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Date Posted: 19:33:28 06/13/02 Thu
Author: ~delle
Subject: Hi! Welcome to the Beta Board!.
In reply to: Deedra 's message, "Need a Beta Reader.... The Copy-Cat Conspiracy." on 13:23:45 06/13/02 Thu

Geez... that makes me sound like a stewardess, doesn't it?

I have a question for you... how 'in depth' of a critique do you want? I'm not sure if you want just a quick overview of plot and characterization (which I prefer to do) or a really in depth slice and dice. Shanola and Nestra are the grammer/punctuation queens here.

Since I'm not sure yet what you're looking for, I'll just make a few comments:

You keep referring to "Seymore". I'm assuming you mean Seymour Birkoff, the computer genius? As you can see, you've misspelt his name, but more importantly, no one called him Seymour except Greg (to get Birkoff pissed off) or Nikita (to tease him).

As Michael takes a seat at his desk, he glances at Nikita who is sitting on his desk flipping his lamp on and off. He can't help but notice the way her skirt is kinda hiked up on her leg.

Two things here. Is there a purpose to Nikita turning the lamp on and off? It seems... I don't know, annoying? and I'm not seeing any purpose in it in the remainder of this segment. On the other hand, you may be developing something for later in your story, in which case, ignore this all together. *grin*

I have a hard time reconciling Michael oogling Nikita's legs when Operations and Madeline have been shot in Section. Michael, for me, was always "all business" in a crisis. I'm also uncomfortable with your use of "kinda" in this context... it just doesn't fit. Nikita might think/talk that way, but no one else in Section that I can think of.

Well, I have to run for now. I hope you find these comments helpful. Please remember this is YOUR story and you are free to use or ignore my comments.

~delle

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[> [> Re: Thanks Delle but... -- Deedra, 11:23:56 06/14/02 Fri

Hello delle,

Thanks so much for your replies. Many thanks.

Yes, I could use a little help here. Starting with this.
The title is The Copy Cat Conspiricy, hence no one really knows who's who at this point. How do I keep that a secret, for a while, but convey a strong story to the reader at the same time?

Also, I like detailed technology and missions as well as the psychology the best. Hence, I don't care too much for the sex or violence. Is it possible to employee these things to satisfy myself and not be ditched by the laymen reader? (I don't think so.) I hope to share my interests with others whom also may not be laymans and wish the same or more detail in the areas of these interest.

In addition, I truly like the music surrounding the old scenes. Is there a correct way to implement old or new tunes? This is also something that I think strongly sets the LFN saga apart from other sagas. By the introduction of a familiar melody or tune, the reader recalls past events associated with old memories or builds new ones.

I'm not really a writer as you can see. Hence a Beta Reader is a must.

I just miss them all so much.
Deedra

Delle wrote;
I have a hard time reconciling Michael oogling Nikita's legs when Operations and Madeline have been shot in Section. Michael, for me, was always "all business" in a crisis. I'm also uncomfortable with your use of "kinda" in this context... it just doesn't fit. Nikita might think/talk that way, but no one else in Section that I can think of.

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