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Tuesday, May 26, 1:19:07 [ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, [7], 8, 9, 10 ]

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Date Posted: 12:12:33 12/26/03 Fri
Author: Brenda
Subject: How do I....?

get my MIL to stop buying gifts for the DH and myself? My MIL has to be the best intentioned lady in the world. Every year she asks for ideas for the kids for Christmas, which I gladly give her. Nothing expensive, just a list of things that I know the kids would like that she could choose from. She also asks what we need. Now the problem.

Every year we tell her that we don't need anything and to please not spend the money on us. Of course, every year she does anyway. We have mentioned to her that, if she really wants to get us a gift, then perhaps a donation in our name to a food bank or empty stocking fund would be a wonderful use for the money she would normally spend. Part of the problem is that, the items she does buy for us, we never wear or use. Her taste is not the same as ours (not meaning to sound ungrateful, because I know she has the best of intentions, but this year she got me slippers that look like they're made out of dead cats and a set of brown plastic bowls, and she got the DH a case of Corona ((not bad)) and tools for working on a car, when he doesn't work on cars).

I hate the fact that she is spending money on us that is just wasted. She never gives us the receipts and the one time I asked for the receipts (this is not the first time I have recieved ugly slippers) she got quite offended so I just had to tell her they were the wrong size.

Again, I am trying not to sound ungrateful, because that is not the case. I just hate the fact that this money is being wasted when there are so many needy families out there. In fact, the things she gives us usually gets donated to our local shelter for battered women. At least I feel the money has not been wasted by having something sit uselessy in our cupboard.

Any one have any suggestions other than what I am already doing?

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Replies:

[> At this point, I don't think you'll be able to get her to _stop_ giving gifts; I love the idea of your asking for her to give a donation, but evidently that's not her thing. Suppose you ask her for gift certificates? Bookstore, record store, restaurant, etc. Then, if you don't want to use them, you can donate them to a local charity when they are doing a fundraising raffle. -- Jamie's Mom, 07:19:25 12/27/03 Sat


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[> I think you're trapped. You cannot change your MIL. She took offence when you asked for a receipt so you could change something. She certainly means well, so why not accept the fact and receive the unwanted gifts with good grace? I hope you don't have to have them on display when she visits. That would be difficult! -- Ron, 19:23:12 12/27/03 Sat


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[> [> Thanks Ron and Jamie's Mom. The gift certificate suggestion fell on deaf ears. No Ron, I don't have to have them on display when she visits. She has never said anything anyway. I guess I will continue to accept the items graciously as I have always done in the past, and ease my conscience of wasted money by donating the items to people less fortunate than myself and my family. Thanks again for your thoughts. -- Brenda, 20:13:25 12/27/03 Sat


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[> I've been thinking about this, Brenda. I read this last night and let it mull, and here is what I think. For some people, all the joy of the season is in the giving. Don't deny her that joy, even if her taste is so different from your own. Clearly, her pleasure is derived from the giving-joy and not in the knowledge that she has given something that she sees that you love. I don't think you can stop her unless you are willing to risk hurting her. Let her give, then do as you wish with the gifts. -- Betsy, 15:13:39 12/28/03 Sun


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[> [> I agree, Betsy. I truly believe she loves going out and choosing things to give for gifts. As I said, I would never intentionally do anything to hurt her feelings because her heart is really in the right place. On a lighter note, our yellow lab saw the slippers she got me, and charged at them growling thinking we were introducing some foreign animal to the household. I retrieved them from him before too much dog spit got on them. -- Brenda, 20:45:43 12/28/03 Sun


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[> [> [> ROFLMAO......that just made me laugh right out loud!!!!! -- Betsy, 20:10:31 12/29/03 Mon


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[> Hi Brenda! Well, she asks you what she could get you, and because you don't say anything, she gives you things she prolly thinks you like or she like or whatever. Why dont you give her also a list of things you may not necessarily need, but would be nice to have? You know things you also go and get like candles. If she can get the wrong candles, tell her particularly what kind of. Or material for your soaps, oil, glycerin whatever you need. A good book you may want to have in hardcover. I can imagine, if you really think about it, you can come up with a long list :-) -- Andrea, 06:12:21 12/29/03 Mon


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[> Andrea has a point, maybe you should just give in and give her a small list. It always helps to get soap supplies right? As for the gifts you already got....can you donate the slippers to a woman's shelter, or a hospital or somewhere that they will be used? And bowls are always useful when making soap...and if they accidentally get ruined...no big loss, right? -- Colly, 08:23:04 12/29/03 Mon


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[> [> Thanks for your ideas, Andrea and Colly. She always asks for lists for the kids, but never for Doug or I. Maybe I should just give her a general gift suggestion list for all of us sometime in November. I like to know what she chooses for the kids just so that I don't give those same ideas to my parents or other relatives, but for DH and I, nobody asks for ideas. Great idea, thanks. -- Brenda, 15:04:16 12/30/03 Tue


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[> [> [> Brenda, if this is not too late, I'd like to add on *g*. >>> I went a little long *g* -- Kylie McA, 06:14:44 01/17/04 Sat

I have the same trouble (well, difficulty?) with my dear MIL. She likes to spend a LOT on us and the kids, and firstly we are trying to get her to cut down. Slowly but surely we are getting there *g*. I think a short list of some 'can't have too much of....' gifts like candles, books, a cd etc. is a great idea. Inour house, chocolate of any kind NEVER goes astray and everyone in our family knows it *g*. Or, if there is one, bigger ticket item you and your dh might like together - eg. theatre tickets, movie tickets with babysitting thrown in, a new toaster (if yours blew up like ours, just before christmas *g*). I am also trying to come up with a tactful way to say to DH's aunts and uncles not to buy for us anymore for the same reason. They don't want us to buy for them, and some of them only buy for the children, but some still buy for dh and i. And I don't want to sound ungrateful, but one relative actually gave us glasses for the past three years in a row! We didn't need them three years ago and we definitely don't need them now *lol*. Anyway, good luck :-)


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