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  • It's called "...Hitch-hike..." translation: "Quit this high school bullshit...we're graduating soon" -- ~~Lauren, 00:49:49 04/25/01 Wed

    ...and tomorrow may as well be dead
    because it just won't be the same
    when we've all got our agendas
    and our paperwork's due
    and nothing makes up for our days together.

    ...those days that lived
    like we were meant to -
    those days that stole from us -
    stole the life out of us.

    ...so much easier to depart from this moment
    if we live it in sorrow,
    when last minute was nothing but laughs.
    remembering the laughs would make
    that dead tomorrow
    even blacker.

    ...and we do it to ourselves
    and we fake it to each other -
    making the world go faster
    to make each other dizzy
    so we lose sight


    when we're gone from our arms.


    ...but you're not fooling me,
    I've got it all figured twice -
    you hurt others now
    to make it hurt less
    when it's your turn to

    vanish.

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  • This ones called The Green -- S-e-Capital a- n, 01:53:35 04/25/01 Wed
    Have a cookie now shut the huuh up.
    I'm a tourtured atist with a fourtune cookie for a mind.
    Guessing at everything it's the game of the year.
    Everyones a twat.
    Smelly and rotten like a potatoe growing mold.
    You guys are gay, and Im on the attack.
    I cant stand loosing you until your flat on your back.
    It's almost that time and I wait and look.
    Atomic energy can fuel the hate that would get us through the hole in space, but time woudlnt escape.
    Why do you all have to be friends?
    The cirlce you own is only a bubble you blew from the soapy water.
    Do you guys talk and laugh out of courtiousness or convienence beacuse your town is so boaring and we have nothing.
    You all consider yourselfs individuals huh?
    Well than why go to the movies where THEY want you to be.
    Society distracts us from everything that should be held as important.
    The true green not the ink on paper

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  • great escape -- sara, 03:25:23 04/25/01 Wed
    let's begin
    it started with a plan
    to get out of here
    said, "hey come in
    cause the weather don't wait for no one
    and sure not us"

    seems so precious
    or maybe we're just tired
    and bored with our lives
    because it seems
    so sinful at the same time

    five miles out of town
    she turns to me and says,
    "is it too late to turn around?
    cause i
    think i forgot my things
    and i think we forgot our heads
    and we can't get too far without that"

    seems so precious
    or maybe we're just tired
    and bored with our lives
    because it seems
    so sinful at the same time

    she turned around
    i seen that face as i watched her say goodbye
    goodbye









    -g&dmb

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  • I dunno....another "It's English class and I'm bored" poem.. -- JenCook, 20:49:40 04/25/01 Wed
    Listen...
    I might
    have to
    let you go.
    It's not
    your fault...
    ...but...
    your shoes
    just don't
    go well
    with my socks.
    Your hair
    does not
    compliment my
    belly button,
    your new
    fabric softener
    seems to
    cause my
    watch to stop,
    and
    your fake
    smile makes
    my fingernail
    polish peel.
    I'm so sorry,
    my dear,
    ..but...
    you eat meat.
    and well..
    my mom's
    hairdresser's cousin..
    well, she
    only eats
    vegetables.
    I am
    sorry though.
    So sorry,
    that I
    accidently tied
    your iceskates
    so tight,
    so I
    could purposely
    swim laps
    around you.

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  • Heyy -- JaySnyder, 02:06:29 04/25/01 Wed
    This board is disgusting.

    There once was a man from Nantucket
    who put all his poop in a bucket

    he saved it for years
    and soaked it with beers

    and now he has 1 golden nugget.



    Haha. I made that up to liven up this page.
    I try.

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  • insight -- dot, 20:17:18 04/25/01 Wed
    and a pebble can make such ripples
    a boulder to the likes of an ant

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  • jess -- erik, 23:25:16 04/24/01 Tue
    since i can't get a word in edge wise with IM's, i'll use this, if jays gotta problem, its cause he's your boyfriend and i understand that, and as far as steve boldt, if he thinks i'm annoying then why does he tell everyone i'm the man, and always wanna hang out, and jackei, who the fuck is jackei, i think i've said hi to her twice, and if jon doesn't like me, than why does he talk to me, and those people you named aren't even my close friends, excluding jon to an extent, they aren't even in our close circle(except jon), those are people you have been forced to befriend cause everyone stopped talking to you, you hold yourself above everyone, and yeh i'm a peice of shit, and its none of my business, fuck you, you give shit to everyone, you are constantly complaining that you are left out, and i think the whole thing is cause you are pissed that you aren't the center of attention, you told me before, way back when , before me and sara where together, that you don't know why everyone is obsessed with her, you were jealous , you thought mattyo, will, jay, and everyone else liked sara better than you, you have a problem,,and if you think i'm a pussy for not spilling all the names of people who don't like you, its cause maybe some of them don't want to start fighting with you or maybe they are pussy's what's it matter, i'm a spineless, nosey, pussy, who is in your business, but that doesn't bother, cause i know nobody likes you, and just seeing you talk to them in school, and you having no clue, that they really dislike you, is enough to keep me happy, cause your a bitch and i know what people think about you

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  • I was considering calling this "Erik the Pussy", but figured that was a little harsh, even for as huge a bitch as I am. -- Jessica, 23:54:27 04/24/01 Tue

    "sifting"

    and there comes a time
    when you must filter out the bad
    and hold the good
    closer than you ever imagined possible.

    - you’ve long sifted through.

    i’m tired of hearing you
    talk out of your ass,
    ‘cuz you’ve got nothing
    intelligent enough to say
    from your mouth.

    but hey, don’t digress
    just cuz you’re second best.
    we both know you
    wouldn’t even be around
    if you weren’t lucky enough
    for her to have laid eyes on you,
    the goddess that she is.
    and let us all thank God
    that she graces us with her presence.

    isn’t it funny, though,
    how this all started
    when you started it,
    and yet i can’t seem to end it?
    wouldn’t even do any good
    to staple your mouth shut, though,
    ‘cuz you’re too scared to
    say anything to my face, anyway.

    frustrating, you’ve become.
    it’s hard not to sink to your level.
    so tempting it seems,
    way down there.
    … WAY down there.

    but don’t get so annoyed with yourself.
    you’ll just be adding yourself to the list
    if you do.

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  • This ones called im not writing a fucking poem im just writing to my friends -- jonthan fiero, 01:48:49 04/25/01 Wed
    Ok im a little out of the "loop" just cause i dont care to get involved this is bullshit we all used to be such great friends and where letting stupid petty shit tear us apart i see everything cause i hate no one and as far as i know no one hates me or dislikes or whatever word u wanna use for not wanting to be friends with a person im sure by now this has gone deaper then it being a fight over whats happening after the prom and whos sitting at what table with who during the prom and once agian weve sunk to the low of fighting on a messege board over the internet. im sick of this i love u all as much as the next and ive seen everyone break apart from each other and join forces with another it a big fucking soap opera that i tried to stay out of but its gotta end were all friends and we know it i have forever tried to stay away from these stupid ass fights within the "circle" but i really dont want it to go on anymore this is going to be the last 4 months of our lives that well be able to spend almost every moment together after that every one is goin in different directions.sure maybe well met up again next summer but will that summer be as good as it could be if we dont end this one good im not sure if im making sense or not cause i dont know what the word i wrote before this one is im just trying to get what used to be one of the largest groups in our school to come back together so please kiss and make up and no more fighting for the rest of the year we really dont need it

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  • i hate to break up the fighting...but my guilt got me to write. sorry. -- saira, 00:16:36 04/25/01 Wed
    justification
    trembles on a bitter limb as i
    whisper over and over.
    and over.
    it's not me being selfish.
    and to believe these untruths feels like
    i’m playing pretend in my head for the thousandth time
    and you’re standing there to kick down my house of cards.
    i never felt tears roll down
    inside my cheek before and i apologize
    if my hand swings shut to your eyes.
    reflexes like that are my biggest
    guilt and you make sure i don’t forget it.
    and with a weepy smile it ends with the sun.
    but it’s still afloat in our secretions.
    mixing below our noses as we lock eyes
    and believe the fake so
    our fingers can still interlock.
    someday those quick glances to my feet
    might not be so quick anymore and my cover will falter and that quiver
    you hear will be me not speaking.
    it hard to see black and white when my grey
    comes out in hues of green and red.
    so i put out my feeble attempt and blush at the simplicity of it all.
    cos that’s what left of me to you.
    a simple mind.

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  • the pakaskani something to say... -- saira, 19:47:27 04/24/01 Tue
    i hope ALL of you seniors, the whole damn lot of ya, fails miserabley and doesn't graduate.



    cos i want cool senior friends next year.

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  • I just gotta say it. -- Jessica, 14:54:07 04/23/01 Mon


    ... Fuck you.

    Fuck you all.

    I'm so fucking tired of it. All of it. Following you around, and you walking away without even saying goodbye. Telling me to shutup when you're the one with your mouth open. Being fucking second to you.

    You tell me one thing when you know it's what I wanna hear.
    You tell me something else when it's time for the truth.

    And frankly, you suck for that.

    So I'm tired of trying to keep friends when my friends won't even try to keep me. This September could come and I could go to Boston and I could see none of you ever again ... and knowing that you could all be fine with that makes me sick.

    You all make me fucking sick.

    Because I've tried nothing but everything. And still I walk alone, every day, behind you.

    And you don't even bother to notice.


    ... Fuck you for that.

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  • guilt oozes -- saira, 00:12:16 04/25/01 Wed
    justification
    trembles on a bitter limb as i
    whisper over and over.
    and over.
    it's not me being selfish.
    and to believe these untruths feels like
    i’m playing pretend in my head for the thousandth time
    and you’re standing there to kick down my house of cards.
    i never felt tears roll down
    inside my cheek before and i apologize
    if my hand swings shut to your eyes.
    reflexes like that are my biggest
    guilt and you make sure i don’t forget it.
    and with a weepy smile it ends with the sun.
    but it’s still afloat in our secretions.
    mixing below our noses as we lock eyes
    and believe the fake so
    our fingers can still interlock.
    someday those quick glances to my feet
    might not be so quick anymore and my cover will falter and that quiver
    you hear will be me not speaking.
    it hard to see black and white when my grey
    comes out in hues of green and red.
    so i put out my feeble attempt and blush at the simplicity of it all.
    cos that’s what left of me to you.
    a simple mind.

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  • . -- Jess, 23:45:49 04/24/01 Tue
    "i'm a spineless, nosey, pussy."
    -erik

    thanks. took the words right outta my mouth.

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  • I performed an experiment. -- Jessica, 19:36:07 04/24/01 Tue


    No one has anything to say to you, until you tell them "Fuck you."

    Then suddenly, they've got everything in the world to say, and they can't seem to shut themselves up.


    It's funny, actually, the sort of things you have to do to get noticed by your own friends.

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  • Brain Walker -- a bad source of inspiration -- Hobbes, 15:25:39 04/24/01 Tue

    Arbitrary is an arbitrary word given to an idea that is used to describe the roots of confusion...


    Comfort is what's constant
    but change is what grows
    complete the circuit by closing the door
    and begin a search for what nobody wants to know

    Ideas are manufactured in my mind
    by the same little green guy
    who hangs the pictures in my head
    he's a lazy little guy
    too caught up in the betrayal of trust
    found all through this social web

    Human software is all i feel like anymore
    programed by schools, by you,
    by the all of things
    that have me wanting more

    but don't get it twisted
    i can still feel contempt and pain
    thanks to all of these things that are so symbolic
    like the loneliness of sunshine
    and the joy of rain...

    ...Thank fucking God i can close my eyes whenever i want...


    memories are always fetched in handfuls -
    if you find one you're sure to find another
    damn that little green guy for being so lazy
    and not being able to find the mental image

    of my mother




    Arbitrary is an arbitrary word given to an idea that is used to describe the roots of confusion...
    Arbitrary
    Arbitrary
    Arbitrary
    Arbitrary
    Arbitrary

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  • What a word feels like -- Hobbes, 15:47:54 04/24/01 Tue

    I can't help but be insanely attracted
    to a trembling hand
    or a quivering lip
    it's what a sad word feels like against my cheek

    I love the humility of uncertainty
    the beauty of insecurity
    it forces strength or kills the host
    no exceptions
    and never pitty

    You always said that you were made
    of how i made you feel
    your favorite line -- "you made me think so"
    but what the hell did i know about
    the way a word could feel

    So now that i know what a word feels like
    i just want to say that

    I was only great because
    "you made me think so"
    i only grew because
    "you made me think so --- much"

    i know you probably wont see this
    you're such a different person today
    still
    if by chance you do...
    Thanks, for everything you had no idea you did
    Thanks for yesterday

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  • ...my yesterday... -- ~~Lauren, 14:47:44 04/24/01 Tue


    sometimes, you get me reminiscing about how I used to think it could be......

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  • ...Competing... -- ~~Lauren, 14:03:03 04/23/01 Mon


    I've touched lips with four boys in my life
    And all four enjoyed TV
    But a record 3 of the 4
    Did so while kissing me.
    Of course the one was my best friend
    And would never be so rude -
    Instead when he pulled away
    He went off looking for food!!!
    So when I feel their faces move
    And their eyes begin to shift,
    Then I know that the girl on TV
    Must be much better equipped.
    I'd like to think I'm nice to kiss
    And that guys would enjoy the peckin'
    So why is it that when we kiss
    I always come in second???

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  • i like jess martins a whole lot. and i bet ya erik won't read any of this but the last line. maybe. -- saira, 00:40:16 04/24/01 Tue
    desperately clawing your eyes
    i trip over our yesterday.
    desperately...

    i hate being desperate.

    but nothing’s lost in silence.
    that's my way of thinking.
    and we’ll have to see...
    don’t mean to be vicious,
    but how are things so different now,
    that now you can see?

    a groove created in my thigh
    from your thumb rubbing in,
    at all the wrong times.

    right on time,
    you’re being spontaneous.
    again.
    i love it when you surprise me with a deep smile
    at the scene of my presence.
    love it more when that smile doesn’t wither
    with exposure.

    and i expertly climb your back,
    reaching my feet to your
    ribs and digging.
    closest i can get to that damned heart of yours.

    piece by piece i’ll destroy your face to fit mine.

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  • my feet were too cold to go surfing -- rYaN, 00:24:38 04/24/01 Tue
    as the waves roared
    and the waves crashed
    the memories of you
    rolled in with the tide
    my new four basic food groups
    which are all in liquid form
    to wash down
    the harsh reality
    that is life
    the gust of happiness
    short and brief
    something i know all too well
    bubbles around my head
    like the foam of the water
    when it hits the sand
    and hopefully one day
    a tide will wash up
    onshore a treasure oh so sweet
    that i can cherish
    for an eternity

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  • Bottom -- Roxy, 20:47:46 04/22/01 Sun
    with a thud
    i hit bottom
    and i hit it hard
    and asi fell
    i lost all concept
    of everything that has ever been true
    ever been sweet
    or lovely
    or nice
    to me
    i have lost everything
    that has made me
    me
    but how is that bad?
    its like losing that trophy
    when you didn't even know
    u were in the running for it
    the bottom can be a good place
    when you r scared of heights
    or when other's aspiration weigh like a
    brick upon ur back.
    the bottom's not so bad
    when thats all you were striving for

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  • the metaphor for how nothing ever really ends. -- Jessica, 01:51:47 04/23/01 Mon


    "There's no such thing as 'the last straw'. It's all just hay."

    -house of leaves, a book.

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  • ...Fox... -- ~~LaurenBrusha, 18:33:35 04/22/01 Sun


    in one life
    my day will be set to music
    and this ringing's consistency
    may have some sense
    along with the beat
    -ing you put on me.
    and i've tried living
    in the shallow of
    your rust plated spoon -
    and i've tried
    being your youth for you -

    and i've given up
    my potential.

    i often think
    the smoothest thing on earth
    is the road when you're getting away.
    and i slide for you,
    and you stagnate -
    a-walkin around in a
    circular pattern, three times doubled.
    in some life
    in one life
    my day will be set to moonbeams
    and i'll rush on without you.

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  • why not -- erik, 01:01:47 04/23/01 Mon
    I see: through blinded eyes

    I need: to get my head straight

    I find: that being an asshole is easier than most other occupations

    I want: to have limitless resources to do what i want

    I have: the biggest lack of motivation

    I wish: people who had std's had to wear shirts like in that commercial

    I love: sara, and the freedom of my mind

    I miss: the care free days of my youth

    I fear: not following the path i know is true for me

    I feel: perverbial

    I smell: iocane powder

    I think: way too much

    I crave: nothing, sad to say, nothing but openness

    I wonder: what its like to live in a car and go wherever you want when ever you want

    I regret: making the girl that sat in front of me in first grade show me her vagina so she could use my colored pencils


    k, now these are my own that i'm adding in:


    Right now, I feel like: [a dwindled camp fire]

    Right now, I hear: that oh so sweat humming my computer makes

    I just don't understand: other people

    I like Jessica Martins (sometimes)because: she can be interesting

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  • formal -- saira, 22:58:19 04/22/01 Sun
    k...so which lucky seniors are gonna hang out with me day and night of formal? it'll be me, fran, and whoever...cos yea. i'm the anti-junior. so take off work may 5th people!

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  • uh.... -- saira, 02:29:36 04/22/01 Sun
    fred the gimp at tattoos called me a floosy. heh heh. that made me laugh a whole lot. crazy kids we are... get naked in the parking lot, give off bad auras...jeez.

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  • Why is there a question? -- Straying Blindly, 00:49:05 04/23/01 Mon
    What gives one person the drive to do something that can deprive them so deeply, and give so much to another, what makes one person able to be overbearably nice to someone they've never met before, why is it that most people can coast through, doing what they can to survive and giving everyone in their way hell. Why are there "good people". Who's to say that, that one person who strives excessively to do something for other people couldn't be just as happy doing nothing for the same people, why must they make the greater sacrifice to make the other persons day more enjoyable for a brief moment. Why do some people dump all their problems on others, and why is there are always others that will accept this, and take crap when they don't deserve it. Why is there always a constant meshing of givers and takers, a society of lego blocks that fit neatly into eachother dishing out and taking all for what they believe is their benefit. How can some people be happy with being a sponge for released aggression, when others feel it is their duty to be the radio broadcast of anger and rudeness. For those that tuck their lives away the majority of their existence, what is the plan for them, are they placed here as buffers between the assholes that dish out onto them, so that in turn they don't destroy eachother, or are they simply the weaker of the two, not strong enough to make their existence more important than others. Can people that constantly displace emotions onto others be truly happy, knowing that in turn, when they have a bad day, they advance their problems onto others spreading the air of discomfort. Is there such a thing as a bad day, or is it simply when you don't feel you've gotten to do what you want, and is it your place to argue. Why are there no answers.....

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  • ...people only talk about themselves because it's all they know and they are too lazy to go any further... -- ~~Lauren, 02:29:07 04/21/01 Sat
    I see: my fingers moving much slower than my head...as always...

    I need: a really good hug right now. Not one of those "hey you're my quasi-friend who I like cuz everyone else does" hugs...but a good fucking hug where I can barely breathe and my arms get tingly...a Luke M. hug...

    I find: it hard to believe that I am a senior in high school and that all this time that I've been complaining about "high school bullshit"...I've just done it to myself by not moving...

    I want: to be that halo of light around a star...

    I have: a pounding in my ears that you wouldn't understand, but is my constant source of self and safe...

    I wish: I could tell the difference between reality and harsh, and that I could warn myself against the harsh...

    I love: my friends, all of them...here and lost forever...

    I miss: my best friend and the comfort he brought...and believing in things more than I wanted to. Do you know what it's like to believe in something more than you want to? It's absolutely wonderful. It helps you live...

    I fear: clowns and goats and that damn platypus and dying alone...

    I feel: my dog licking me cuz she's hungry, my own hunger, and a slight feeling of self-loathing because it's late at night and I'm wrapped in a blanket alone and some people out there that are supposed to love me just make me feel like I'm constantly falling from their gaze and there is nothing I can do about it...

    I smell: nothing...the inside of my nose is burning...

    I think: that lately, there is nothing like a good dose of Will to make my day better...

    I crave: a pear...a good one...

    I wonder: what it must feel like to break away with yourself for a minute, and just walk in the outside...i dunno...test the waters out there for a bit...see if you can drown as easily as you can on the inside...

    I regret: never admitting my regrets to a certain someone...


    Right now, I feel like: breathing slowly...

    Right now, I hear: the dumb cars whizzing past my road...

    I just don't understand: my parents. If I ever become either one of my parents, I will combust somehow...for they are the epitome of what I don't want to be...the only thing they did right, was me...

    I like Jessica Martins because: she's smart and easy to talk to and pretty and she likes me back...and cuz we can talk in the regent for four hours.

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  • grrrrrr......but..I love Saira! -- JenCook, 11:42:31 04/21/01 Sat
    after careful thinking
    about the people
    I surround myself with
    I began to ask myself
    why these people are
    so important to me.
    I began to remember
    which have held my hand
    and which have
    kicked me in the face.
    Who helped me up
    and who made me feel
    like being down in the dirt
    was where I fit in best.
    Please understasnd,
    I can forgive..
    but forgetting is another story.
    Anyway...
    As I glance around
    this circle of "friends"
    I notice the one person
    that truely is my best friend
    Who was my shoulder
    to cry on..
    Who wanted to kick everyone
    that hurt me to china and back..
    Who makes me laugh on what
    was probly the worst day of the year..
    Who rights a poem for me
    in my journal, for me only...
    She...well...she wasn't
    in the circle at all.
    So I wonder why
    I still stand there..
    ..in the circle.
    Then I also realized
    it's just impossible to leave.
    Cuz even if I do
    I'll always come back.
    I'm part of the circumfrence now.


    (Saira Khan, I love you more soooo much beyond belief. You're my bestest friend in the entire world. other than kevin..but he technically doesn't count. :)

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  • Just a thought.... -- JenCook, 11:53:27 04/21/01 Sat

    If true friends stab you in the front, then why am I bleeding from the back? hmmm...

    [ Edit | View ]

  • F*ck the whole damn world... -- JenCook, 01:01:51 04/20/01 Fri
    All I've ever wanted
    was to be truely happy.
    And I thought I had it all.
    And I thought there
    was no way to go wrong.
    And then I heard
    from someone who heard
    from someone who heard..
    that someone had the key
    to a box locked up tight.
    Our box...my box...
    And I heard the whispers
    though so low under
    the conversation
    they seemed subliminal.
    yet, I heard them.
    I guess you thought
    that I wouldn't.
    And so I found
    who my real friends are.
    The ones that told me
    straight out,
    that hugged me
    when I cried,
    that said it would
    all be ok.
    The ones that apologized
    for what they realized
    was wrong.
    BUt the rest...
    of all the people
    to hurt..
    you hurt me..
    where exactly does it say
    "here, take your best shot"
    And I thought
    I trusted you..
    and I hope you know
    I've never been this hurt before.
    can I trust you now?
    Are you really
    that heartless?
    Don't look back
    at me...
    you have yourself to thank
    for this one.

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  • "Forgotten" -- Sima, 01:56:04 04/20/01 Fri

    My nails have stopped growing
    I didn't know dead cells
    could die anymore.
    I'm under your walls again
    my tiny toe has felt the day light
    and I'm burning red.

    The air is getting thick
    of plaster-
    and silence,
    but I'm choking on your breath
    and I know you want a
    "fair" share.

    These walls have shaken,
    I guess that's your new way
    of communicating.
    I can barely feel
    your harsh beat
    but it's more than enough to know
    you still care.

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  • the ultimate metaphor for everything that is me. -- Jessica, 12:24:56 04/20/01 Fri






    "I think that I'm throwing,
    but I'm thrown."



    -lisa loeb

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  • k, i guess i should do one for myself, since it was my idea in the first place .... and i don't wanna set any bad examples or anything.... -- Jessica, 02:42:21 04/20/01 Fri

    I see: my computer screen, cuz i'm the shit and i don't have to look at the keys when i type, EAH

    I need: to get the hell out of this dress that i tried on to show my mom ... but then i saw that jay was online, and i've been sitting here at the computer ever since... I also need sleep cuz my eyes are stinging really really badly and crying makes me tired. but it's ok now, i promise.

    I find: it hard to believe that people can act the way they do sometimes, yet claim that they're being mature about things ...

    I want: to go to boston. like, NOW. cuz jay's coming with me, and it's gonna be so fucking cool. and i want high school to fucking end.

    I have: to put my skirt that i'm wearing to school tomorrow in the dryer cuz it's wrinkled and i don't feel like ironing right now.

    I wish: i could sleep in jay's arms tonight ... and that nothing was EVER wrinkled cuz wrinkles WAY SUCK

    I love: duh, Jay. and Lisa Loeb too. and Winona Ryder cuz she's way hot and way a good actress. but Jay the way mostest.

    I miss: my grandma... she's all the way over in portugal and i haven't seen in her in a way long time ... i miss my sister too ...

    I fear: hah, clowns. and mrs. mccormick cuz she always gives me way scary looks every time i go visit jay and lauren 4th period.

    I feel: like eating some ice cream. i also feel drained.

    I smell: my snot-infested nostrils cuz i was crying and now they're all clogged up with crying-snots

    I think: that girls who go tanning too much look really really ugly. and it's just.... not attractive. at all. it's actually kinda funny, though. like that one girl who's in my lunch, who's like charred and blackened cuz she so overly tans, but then she's got these buck teeth, and she like bleaches her hair and it's all nappy crimpy wavy disgusting, and sean said he saw her once with bleached eyebrows too, and the contrast of that girl just boggles me and ... she's way scary. and i saw her in the mall tonight and i wanted to run away really quickly but then i decided i better not.

    I crave: attention. like, all the time. like, overly crave it. like, need-it-to-function crave it.

    I wonder: what it's like to have a penis.

    I regret: some of the friends i've made in the past. some of the choices those "friends" have caused me to make. mostly everything i've done. i also regret starting smoking ... cuz now it's hard to stop.


    Right now, I feel like: floating (and by the way guys, like, NONE of you put in a verb like i said to!)

    Right now, I hear: my heart beating in my head way hard, and the little heater next to me

    I just don't understand: like i said - girls who go tanning. and my mom. and lots of stuff. and the attraction to things like rollercoasters and skydiving and making yourself throw up and tanning and crimped hair and fuschia eyeshadow and myself.

    I like Jessica Martins because: hey. i don't like jessica martins. she sucks way a lot.



    k ... i suck. bye.

    [ Edit | View ]

  • I dunno..but, here ya go jess.. -- JenCook, 23:53:14 04/19/01 Thu
    I see:things how i want them to be and never what they really are.

    I need: a new right hand pointer finger...mine hurts like hell.

    I find: i don't like things with glitter on them. they make my eyes hurt.

    I want: my permit.

    I have:a headache.

    I wish:people weren't gay butt-faces, drugs were never invented, my parents didn't totally suck, crying only happened when you were happy.

    I love:Kevin. (and my best friends and my grandarents are cool too..oo and my itty bitty cousins)

    I miss: Sara and the other people I haven't really hung out with in a long time.

    I fear:failure..death...crabs..snakes..bees..etc.

    I feel: like kicking a wall.

    I smell:Fried Chicken...it's in the kitchen..mmmm

    I think: that if pharmacies are places where people go to get medicine that makes them feel better, people shouldn't feel worse after leaving.

    I crave:Gummy Bears, Apple Juice, Tea, and Chinese Food.

    I wonder: what my life would have been like if I never moved to Jackson.

    I regret:mean things I say about Kevin when I get mad at him. (I never really mean it)

    Right now, I feel like: kicking the wall.

    Right now, I hear: acoustic guitar music on sum tv show..Gilmore Girls..I do beleive.

    I just don't understand: everything

    I like Jessica Martins because she got me a journal for christmas and play-doh (the bestest gift) and cuz she's nice to me, and she says "hi" a lot and makes me smile, and cuz she's silly. :)

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  • my answers -- sima, 00:38:47 04/20/01 Fri


    I see: my entire circle of friends falling apart...and i'm doing nothing about it.

    I need:to get away for a long time...have people in my life who mind their own business.

    I find: that you can never have expectations...

    I want: a perfect love...

    I have:$136 left in my wallet...i am going broke.

    I wish: i could hibernate...and i wish it were raining so i could play in the rain.

    I love: going to cole's house right after school and staying there long enough to go home, come online, and fall asleep without interacting with my family.

    I miss: the days when everyone was friends with everyone.

    I fear: feeling what everyone thinks i do.

    I feel: Jaded.

    I smell: the coldness in the air that ice cream cake makes.

    I think: that everyday should be an ice cream cake day...

    I crave: more ice cream.

    I wonder: what's next?

    I regret: hah, one guess.


    Right now, I feel like: very cold.

    Right now, I hear: more fighting.

    I just don't understand: everything.

    I like Jessica Martins because she's fun to talk to...i'm her muse, and she's very supportive. i like her much.

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  • The way I think is based on principals to high for all you to understand, it so easy to labe me stuff that im not. -- $e@/\/, 01:37:09 04/20/01 Fri
    I see: titty

    I need: titty

    I find: a sock

    I want: a monkey

    I have: a monkey

    I wish: to surf

    I love: to dream

    I miss: my grandparents

    I fear: nothing

    I feel: the chi

    I smell: the poon

    I think: about poon and how funny it is that it people kill for it

    I crave: the poon

    I wonder: why i really dont need poon

    I regret: nothing

    0
    Right now, I feel like: homacidal

    Right now, I hear: voices

    I just don't understand: my three sides

    I like Jessica Martins because she has heavenly boobies

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  • If you wanna be cool and be my friend, copy & paste this shit and fill it out. (i didn't make up these questions, but I thought it was a cool idea.) -- Jessica, 21:51:03 04/19/01 Thu


    I see:

    I need:

    I find:

    I want:

    I have:

    I wish:

    I love:

    I miss:

    I fear:

    I feel:

    I smell:

    I think:

    I crave:

    I wonder:

    I regret:


    k, now these are my own that i'm adding in:


    Right now, I feel like: [insert a verb here]

    Right now, I hear:

    I just don't understand:

    I like Jessica Martins because (heee i'm a sneaky pete):


    k ... do it. like you bye.

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  • hmmm.... -- JenCook, 23:13:20 04/19/01 Thu
    sssooooo...question. Erik said sumthing about getting me and Kevin to the prom in some way or another cuz it would be cool or sumthing. heh. but..i dunno what's up...is it a "no" or a "go"? i need to know if it's a little scheme or what. or if i should buy a formal bid tomorrow, cuz i strongly doubt my mom'll let me go to both. k...see ya guys, byes.

    [ Edit | View ]

  • RIP -- rYaN, 18:19:15 04/19/01 Thu
    i think the only way this day could possibly get better is
    1. if i had a gun
    2. if i had a knife
    3. if i had a fork
    4. if i had a sharp piece of rubber
    5. if i had a pen

    oooooooooh wait i have one next to me alright days gonna get better now lets see where can i stick it that will kill me instantly ooooooh that looks like a good spot well goodbye everyone.



    rYaN

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  • "without a compass" -- Jessica, 03:51:56 04/19/01 Thu

    i woke up this morning
    afraid to open my eyes,
    and even more afraid to ask why.

    but when the day came upon me,
    and i saw that there was nothing left
    of me when you were around,
    i swore i understood for a second
    why they all turn their eyes
    when you walk into the room.

    and i don't wanna have to feel like i'm sharing you,
    or watch you divide your time
    between the ones you can't choose between,
    or worse, choose against.

    so it was a decision i made with myself,
    to make a home with you,
    if i'm where you chose to spend your time.

    but when i got there,
    to the place where i thought everything would be perfect,
    i found nothing -
    and it tore me.


    home is only far
    if you don't know where you are.

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  • The man speaks -- sean, 02:48:46 04/19/01 Thu
    I have a perminent boner and I can't seem to get rid of it.
    And don't forget kids, love is the curse of cast-aways.
    I sick and tired of all the Shakespear miss information, i dont want to end up gay.

    [ Edit | View ]

  • HEY SAIRA KHAN! -- Jessica, 03:10:40 04/18/01 Wed
    Koonts told me today that you have a message board...

    I did not know this. But I want to know it.

    So make me know it and I will know it.

    Like you.

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  • i want a milkshake factory soooooo bad. -- saira, 19:07:17 04/18/01 Wed
    i can't wait
    till my pulse
    stops caring.
    and then your
    whispers will
    swim across my
    palm and i'll
    keep my eyes
    shut of you.
    a lot can be
    said with that
    sidesweeping
    glance of yours,
    but i ignore
    it along with
    everything else.
    it disgusts me
    to see you lift
    the skin right
    off of me, but
    you're the one
    who's exposed.
    your lies are
    packaged neatly
    beside my bed,
    wrapped with
    the piece of hair
    you so viciously
    pulled out as
    you stole my head.
    right off my face.
    peach blossoms
    intertwine with
    your stubby toes.
    what a giant you've
    become, and in 4
    weeks you'll
    grow in reverse.
    the removal of a
    mole leaves a
    scar for you
    to dwell upon
    for years to come.

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  • "Detachable Penis" by King Missile. -- Jessica, 02:51:09 04/18/01 Wed
    I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time: it's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time: I can leave it home when I think it's going to get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it.
    First I looked around my apartment and I couldn't find it so I called up the place where the party was. They hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet (because for some reason I leave it there sometimes) but not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called some other people from the party but they were no help either.

    I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.

    After a few hours of searching the house and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed. So I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast. Then as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's place where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. He wanted 22 bucks, but I talked him down to 17. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on.

    I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but, I don't know. Even though it's sometimes a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.

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  • i didn't even wanna post this cuz it sucks, but whatever. -- jessica, 00:04:30 04/18/01 Wed

    "facing"

    it's a waste of
    space inside this scratch
    race, cuz i can peel off this
    face faster than you can
    erase it, and that makes me a disgrace.

    i tied your shoelaces today,
    just to see you fall
    the way i'm afraid to.

    and you cut up your face,
    in about a million different place-
    s.
    but i've always got a backup replace-
    ment - just in case
    (ou need to be someone you're not.)

    but they're always gonna see you
    inside your eyes
    - & it's what you need to know, so.

    but it's always gonna be pointless to try & make you see,
    'cuz baby, that's all i am -

    pointless little me.

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  • † -- jessica, 23:46:29 04/17/01 Tue


    and you're so beautiful
    cause you're all mine
    yeah, you're all mine

    I love it here
    I am it here
    I live it here
    yeah, I am it here

    and you're so beautiful



    -imogen heap

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  • Better spent -- Hobbes, 14:54:40 04/17/01 Tue

    I tried my best to kill the time
    but time was killing me
    everyday
    that i was away
    from you

    Countless hours
    went into making grooves on my fingertips
    My time was so much better spent
    with you

    Thinking and wondering
    if
    I could ever work hard enough
    to be that person i wanted to be
    without
    you

    The satisfaction of surrendor
    would be a pleasure i could never feel
    The race towards nothing kept getting faster and faster
    My time was so much better spent
    inside of you

    You were my thoughts, my wanted change...
    my everything

    You were always on my mind
    you were always right there
    you were always so close

    My time was so much better spent...
    with you

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  • Behind the front is where i would like to stand -- Hobbes, 14:36:49 04/17/01 Tue

    Doorway marks...
    Lines seperated the years of growth.
    I could fit a year of change into every inch
    that climbed up the side of my bedroom door.
    The hinges are gone now
    The house is gone now
    I'm gone now
    standing behind a front
    in a city without a name

    In the process
    i've stopped keeping track of change
    but still
    i know im constantly changing
    to remain the same

    If i could use my weakness as a weapon
    I would cut right into the heart of understanding
    but i can't do that now with the way my mind is set

    fight or flight sounds ridiculous to me
    if you are facing yourself
    because niether can work outside of a circle
    and im so F*cking tired of circles

    And im convinced
    that you are the only one worth convincing
    and i would love to meet you sometime
    behind the front

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  • let me go... i love that song. -- saira, 19:54:57 04/17/01 Tue
    you found my name
    and pocketed it
    as your own.
    with a smile i joked
    how you control
    every inch of me.
    even my identity.
    and then you threw
    it back in my
    face, tho
    i was never quite
    ready for the pitch.

    straddled on your
    lap, swinging side
    to side, i know
    it's too late cos
    no matter how slowly
    i look at you, your
    face isn't like it
    was yesterday.

    disturbed with the
    mention of the rest,
    i give you nothing.
    cos it all came back
    at me and seeped through
    my pores. that was
    the death of me.
    shine a light through
    my ear and you'll see
    the last crusade
    fighting in my head.

    emptiness never felt fuller.

    allotting time for
    myself is no problem
    when i spend every waking
    minute wiping off
    my shadows.

    i place a thornless
    rose next to your
    framed smile,
    in full admittance to
    the past and denial
    of the future.

    so as i apply my war
    paint to my face
    you'll stare at me
    and forget that ugly
    sneer that engulfed
    the narrow lines
    of my face.
    i could taste my
    bitter smile each
    time it spiraled
    towards you in hope
    of defering you
    from your path.

    but no more.

    you're gone.
    and i'm left holding
    my leash.
    cos i know your
    slippery hand won't
    last in my firm grip.

    my green smile does no more to you than the twitch of your eyes from my hollow touch.

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  • an edited cut and pasted virsion of two poems in one -- rYaN, 20:50:23 04/17/01 Tue
    the glasses of pathetic tears overflowing dripping down to the ground of nothingness and sorrow the bottled up hatred inside turns into desperation and guilt maybe i should wipe the pathetic vaporous water that doesn't drop but comes out from my pours in forms of aggression and violence take my trust throw it on the ground and stomp on it rip my heart out from the bellows of my chest watch it beat for and only you crush it along with my hopes and dreams and what will never be watch the fragments pulsate with life as you stand hovered over your path of destruction that you shelter from yourself my body shrivels up emotions run dry i am tapped clean of the joy i once had and will never again have for you i hope it was worth it so i should stop searching for a soul that was never found and will never be
    after all an eternity alone is only an inconvenience if you are a lonely person

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  • it's a hopeless conclusion. -- jessica, 03:19:55 04/17/01 Tue

    "I try to be your Girl Next Door ...


    But I burnt the brownies."

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  • d'ja ever notice that i almost-always end my poems with some sort of 1- or 2-line conclusion? we are creatures of habit ... -- Jessica, 06:16:05 04/16/01 Mon
    (i'm on a mission to make every single stanza EVER start with the word 'and'.)


    "and"


    and though it seemed to stay
    exactly the same,
    it was shifting in unimaginable steps.

    & it didn't all go from 1 to 2,
    or from up to down.
    things can sometimes skip a stone.

    & though you seemed to say
    that everything was ok,
    your feet were shuffling in unimaginable leaps.

    and you didn't all go from here to there,
    or from me to you.
    you can sometimes skip a stir -

    and it's almost enough to feign sleep
    with eyes
    open.


    and you know,
    causing so much commotion
    just might shock you almost to the point
    of believing yourself.
    you know it's bad when you remember the lies
    better than the truth.

    & here you stay,
    fooling everyone and yourself,
    getting by on next to nothing
    when you've got everything,
    and next to everything when you've got nothing.

    makes me wonder which way is down.

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  • ? -- jessica, 03:03:46 04/17/01 Tue

    "me times you"

    double-dealing,
    double-faced,
    doublehearted,
    double-minded,
    double-tongued,
    double you.

    and singled-out me.

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  • oh, poop. -- Jessica, 02:44:03 04/17/01 Tue

    hah. so i got my permit today.

    and in 4 years, when i'm done with college, i can drive.

    i'll be counting down the days. NOT.


    (isn't it great being the fuckin' baby??)

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  • yes! -- Jessica, 00:54:04 04/16/01 Mon

    i finally wrote a new song, guys. on the piano, though. but it's still pretty cool. first thing i've written in a couple of months. yeah.

    "not that easy"
    *my new song


    it's not that easy anymore
    to shut you out
    when you're everywhere
    - it's not that easy anymore

    maybe the time will come when you'll see something in me

    & it's not that easy anymore
    to keep you waiting for an answer
    - not that easy anymore
    to shut you up

    was it that hard in the first place to rip me out of your eyes?

    (*my favorite part:)
    & i'm not coming back once i'm gone
    though i'll never forget where i - come - from -

    it's not that easy anymore
    to keep myself from running away
    - not that easy anymore
    to keep from saying it all

    it's not that easy anymore
    - not that easy anymore
    i'll never forget where i come from ...
    where i come from ...
    where i come from ...

    where i come from.

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  • º -- jessica, 05:39:10 04/16/01 Mon









    "you know you taste like cancer."

    -hot rod circuit

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  • the first thing i've written in a while, and it sucks, so bite me. -- jessica, 21:54:39 04/13/01 Fri

    "on thick"


    & i'm feeling almost like sidewalk chalk lately,
    the way i'm poured on thick,
    then left to wash away as soon as the rain comes.

    & so i guess i don't have legs
    when it comes to walking away anymore.
    i stick around,
    and i try until i'm blue in the face.

    and i hear you laughing,
    but i can't seem to pull myself away
    from the idea that is you.

    it's lonely in this crowd.

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  • I command you. -- ~~Lauren, 00:28:25 04/16/01 Mon



    If you all know what's good for you, you shall have a moment of silence this Easter day....

    for, sadly, Joey Ramone died today of lymphatic cancer at the age of 49.


    Now bow your heads.

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  • this does not have a title and it is not poetry -- rYaN, 14:28:40 04/10/01 Tue
    shattered dreams
    a broken heart
    now im back
    right from the start

    i loved her so
    i really did
    those tears of pain
    from her i hid

    she was the sponge
    that would absorb my pain
    being with her
    would make it go away

    she hurt me so
    but i want her back
    because without her
    its happiness i lack

    rip my heart
    right from my chest
    watch the blood drip
    down my chest

    see the pain
    i am going through
    i only wish
    that you were too

    you were the one
    i thought i knew
    but now i say
    fuck you im through

    go ahead
    and fuck the guys
    go ahead
    and spread lies

    i don't give a fuck
    because your a bitch
    finally i got rid of
    this nasty itch

    the itch is you
    and your lies
    i hope the tears
    drip down your eyes

    when you read this song
    and clench your fist
    to know that you
    will not be missed

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  • "The Pits..." or "Holy Hell, This Blows!" -- Willie, 15:26:36 04/13/01 Fri
    Haulin' this load
    Of questionless answers
    Or questions without thought

    Weighing me down
    Pushing me through the sand
    Last gasp of air as I sink

    Looking around in the dark
    Realizing there's nothing to see
    And remembering 'The Princess Bride'

    I try and think
    If I should fight for air
    Will it make it worse? Do I care anymore?

    My feet hit ground
    I'm twenty feet down
    I think I found Hoffa's body...peace...

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  • yuck -- saira, 19:30:21 04/11/01 Wed
    duuuude, at least 24 people died in johannesburg, south africa cos people kinda crowded into the soccer stadium. jeez. i don't like that. not one bit.

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  • ...(dunno, she didn't name it)... -- ~~Lauren (I'm postin' it for her, so it may not be exactly how it should be presented...), 17:40:47 04/13/01 Fri
    something about your pink
    and your incessant need
    to pry me closer
    works it ease and jazz
    and intoxication
    into breathless nights.
    and it all drowns out with the syrup
    and it all plays on the daylight
    and nothing says you can't hear me hum
    when I'm looking at you
    silently.
    and it's all too much-
    much more than i hoped for-
    to have this silk
    brush against the back of my neck
    and your palms,
    all at the same time.

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  • My Erotic Thoughts - this is a general piece, not directed at any person -- Crysta, 02:58:00 04/13/01 Fri
    I want to write to you from the words of my relentless passion that unfolds before me. The passion that tells me the art of love resides in desperation and the combination of need and want should consume every thought within the breath of a kiss. Imagine my lips upon yours, quivering with excited anticipation, but pulling away to savor the time. It's with desperation that I pull you back toward me, inhaling your sweetness with my mouth slightly open, in one quick breath-catching gasp. And I feel this spirit rise within me when you shiver against the warmth, the electricity, of my touch.
    But from then on I fail. Each step further I see dragging me to doom, until I break away abruptly. Eventually, I can't even look in your eyes when my excitement below controls me, because I do not want to reach the end. After the initial embrace, I fail to see the beauty...and continuing proves impossible.
    Yet I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop being driven by it. I can't stop imagining you imagining me under your sheets to witness the first breath-taking moment until it's over in an epic period of enchantment.
    Though I can only play my one fiddle, I continue to dance to the orchestras filling my erotic thoughts.

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  • RAdio Wires -- Hobbes, 14:12:56 04/12/01 Thu
    I clipped a vein on my wrist
    pulled it from my forearm
    until it dangled from my body...
    like a radio wire
    I waited
    for the pain and blood to fill my eyes,
    but i didn't bleed.
    The confusion set in
    just as the music began to play...


    Broken picks stood on shattered teeth
    to hear the sound
    coming from vertical mouths
    on a fretting hand

    My ear began to drink harmonics
    theroies turned to improvisasions
    power chords,
    muted hesitations
    a shattered silience
    filling an empty room
    was all too much
    to understand

    Radio wires wrapped around my legs
    and drug me deep within
    just as i was closing my eyes
    plugging myself in
    and doing my best...

    to deafen the day

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  • WOOOHOOO -- JenSima, 18:52:42 04/12/01 Thu


    So on a whim, I enterred a poem of mine into this internatonal poetry contest...now it's a semifinalist and is being published by the International Library of Poetry because of my "unique perspective and artistic vision." something maggie said about the poem made me enter..so yeah, this is the poem:

    "Endulged"

    It's been such a long time
    since I've been able to
    hold you under my breath
    and keep you inside me
    We can't lie through
    our teeth anymore
    the artificial sweetness is
    beginning to make them rot
    We've filled ourselves with
    only the finest our past had
    to offer

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  • My erotic thoughts -- Crysta, 02:50:02 04/13/01 Fri
    I wan to you from the words of my relentless passion that unfolds before me. The passion that tells me the art of love resides in desperation and the combination of need and want should consume every thought within the breath of a kiss. Imagine my lips upon yours, quivering with excited anticipation, but pulling away to savor the time. It's with desperation that I pull you back toward me, inhaling your sweetness with my mouth slightly open, in one quick breath-catching gasp. And I feel this spirit rise within me when you shiver against the warmth, the electricity, of my touch.

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  • . -- jess, 23:49:26 04/11/01 Wed
    "And every time I look in the mirror my eyes stand out at me and I give myself that brave little smile and I blow my nose and I think "poor girl, she looks so pathetic, like she's just had a very very rough day. It must be so hard for her, but she's putting on quite a brave front. I should say something nice to her to make her feel better" and then I laugh at myself for being so silly."

    -?

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  • jess sucks -- Zhi Zhi, 13:09:15 04/10/01 Tue
    I wish i could bring words to life
    the way that you do
    your voice can draw attention to an ordinary word
    and reshape its meaning into whatever you want it to be

    and there is something in your sound
    that expresses deeper thoughts
    than i think you are aware of

    most people do not dare to be philisophical
    there is just too much at risk
    no one can stand to bear an awkward silience
    without wanting to break it with a joke and a shared laughter
    its a clever way we have found to avoid answering things

    but...
    you are one step ahead of laughter
    you have a unique ability to keep everyone's attention
    they are drawn to you
    to your voice
    and they listen
    while you question and answer...
    while you say...
    everything that you see and feel

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  • "Relentless" -- Jen Sima, 22:56:05 04/11/01 Wed

    The silence in your seconds
    between breathing:
    I'm sick of holding onto.
    and I'm done waiting
    for your heart to skip a beat
    I refuse to beat
    a dead horse

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  • Believable Characters in an 8-hour world -- Hobbes, 15:53:58 04/11/01 Wed
    ...resetting...

    Ms. Irrelevant opened her eyes just as she was parting from a world of symbolic images that we have come to call dreams.
    She thought nothing of it though.
    Anything with a name, no matter how mysterious,
    becomes easy to over look in time.

    She had slept in the same posistion on the bed since she was little, curled into a little ball on her right side.
    She wasn't exactly sure why she couldn't fall asleep any other way.
    She thought nothing of it though.

    She got up and reluctantly made her way to the bathroom.
    She didn't look in the mirror right away, instead she thought of the days before she found her reflection, she thought of the days before she chained herself to that damn piece of glass.
    It was only a brief pause though.
    Vanity was something she despised
    but it wasn't something she wanted to give up.

    Insecurity rang the door bell about an hour later to take her to school in his new Expedition. He was more self aware than his arrogant attitude might have you believe.

    She opened the door and gave a forced hug, more out of obligation than anyhthing else.They had been seeing each other for about a month.
    He didn't look as good as he did to her before she knew his name, but that wasn't important anymore.


    ...resetting...

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  • Hey look, Lauren! -- Jessic@, 19:09:53 04/11/01 Wed
    There's an archive!

    We've finally figured it out!!

    WOOHOO!!!

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  • message board -- boyle, 01:30:31 04/10/01 Tue
    the message board is neosporin for the soul

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  • i miss... -- saira, 02:34:48 04/10/01 Tue
    the poetry of sara, jay, ryan, and erik.

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  • i feel like a bitch -- saira, 01:40:21 04/11/01 Wed
    today i’ve come to
    the conclusion that
    i hate assumptions.
    and it’s ignorant
    to think walking in
    step is the same as
    walking the same path.
    plastered on your face
    is an image so
    intensely shallow
    i have to resist
    scraping off the
    loose fibers.

    finishing my sentence doesn’t mean
    completing my thoughts.

    and i always see you,
    one step behind.
    a tidal wave of bows
    for your turpentine smile.
    but you don’t let them
    down, with those
    sugar-coated words
    you swing to their necks.
    lying an inch thick
    on the tip of your
    red tongue.
    an ego like yours doesn’t
    falter under pressure.

    hidden in your grip
    is hot coal, ready
    to sear. but even
    that lets off steam
    with your cool touch.

    and you hit me,
    with a slap so fast
    only a blind eye
    can see it.
    and a wound so
    immense that it
    leaves no trace.

    i shiver when i think we used to be one and the same.

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  • its funny how it says message subject required but yet no words can put a subject or a title on how i feel so i say fuck you i don't want to put a fucking message subject -- rYaN, 18:54:47 04/11/01 Wed
    the glasses
    of pathetic tears
    overflowing
    dripping down
    to the ground
    of nothingness and sorrow
    the bottled up
    hatred inside
    turns into
    desperation and guilt
    whos fault is it?
    maybe mine?
    what did i do
    to push you to the limits
    that i once exceeded
    and would never
    dare to again
    maybe i should
    wipe the pathetic
    vaporous water
    that doesn't drop
    but comes out
    from my pours
    in forms of
    aggression and violance
    towards the people
    who love me most
    and i should stop
    searching for a soul
    that was never found
    and will never be
    after all
    an eternity alone
    is only an inconvinience
    if you are a lonely
    person

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  • ? -- ____, 01:01:37 04/11/01 Wed
    there's nothing like puttin
    on my faded blue jeans
    with that stain on the knee
    from the time we slid
    on your front lawn.
    and i can still smell
    the grass you so
    carelessly stuffed in
    my pocket as you rolled
    by, hands over your head.
    and we stumbled upon
    the flashing neon signs
    of the bad part of town
    we were always warned against.
    stopped us in mid-laugh,
    and you ducked your head
    behind my sharp shoulder
    and peeked through my
    tangled head.
    and as it glared at us,
    i knew it burned you.
    as we walked away,
    distant, you didn’t look
    my way. and then that night,
    you still didn’t look my way.
    but the next day we played
    in the field, though now there
    was an invisible line forcing
    us to keep some distance.
    once you ran and glanced
    over the fence they put
    up the other night.
    to block the sinners
    was the explanation
    given to our inquiring eyes.
    separation from
    all those evil things.
    and you knelt down
    and shoved your tiny
    wrist under the wire.
    pulled out a long red ribbon.
    you gave it to me and
    i placed it in my shoe.
    now it rests
    on my lowest shelf.
    the dust collector.
    every now and then i
    stoop over to glance at
    it and risk sneezing.
    but just when i want
    to remember my
    venture towards the red devil.
    i have his noose as my proof.

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  • tehehehe... -- ~~Lauren, 02:00:44 04/11/01 Wed

    A conversation between Erik and me...while we were testing our Napster Tunes Trivia...

    "Do you know how pathetic this is?? We're seniors on our spring break!!" --Me
    "FUCK THAT!! Who cares if everyone FORGETS us and if they're too cool?? 'OOOhh... I work at Great Adventure doing MY old job!!' They can go fuck each other in the poop shoot...sideways, right in the corn hole, until they crack and their liver dies!! I hope they get hepatitis from some fat smelly old person at Great Adventure and die!!" --Erik


    So...yea... Happy Spring Break.
    And Erik says "P.S. I hope you have to tatoo a fat mexican girl on the leg after she hasn't shaved in a week and a half!!"

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  • some words of the crazy pakaskani -- saira, 01:02:42 04/11/01 Wed
    call me crazy if you will.
    but i slip through that
    gap of a window and
    stand on the edge of my
    roof, just cos i like
    to see how far i can
    place my heels before
    my heart hides.

    other times i lie
    on the dirt and peer
    at the sky. with images
    of you overhead. close
    enough to see but still
    too far to hold.
    and you say i’m a tease...

    in empty rooms
    i dance with myself
    to the song you hummed
    right before the black of
    my lids engulfed my eyes.
    and when i hear the song
    playing on the radio,
    i close my eyes and can
    almost pick out your image.
    almost...

    i have this insane habit
    of smelling people.
    i just bury my nose
    and inhale.
    i remember how
    your shirt reeked of
    tomato sauce cos
    of your mom’s cookin.
    and there was a slight
    touch of vanilla in it too,
    cos there was a time when
    you held me tight.

    sometimes i stumble over
    the bare floor where you slept.
    it's kinda like you’re still there.
    just a bit more hollow than usual.

    but i’m just crazy y’know.

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  • Older siblings suck, especially when you have to watch their hell bent kids -- Hobbes, 14:48:29 04/10/01 Tue
    Ninja Turtles, Muppet babies,Thundercats, Transformers, Fraggle Rock, The Smurfs, Scooby doo, The snorks, Chip and Dale, Tale spin, Alvin and the Chip munks, .... damn, the list could go on forever

    Where in the hell are they?

    I can't stand watching my niece and neph sit in front of the tv when all they want to watch is Pokemon.... Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon!!God Damn japanamation!!
    DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!!
    shit, i heard something break, gotta go

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  • below the surface of our selves -- Zhi Zhi (sounds like shjoo shjoo), 14:29:04 04/10/01 Tue
    "... to ascend again from the darkness is, as the Latin poet tells us, the difficult thing, and he who would make the descent had better secure his lines of communication with the surface"
    ----William Barrett, IRRATIONAL MAN

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  • "Monsoon" -- Jen Sim, 02:05:47 04/10/01 Tue

    I've taken your seeds
    and stored them away for
    the winter
    I'm using my strength at will this time
    the lightning has become a precious
    comfort
    You're blue in my face now
    I know it must hurt you to see my
    orchids soak
    Everything is coming up roses this week
    and I'm drowning your garden
    again

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  • i hope jon gets me out of my house tomorrow. i really hope so. -- saira, 01:51:25 04/10/01 Tue
    for 57 days now
    i’ve watched my night
    be wilted away.
    and with my withered
    hands, i wrung my
    salty shirt.
    from my cushioned chair
    i watched as my own
    flesh crawled to the
    other side of my corpse.
    i hate how my smile
    is always fabricated.
    and each wave i give
    seems to send you away.
    but rather than stampede
    over me, you choose
    to tip toe along my ribs,
    and watch as my face blues.
    and between the short breaths
    i gasp your name
    but you can’t hear me
    over all them compliments.

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  • i'm so jealous -- saira, 01:40:57 04/10/01 Tue
    . disconnected
    from an unobjective
    smile that tilts
    from cheek to cheek.
    or ear to ear.
    and it builds up in
    my fist with each pounding
    of my heart against my brain.

    and we aggravate each other.

    torrent winds only
    brush me away from
    your elusive self.
    and never that far.

    so i ask...
    at what ungodly hour will
    i be called upon by you?
    cos i’m not sure if these
    weakened knees can
    withstand the pressure
    installed with each gaping
    movement of your mouth.

    and i linger still,
    from dusk till dusk...
    and then some.
    i’ll wander your hills
    in search of a sturdy
    plot to build myself upon.

    yet i’ll still be left with the ringing of your cries in the back of my throat.

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  • dancer in the dark - you have to see this movie. -- [JeŽica.], 00:44:08 04/02/01 Mon

    "what about china? have you seen the great wall?"

    "all walls are great if the roof doesn't fall.

    i have seen the dark, & i've seen the brightness in one little spark.

    i've seen what i was, and i know what i'll be -
    i've seen it all - there is no more to see."


    -bjork


    "dancer in the dark" is the most amazing movie i've seen in a long time - possibly ever. it was such a breath of fresh air that as tired as i was watching the end of this movie towards 3 in the morning, i still couldn't take the time to blink because my eyes were so riveted towards the screen. i never could bjork could act, but boy, did she prove me wrong.

    and the end... i can't even begin to ruin the movie for you.

    you have to see it. you just have to. i'm making you.

    go.

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  • I pledge allegiance to the B-movie actors. -- erik, 22:55:54 04/06/01 Fri
    Gary Busey is bulletproof,
    but is he the best of the best
    either way he is hard to kill
    like a legionaire
    who is under seige
    he's fled the sceen.
    Charles Bronson, or Nick Nolte
    duke it out in a twisted bloodsport
    while time cops arrest Van Dam,
    there is still a hidden target
    who's name is Eric Roberts,
    but as for me,
    I've got thirty-six hours to die....

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  • "Ex-communicate" -- Sima, 23:44:29 04/09/01 Mon

    All I want is enough time
    to be alone with your secrets
    to be able to push them through
    the cracks in the door.

    I wish I could stumble upon
    these treasures
    for my ears on the
    other side

    All I need is just one hour
    to spend in your closet,
    with all your soft and fading
    lights out.

    I know I could manage
    to sift through and find
    your golden lies
    though in hollow darkness

    Just give me free-range
    to your dirty shoe boxes
    maybe I could dust them off
    and organize them
    while I'm in there

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  • Writing from the wrong places -- --------, 22:37:10 04/09/01 Mon
    If I threw myself at you
    in this fragile state
    How would i be recieved?

    I would rather be dropped
    by you
    than caught
    I would rather be sold
    by you
    than bought
    because compliments can decieve
    a mind
    full of thought
    Into thinking
    it is something
    that it's not

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  • "Downpour" -- Sima, 23:10:20 04/09/01 Mon


    I wish I could make you
    hold me a captive
    in your closet
    i wish to lay upon the shoes
    you've used
    to walk over me
    just so you have trouble
    moving my massive, fragile body
    before you put them on
    again

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  • Traced faces -- --------, 13:16:27 04/09/01 Mon
    Mr. Mistake hid behind a tree too big to hug
    while waiting for cinnamon brown hair and auburn eyes
    to climb down from the balcony

    ...it would be years before he would become
    the toy she would stuff under the bed
    everytime Daddy knocked at her door...

    She suprised him from behind in a blue night gown
    with a playful smile
    that was seducitvely inoccent

    Standing in a light shade of white
    created by a curious moon
    he began to trace her face over and over again

    he tasted her
    he tasted her pouty lips
    that were weighed down with a sweet posion

    and collected the memory

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  • Seeing how today must be quote day -- sean, 03:37:20 04/08/01 Sun
    Your look and movements echo the sound of a bird in midflight, like a chinese pear so sweat but not tender enough to call you an angel cake. For the bark on your tree is thick and woven in to your image so tightly that i can not see the inner clock that makes you tick.

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  • ...Home Fries... -- ~~Lauren, 01:29:26 04/09/01 Mon

    so we sat at supper
    in early afternoon
    ready to end our day.
    and i tried my worst
    to hide my face
    behind my five fingers.
    "someone once told me i have an old soul,"
    i tell you, as you brush it off -
    your face tells me
    you have every reason to believe
    i'm lying.
    and the simplicity of this
    became a secret
    when we weren't looking.
    "and someday your body'll catch up,"
    you reply back -
    but i know the truth :
    you'll be here.
    there's no getting rid of you.
    you try making me comfortable
    by contorting my view of comfort,
    as the clock strikes two
    and the sun's still up.
    our chairs creak with movement
    and our throats crack with silence
    as we stay,
    ready to end our day.
    no two people were as independent
    from the thought of being lonely
    as we are
    when we stare at supper together
    at two.

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  • "has boxing been good to you?" -- jessica., 17:07:08 04/09/01 Mon

    "sometimes, i punch myself
    hard as i can,
    yelling 'nobody cares,'
    hoping someone will tell me
    how wrong i am."

    -bf5

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  • i really feel like reading "catcher in the rye" right now... -- saira, 00:34:51 04/09/01 Mon
    your acid tongue
    spits word, and every
    cold breath you take
    forms a dagger.
    pointed at me.

    the nerve of it all.

    a turn of the head,
    a blind eye to my face.
    as you stumble over your
    spite for me, formed
    to cover that scab
    of the mask you wear so well.

    injected with venom.
    that's me.
    only a little sweeter,
    cos that's me too.

    and damn it all.

    a different lie
    makes it a little prettier
    for my bleeding eyes
    to trust.

    i bite into the apple
    that you warmed in
    your hands.
    the same hands
    that manipulated
    my head when i rolled
    my eyes back at night.

    eating words with a spoon.
    and spitting out the pits.

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  • Fools' Gold -- Hobbes, 17:29:07 04/07/01 Sat
    I'm an idiot to complain about anything,
    but i knew that already.
    It just hurts to see my twisted looks
    mirrored in the eyes of a four year old with cancer.

    But im way beyond taking things for granted by now.
    Im cut too deep to feel any scars on the surface,
    so its not as hard as it was to look away.

    And in my new found audacity
    i question anything, everything,
    until im void of feeling,
    and stripped of emotion.
    And in the end
    im still left without answers.

    I guess it all depends on the day,
    or the weather.
    It feels good to be mad sometimes
    It feels good to be stupid sometimes
    It feels good to laugh, scream, run away,
    and regret...
    sometimes

    I guess that makes me a massochistic hedonist
    enjoying the pleasure of the pain...
    but not always.
    I could never be a full-time anything
    only in pieces
    scattered all over every aspect of every personality trait that could be imagained



    Its weird to read myself
    i guess i say i guess too much
    and of course im getting off of the subject
    that i didnt create in the first place

    A part of me recognizes that i am not considering something,
    that there is a million things that i have not thought of
    a part of me doesn't care
    a part of me realizes that if i didnt care, i wouldnt have took the time to say it
    but im used to lying by now
    a part of me is pushing
    a part of me is pulling
    so "i guess" i should know why i feel so stretched
    a part of me needs to end this damn stanza already...

    there are just too many damn parts to me.

    Anyway, (another one of my 'i guess words')
    uhm,
    so anyway...
    i saw fools gold staring me in the face from a magazine article
    the damn page might as well have pointed at me
    i swear to God
    that God is a writer
    or a magician
    with a jacked up since of humor
    and he wont leave me alone

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  • "Images of Someone..." -- Willie, 19:50:38 04/08/01 Sun
    How can it be
    That I'm so full
    Of happiness
    Yet I keep staring away
    At nothing or something
    Images of someone
    But then I realize
    And look back at you...

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  • Simplicity -- Beatitude, 02:25:50 04/08/01 Sun


    I know that I'm weak
    my knees have yet to learn
    how to hold my own weight
    it's so much easier to sink back in,
    than teach myself how to stand on my own-
    even if i do get stuck in the mud
    at least i have you to kick me out
    again.

    And still through all this madness,
    there's one thing i seem to have learned
    it's impossible to rid my legs of your dirt
    when I force myself to believe you can be
    my soap

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  • Paint Chipped Paper -- Nothingface, 22:40:57 04/06/01 Fri
    Liars in dark
    creep through defenses,
    huddle in the mind,
    confuse the hell out of me.

    Damnation in thought
    not of religious,
    of you fading from us
    and me left here.

    Evil laughs cloud my eyes
    staining everything I see,
    amplifying discomfort
    through overbearing admiration.

    Wallpaper thoughts
    with paint chips peeling,
    discrete though obvious,
    I don't know what I'm seeing.

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  • "Happiness & The Fish" -- Jen Sim, 01:09:55 04/08/01 Sun


    Bored again by happiness
    All those friends I've lost in there
    I'm upset
    Happiness is not a fish that you can catch
    Imagination can't resist this laziness
    That pins you down, get on your knees
    Everyone you meet today is feeling
    Useless and ashamed

    ~~Our Lady Peace~~

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  • An actual e-mail I received from Mr. Taylor today ... -- -Jessica, 00:50:44 04/08/01 Sun

    "me da Man!!"

    -Mr. Taylor

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  • ...definitely... -- ~~Lauren, 22:12:43 04/07/01 Sat


    "Never take it seriously. If you don't take it seriously, you won't get hurt. If you don't get hurt, you always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends."

    ~~Almost Famous.

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  • how true. -- jessica, 20:52:35 04/07/01 Sat

    "sometimes a guitar can be your only friend."

    -the lyndsay diaries

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  • without you... -- [JeŽica.], 21:33:44 04/05/01 Thu

    "without you, everything falls apart.


    without you ...

    it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces."


    -9"nails

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  • . -- jessica, 17:50:59 04/07/01 Sat

    "i do the best imitation of myself."

    -bf5

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  • Internal Squabble -- Crysta, 03:03:11 04/06/01 Fri
    Steal this moment,
    My moment,
    To change.
    Anger doubles in the pit of my stomache,
    Multiplying to the point of combustion,
    Until I'm swaddled in depression.

    You left the color of my lips
    Smeared accross my cheek,
    And that tell-tale flush
    Never spotted my chest,
    Yet forced by the back of my hand
    I'll continue to ride along,
    Smiling at your catching breath,
    Twitching shoulders.

    Don't you point your finger
    Down my throat,
    I'll chuck it all back at ya,
    Just to smother your presciousness,
    Selfless selfishness.

    And though I am so fixated
    On whatever passion I can't release,
    No passion can ever work around
    The obstacles I place in my footsteps.



    Stolen time,
    Taking turns with my extroversions,
    Fighting beneath the elasticity of my skin,
    Accusing and bruising,
    Never reaching any conclusion
    Besides the fact that my mind is bleeding out my ears.

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  • people who don't reply to mine & lauren's poem bite the big one. -- jessica, 23:48:14 04/04/01 Wed
    ...so do it.

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  • oh brother -- Crysta, 22:13:08 04/05/01 Thu
    I long for you to tousle my hair
    And playfully wrestle me to the ground.

    Let me jog along after you and your friends,
    While you smile at how I adore you.

    Laugh at the little boy in me,
    My hair falling out of the backward's baseball cap,
    And chewing "Big League" baseball gum.

    Just knowing the same blood runs through our veins...
    Makes me wonder how you've never come to know I exist.

    [ Edit | View ]

  • this is bout someone too...but it's not as mean as it seems. -- saira, 20:39:39 04/05/01 Thu
    a splitting of hairs,
    you and me.
    it's not that i
    follow your tracks.
    tho you'd love that.
    a green finger pokes
    my ribs, but my hands
    have always been
    bigger than yours.
    i could never get
    paper cuts from
    glossy covers
    before you.
    embossed in perfection.
    your invisible foot
    is placed strategically
    to get me.

    but that's me being paranoid.

    dancing in my head,
    amongst all the rummage,
    is a small guilt.
    but it's all a play.
    and you're starring in it.
    i just hold back your curtain.

    and it's always
    avoiding you avoiding me.

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  • i wrote this with someone in mind... and it turned into a different someone after i was done writing. it was kinda cool. -- saira, 19:41:18 04/05/01 Thu
    i hear your smile
    from the whites
    of my eyes.
    and i know it's you
    by the sound of
    your throat quivering
    each time you
    roll you r's.
    i pretend not to
    pretend to notice,
    and shuffle soundlessly
    towards you,
    leaning at every weak
    smile you give me.
    forming circles around
    the given area.
    despite your eager
    attempts to turn face
    away from me, i side
    step your pacing.
    and find myself centered.
    smack in front of your forehead.
    so close i can smell the sweet
    of your breath.
    and i cringe.
    grabbing your hand,
    i wipe my tongue of
    my spite.
    onto your palm.

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  • i ... have.... no idea. -- [jeŽica.], 23:38:38 04/02/01 Mon

    "stuck"

    and i don't remember what you told me to,
    cuz there's too much all up stuck in there,
    in my head, where there's a lot i want to say
    and even more i'll never get to see.

    i need a phone now more than ever,
    cuz there's something on fire -
    hell, i can smell the smoke -
    but y'know, i just don't know where it's comin' from.
    i guess i'm just too busy for it, walkin' through the rain
    that smells like dry.

    and you asked me for the truth,
    for the most real answer i could really give you -
    and all i could think of
    was to tell you to listen to your heart,
    cuz that's the only thing that will show you the truth
    when you're looking in a mirror
    too unlucky to show you just fog.

    i know it was bullshit, but you know it's exactly what you wanted to hear.

    and if you could change anything at all in yourself,
    i bet you'd change the way everyone else sees you.
    i guess you're just not selfish enough to yourself.

    and maybe i just love you as much as is too much,
    to wish the best for you, where you see in yourself
    what you almost believe you see in me
    when i'm really 4 thousand, eight-one miles away.

    but you know, i'm still holdin' your hand,
    cuz i always promised that's the one thing
    i wouldn't let go of,
    no matter how many pins and needles went a-coursin' through my veins.

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  • . . .View You. . . -- ~~Lauren, 23:08:20 04/03/01 Tue

    sometimes I want to
    roll over on that other side
    of you -
    just to get a whiff
    of what it's like
    just to get the chance
    to hear you scream at
    your left.
    and my back would twist
    just to realize
    your hair's the same
    no matter where you part it. . .
    your fingers are laced the
    same way
    around mine
    no matter how many rings I wear. . .
    and the paint's chipping
    just the same over here,
    on your left.

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  • High as a Cloud -- Crysta, 22:11:46 04/04/01 Wed
    Listening to dragging feet,
    Walking with eyes closed,
    Blind to those that surround me
    But exclude me.
    Their smiles taunt
    And their laughter exceeds my paranoia,
    I handle the package in my pocket
    Telling myself how much I could care less.

    Inhaling bliss
    In the lot after the bells stop ringing
    To laugh at others and slur reality,
    But the ringing continues in my ears
    As smoke tries to smother.

    Covering up and stretching out
    Tangents run trails before me,
    The fog before my eyes
    Clears on the inside,
    Split seconds turn epic.

    Wasting away
    Sensibility
    In discovering
    Transparency.

    But soon the clouds seep back in through my skin,
    And my eyes have to shut again,
    Blind to the sun,
    And the heat drags me down.

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  • "Turning Eleven" -- Jen Sim, 21:26:04 04/01/01 Sun
    Ugly stares
    coming forth
    from your direction
    can make my
    mind break
    And all that's left
    to say
    is already easily
    slipping from your lips
    I'm disappointed
    to realize
    that it's only
    what I've heard
    10 times over
    in the past hour
    And I can't turn away
    as much as I say
    I'd like to
    because your eyes have me
    and you know how
    to hold me in
    and keep me waiting
    for your tune
    to change.

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  • Old memories could pass for dreams.... and i can't remember whats real anymore -- Hobbes, 15:10:18 04/04/01 Wed
    The night walks towards me
    every time i try to walk away...



    I met fate
    on a bridge by the lake
    she was talking to the water
    it was the first warm night
    of spring

    I approached her from the side
    but she didnt acknowledge
    the subtle sound of foot steps
    hitting the concrete

    i doubt she would have cared anyway

    Clouds had fallen that night
    there was a damp fog...
    a breath of of gray smoke
    rising from ground

    and thats when things began to swirl

    from the moment i saw her
    I could relate to her posture
    and in her silence
    I could hear her say more than most
    could say in a year

    and then...
    she turned to me

    she looked at me
    instead of through me

    she didnt look for something to bounce off of my expression
    so that she could recieve something in return
    she didnt want my approval
    she didnt want any justification
    for her questions
    like everyone else does
    when they look at somebody

    She just looked at me
    instead of through me
    it was the strangest thing ive ever felt

    ...and thats where my memory ends


    I cant remember enough
    to forget
    what happened
    thats how things seem to stick in my mind
    the more holes
    the more attention
    and im searching the gaps
    for the rest of the story


    that's why i take late night walks
    even when the night walks
    away
    from me

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  • blessed solidarity... -- asdf, 18:02:40 04/04/01 Wed

    good ol' spoon to the heart trick
    way to hollow my sole like a used melon
    trapped in a spiral to my own heart's demise
    diving head first into the empty pool
    just a friend till the end ?
    gods permanant curse on the nice guy
    i wish i were the normal man
    with a razor blade to cut through relationships and hearts
    but cursed with my feather and a wet tissue for a heart
    my old house of a heart is becoming nothing but used paint

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  • Tension -- Hobbes, 15:22:43 04/04/01 Wed

    You don't like this place
    You want to be somewhere
    that you're not

    You don't like yourself
    You want to be someone
    that you're not

    and when you finally change
    i will want to be close to the person
    that you're not

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  • not too sure if anyone else here likes this band... "Its been awhile" -- Staind -- Hobbes, 11:13:00 04/03/01 Tue

    And its been awhile, since I could....hold my head up high
    And its been awhile, since I first saw you
    And its been awhile, since I could stand....on my own two feet again
    And its been awhile, since I could call you

    And everything I can remember
    Is fucked up as it always seemed
    The consequences that are rendered
    I stretched myself beyond my means

    And its been awhile, since I couldn't say....that I wasn't addicted and......
    Its been awhile, since I couldn't say I loved myself as well
    And its been awhile, since I've gone and fucked things up...just like I always do
    And its been awhile, but all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

    And everything I can remember
    Its fucked up as it always seemed
    The consequences that are renedered
    Gonna fuck things up again
    again

    Why must I feel this way
    Just make this go away
    Just one more peaceful day

    And its been awhile, since I could....look at myself straight
    And its been awhile, since I said I'm sorry
    And its been awhile, since I've seen the way....the candles light your face
    And its been awhile, but I can still remember just the way you taste

    And everything I can remember
    Is fucked up as it always seemed....to me I know this place
    Cant blame this on my father
    He did the best he could for me

    And its been awhile, since I could....hold my head up high
    And its been awhile, since I said I'm sorry

    [ Edit | View ]

  • Were you waiting for a real answer? cos here it is. "Broken Promise Ring" -- Jen Sim, 21:21:36 04/02/01 Mon


    I really wanna call you, but I know
    that it's not right.
    I probably shouldn't tell you but I
    dreamed of you last night.
    I guess I'm not prepared to say...
    goodbye, so long, farewell, I won't be
    seeing you again
    until next time that [she] goes away.

    You told me that you loved me, I
    started tearing down those walls.
    I really started to trust you but you set
    me up to take the fall.
    I guess I'm not prepared to say
    goodbye, so long, farewell, I won't be
    seeing you again
    until next time that [she] goes away.

    I guess that I'm wrong for falling in
    love,
    but you're still the one that I'm
    dreaming of.
    I guess that it's you I want to hold
    onto,
    but you're holding onto someone else.

    ~~The Ataris

    [ Edit | View ]

  • "Muster..." -- Willie, 02:23:03 04/02/01 Mon
    Do you really see me
    When I catch you staring?
    So afraid
    You'll see that
    Person I can be
    But you make me forget
    Who that is
    Just because
    I can't do
    Without your smell
    On every inch
    Of mine
    And each time
    It hits me
    It reminds me
    Of the first time
    On that couch
    When you didn't care
    About consequences
    Just about
    That precious time
    We both knew
    Couldn't last
    And I loved how
    Your smell
    Told me so much
    About how much
    You mean
    To me
    And I'll do my best
    To get the most
    And give all I can
    For as much
    Precious time
    As I can muster...

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  • Only the good Stuff --- picking out the marshmellows -- Hobbes, 12:04:31 04/02/01 Mon
    So maybe im too old for Count Chocula...



    Sift through a written voice, look for something you've never seen, search for something you've never heard before,taste it if its sweet, keep it in your mouth, let it dissolve into your mind, The initial shock can be so comforting, Brush through words that you know you've heard before, Hear the stories you know you've lived before, The initial shock can move you just enough to change your direction, hopefully it will turn you around completely, so you can see just how many people were following you all along, How can i stay on top of this, how can i keep you on top of me, When you're made from scratch,And im made from scratches, Does creativity ever stop creating, or have we said everything too fast, Have you heard it all before, Is everything everyone says dull to you yet? Im trying my best to show you it can never end, unless you let it, Stop thinking yourself into knots you can't untie, stop telling yourself the same,the same damn lies,and can i say that I dont want to be selfish, but i really dont want to share you,and could you tell me, Who is next in your line,and can i cut?Or is that something you just do, i guess there is no reason to ask some one if you can step on their toes, might as well just do it, Junk never had any order,neither does this,but i guess you dont organize a trash can.... SIFT THROUGH A WRITTEN VOICE, sift through this paragraph, find the marshmellows...Only the good stuff
    sift through your life, find the marshmellows... Only the good stuff

    You can leave the rest in the box...
    i've got to go to school

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  • "Heave-Ho..." -- Willie, 01:24:24 04/02/01 Mon
    Tried my damndest
    But it wasn't enough
    Or rather, too much
    I can't tell
    If I was wrong
    For doing that
    Which felt right

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  • "Fight for Life..." -- Willie, 01:30:26 04/02/01 Mon
    All in all
    I can't say
    If this is all
    I have to tell

    Reasons why
    I dare to show
    What's in me
    Damn my eyes

    Not my fault
    For letting you
    Go when all
    You did was struggle

    Scatter thoughts
    Blown asunder
    Clawing my way
    Back to here

    As I sit
    Thinking nothing
    Here kills me
    As I breathe it...

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  • "Whoops, Slipped..." -- Willie, 01:20:41 04/02/01 Mon
    Watch you die
    As you do your best
    To try and hold
    Onto what
    We no longer
    Have together
    I grab for sky
    But find nothing
    On which to hold
    And fall down
    Onto you

    [ Edit | View ]

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