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Date Posted: 20:07:53 01/01/02 Tue
Author: Tristan
Subject: Slow to catch on
In reply to: Marz 's message, "Feeling a little different than normal" on 10:17:35 12/31/01 Mon

Tristan frowned when he saw Marz swallow Jeremy’s pill after rubbing at his temples. He didn’t like to see him taking anything that freak handed out, but neither did he really like seeing him suffer, either. So he just huffed under his breath and looked away, thinking that Jeremy had better hope Marz didn’t start acting like a nutcase or else he’d really get it this time.

He glanced quickly back at Marz when he promised to do better next time. Tristan was a little surprised to hear him even offer to go on with the lessons, especially since this one had given him such an awful scare. It wasn’t every day Marz let him glimpse a few tears, let alone have an all out breakdown. And although it hurt Tristan to see him like that, he couldn’t help the tiny twinge of relief at finally seeing him show some vulnerability. Marz was always such a paragon of strength in Tristan’s eyes. Most of the time when he got upset about something, he either flew into a rage or shrugged it off as if he didn’t give a damn. But somehow, seeing him cry made Tristan admire him even more.

“I'm sorry I freaked out,” Marz was muttering, “and upset you with that raking crying shit. I promise it won't happen again.”

Tristan blinked in surprise and tried to stare at him, but he seemed to be having trouble meeting his eyes. Upset me? he thought, frowning slightly again. What’d he mean by that, anyway? Silly of him to promise not to do it again, too, since he obviously was nowhere near conquering his fears about being under…

Ohhh. Could it be that Marz was…embarrassed? His Marz, big bad Marz Nightcrawler, feared ex-gang leader of the Street Devils? The guy who openly flaunted both his prowess on the battlefield and his expertise under the sheets as if he were merely stating the time of day? Marz, who bossed everyone around and kept himself entertained by making fun of the embarrassment of others! Marz, embarrassed?

Tristan remained a little dubious of the thought as he watched his friend slowly pull on his boots and finish getting ready. Marz was so tough, he never got ashamed of anything he did, right? After all, he didn’t seem to think it wrong when Tristan cried in front of him. Sure, it wasn’t exactly a cool thing to do, but hell, it happened. (Although he was finding that when he cried he tended to feel like a bit of a dork, while watching Marz do the same thing only made him want to hug him more, if that made any sense at all, which he didn’t think it did.)

The more he thought about it, though, the more disturbed he got. Maybe Marz was starting to think that Tristan would actually look down on him now. He listened to him go on about the magic mirror he’d apparently given Corum, a frown continuing to crease his own brow. While Marz finished tugging on his other boot, Tristan decided to just talk to him about it.

“Hey,” he said suddenly. He reached out and grabbed his friend’s wrist, making him pause and glance up. Just as before, Marz’s eyes flickered sidewise a couple times before looking away for good. “Stop that,” he commanded, immediately wincing at the commanding tone in his voice. Erlic said to always stay calm, he reminded himself, closing his eyes briefly before opening them again.

“It’s no big deal,” he continued quietly, his gaze softening. “I mean, you know…being afraid.” He fumbled awkwardly for the right thing to say, the way he usually did. Didn’t help that he was himself afraid that his tongue would foul him up once again. Plus, it was somewhat difficult speaking of serious things to Marz specifically, since he tried very hard to make him think well of him, or at least not think he was a complete idiot when it came to saying what was on his mind.

“I’m sorry for making you cry,” he admitted, moving his fingers from Marz’s wrist to his hand. He knew it was kind of stupid, but holding hands made him braver sometimes. “Look, it’s not like you should be ashamed of it or anything.” He shrugged. “It’s okay to cry, you know. Doesn’t make you any less stronger. In fact, I think…” he cleared his throat and even smiled. “Well, I think it even makes you more strong, because…well, that’s just how I feel about you, that’s all.”

Oh, wow. Could his conversation be any more riveting than that? Lay off, he told himself, shaking his head slightly. So he wasn’t a genius when it came to speaking up; he already knew that. He just wanted Marz to know he still looked to him, that’s all.

Oh.

“I just want you to know I still look up to you, that’s all,” he added quickly, the faint smile growing even larger. Okay, now he was just starting to sound goofy.

“Come on, let’s go outside then, if you’re really all right.” He finally grinned and stood up, pulling Marz up since he still held his hand.

“By the way,” he said, as they made their way back outside. “Why’d you give that mirror to Corum, anyway?” But before Marz had a chance to answer, a new thought crossed Tristan’s mind. “Well I don’t suppose you need it, anyway. I mean, you and I. We have mind speech, right?” He cocked his head slightly then shrugged. “Just let Corum keep his, and I’ll give mine to someone else. Makes more sense that way.”

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