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Date Posted: 18:09:16 02/05/10 Fri
Author: Esther
Subject: Hey Susie >>>
In reply to: susiej 's message, "OK>>>" on 11:23:08 02/04/10 Thu

>I have to admit, I was a little confused. This is a
>complex scene within a complex story, and I'm not sure
>I have all the background I need most likely a missed
>a posting. But here goes what I thought as I read.

Thanks Susie! It's always a bonus to find out where I went astray. *G*
>
>
>>Fallon doesn�t want me to touch you. Darian
>>moved closer, pressing his body to mine. Feel it
>>Heather. Feel his repulsion of having my lips on
>>yours. My tongue in your mouth. His hand cupped
>>my breast; his thumbnail scraped over my nipple, an
>>erotic sensation through the thin fabric. He�s not
>>unawar�Ah. That did it.
>>
>>Fallon shifted, his weight pushing Darian off balance
>>and forcing the kiss to an end. A frown marred his
>>features; his lips were curled in distaste.
>>
>>Darian leaned down towards Fallon. �That�s right,
>>bro. All I have to do is behave like an ass, and
>>she�ll be all over me.� His whisper was soft, but
>>unlike the murmurs I was familiar with when we were
>>lovers, the malice in his tone was unmistakable.
>>�You�re pathetic. What kind of being would allow his
>>brother to fuck his mate? Give her to me? I don�t
>>think so. She�s already mine.�
>
> I'm surprised here. I though Darian was the nice
>one. But as I read it, I began to think he's being an
>ass on purpose in order to fire up his brother- right?
>

Yup! Darian _is_ the nice one. But he's working on it. *G*

>>
>>Without any compunction, I sent us to the only place I
>>knew where time didn�t exist, and since the place did
>>not exist, we could not exist in it. Immediately, I
>>felt the loss of Fallon. We have all the time in
>>existence.
>
> Ok, sorry, this was over my head. I can get a
>place where time doesn't exist, but not how they can
>be in a place that does not exist- then how is it a
>place?

Well, technically, these beings make up their world as they need it. It doesn�t exist before they will it to be so. And it can change on the whims of the players. When Darian was imprisoned there, the so-called higher beings assumed they were keeping him away from outside influences, and bound by Darian�s own promise not to leave of his own will, they further assumed Darian was under control. What they didn�t count on was Darian�s ability to see what was reflected inside. Darian�s mirrors exist because he�s blind and he uses them to see. He _ made_ his world of mirrors, and this place as he knows it does not exist for any but him. He used those mirrors, the images and the heart�s desire he felt inside to subtly twist the rules that bound him to boundaries he could exist in. While the Senate thought they were keeping his strength from growing by keeping him isolated, he was exerting his influence in the living world and using his magic. When Heather spent eternity there with him, the setting changed at will by what Heather made it to be. All these beings live in a world of illusions. It�s not real. And if something is not real, can it exist?

>>What does it mean Darian?
>>
>>Doesn�t matter. He held his hand out as if to
>>say hold on. What does, is that Fallon wants
>>to.
>>
>>I don�t understand.
>>
>>Raised as a mortal, the easiest way to say it is
>>the world without Fallon would be a less than pleasant
>>place.
>
> this sentence didn't make sense to me. The
>introductory clause seems to be defining someone but
>it is unnattached to any person. Do you mean...Since
>you were raised as a mortal the easiest way I can
>explain it to you is...

Thank You! Totally missed that!

>>No. It couldn�t be. That driver was an idiot.
>>The roads were icy. That�s al�
>>
>>Don�t YOU get it? Your existence was to be
>>snuffed out because it was feared you�d release me.
>>
>>
>>I�I did release you.
>>
>>Yeah. the Yeah here didn't fit with my idea
>of Darian's voice. He usually sounds more formal. It
>jarred me out of the conversation and i had to go back
>and check who was talking. Is he changing?

Yup! When Heather called him out of his prison, she changed all the rules. You see, when he was isolated he used his magic in ways that corresponded to his inherent nature, living with the law within himself that dictates he satisfy the heart�s desire. Now he�s free and with every reflection his knowledge grows and it is possible that his nature will change, perhaps adapt to his surroundings. And what if that heart�s desire isn�t all warm and cuddly? And remember, he is a being that is incapable of saying no.

>And now Fallon is insisting on a judgement.
> judgement? here's where I started getting lost and
>figured I didn't have all the background.

I�d like to think I�ve covered this, so since this has been posted before, I have no qualms with sharing it again, in hopes that it will make these issues clearer for you. A bit of a set-up. Cadmus has demanded that she choose between Fallon and Darian, and when she is unable to do so, he claimed her for himself.

Excerpt from working title �Mirrors�
by E.M. Sawatzky � 2009 All rights reserved.
Posted for critiquing purposes only and does not constitute publication.

Fallon felt the engaging twin of perception, the intimate probe in his consciousness. Heather had discovered the intimate path that existed only between them.

Fallon, what should I do?

A glance at the Sentinel, a being identical in appearance to himself, confirmed his fears and eliminated the all too brief ecstasy of her trust in him. Damn. This complicated matters.

�Yes Fallon. How do you wish to counsel her?�

Heather gasped in affront, twisting towards Cadmus. �Did anyone tell you it�s impolite to eavesdrop? I was having a private conversation, in MY mind.�

Cadmus bowed in mock gallantry. I did not mean to offend you Heather. I had thought you understood your mind belongs to me. As do you. I humble myself in seeking your forgiveness. �Fallon, answer her question. I�m sure Darian would appreciate being part of the discussion. And I of course, am waiting in suspense.�

�The Senate of Peers. Ask for a Judgeme��

Fallon?

Cadmus severed the link, My Hea�

�Well, well. This is getting more entertaining by the moment. You�re fortunate that I�m not the jealous type since I�m sharing you with two others.� His eyes narrowed, he glared at Heather. �That will stop now. I do not share.�

�I. Do.� Heather pushed her hair out of her face in a nervous gesture at odds with the anger portrayed on her face. �So. Deal.�

The Sentinel laughed, a male chuckle of genuine amusement. �One look in your eyes and you�ll have no choice.�

�Try it.�

He gripped her chin between his thumb and index finger, forcing her head back. �Be assured that when I do, I will satisfy your needs.�

�I have no need of you.�

�A true innocent. Well found Darian. I find myself somewhat�eager to show her�well, you understand.� He glanced at Fallon and Darian in dismissal and addressed Heather. �Shall we?�

With the clasp of his hands over hers, the universe shifted. And Heather was gone.

Darian and Taryn materialized where Heather had stood. Fallon, a smirk curling his lips, snapped his fingers, and sauntered over.

Darian, his hand reaching out and his fingers shaking from the effort of holding back, squatted down and touched the ground. �Fuck.�

Fallon grinned, hooked his thumbs in his belt loops and struck an indolent pose. �If you wish. But we lost our third.�

Taryn punched him in the shoulder. �Knock it off��

�You don�t even care, do you? She�s been claimed.� Darian stood back up, his blind eyes finding and holding the attention of his brother. �By a Sentinel Fallon.�

�From what I�ve seen, she can handle herself.� Taryn cleared his throat. �Right?�

�Right.� Darian exhaled in a gusty breath of frustration. �And I�m sure with all the experience Fallon has had with the Senate, he thinks the Sentine��

�Fuck off with the sarcasm, lover boy. I know the purpose of a Sentinel.�

�She�ll be okay.� Taryn spoke to fill the silence, glancing first at Fallon and then Darian. �She�s been around you two long en��

�Oh yeah.� All pretence of Fallon�s amusement faded. �Let�s imagine she�s out taking a stroll among the stars hand in hand with just another lover. That�ll bring her back to us.�

�This is my fault,� Darian said. �I never should hav��

Fallon laughed, but even to him it sounded harsh and condemnatory. �You damn right you shouldn�t have. You brought her into our world, a world she didn�t understand and you wouldn�t explain, then panicked at the first scent of change and sent her back.�

Darian struck out, managing to knock Fallon off balance. �And she would have been safe there if you hadn�t interfered in something that wasn�t any of your damned business.�

�You prick!� Fallon pushed Darian back. �When you could have claimed her for your mate, you did nothing! When her needs changed you did nothing to ease her. Instead you sent her away! You subjected her to what amounts to torture among our kind.�

�I did what I had to do.�

�She remembered you! She spent the last six months in her world mourning the loss of you. And you ignored her! Did it ever occur to you that for every second that passed for her, starting from the time you sent her away, the Senate was aware of her existence? While you watched, they decided her fate! Without a judgement!�

�I didn�t know. I swear to you, I never saw or felt any indication she was hurting or in danger.�

�So blind to everything happening around you, you�re fine when her needs bring you into her world. You have everything a male of our kind could ever dream of, and yet, when she needs you to show her how much you care, you can�t even summon any passion.�

�I can�t hurt her!�

Fallon snorted.

�I�m not like you.�

His eyes narrowed, his voice lowered in challenge. �And what am I like?�

�Oh come off it. You showed me what you�re capable of. I felt the urge you had to possess her when you forced me to play the voyeur. I can�t d��

�I guess you can�t do much of anything.�

Taryn forced himself in front of Fallon, pushing back shove for shove, so that he stood in the middle. He faced Darian. �You did what any of us would have done, so if denial makes you feel better, fine, live with your delusions. We now have indication she�s compatible as a mate. She�s tied by association to you. That�s all that matters to the Senate of Peers. But you know she wouldn�t have been Fallon�s to claim if you fulfilled her needs. And she wouldn�t have been in a position to be taken if you had�Damn it Darian.�

He turned back to Fallon. �And you. Is everything always a game with you?�

Fallon strode around them, waiting until Darian accepted him at his back. He stepped forward, superimposing himself over Darian and then allowing Darian�s physical presence to become his own. �No. Not everything is a game for me.�

�I really hate when you show off.�

�Thought this conversation should be private.� Fallon shrugged, settling himself more comfortably. Darian�s skin fit him like his own, but it did take him a moment to adjust to the darkness and seeing without sight. He smiled, satisfied and pleased with the sensation of anger and strength he felt. �His powers have grown since he met Heather.�

�Darian isn�t the problem. You are.�

�A typical day.�

�What were you thinking? She�ll demand a judgment for you in front of the Senate of Peers.�

�Yeah. Should make for some jumpy males.�

�Everyone but you.�

�Yeah.� He grinned. �There�s something to be said for being the submissive in control��

Fallon blocked the blow, regretting not being able to accept the violence. If blood could be shed all the better. But it wasn�t to be. He leaned forward, grabbed Taryn�s shirt in his fists and lifted him from the ground. His eyes narrowed in anger he couldn�t unleash. �Remember who, and what, I am. It would be hard to explain bruises...on Darian.� He tossed Taryn back, smiling when the male had to stagger back a couple feet before catching his balance.

Taryn put his temper aside with visible reluctance. A quick tug straightened the wrinkled material. �You risk the exposure of our males.�

�Not a news flash Taryn. I am a damn nasty little secret.�

�Your abilities evolved for a purpose. This situation unnecessary if you had played your part. All you had to do was force her against the wall and take her.�

�I did take her.� Fallon gestured at their surroundings, the sandy beach, the glistening water and the majestic waterfall. �I took her home with me. But ooops. No wall, just a tree.� He smiled.

�Your arrogance is going to kill you.�

�One can only hope.�

�Do you even get that if Darian and Heather were mated he could be released?�

�Heather released him.�

�Only his Peers can release him.�

�He�s bound by his own will. Darian�s loyalty now belongs to Heather. You know as well as I, the Senate that has forsaken him, will never let him out of their control.�

�Which demonstrates how dangerous she is to our world!�

�Heather needs to be protected from our world. A judgement will do that.�

�Why the concern for a mortal woman?� Taryn�s eyes narrowed in contemplation. �What is she to you?�

Fallon laughed. �Don�t you mean, what can you do to her to get me to obey?�

�You don�t know the meaning of the word.�

�You just haven�t provided the right lessons.�

�The woman�s death would have cured you of your unfounded arrogance.�

�Ah, that�s it. The reason for your anger. Did I make you look the fool you are? Did I take the situation out of your control when I prevented her accident?� Fallon smiled. �Admit that with her killed in a human manner and Darian quarantined in innocence in the private world he was abandoned to, the forthcoming confrontation between us males wouldn�t be an issue.�

�There are many angry at your interference.�

�Yeah. Too bad I don�t give a shit.�

�We�re short mates. The stronger ones need to be controlled until they are settled. Until they find their mate, they are a danger to us all.�

�Which raises the question of why you�d choose to kill a mortal compatible with our best, and most powerful male. Good thing you�re not on her list to judge huh?�

�She has caused too much trouble. She�s done what no other has been able to do.�

Fallon cocked an eyebrow.

�She�s come between you and your brother.�

�She�s strong Taryn. She possesses enough pow��

�Your purpose is to serve, not judge what female is worthy.�

�Believe me, I wanted to serve.�

�Then why didn�t you?�

Fallon smiled, a wistful curl of indulgence lost. �She sensed me and everything I represent.�

�Impossible. Our females cannot sense you. A mere woman wouldn�t have stood a chance against your power.�

�I don�t fuck up. I have mastered my abilities.�

�And yet you failed a mortal.�

�You know what I think?� Fallon walked around Taryn, a deliberate, taunting action to increase the tenseness in the other male. �I think you failed. I think you wanted the Sentinel to show up. That it was Cadmus is all the better because of our history. I believe you�re hoping he carries on his trend of killing women.� He pressed his chest against Taryn�s back like a lover; his hands caressed the shoulders in a subtle reminder of control as he leaned in and whispered in Taryn�s ear. �I think you betrayed me. Shall I use my abilities and see?�

Taryn shrugged him off. �She�s not yours to protect. She�s not your mate.�

His message delivered, Fallon stepped away, completing his circle around Taryn. Then with an air of docility that was anything but, strode to where Darian had stood until Fallon had taken over his physical form. �I want her for Darian.�

�You want her for yourself.�

He grinned. �Come now. I wasn�t created to mate. Only serve. I will always be alone. When this is done, it will be as it should be. Heather will hate me.� He stepped back, blinking against the sudden brightness.

Fallon clamped a hand on Darian�s shoulder as if the private conversation he�d had with Taryn never happened. �My life has always been a game to be played. And one thing you should already know.� He paused, stepping around Darian and standing like a shield in front of him. �I play to win.�

There. Does that help?

>>The world shifted beneath our feet and we were back
>>under Cadmus�s influence, away from the torture room
>>and back into hell as if nothing had happened. One
>>thought and Cadmus resumed his simpering consolation,
>>pulling me back, away from Fallon. �Heather. There
>>is nothing you can do for Fallon besides let him be.�
>>
>>�I don�t think so.� Rocks cut into my knees and the
>>physical pain was enough to block out the internal
>>torment. I looked around startled. We were alone.
>>The setting a place for lovers, the waterfall a
>>majestic power of its own. I had taken Fallon home.
>
> I'm going to summarize what I think this scene is
>showing so you'll know how it came across to a reader
>(remember I may not have all the facts I need).
>
>Heather's love released Darian from their strange
>existence that I don't quite get (hope he's still hot
>and sexy when he gets out snerk) but that caused
>Fallon to suffer because over confident a-hole that he
>seemed (though still so sexy, darn it), he risked
>himself somehow for Heather and I think, his brother
>too. Now, Darian wants Heather to save Fallon, is
>prepared to give her up to do so. But Fallon is saying
>he's not worthy of her. (and won't Darian have to go
>back or is it once released, always released?)

Thanks Susie! Always love to get perceptions into what�s going on. And of course having these two be described as sexy is good for their ego. They are quite happy to serve those that find them so! *G*

Now, down to business. I�ll summarize what I think you need to be aware of by this point so the rest makes sense. *fingers crossed*

Heather released Darian and brought him into her world, a world without illusions. But she kept her awareness of the world Darian exists in and is able to walk in both. She belongs in both. Fallon wasn�t hurt because in fact, he was aware of her half-mortal status from the moment of her conception and had no interest/desire for her until her need called to him, after she released Darian from his isolation. No, essentially, what hurt Fallon was not being able to satisfy Heather physically once her need became his. She wouldn�t let him and while it is because she cares for him, he interprets it differently. Her �rejection� of him, hurts him, makes him feel unworthy. Being unable to serve, to fight against his nature causes more than mere pain, it causes doubt, and makes him vulnerable. Simply put, he has never been unused before and it makes him question his purpose. Without complete confidence in their reason to be, they cease to exist. And this pain he felt was compounded when Heather assumed Darian�s pain into herself. And because he has that engaging twin of perception with her, Fallon assumed her pain and Darian�s pain into himself as well. So neither of these males can perform the function they exist for. Heather is unhappy and the magic of Darian�s she carries around in her is heightening the feelings they both have of being undeserving because they are unable to do what they exist to do. And all three are sexually frustrated.

Darian doesn�t so much want Heather to save Fallon, nor is he able to give her up to do so. Both exist to satisfy her, and cannot leave her until she is fulfilled. Darian wants her to get Fallon to the Senate of Peers at his full strength so he can face the judgement. Okay, better stop before I ramble too much.

Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment. It�s much appreciated!

Hugs

Esther

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Replies:

[> [> [> [> Yep, I had missed that post. Clears a few things up. >>> -- susiej, 15:59:46 02/07/10 Sun

Even so, it's a lot of information and complex thoughts packed into each scene. It takes some concentration to read. There's not a lot of describing the scenery, ofcourse, since there really isn't scenery. Never any talk of clothes or what their eating, driving, etc-none of this is a flaw- i'm just pointing this out to tell you there's no pauses where things come easy to the reader (at least this reader) as there is in other tales.

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[> [> [> [> [> Well okay. I think I can do something along those lines >>> -- Esther, 12:39:13 02/10/10 Wed

This is a part of the story that consists of a whole big bunch of dialogue. I find all this talk a bit worrisome, and then the issue of having a break in what is going on is even more worrisome because I have a feeling what I put in as a break isn�t interpreted as such. Cadmus taking her back to the mall, and�well�this was to be a bit of a break as well. Just Darian and Heather talking, maybe revealing some things, maybe foreshadowing what�s to come. Obviously, it wasn�t quite right. *G*

But yeah, I hear you. You�re definitely correct in that there should be something. And now that I have an idea of what needs to be there, I should be able to add something in! Thank You!

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