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Date Posted: 20:32:40 08/14/01 Tue
Author: Blue eyed girl
Subject: A Crack In The Ground

**I was cleaning my room and I found a journal that I used to write in. I wrote this 2 summers ago, when I was depressed. I changed the names. :) Things are better now.**

My life has been real hard on me lately. My friend, Marie told me the other day that God never gives us more than what we can handle. If that's true, maybe I appear stronger than what I really am. I feel that my life right now is at one of the lowest points that it has ever reached. Sometimes crying isn't enough. I feel like I need more to feel better, and one of the only things I have found to keep my spirits high at these times is my friend Wayne. The funny thing is that he really doesn't have to do anything to put a smile across my face. As long as he's here with me, I'm happy. With other people, they have to DO something to keep me happy; to keep my mind off of things. But not Wayne.
Right now, I am sitting on the driveway- alone from everyone else. I was crying my eyes out a few minutes ago because Wayne (again) tole me that he's more than likely not going to stay in town afterall. If only he'd realize how much I need him.
But sitting here looking at the ground made me realize something that I think I will remember for the rest of my life.
On my driveway there's a big crack in the ground. I don't know how it got there, but I do know that it was created by something big. Or maybe more than one big thing. Maybe it was the car that sits on the driveway- maybe the weather- maybe it's just getting older.. but whatever caused the crack was something more powerful than me.
I also see little tiny sugar ants, (the ones that don't bite), making their line that passes over the tiny crack. I see that when each tiny ant fixes to cross the crack, they hesitate for a second or two and then they cross over it. I have no idea what thoughts cross such a tiny mind, but I know they're somehow wondering how they're going to cross the crack. After that, another ant does the same thing. It goes to show that they depend on each other to cross the crack in the ground. If they didn't have each other, they couldn't possibly cross over the crack.
And to me, Wayne is my "ant" that gets me over the "cracks" that I face in life.. the ones that I can't get through alone. He doesn't realize that without saying a word, that just BEING there, is all it takes to put a smile on my sad face. Just by being there in person, or in my heart.

6/16/99

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