
I fully understand your feelings. I have experienced some of the consequences as well.
Please do not take responsibility for the role the father played in this. He manipulated you. There is a good chance he would have eventually been very supportive, but at the time, he kept pressuring you on and off. Don't take the blame for what he did! You wanted your baby. Allow yourself to feel outraged at what he did. In time, you will have to forgive him, but first you must make sure you don't blame yourself for what he did. This is critically important.
I think you also realize that you are partly to blame, and since you already realize that, nobody needs to rub your nose in it. However, in time, you will be able to forgive yourself. It will probably take quite awhile. Probably, you will be more at peace after about a year from the date. On the due date, it will be rough, so make sure you have some supportive friends with you.
You have already shown that you want to warn other women. Let that be your purpose in life for now. If you want to speak out, by all means do so! You are not under any obligation, but some women find this healing.
Please pray, and read the Psalms. Remember, David arranged for the murder of the husband of a woman he loved, but God forgave him, and allowed him to be the ancestor of Jesus. Many Psalms he wrote about this and other issues may well bring comfort to you. Remember, God will not despise a person who is truly repentant.
We will be praying for you. Don't give up on counseling. Go to someone specifically trained to deal with your issues. No, you cannot bring your baby back, but there are other things you can do to make life worth living.
Make a resolution never to get into that situation with a man again. Look for someone who will cherish you and give you a real commitment. There are such men out there. One of our sons married a woman who had had an abortion, and we were all aware of it. He cherished her and took good care of her, but eventually her inability to deal with it and the dysfunctional things she did drove them apart. But he hung in there for several years. It is important to deal with your issues and then look for someone who will treat you right. Taking advantage of you sexually isn't it. You may have contributed to the problem, and indeed you did, but it is unlikely you understand male sexuality. Most young women don't. Men just aren't put together the same way, and this can cause all kinds of difficulty, as you found out. Part of the problem is that the pregnancy and baby aren't real to a man until he can experience it for himself. You already are experiencing it, but he won't until he sees changes in the mother's body, hears a heartbeat, feels movement, or sees an ultrasound. Unfortunately, nearly all of these things happen after most abortions are done. A man doesn't have the advantage of hormonal changes.
It has also been found recently that sex for a woman is a bonding experience. It releases the same hormones that are released when a woman is nursing her baby, and perform the same function of bonding. But the man has no such hormones. And as a result, men aren't usually as bonded in a casual sexual relationship as women are. And again, this causes all kinds of problems. The woman thinks they are bonded when he really isn't.
Please go to a crisis pregnancy agency. There are women there who will talk with you who have been through what you have. You are NOT alone. There are plenty of women who have your exact experience, and they have healed emotionally and spiritually, and you can, too.
There was a man named Saul. He was involved in the killing of Christians. But God called him, and forgave him, and made him into the Apostle Paul. I owe my faith to his preaching to my ancestors. And if God can and will turn Paul's life around, He can and will turn yours around as well.
We will keep praying for you.
Hugs,
Pat
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