| Subject: Re: Passion and Private Emails in a Public Place |
Author:
Cassandra
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Date Posted: 15:07:34 01/26/03 Sun
In reply to:
Kyla
's message, "Passion" on 07:04:19 01/25/03 Sat
Kyla, Yes, we COULD do this by private email. But then it would feel different wouldn't it? There's something different when there is a possibility of a larger audience. I know that sounds self-serving or something, but there it is. I recently found myself blathering all over another now-defunct forum, just to tap into that kind of energy, that feeling that I am speaking to someone more than just myself. I guess that's one reason I wanted to kick start this old forum again. So whether anyone else out there is actually listening or not, it feels good to me to be talking with you here.
Well, as I've been saying, I've been feeling into a new sort of paradigm, a place where we don't have to be limited to either THIS or THAT. I wrote a poem (??) about this the other day:
Here we are
Living in a moist and verdant jungle,
A rich paradise of riotous foliage,
Infinite shades of color, animals
Of every description, azure seas, peach colored skies,
Multi-dimensional possibilities...
And yet...
We listen only to a mind
That would limit us to the two dimensional experience
Of an ant crawling on a chessboard
Somewhere in a dark and barren desert,
Avoiding the edges as though they were death.
We are SO conditioned to black and white thinking and experiencing. We've tied ourselves into knots with it, where one part of ourself is at war with another part, as if those were the only options. And then we project this internal mess onto the world around us and see EVERYONE in terms of good or bad, right or wrong, (owned and disowned). And here we sit in this limited stew, bemoaning our "fate" while lavender skies boil overhead with unseen multi-dimensional possibilities.
And the big question, it seems to me, is how in hell do we move out of this chessboard existence into the incredibleness of what is? How can change really occur, and not just a rearrangement of the pain?
I think what it amounts to is pain tolerance. Maybe we have to get to the place where we hurt so much that we are willing to let go of these safe and familiar ways of being and risk the terror of the mystery, the unknown, whole other ways of being...
Today I woke up with incredible terror inhabiting my body ...and I realized that I had spent most of the night just holding it, feeling it, being it...
And from that place I spoke to the universe saying, "I seem to be in such a limited place...I'm so stuck here...(in fact this terror felt like being in a coffin, buried alive with no options but a slow agonizing death)...I'm willing to see things differently...please show me where I've made limited decisions, where I've been blind to other possibilities... and I sat with it...not moving, not going anywhere...waiting...for whatever might show up.
Something began to melt and I discovered that I was not only that one crouching in the terror, but also the energy of the hatred that put me there. That is me too...and holding these opposites I became quite large...more than just "me"...
And for the moment I am free...that is until the next projection arises, throwing me back into identification with the Either or the Or, back into the pain of an existence limited to this one body, this one spot in the universe...when we could be so much more...
I don't know how to be with this except to notice when I'm in pain and be willing to let go of my position, my being right, my perks as a victim, my justification as a perpetrator, my beliefs, the energies I identify as "me"...all of it. It's not a pretty picture...and the pain of it drives me. It's the energy behind my passion to release all those captives held in the dungeons of our hearts, the backwaters of our souls, our disowned selves, the scorned energies, our unwanted aspects...
Come out, come out wherever you are. This is my passion.
Hugs, Cassandra
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