my life -- NSYNC Skeedettes

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Date Posted: 21:31:48 09/02/01 Sun
Author: j-skee
Subject: my life

Ya know what ladies I have determined that life is not that bad. But I also realized that life IS complicated but we make it through anyway. Some how we manage to perserver. I guess I just know that I am happy as who I am and what I am. I know that no matter what everything is going to be okay. I am going to be okay. I think I came to an interesting conclusion this evening, that my whole obsessesion with guys and being single and them liking me is just stupid. I think I can say that I am happy being single, its really not that big of a deal. Casey was here this evening, I didnt talk to him but I think that my body language and attitude kinda let him know where I stand right now with the two of us. But ya know what I think that as of right now I am going to keep things on the down low and I'm no longer going to get down on myself for not being with someone. I gave up on guys a long time ago (which is what everyone told me to do and than love would fall into my lap) but what I am now doing is giving up on my obsession with wanting someone right now. The right one is going to happen sooner or later. Now ladies you need to show me this post any time that I seem to be getting down on myself about the whole male situation in my life. I want you to remind me of what I said in this post.

I talked to my friend Erin tonight on the phone and she asked me a good question when I was telling her that I just dont have those feelings for Casey. She asked me do you ever see yourself having feelings for him? I told her I dont think so, but I am not 100% sure. I mean there has to be a little something there if I want to continue to spend some kind of time with him. But like I have told you before there just seem to be some differences between the two of us that bother me. Of course the biggest one is the difference in our religous beliefs. I really do think it would be ideal for me to be with someone who feels that same way I do about God and Christ. Another thing that kinda bothers me is the fact that we are on two different emotional playing feilds (if that makes any sense). I tend to be more sensitive about things especially things in my past and he just can not seem to understand that I have some issues in my life that are hard for me to deal with. Okay that sounded like he was down right cruel and insenstive. He does understand that I have issues that are hard to deal with. He just has a different approach to dealing with it. I guess it is kinda the whole idea of get over it and move on with your life. He just says he tends to be happy all the time and things dont bother him. Its so hard to put into words what I am talking about. I dont want to make him out to be insenstive because I dont think he is, but I also dont think he has that sensitivity to my emotional distresses that I need in a guy. I think in some ways that might have something to do with the fact that he is only 19 years old. Thank goodness my mother asked him how old he was this evening because I thought he was 20. I think what I need to do is stay away from the young boys for right now. Didnt I say like a few weeks ago that I wasnt going to date anyone under the age of 20. He is awful young. I know that I was all gung ho about the whole Josh thing and he is only 18 but ya know something I learned my lesson with that one. I think when they are that young age does matter. What I need is a guy older than me for a change. Maybe I should take clove up on her offer to go to church with them sometime. As long as there is no work or football to get in the way. I was thinking ot myself the other night that I really do seriously need to go though. I really gotta get in touch with clove. We have been kinda playing phone tag the last couple of days. Every time I call she is not home and when she calls me back I am not home. I think i will give her a cal tomorrow. I sure do need my best buddy to talk to about everything.

Okay wow this has gotten a little bit to long. So i think that since I have talked your ears off I will end this post. I think I will be on for a little bit longer to maybe catch someone. But I feel like such a liar because I told Casey I wanted him to go ahead and go home after we finished some movie on tv so that I could go to bed because I was tired. Was that a bad thing to do? I hope not. I love you guys.

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Replies:

*clicks the save button* I am sure I will talk long so I will just start in the reply, lol -- A, 00:40:14 09/03/01 Mon
- Oh Anna I sure do love you lots. Yeah it was a "burst" of energy. (NT) -- j-skee, 21:09:25 09/03/01 Mon