Christmas (Working Title) - Opening Scene -- The Beta Board

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Date Posted: 17:22:04 01/03/04 Sat
Author: melinky
Subject: Christmas (Working Title) - Opening Scene
In reply to: melinky 's message, "I think I'm Ready..." on 17:18:15 01/03/04 Sat

The night air was cold and crisp on her skin as she wandered aimlessly through the now quiet streets of the city. It was Christmas Eve, a day full of anticipation and hope for most of the world. While most people were anticipating gifts wrapped in gaily-colored paper and ribbons, she was anticipating the onset of a new mission and the casualties it would most likely bring.

No, Christmas was nothing out of the ordinary for Nikita, it never had been. Empty promises of gifts that never arrived clouded her childhood memories of Christmas. Her mother had been too busy buying booze and entertaining her ceaseless string of boyfriends to deal with playing Santa for her daughter. Later, after being booted into the streets as a teenager, simply having a roof over her head, preferably one that didn�t leak, and place to sleep unmolested had occupied most of her time.

Ironically, the Christmas that passed during her short stay in prison had probably been the most notable. It was in prison that she had her first Christmas dinner, although it was far from gourmet, it was better than standard prison fare.

Then, out of the blue, along came Section One. Demanding, never satisfied Section One, where time for the frivolity of Christmas festivities was never allotted. Despite the edict by Section on gratuitous celebration, there were often small groups of operatives throwing various clandestine holiday parties. Though she was often invited, Nikita rarely attended these soirees, preferring instead, small intimate dinners with Walter and Birkoff, who were the closest thing she had to a family.

A sudden gust of wind drew Nikita rather rudely from her memories of Christmas past. Snuggling down into the shearling fur collar of her Pasha & Jo suede coat, she was only slightly surprised to find herself a block away from the cathedral where she and Michael used to meet. As she approached the cathedral she couldn�t help but remember the many times they had met there throughout their years together in Section. Climbing the stairs, a regretful, half smile appeared on her face as she reached deep into her pocket. Yes, there it was. She felt a bit like Smeagol with �his precious� as she removed the small treasure, caressing it with the pad of her thumb.

Last edited by author: Sat January 03, 2004 21:51:42 Edited 2 times.

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Replies:

[> [> Hey, melinky! -- JayBee, 12:48:32 01/04/04 Sun

Glad to see you posting here. It looks like a promising start to your story.

I'm happy to give you some feedback, although it might take me a couple of days to get to it. In the meantime, is there anything in particular you're looking for, feedback-wise? Do you want more of a focus on language and writing technique, or on plot/characterization type issues? I find it hard to look at both things at once, for some odd reason (it must employ different sides of the brain, LOL), so I'll start with whichever one you prefer.

I must say now, though, that I really like the reference to Nikita having her first Christmas dinner in prison. That's a very nice and poignant -- as well as unexpected -- touch. :-)

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[> [> [> Re: Hey, melinky! -- melinky, 13:01:33 01/04/04 Sun

JayBee,

I need help with both areas since I'm a total a novice. I think that if one area glaringly needs more work than the other, that would be the place to start.

I'm pretty much a late bloomer in the writing department and have never formally studied the art, so I guess I'm looking to you ladies to be my teachers.

Take your time because starting today I'm back into my hectic schedule until late May. I'll be lucky to have this finished in time for next Christmas.

Melinda

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[> [> Hi melinky! (r) -- Genevieve, 02:31:53 01/12/04 Mon

Despite the edict by Section on gratuitous celebration

Firstly, I just love that line. *g*

Secondly, while any number of people will be able to tell you that I'm hopeless when it comes to picking up people's typos, I'd be more than happy to read this through at length and offer any suggestions that come into my head. Like Jaybee, it will be a few days before I can do this any justice, however, as I've got a few other little LFN things in my head at the moment. But I'm sure it will be before next Christmas, lol! *g*

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[> [> [> Any help at all is appreciated. :�) -- melinky, 05:42:40 01/12/04 Mon

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