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Date Posted: 02:57:13 01/14/05 Fri
Author: Mike K.
Subject: An academic answer
In reply to: Chris 's message, "Re: wise advise on bringing up young naughty kids" on 02:29:32 01/14/05 Fri

ts, I can't really give you so much personal advice, since I''m not a parent yet, so take it with a grain of salt, there's a saying "You know all the answers - until you have your own children. Then you have none." ;-)

However, from my observations, there's two things that are REALLY harmful in the long run in bringin up children:
First, let them control the parents.
->If the parents are not the authority figures in the family, then the children may never know where to have limitations. That doesn't mean that you should be overly strict or anything, but it means the kids look up to you to set for their lives moral and other standards of all kinds. If you let the kids set standards for YOU, then they can not ever be certain of anything, because they become self-referential i.e. taking themselves as the measure of things.

Second, beating children too much.
-> A slap can be very curative. However, if the child receives a slap for nearly each and every action, the slap will lose it's effectiveness. I could give you an example of a family where the children get spanked about 5-10 times a day, and they don't take it seriously, they go to daddy, get their spanks, and run off laughing. In this family, spanking is NOT an effective means of educating the children, it's totally ineffective. As such, the parents need to resort to other measures if they really want to exercise discipline onto their children. But what?
Think carefully.
Spanking can be, like Chris said, a very strong last resort. If you hardly spank your kids, then a single slap on the butt will suffice to let the child know it has gone WAY too far. And no, such a slap doesn't cause long-term damage.
Even the Bible says that a father who never disciplines his children in such fashion will most likely spoil his children - again, this doesn't mean taking out the broom and breaking it on the child's back, but it means that the children MUST learn limitations, and physical punishment may need to be a last resort when all else fails.
Maybe nice, kind, meek children won't need such a discipline, but naughty children very well might.

Now, one more advice from me: even though I don't have own children, I have learned that in many cases, a stern face and a STRONG "No" can be as effective as any other educational discipline. It takes strength of character and a certain distance to do that, I can not really say if as a concerned parent, I could be like that...

in Christ,
Mike K.

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