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Date Posted: 11:23:08 02/04/10 Thu
Author: 
susiej
Subject: OK>>>
In reply to:
Esther
's message, "Back to the mirrors >>>" on 12:18:44 02/03/10 Wed
I have to admit, I was a little confused. This is a complex scene within a complex story, and I'm not sure I have all the background I need most likely a missed a posting. But here goes what I thought as I read.
>Fallon doesn’t want me to touch you. Darian
>moved closer, pressing his body to mine. Feel it
>Heather. Feel his repulsion of having my lips on
>yours. My tongue in your mouth. His hand cupped
>my breast; his thumbnail scraped over my nipple, an
>erotic sensation through the thin fabric. He’s not
>unawar—Ah. That did it.
>
>Fallon shifted, his weight pushing Darian off balance
>and forcing the kiss to an end. A frown marred his
>features; his lips were curled in distaste.
>
>Darian leaned down towards Fallon. “That’s right,
>bro. All I have to do is behave like an ass, and
>she’ll be all over me.” His whisper was soft, but
>unlike the murmurs I was familiar with when we were
>lovers, the malice in his tone was unmistakable.
>“You’re pathetic. What kind of being would allow his
>brother to fuck his mate? Give her to me? I don’t
>think so. She’s already mine.”
I'm surprised here. I though Darian was the nice one. But as I read it, I began to think he's being an ass on purpose in order to fire up his brother- right?
>
>“Darian!”
>
>His lips brushed Fallon’s nape. “You know, while you
>lay there and will yourself to die, remember what
>it’ll mean.”
>
>Fallon’s head moved back and forth. “No…no…can’t
>do…Heather. She…deserves…bet..ter.”
>
>“Better than you? Oh yeah, you damned right she does.
> At least I love her.” Darian straightened.
>
>“…Can’t do that to her…don’t…you…hurt her…”
>
>“Well, of course not. At least not right away. I
>won’t be able to. But you know, there’s a good chance
>with you dead, I’d possess your powers. I’ll be able
>to say no, and I’ll be capable of the rough se—”
>
>“No…no. Deserves better than a whore.”
>
>“Is that what you think you are?” Darian laughed.
>“Guess you’re not a very good one. You left Heather
>unsatisfied.”
>
>Darian, what the hell are you doing?
>
>He’s feeling something other than pain now.
>
>Words have the power to hurt too, Darian. I can’t
>let you do thi—
>
>Touch him like you care.
>
>I do care. My fingers traced over Fallon’s
>cheek, feeling the strong angles, wondering how even
>in pain his features held such magnificence. At my
>touch, he eased, and crazy as it was, given what I
>knew of Fallon’s power, it made sense. I swallowed,
>needing to make him understand, but I couldn’t speak.
>Instead, I soothed his hair, willed the thick mass to
>detangle under my ministrations.
>
>“You feel that, bro? That’s the touch of a woman who
>loves you. She honours you with her tears. And here
>you lay, weak and pitiful. Unable and unwilling to
>satisfy her needs.” Darian scoffed, a rude sound of
>disgust. And then, he took Fallon’s chin in his hand
>and forced Fallon to honour the oath. “Look into my
>eyes. Let me see the truth you know is there.”
>
>His lashes flickered open, and with utter
>ruthlessness, Darian sought the reflections.
>
>“My, my.” Darian laughed, but it wasn’t amusing. His
>hurtful mirth vanished, leaving the sensation of cold
>anger. “You’re a bastard Fallon.”
>
>“Which is one of the things you love about me.” A
>soft murmur, it held assurance.
>
>“Keep telling yourself that.” Darian waited until I
>met his gaze. “My Heart, I exist to make you happy.
>To satisfy your every need. Even though I don’t
>agree, and would rather he dies as alone as he lived,
>I’ll allow you to say your goodbyes.”
>
>That brought my attention back to Darian. “Allow?”
>
>“Yeah. Allow.” My brother hasn’t been exactly
>truthful with either of us. He doesn’t want to give
>me to you. He already has.
>
>What?
>
>There’s no tim—
>
>Without any compunction, I sent us to the only place I
>knew where time didn’t exist, and since the place did
>not exist, we could not exist in it. Immediately, I
>felt the loss of Fallon. We have all the time in
>existence.
Ok, sorry, this was over my head. I can get a place where time doesn't exist, but not how they can be in a place that does not exist- then how is it a place?
>
>Darian glanced around, gazing at the mirrors. Do
>you trust me?
>
>Of course I do.
>
>Then get us the hell out of here or I won’t be any
>help to you.
>
>I caught the panic in his voice. The world shifted.
>But I hadn’t had a complete thought of where to go, so
>we ended up nowhere. Darian helped form a vision in
>my mind, and the vortex of nothing became a dungeon.
>Dank and dark, the unease, pain and anguish were
>ghosts of the pasts hovering in the enclosed space.
>And yet, there was a weird vibe, almost like
>trepidation, except excitement and aggression overrode
>it. I could scent the magic in the air, although it
>was very faint and used long ago.
>
>Nice digs, Darian.
>
>You think so?
>
>Sarcasm Darian. I’m thinking this place is kind of
>morbid to be honest, and not where I would have
>chosen.
>
>Good. You remember what’s important. Darian
>gestured with his chin in the direction behind me.
>
>Fallon was on a rusty looking table. Positioned on
>his side, his arm stretched out and his bicep
>cushioning his head, his feet dangled off the edge.
>
>Shunned and misunderstood, it was up to me alone to
>provide him comfort. Drawn to his side, I went to my
>knees beside the table, clasped his hand in mine and
>rested my forehead against them. I can hardly
>forget that Fallon is meant to die.
>
>Not die, but cease to exist.
>
>Like you, or is this another riddle?
>
>The quick version is this. We are immortal. We
>cannot die. Not in the way you believe anyway.
>
>Fallon shifted, an anguished grunt accompanying the
>movement.
>
>“I’m here Fallon.” I turned my head, my cheek resting
>against Fallon’s knuckles. So what the hell does
>it mean?
>
>Darian shook his head. “Hey Loverboy. Why don’t you
>go to sleep so Heather and I can reacquaint
>ourselves.”
>
>Fallon settled down, and if not entirely without pain,
>the engaging twin of perception let me know that he
>was in a more restful state. I worried if Fallon was
>that diminished that he didn’t fight the order, or
>whether Darian was perhaps more powerful than I
>thought. Cadmus had suggested as much.
>
>What does it mean Darian?
>
>Doesn’t matter. He held his hand out as if to
>say hold on. What does, is that Fallon wants
>to.
>
>I don’t understand.
>
>Raised as a mortal, the easiest way to say it is
>the world without Fallon would be a less than pleasant
>place.
this sentence didn't make sense to me. The introductory clause seems to be defining someone but it is unnattached to any person. Do you mean...Since you were raised as a mortal the easiest way I can explain it to you is...
>
>If the world doesn’t want him, I’ll take him.
>
>This place, what do you think it represents?
>
>Since we’re talking about Fallon, I’m going to
>assume something from his past.
>
>His past, true. His present, possibly. His
>future? That is up to you.
>
>What are you saying?
>
>Darian’s patience ran out. What did I ask you to
>do? He gestured with a curt wave of his hand and
>the image of us moments ago appeared, complete with
>sound.
>
>“Yes. Listen. I can help you.” Darian’s hand
>reached out for mine. “But you’ll have to trust me.”
>
>The desperation I felt still consumed me, and it was
>odd to hear the words I spoke in my mind. I sat up
>straight as I watched my image clasp hands with
>Darian’s, entwining our fingers in a unity of purpose.
>“What would you have me do?”
>
>“Everything and nothing, My Heart. You kiss him.
>Caress him. Tease him. Torment him with your touch.
>Invoke his lust. Make him forget everything but how
>much he needs to pleasure you.”
>
>“Sex? That’s your solution? You think he needs to
>get a little grind going on and he’ll be all better?”
>On cue, Fallon turned toward me. But from the angle
>of the image, I had to admit he didn’t shift because
>he was uncomfortable from pain. He was aroused.
>
>The image faded away.
>
>You want me to fu—
>
>No. I don’t.There was such censure in his
>blind eyes. And you can’t.
>
>What?
>
>You heard me.
>
>Contradicting yourself.
>
>Fallon has never been denied before. A little
>sexual tension will ease his pain. Your lust will
>make him strong.
>
>I shook my head in disagreement, remembering what I
>had seen when I had searched for the truth in his
>eyes. The dungeon we stood in brought the image into
>sharper focus. Pain from being shackled to these very
>devices was a tangible thing.
>
>You’re going to have to lose that naivety. Fallon
>has never submitted to another’s desire. If you think
>that just because he was restrained he wasn’t in
>control, you won’t be able to save him. You need to
>exert your influence over him.
>
>But he knows my desires Darian, and dominance isn’t
>one of them.
>
>Then you better play the game.
>
>His li—
>
>He believes his life is. That’s what’s important.
>If you want him to survive, you have to convince him
>that there is a reason to play.
>
>By being a deceptive, manipulating, cock-teasing
>bitch.
>
>Ironic isn’t it? But whatever you do, do
>not allow any part of his body inside you. Not
>his tongue when you kiss. Not his fingers in your
>mouth or his hand between your legs. And don’t show
>him your back. Be on guard. He’s very…talented at
>what he does. He’ll be slipping his cock home before
>you can even think to say no. And then the game is
>over because he’ll have no reason to win.
>
>Well, wasn’t this just the most uncomfortable
>conversation I’ve ever had? Anything else? I
>meant to be flippant.
>
>Darian was serious. Yeah. If this has any chance
>of working, neither one of you can have an orgasm.
>
>
>Are you kidding me?
>
>You get him aroused to the point of madness. Hold
>him on the cusp of release. And then you get him to
>the Senate of Peers.
>
>Great. Lovely. Just fucking wonderful. An
>audience Darian?
>
>I’m not thrilled with it either.
>
>Yeah. I took a deep breath to commit myself.
>So…he’ll come…ah…go with me…?
>
>He’s protected you since the beginning of time. He
>exists for your pleasure. There is no doubt. He’ll
>follow you.
>
>How do I get to the Senate? For a moment there
>was nothing. I waited until I couldn’t handle the
>silence. Darian? Hellllooo? A little help
>here?
>
>Darian’s voice when it came was hesitant with
>disbelief. You don’t know?
>
>Do you think if I knew how to get there I wouldn’t
>have asked for that judgement like Fallon said I
>should?
>
>What the hell is he thinking? Darian seemed to
>recall that he was speaking in my head. Look. I
>don’t know either.
>
>This little wisp of news left me with a bad taste, and
>for the first time, I had suspicions. Wouldn’t
>peers imply everyone?
>
>Yeah. And in the eternity we spent together I
>introduced you to how many of my kind? He
>scoffed, shifting beside me, leaning a negligent hip
>on one of the torture tables. That’s right. None.
> And even before your seduction, I told you I didn’t
>have a home. What did you think all those mirrors
>represented? My obsession with images that aren’t
>there and looks I can’t see?
>
>I searched his face, hesitant to meet his gaze, but I
>did so, and saw what had been hidden in the
>reflections, what had been disguised by the ones who
>had imposed the restrictions to weaken him.
>Prison. The giving lover before me hadn’t
>changed. But my perceptions had. How dare they lock
>him up? Why?
>
>He smiled, but it wasn’t with mirth or happiness, but
>more like self-reproach. Congratulations, My
>Heart. You, a half-mortal, have a self-acknowledged
>and very intimate association, not to mention the
>claim and rights of a mate, with two of the most
>feared and powerful beings in existence. His
>expression softened. For all that he’s an arrogant
>prick, Fallon is my brother. And while that is enough
>for my wanting him to live, I now owe him a debt of
>gratitude. I’d do anything to save him from this
>scheme.
>
>What are you talking about? I smoothed
>Fallon’s sweat-soaked hair from his forehead.
>
>Fallon didn’t rescue you from a human accident. He
>announced his intent, by aligning himself to you, when
>he thwarted the attempt on your life.
>
>What attempt?
>
>Come off it Heather. You know. The truck that
>crashed through yours and ripped you apart!
>
>No. It couldn’t be. That driver was an idiot.
>The roads were icy. That’s al—
>
>Don’t YOU get it? Your existence was to be
>snuffed out because it was feared you’d release me.
>
>
>I…I did release you.
>
>Yeah. the Yeah here didn't fit with my idea of Darian's voice. He usually sounds more formal. It jarred me out of the conversation and i had to go back and check who was talking. Is he changing?
And now Fallon is insisting on a judgement.
judgement? here's where I started getting lost and figured I didn't have all the background.
>What do you think his plan is? Look around you,
>Heather. This is where Fallon believes he belongs.
>This is where he grew up. This is where his skills
>were honed and exploited until he grew too powerful to
>be bound. He’s going to trade his existence for mine.
> With you as my mate, I’m not a threat. With you as
>my mate, I’d pose no risk to any other of our kind and
>would not be sent back to my prison. But with
>Fallon’s word to stay here…he’d never get to leave
>his.
>
>I didn’t know. All I knew was that I wanted to be
>with you. Tears blurred my vision. How could
>my love for you cause all this anguish?
>
>It’s called heartbreak. Love is dangerous,
>Heather. It is feared because to reach for it is to
>risk the unknown and tempt the vulnerability that
>lives in us all.
>
>I didn’t know. Darian if I had, I’d have never…
>
>Never what? Set me free?
>
>Oh Darian! That’s not…Um…Well…No. I didn’t mean
>what it sounds like…
>
>I know. Fallon knows. The rest don’t matter.
>
>I’ve made a mess of everything. The Senate of
>Peers won’t believe my actions weren’t part of a plot
>to help you escape.
>
>No. The fact that it happened exactly as they
>feared, won’t help Fallon. And since then, he has
>flaunted his powers by assuming those of one of the
>strongest Sentinels. Which isn’t a surprise to us as
>we know him, but Sentinels have safeguards to protect
>themselves, and yet…
>
>Fallon stripped him with ease. I thought of
>Cadmus; a being identical to the brothers before me,
>and like Darian and Fallon, he had lost everything
>because of me. Thoughts in this world were dangerous,
>as having the time captured Cadmus appear before me
>attested.
>
>Darian shifted, nodding to the present form of Cadmus.
> I believe he was set up. With his rank, Cadmus
>would have access to our records. He shouldn’t have
>been blindsided when Fallon admitted he was aware of
>your existence and that he claimed you as a child.
>Unless someone covered it up.
>
>I played right into their hands.
>
>You didn’t know.
>
>Doesn’t matter. I shook my head. This is
>my fault.
>
>Don’t let emotion rule. Fallon would have ensured
>there would be no loopholes when it came to his claim
>of you. It is as he has willed it. He knew
>this was coming.
>
>Fallon is suffering because of me.
>
>It’s not like that.
>
>Yeah, it is. And you’re suffering too.
>
>If you hadn’t responded the way you did, one of us
>would have died. And between you and me, Lisha’s
>presence tell me it wouldn’t have been love that was
>lost.
>
>Clarity surfaced. Ceased to exist. That would
>mea— Fallon groaned, using his waning strength to
>get back to me. I stroked down his face with my index
>finger, tracing his lips. His mouth opened. “Sorry
>Fallon. I’m not allowed inside.”
>
>His body is yours to use for your pleasure.
>Darian gestured. Go on. Use him.
>
>I hate that I have to exploit his powers.
>
>Yeah.
>
>I’m sorry for this Darian. For everything.
>Whatever happens I want you to know that.
>
>Darian smiled. This is more than your doing, My
>Heart. If anyone needs to answer for his actions and
>justify himself, it’s Fallon.
>
>In contrast to the roll I had to play, my touch was
>light as I soothed Fallon’s hair off his face.
>He’s going to detest me.
>
>Yeah. I know.
>
>I caught the note of self-cynicism. I trust you
>Darian.
>
>Yeah. I know. But perhaps you shouldn’t.
>
>Why?
>
>I’m male. “And I want you.”
>
>I smiled. “I’ve noticed.” You also exist for me.
>I don’t think I was wrong to believe that you have
>only my best interests at heart.
>
>Take him someplace safe. And then when you can,
>you get him to that Senate.
>
>I will. I reached out and grasped Darian’s
>hand, giving it a slight squeeze. Promise.
>
>Wait. Darian squeezed my hand back, and lifted
>his chin in Cadmus’s direction. I could finish
>this for you, but it might be best if Cadmus wasn’t
>aware that he’s as helpless as a mortal.
>
>The world shifted beneath our feet and we were back
>under Cadmus’s influence, away from the torture room
>and back into hell as if nothing had happened. One
>thought and Cadmus resumed his simpering consolation,
>pulling me back, away from Fallon. “Heather. There
>is nothing you can do for Fallon besides let him be.”
>
>“I don’t think so.” Rocks cut into my knees and the
>physical pain was enough to block out the internal
>torment. I looked around startled. We were alone.
>The setting a place for lovers, the waterfall a
>majestic power of its own. I had taken Fallon home.
I'm going to summarize what I think this scene is showing so you'll know how it came across to a reader (remember I may not have all the facts I need).
Heather's love released Darian from their strange existence that I don't quite get (hope he's still hot and sexy when he gets out snerk) but that caused Fallon to suffer because over confident a-hole that he seemed (though still so sexy, darn it), he risked himself somehow for Heather and I think, his brother too. Now, Darian wants Heather to save Fallon, is prepared to give her up to do so. But Fallon is saying he's not worthy of her. (and won't Darian have to go back or is it once released, always released?)
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Hey Susie >>> -- Esther, 18:09:16 02/05/10 Fri
>I have to admit, I was a little confused. This is a
>complex scene within a complex story, and I'm not sure
>I have all the background I need most likely a missed
>a posting. But here goes what I thought as I read.
Thanks Susie! It's always a bonus to find out where I went astray. *G*
>
>
>>Fallon doesn’t want me to touch you. Darian
>>moved closer, pressing his body to mine. Feel it
>>Heather. Feel his repulsion of having my lips on
>>yours. My tongue in your mouth. His hand cupped
>>my breast; his thumbnail scraped over my nipple, an
>>erotic sensation through the thin fabric. He’s not
>>unawar—Ah. That did it.
>>
>>Fallon shifted, his weight pushing Darian off balance
>>and forcing the kiss to an end. A frown marred his
>>features; his lips were curled in distaste.
>>
>>Darian leaned down towards Fallon. “That’s right,
>>bro. All I have to do is behave like an ass, and
>>she’ll be all over me.” His whisper was soft, but
>>unlike the murmurs I was familiar with when we were
>>lovers, the malice in his tone was unmistakable.
>>“You’re pathetic. What kind of being would allow his
>>brother to fuck his mate? Give her to me? I don’t
>>think so. She’s already mine.”
>
> I'm surprised here. I though Darian was the nice
>one. But as I read it, I began to think he's being an
>ass on purpose in order to fire up his brother- right?
>
Yup! Darian _is_ the nice one. But he's working on it. *G*
>>
>>Without any compunction, I sent us to the only place I
>>knew where time didn’t exist, and since the place did
>>not exist, we could not exist in it. Immediately, I
>>felt the loss of Fallon. We have all the time in
>>existence.
>
> Ok, sorry, this was over my head. I can get a
>place where time doesn't exist, but not how they can
>be in a place that does not exist- then how is it a
>place?
Well, technically, these beings make up their world as they need it. It doesn’t exist before they will it to be so. And it can change on the whims of the players. When Darian was imprisoned there, the so-called higher beings assumed they were keeping him away from outside influences, and bound by Darian’s own promise not to leave of his own will, they further assumed Darian was under control. What they didn’t count on was Darian’s ability to see what was reflected inside. Darian’s mirrors exist because he’s blind and he uses them to see. He _ made_ his world of mirrors, and this place as he knows it does not exist for any but him. He used those mirrors, the images and the heart’s desire he felt inside to subtly twist the rules that bound him to boundaries he could exist in. While the Senate thought they were keeping his strength from growing by keeping him isolated, he was exerting his influence in the living world and using his magic. When Heather spent eternity there with him, the setting changed at will by what Heather made it to be. All these beings live in a world of illusions. It’s not real. And if something is not real, can it exist?
>>What does it mean Darian?
>>
>>Doesn’t matter. He held his hand out as if to
>>say hold on. What does, is that Fallon wants
>>to.
>>
>>I don’t understand.
>>
>>Raised as a mortal, the easiest way to say it is
>>the world without Fallon would be a less than pleasant
>>place.
>
> this sentence didn't make sense to me. The
>introductory clause seems to be defining someone but
>it is unnattached to any person. Do you mean...Since
>you were raised as a mortal the easiest way I can
>explain it to you is...
Thank You! Totally missed that!
>>No. It couldn’t be. That driver was an idiot.
>>The roads were icy. That’s al—
>>
>>Don’t YOU get it? Your existence was to be
>>snuffed out because it was feared you’d release me.
>>
>>
>>I…I did release you.
>>
>>Yeah. the Yeah here didn't fit with my idea
>of Darian's voice. He usually sounds more formal. It
>jarred me out of the conversation and i had to go back
>and check who was talking. Is he changing?
Yup! When Heather called him out of his prison, she changed all the rules. You see, when he was isolated he used his magic in ways that corresponded to his inherent nature, living with the law within himself that dictates he satisfy the heart’s desire. Now he’s free and with every reflection his knowledge grows and it is possible that his nature will change, perhaps adapt to his surroundings. And what if that heart’s desire isn’t all warm and cuddly? And remember, he is a being that is incapable of saying no.
>And now Fallon is insisting on a judgement.
> judgement? here's where I started getting lost and
>figured I didn't have all the background.
I’d like to think I’ve covered this, so since this has been posted before, I have no qualms with sharing it again, in hopes that it will make these issues clearer for you. A bit of a set-up. Cadmus has demanded that she choose between Fallon and Darian, and when she is unable to do so, he claimed her for himself.
Excerpt from working title ‘Mirrors’
by E.M. Sawatzky © 2009 All rights reserved.
Posted for critiquing purposes only and does not constitute publication.
Fallon felt the engaging twin of perception, the intimate probe in his consciousness. Heather had discovered the intimate path that existed only between them.
Fallon, what should I do?
A glance at the Sentinel, a being identical in appearance to himself, confirmed his fears and eliminated the all too brief ecstasy of her trust in him. Damn. This complicated matters.
“Yes Fallon. How do you wish to counsel her?”
Heather gasped in affront, twisting towards Cadmus. “Did anyone tell you it’s impolite to eavesdrop? I was having a private conversation, in MY mind.”
Cadmus bowed in mock gallantry. I did not mean to offend you Heather. I had thought you understood your mind belongs to me. As do you. I humble myself in seeking your forgiveness. “Fallon, answer her question. I’m sure Darian would appreciate being part of the discussion. And I of course, am waiting in suspense.”
“The Senate of Peers. Ask for a Judgeme—”
Fallon?
Cadmus severed the link, My Hea—
“Well, well. This is getting more entertaining by the moment. You’re fortunate that I’m not the jealous type since I’m sharing you with two others.” His eyes narrowed, he glared at Heather. “That will stop now. I do not share.”
“I. Do.” Heather pushed her hair out of her face in a nervous gesture at odds with the anger portrayed on her face. “So. Deal.”
The Sentinel laughed, a male chuckle of genuine amusement. “One look in your eyes and you’ll have no choice.”
“Try it.”
He gripped her chin between his thumb and index finger, forcing her head back. “Be assured that when I do, I will satisfy your needs.”
“I have no need of you.”
“A true innocent. Well found Darian. I find myself somewhat…eager to show her…well, you understand.” He glanced at Fallon and Darian in dismissal and addressed Heather. “Shall we?”
With the clasp of his hands over hers, the universe shifted. And Heather was gone.
Darian and Taryn materialized where Heather had stood. Fallon, a smirk curling his lips, snapped his fingers, and sauntered over.
Darian, his hand reaching out and his fingers shaking from the effort of holding back, squatted down and touched the ground. “Fuck.”
Fallon grinned, hooked his thumbs in his belt loops and struck an indolent pose. “If you wish. But we lost our third.”
Taryn punched him in the shoulder. “Knock it off–”
“You don’t even care, do you? She’s been claimed.” Darian stood back up, his blind eyes finding and holding the attention of his brother. “By a Sentinel Fallon.”
“From what I’ve seen, she can handle herself.” Taryn cleared his throat. “Right?”
“Right.” Darian exhaled in a gusty breath of frustration. “And I’m sure with all the experience Fallon has had with the Senate, he thinks the Sentine—”
“Fuck off with the sarcasm, lover boy. I know the purpose of a Sentinel.”
“She’ll be okay.” Taryn spoke to fill the silence, glancing first at Fallon and then Darian. “She’s been around you two long en—”
“Oh yeah.” All pretence of Fallon’s amusement faded. “Let’s imagine she’s out taking a stroll among the stars hand in hand with just another lover. That’ll bring her back to us.”
“This is my fault,” Darian said. “I never should hav—”
Fallon laughed, but even to him it sounded harsh and condemnatory. “You damn right you shouldn’t have. You brought her into our world, a world she didn’t understand and you wouldn’t explain, then panicked at the first scent of change and sent her back.”
Darian struck out, managing to knock Fallon off balance. “And she would have been safe there if you hadn’t interfered in something that wasn’t any of your damned business.”
“You prick!” Fallon pushed Darian back. “When you could have claimed her for your mate, you did nothing! When her needs changed you did nothing to ease her. Instead you sent her away! You subjected her to what amounts to torture among our kind.”
“I did what I had to do.”
“She remembered you! She spent the last six months in her world mourning the loss of you. And you ignored her! Did it ever occur to you that for every second that passed for her, starting from the time you sent her away, the Senate was aware of her existence? While you watched, they decided her fate! Without a judgement!”
“I didn’t know. I swear to you, I never saw or felt any indication she was hurting or in danger.”
“So blind to everything happening around you, you’re fine when her needs bring you into her world. You have everything a male of our kind could ever dream of, and yet, when she needs you to show her how much you care, you can’t even summon any passion.”
“I can’t hurt her!”
Fallon snorted.
“I’m not like you.”
His eyes narrowed, his voice lowered in challenge. “And what am I like?”
“Oh come off it. You showed me what you’re capable of. I felt the urge you had to possess her when you forced me to play the voyeur. I can’t d—”
“I guess you can’t do much of anything.”
Taryn forced himself in front of Fallon, pushing back shove for shove, so that he stood in the middle. He faced Darian. “You did what any of us would have done, so if denial makes you feel better, fine, live with your delusions. We now have indication she’s compatible as a mate. She’s tied by association to you. That’s all that matters to the Senate of Peers. But you know she wouldn’t have been Fallon’s to claim if you fulfilled her needs. And she wouldn’t have been in a position to be taken if you had…Damn it Darian.”
He turned back to Fallon. “And you. Is everything always a game with you?”
Fallon strode around them, waiting until Darian accepted him at his back. He stepped forward, superimposing himself over Darian and then allowing Darian’s physical presence to become his own. “No. Not everything is a game for me.”
“I really hate when you show off.”
“Thought this conversation should be private.” Fallon shrugged, settling himself more comfortably. Darian’s skin fit him like his own, but it did take him a moment to adjust to the darkness and seeing without sight. He smiled, satisfied and pleased with the sensation of anger and strength he felt. “His powers have grown since he met Heather.”
“Darian isn’t the problem. You are.”
“A typical day.”
“What were you thinking? She’ll demand a judgment for you in front of the Senate of Peers.”
“Yeah. Should make for some jumpy males.”
“Everyone but you.”
“Yeah.” He grinned. “There’s something to be said for being the submissive in control—”
Fallon blocked the blow, regretting not being able to accept the violence. If blood could be shed all the better. But it wasn’t to be. He leaned forward, grabbed Taryn’s shirt in his fists and lifted him from the ground. His eyes narrowed in anger he couldn’t unleash. “Remember who, and what, I am. It would be hard to explain bruises...on Darian.” He tossed Taryn back, smiling when the male had to stagger back a couple feet before catching his balance.
Taryn put his temper aside with visible reluctance. A quick tug straightened the wrinkled material. “You risk the exposure of our males.”
“Not a news flash Taryn. I am a damn nasty little secret.”
“Your abilities evolved for a purpose. This situation unnecessary if you had played your part. All you had to do was force her against the wall and take her.”
“I did take her.” Fallon gestured at their surroundings, the sandy beach, the glistening water and the majestic waterfall. “I took her home with me. But ooops. No wall, just a tree.” He smiled.
“Your arrogance is going to kill you.”
“One can only hope.”
“Do you even get that if Darian and Heather were mated he could be released?”
“Heather released him.”
“Only his Peers can release him.”
“He’s bound by his own will. Darian’s loyalty now belongs to Heather. You know as well as I, the Senate that has forsaken him, will never let him out of their control.”
“Which demonstrates how dangerous she is to our world!”
“Heather needs to be protected from our world. A judgement will do that.”
“Why the concern for a mortal woman?” Taryn’s eyes narrowed in contemplation. “What is she to you?”
Fallon laughed. “Don’t you mean, what can you do to her to get me to obey?”
“You don’t know the meaning of the word.”
“You just haven’t provided the right lessons.”
“The woman’s death would have cured you of your unfounded arrogance.”
“Ah, that’s it. The reason for your anger. Did I make you look the fool you are? Did I take the situation out of your control when I prevented her accident?” Fallon smiled. “Admit that with her killed in a human manner and Darian quarantined in innocence in the private world he was abandoned to, the forthcoming confrontation between us males wouldn’t be an issue.”
“There are many angry at your interference.”
“Yeah. Too bad I don’t give a shit.”
“We’re short mates. The stronger ones need to be controlled until they are settled. Until they find their mate, they are a danger to us all.”
“Which raises the question of why you’d choose to kill a mortal compatible with our best, and most powerful male. Good thing you’re not on her list to judge huh?”
“She has caused too much trouble. She’s done what no other has been able to do.”
Fallon cocked an eyebrow.
“She’s come between you and your brother.”
“She’s strong Taryn. She possesses enough pow—”
“Your purpose is to serve, not judge what female is worthy.”
“Believe me, I wanted to serve.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
Fallon smiled, a wistful curl of indulgence lost. “She sensed me and everything I represent.”
“Impossible. Our females cannot sense you. A mere woman wouldn’t have stood a chance against your power.”
“I don’t fuck up. I have mastered my abilities.”
“And yet you failed a mortal.”
“You know what I think?” Fallon walked around Taryn, a deliberate, taunting action to increase the tenseness in the other male. “I think you failed. I think you wanted the Sentinel to show up. That it was Cadmus is all the better because of our history. I believe you’re hoping he carries on his trend of killing women.” He pressed his chest against Taryn’s back like a lover; his hands caressed the shoulders in a subtle reminder of control as he leaned in and whispered in Taryn’s ear. “I think you betrayed me. Shall I use my abilities and see?”
Taryn shrugged him off. “She’s not yours to protect. She’s not your mate.”
His message delivered, Fallon stepped away, completing his circle around Taryn. Then with an air of docility that was anything but, strode to where Darian had stood until Fallon had taken over his physical form. “I want her for Darian.”
“You want her for yourself.”
He grinned. “Come now. I wasn’t created to mate. Only serve. I will always be alone. When this is done, it will be as it should be. Heather will hate me.” He stepped back, blinking against the sudden brightness.
Fallon clamped a hand on Darian’s shoulder as if the private conversation he’d had with Taryn never happened. “My life has always been a game to be played. And one thing you should already know.” He paused, stepping around Darian and standing like a shield in front of him. “I play to win.”
There. Does that help?
>>The world shifted beneath our feet and we were back
>>under Cadmus’s influence, away from the torture room
>>and back into hell as if nothing had happened. One
>>thought and Cadmus resumed his simpering consolation,
>>pulling me back, away from Fallon. “Heather. There
>>is nothing you can do for Fallon besides let him be.”
>>
>>“I don’t think so.” Rocks cut into my knees and the
>>physical pain was enough to block out the internal
>>torment. I looked around startled. We were alone.
>>The setting a place for lovers, the waterfall a
>>majestic power of its own. I had taken Fallon home.
>
> I'm going to summarize what I think this scene is
>showing so you'll know how it came across to a reader
>(remember I may not have all the facts I need).
>
>Heather's love released Darian from their strange
>existence that I don't quite get (hope he's still hot
>and sexy when he gets out snerk) but that caused
>Fallon to suffer because over confident a-hole that he
>seemed (though still so sexy, darn it), he risked
>himself somehow for Heather and I think, his brother
>too. Now, Darian wants Heather to save Fallon, is
>prepared to give her up to do so. But Fallon is saying
>he's not worthy of her. (and won't Darian have to go
>back or is it once released, always released?)
Thanks Susie! Always love to get perceptions into what’s going on. And of course having these two be described as sexy is good for their ego. They are quite happy to serve those that find them so! *G*
Now, down to business. I’ll summarize what I think you need to be aware of by this point so the rest makes sense. *fingers crossed*
Heather released Darian and brought him into her world, a world without illusions. But she kept her awareness of the world Darian exists in and is able to walk in both. She belongs in both. Fallon wasn’t hurt because in fact, he was aware of her half-mortal status from the moment of her conception and had no interest/desire for her until her need called to him, after she released Darian from his isolation. No, essentially, what hurt Fallon was not being able to satisfy Heather physically once her need became his. She wouldn’t let him and while it is because she cares for him, he interprets it differently. Her ‘rejection’ of him, hurts him, makes him feel unworthy. Being unable to serve, to fight against his nature causes more than mere pain, it causes doubt, and makes him vulnerable. Simply put, he has never been unused before and it makes him question his purpose. Without complete confidence in their reason to be, they cease to exist. And this pain he felt was compounded when Heather assumed Darian’s pain into herself. And because he has that engaging twin of perception with her, Fallon assumed her pain and Darian’s pain into himself as well. So neither of these males can perform the function they exist for. Heather is unhappy and the magic of Darian’s she carries around in her is heightening the feelings they both have of being undeserving because they are unable to do what they exist to do. And all three are sexually frustrated.
Darian doesn’t so much want Heather to save Fallon, nor is he able to give her up to do so. Both exist to satisfy her, and cannot leave her until she is fulfilled. Darian wants her to get Fallon to the Senate of Peers at his full strength so he can face the judgement. Okay, better stop before I ramble too much.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment. It’s much appreciated!
Hugs
Esther
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Yep, I had missed that post. Clears a few things up. >>> -- susiej, 15:59:46 02/07/10 Sun
Even so, it's a lot of information and complex thoughts packed into each scene. It takes some concentration to read. There's not a lot of describing the scenery, ofcourse, since there really isn't scenery. Never any talk of clothes or what their eating, driving, etc-none of this is a flaw- i'm just pointing this out to tell you there's no pauses where things come easy to the reader (at least this reader) as there is in other tales.
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Well okay. I think I can do something along those lines >>> -- Esther, 12:39:13 02/10/10 Wed
This is a part of the story that consists of a whole big bunch of dialogue. I find all this talk a bit worrisome, and then the issue of having a break in what is going on is even more worrisome because I have a feeling what I put in as a break isn’t interpreted as such. Cadmus taking her back to the mall, and…well…this was to be a bit of a break as well. Just Darian and Heather talking, maybe revealing some things, maybe foreshadowing what’s to come. Obviously, it wasn’t quite right. *G*
But yeah, I hear you. You’re definitely correct in that there should be something. And now that I have an idea of what needs to be there, I should be able to add something in! Thank You!
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