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Date Posted: 20:50:08 05/13/01 Sun
Author: j-skee
Subject: its official

Okay ladies its official I have cracked. I don't know what to do. I don't know what is wrong but right now I am going to go insane. My whole body is shaking and I just spent the last 15 minutes curled up in a ball on the floor. I'm so beyond normal right now that I need to cry and I can't. My insides feel like they are melting and my mind has gone to mush. Guys I don't know what to do. I don't feel like I want to live through the night. I have been the biggest con artist to myself for way to long. I think I fooled myself into thinking things were going okay when they they really were falling apart. I don't want to go on feeling this way. I don't know what to do. I have got to get control of myself. Catherine is next door with the guys and they havent even come to look for me or find out what is wrong. That does not make me feel good in my state of mind right now. I am trying so hard right now to keep control of myself. I love you guys a whole bunch and will try and come on tomorrow night and let you guys know how I am doing.

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