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Tuesday, April 21, 8:48:12 [ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, [10] ]

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Date Posted: 09:53:14 08/07/03 Thu
Author: Linda
Subject: This might get a little long so come inside! :) Part One -
In reply to: Martina 's message, "I am not sure on this. How can they be sure it is real? But then... when I feel like being about to leave my body, I experience a strong pull upwards that makes me dizzy and feels very REAL. Once I grabbed my bed hard and screamed NO in my head, because the pull was like a huge vacuumer sucked on my upper body. It didnīt feel good at all, and it stopped immediately after my NO. So as for me I canīt say I was fantasizing. I was wide awake and had tried it on purpose, being shocked when it actually happened, hehe." on 05:49:29 08/07/03 Thu

Martina, have you ever read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I think I may recall Antje saying in an email that possibly your mother read it? I might be getting that wrong but anyway, I want to post something he wrote in there because it describes what you've experienced! It may not be the same thing but it's similar.

Let me pre-up this by saying I've often read in my spiritual books that many of us on a spiritual quest strive for ultimate enlightenment, the masters have achieved this. That awakening of our soul where we completely merge our mind, bodies and spirit and experience the divine, who we really are, while in our bodies on this planet. It's an ultimate awakening! Here is how he describes his moment of truth, this is a little long so if it cuts me off I will continue in another post -


I have little use for the past and rarely think about it; however, I would briefly like to tell you how I came to be a spiritual teacher and how this book came into existance.

Until my 30th year, I lived in a state of almost continuous anxiety interspersed with periods of suicidal depression. It feels now as if I'm talking about some past lifetime or somebody else's life.

On night not long after my 29th birthday, I woke up in the early hours with a feeling of absolute dread. I had woken up with such a feeling many times before, but this time it was more intense than it had ever been. The silence of the night, the vague outlines of the furniture in the dark room, the distant noise of a passing train - everything felt so alien, so hostile, and so utterly meaningless that it created in me a deep and loathing of the world. The most loathsome thing of all, however, was my own existence. What was the point in continuing to live with this burden of misery? Why carry on with this continuous struggle? I could feel that a deep longing for annihilation, for nonexistence, was now becoming much stronger than the instinctive desire to continue to live.

"I cannot live with myself any longer." This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was. "Am I one or two?" If I cannot live with myself, there must be two fo me: the 'I' and the 'self' that 'I' cannot live with." "Maybe," I thought, "only one of them is real."

I was so stunned by this strange realization that my mind stopped. I was fully conscious, but there were no more thoughts. Then I felt drawn into what seemed like a vortex of energy. It was a slow movement at first and then accelerated. I was gripped by an intense fear, and my body started to shake. I heard the words "resist nothing" as if spoken inside my chest. I could feel myself being sucked into a void. It felt as if the void was inside myself rather than outside. Suddenly, there was no more fear, and I let myself fall into that void. I have no recollection of what happened after that.

Ok, to be continued in next post! :)

Linda

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[> [> [> Ok, Part Two! - -- Linda, 10:04:56 08/07/03 Thu

I was awakened by the chriping of a bird outside the window. I had never heard such a sound before. My eyes were still closed, and I saw the image of a precious diamond. Yes, if a diamond could make a sound, this is what it would be like. I opened my eyes. The first light of dawn was filtering through curtains. Without any thought, I felt, I knew, that there is infinitely more to light than we realize. That soft luminosity filtering through the curtains was love itself. Tears came into my eyes. I got up and walked around the room. I recognized the room, and yet I knew that I had never truly seen it before. Everything was fresh and pristine, as if it had just come into existence. I picked up things, a pencil, an empty bottle, marveling at the beauty and aliveness of it all.

That day I walked around the city in utter amazement at the miracle of life on earth, as if I had just been born into this world.

For the next five months, I lived in a state of uninterrupted deep peace and bliss. After that, it dimished somewhat in intensity, or perhaps it just seemed to because it became my natural state. I could still function in this world, although I realized that nothing I ever did could possibly add anything to what I already had.

I knew, of course, that something profoundly significant had happened to me, but I didn't understand it at all. It wasn't until several years later, after I had read spiritual texts and spent time with spiritual teachers, that I realized that what everybody was looking for had already happened to me. I understood that the intense pressure of suffering that night must have forced my consciousness to withdraw from it's identification with the unhappy and deeply fearful self, which is ultimately a fiction of the mind. This withdrawal must have been so complete that this false, suffering self immediately collapsed, just as if a plug had been pulled out of an inflatable toy. What was left then was my true nature as the ever-present I am: consciousness in it's pure state prior to identification with form. Later I also learned to go into that inner timeless and deathless realm that I had originally preceived as a void and remain fully conscious. I dwelt in states of such indescribable bliss and sacredness that even the original experience I just described pales in comparison. A time came when, for a while, I was left with nothing on the physical plane. I had no relationships, no job, no home, no socally defined identity. I spent almost two years sitting on park benches in a state of the most intense joy.

But even the most beautiful experiences come and go. More fundamental, perhaps, than any experience is the undercurrent of peace that has never left me since then. Sometimes it is very strong, almost palpable, and others can feel it too. At other times, it is somewhere in the background, like a distant melody.

Later, people would occasionally come upt ot me and say: "I want what you have. Can you give it to me, or show me how to get it?" And I would say: "You have it already. You just can't feel it because your mind is making too much noise." that answer later grew into teh book that you are holding in your hands.

Before I knew it, I had an external identity agaon. I had become a spiritual teacher.

*phew*! I hadn't planned on typing that much but once I started I couldn't stop. I think I needed to read this again, to think back on this book and it's teachings to quiet the mind.

Martina, maybe that sucking feeling is close to this? It's taking you into peace within yourself and is nothing to fear? But yes, I can understand that it would be scary and the first reaction is to resist!!!

What do you think?

Linda


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[> [> [> [> Oh, Linda, that was great. Thanks for the post. Definitely a book I'll have to read. -- Maria A., 10:15:01 08/07/03 Thu


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[> [> [> [> Thank you very much, why did you stop?*lol* Sounds like a very good book! Yes, that sucking feeling was scary. One of my fears also is if I am not alone in the house, what if someone tries to wake me up? Not a nice thought. When I experienced that my DD was small and woke me regularely in the nights. I have more peace now, maybe I just should try again. I will keep you guys posted.*g* -- Martina, 07:11:27 08/08/03 Fri


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[> [> [> [> [> Haha, my fingers were going to fall off I had to stop! *G* Yes, it's a fascinating book! It's been on the bestseller books here, I would highly recommened it. :) -- Linda, 18:08:10 08/08/03 Fri


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