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Date Posted: 20:37:44 10/06/06 Fri
Author: Hope
Author Host/IP: 71-212-249-126.hlrn.qwest.net / 71.212.249.126
Subject: Misery

I don't know how much longer I can do this. I am so tired, so alone and so sad. Work is draining, commuting is long and I suck at the stuff inbetween. I have nothing left to give. I stick around because of my obligation as a mom but there are times lately when I wonder if he wouldn't be better off without me. But in my heart I know that no one will step up to do the job and he does need that unconditional love. The love I only ever had from my dad. We all need to have that at least from one person. The last five years of my life have been horrible. Bad choices and bad luck combined to lay me out. I'm tired of being. All I do is drain from others. I'm like a cancer. I have tried so hard to change, to be better, to STOP being this MESS.

I don't know what I expect any of you to do. I'm not here most of the time, I deserved to be ignored. That would serve me right. I know that I will send this and immediately regret my patheticism. I guess I was just hoping for one moment to hear that I'm not alone. After all these years knowing some of you, maybe someone will understand and just maybe that will help a little.

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