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  • eww. it smells like teen spirit in here. -- Jessica!, 20:55:11 06/02/01 Sat

    "I'm worst at what i do best."

    -nirvana

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  • untitled -- Jessica!, 11:55:53 06/02/01 Sat

    1:25 am


    and the calm broke over my back,
    like something inside me
    had suddenly flooded over.

    you were looking my way,
    and i chose to close my eyes.
    and that makes me wonder
    if i'm good enough
    to have a room in your life.

    i'm drunk
    on nothing at all.

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  • "Vivacious" -- Jen sim, 21:19:50 06/02/01 Sat


    My toes have dabbled
    in these increments
    of pleasure
    you've filled me with

    Shifting my weight
    back to your side
    I'm letting you reclaim
    home court advantage
    and these ceilings
    are obligated to lift
    where you walk

    My heavy soles
    have broken these egg shells
    beneath you
    I suppose it's my fault.
    or perhaps the symphonies
    that sound for you
    will take the blame
    for your indulgence-
    again

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  • An old poem, but one of my favorites. -- Jessica!, 04:26:07 06/02/01 Sat

    "tight"

    You smiled and held that hand,
    That hand so familiar,
    Every wrinkle matching exactly with one in your mind.
    You winked,
    And parted your lips to smile;
    They crackled as they separated.
    Your teeth shone silver in the dusty restaurant,
    More seats available for cigarettes than for customers.
    You joked,
    Knowing that laughter is the best response.
    And Today means more than anything else,
    This moment in this booth
    With you at the end
    And your feet laced up tight,
    And your smile wound back tighter.

    You smiled,
    And she smiled back.
    And I felt the Hot of blood rush to my knuckles
    As I scraped them
    Against the wall you had built between us.

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  • i bought fun shirts today -- saira khan, 17:29:20 06/02/01 Sat

    painted on your lips
    are words you practice every day
    as you clip each strand of hair in front of the mirror.

    and now there's a splitting rope dividing us.

    and our silence slices through glass,
    three times over.
    as you act accordingly to your new role.
    just like you promised you would.

    so now i'm afraid to speak,
    because my words get tied in knots with you.
    pretty soon,
    my throat will hurt
    from always poked by your nimble fingers.

    all my exits are blocked by your little hand,
    and now there's no escape for me to run into.

    you don't want everything,
    but like to know it's in reach.
    so anytime you roll over,
    breathing will stop.

    now i'm entertained,
    foreshadowing your conversations
    and every subtle gesture you make.

    the beat wavers with your voice
    and nothing is spontaneous with you.

    just wait till your head hits the ceiling.

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  • Today, oh tonight, oh the day that was today, oh, the day I had today. -- Jessica!, 03:56:25 06/02/01 Sat



    It makes my heart heavy, you're lonely, I think.
    Oh, Rose, you're sad, I suppose.

    Look in her bed and she's bound to be sleeping;
    She's lying there dead, but she's breathing.

    - You don't know what I need.

    Yeah, look in my bed and I'm bound to be sleeping.
    I'm lying there dead, but I'm breathing.

    And I'm barely balancing as it is,
    and I don't want to drown in my dreams.
    Bring me wild plums, wild plums & agrimony -
    Oh, I bet you don't even know what that means.

    You're not running away,
    you're not running - are you?

    Gingerly peering, over his shoulder, removed herself from the room.
    She's terribly freezing, she always knows when to go.


    -excerpts from "Furious Rose" by Lisa Loeb

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  • grr -- JenCook, 22:57:02 06/01/01 Fri
    my sandals are comfy and i can't wear 'em cuz of the rain :(

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  • yea...so I said I was boycotting...but then I wrote a poem that I like...and I'm a show-off even tho no one cares...so... -- ~~Lauren, 01:12:14 06/01/01 Fri


    ...broken blame...

    I can't make excuses for your
    misinterpretation
    of our links
    and chains
    -and you're the ball on that one.
    your plan is to handle it
    with care
    until it's mangled into
    dust

    -ed for my prints
    on your property.
    we walk in circles
    and you chase us
    sideways.
    nothing's happening in this vicious cycle.
    nothing's vicious.

    shades apart from your dark sky
    that you blame me for.
    I'm the one working on the
    window latch.

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  • abczzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz -- muppet regect, 07:43:52 05/31/01 Thu
    abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzs
    now i know my abczzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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  • ^i^ -- })i({, 21:27:13 05/30/01 Wed
    Poser

    You drive me
    to insanity
    as I watch the sparkle
    in your hair flake away
    into new colors
    and a new scene.
    I know nothing and you
    know all
    but how is it so
    that you now
    leave me in the dark
    when I used to be the one
    to cast the shadows.
    And now you are my shadow,
    nowhere and everywhere.
    and not even showers of turpentine
    can remove you.
    You're a social butterfly now,
    I know that.
    But ,remember,
    you were still a caterpillar
    when my cacoon was being spun.
    Sorry about your luck.

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  • "why can't you be strong?" -midtown -- Jessica!, 22:09:22 05/31/01 Thu


    "ash to the ground"


    & i'm lucky just to be able to dance
    in your ash, the stuff that falls like rain
    but stains like a memory.

    & i said that i wouldn't come around,
    if you asked me not to,
    but i couldn't stay away
    if you didn't.

    why can't it be
    that the wrong is you,
    & the right is me?

    i wanted it that way
    more than i could ever say.

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  • Leprosy's yellow child -- Hobbes, 23:57:25 05/30/01 Wed

    can i make this paper Bleed a Little more for me...

    Im staBBing it so FucKing Hard with tHis Pen.

    Please blEEd

    For mE...


    iN this time of QUestion
    Im looking for myself to fALL bacK on
    But AM I even tHere?
    Or hAve i run away , one more fucking TIme

    Fear is fAT, fEAR is fUll on mE.

    whY do I have to lose to gAin
    whY do I HAve To compRomise this pain
    gOD i wisH i Was STRong enough
    GOD -- im not fucking strong enough
    to remain
    tHE sAME

    fear, my worst friend, my fake FuckING enemy --- sUckiNg aLL of The FuckiNG life
    fRom mE... pLEASE Die, jUst fucking dIE.

    i cAnt stand to Betray mYSELF aNYmore
    but Im AFRAID it's too late
    to PIck myseLF up
    Off this FuckINg floor

    aND im groWing to forget
    aNd im GOING to forget

    Unless i kiLL this feaR that LIves in mE.

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  • Take your happy -- Hobbes, 03:07:43 05/31/01 Thu

    I want to take your happy
    until it's gone
    until your sad
    until your left
    alone

    I want you to feel this void
    I want you to fill this void
    I want to take your happy
    and make it my own

    This point of view
    has always pointed to you
    but what is the point
    if you have never felt
    an empty grey matter
    surrounding an insignificant
    little you

    You smile
    You laugh
    You live
    You love

    I wonder how
    you could believe this now
    after what was said
    I guess you will always be fed
    by the people who think just
    like you


    I want to take your happy
    and make it my own
    but I can't fool myself
    into living
    and doing the things
    that i could never
    own

    you took my happy
    and now

    i think
    i am DYING...
    to live
    in the world that you do.

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  • Announcement. -- Jessica!, 23:15:51 05/30/01 Wed


    From now on, this board is not anonymous. If you have something to say, then fucking say it and sign your name.

    You were born with a name. So use it.

    And if that's a problem for you, then don't even bother to post here.

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  • Anyone attending the prom needs to know this. -- Jessica!, 00:22:18 05/31/01 Thu

    Instructions for the Safety Dance (to be performed at the prom):


    1. Take your right arm and put it above your head all ballet-like and rounded.

    2. Now take your left arm and do the same, but opposite, below you, so you're making a sort of backwards "s" with your arms.

    3. Make fists with both hands.

    4. At the same time, punch your right arm to the left, and your left arm to the right. Also, the optional "80s face" adds a nice touch to your performance.

    5. Rinse & repeat to the beat.


    Congratulations! You've just learned the Safety Dance. Now, practice, practice, practice, and come time for the prom, you'll be a Safety Dance PRO!

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  • Coward -- -, 01:35:48 05/30/01 Wed
    Since when was second best worth dying for
    Worth crying for
    Worth losing a best friend for

    I guess you draw the line between losing and pushing away.

    Stupid me. I should have known.

    You coward.
    You only see yourself thru everyone else’s eyes
    And put words in our mouths
    And thoughts in our heads

    Since when did being a best friend include ripping trust apart

    You’ll never really know the pain you caused
    The friends who’ve tried
    So hard
    To stick by you

    You spit in our faces
    And blame it on your bad day
    But you leave the hurt there
    Dripping down our faces.

    And we stood there.
    Silently.

    And what would you say?
    “So fucking what.”

    You coward.

    Even the best have bad days.

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  • "in threes" ... (i'm not writing for sympathy. i'm writing cuz it's better than talking. my voice is fucking tired.) -- Jessica!, 12:12:52 05/18/01 Fri


    What a waste.

    4 years of
    building up
    to just fall
    down to ab-
    solutely
    nothing.

    My last chance
    to prove I’m
    something in
    her old eyes,
    and all I
    find is that
    Talent means
    not-a-damn-
    thing when you’re
    standing on
    your two feet
    instead of
    kissing theirs.

    Jesus, can’t
    you let some-
    one else be
    perfect for
    5 minutes?
    I can’t ev-
    en look at
    you all the
    way straight.

    I guess I
    never quite
    knew the rules
    when it came
    to kissing
    ass.

    God, I get
    so tired of
    being sec-
    ond best. When
    will I have
    my own path
    instead of
    walking in
    everyone
    else’s foot-
    tracks?

    In other
    news, I’ve been
    smothering.
    Didn’t know
    it was pos-
    sible to
    cling too much
    to the boy
    you love. Guess
    I don’t know
    a lot of
    things.


    When will I

    learn?

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  • eh..i guess you'll know if this is for you -- sima, 21:52:43 05/29/01 Tue

    I've counted these wounds
    seven times over
    and I've named all
    the splinters yet to be
    spoken for
    The bruises are still
    not healed
    and our tainted tongues
    only make the lashes
    across our backs
    sting that much stronger

    We've always had this way
    with each other-
    taking our figures for granted
    and scurrying to melt
    them back together-
    and through all our destruction
    I've never thought
    I could feel numb
    over you-

    Your cold eases the pain-
    it's a mere upgrade
    from the pool of ice
    I've been wading in.
    And yet
    I miss these bodies of water
    frozen, calm, and unchartered.

    It's fading out now
    these walls have caved in
    and I'm left in the middle-
    missing you.

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  • doo doo doo -- saira khan, 16:23:15 05/29/01 Tue


    only five minutes old and already so jealous.
    i tie back my arms to you.
    always apologetic
    and never unnerving
    that's the impression placed on me by you.

    instead of sweeping me away, i get caught under,
    but my head peeks around
    as our steps carefully maneuver themselves over.

    so today it was good.
    tomorrow it fades.
    and that's how our drum beats.

    don't patronize me with explanations
    that only explain what i made up myself.
    there's a truth muddled in that
    ingenius mind of yours,
    puzzled by burning questions everyone can answer but you.

    maybe your fingernails will be clean in a week or so.
    more than likely only a day.
    another applause for your likely performance
    and then you'll live your life in pause again.

    if anything, the best you'll go is backwards.

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  • ... -- ~~Lauren, 21:39:57 05/27/01 Sun


    I am boycotting this board.

    Jess Martins...I think you should come with me.

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  • and you're good for just about nothing but a song or two written about you. -- Jessica!, 01:56:06 05/29/01 Tue

    "little me"
    *my new song.


    i've tried so hard to be as good as you
    but you take everything without even meaning to
    & they all say i don't deserve you
    - so what do i do?

    i can't say exactly what it is i need
    i thought it might be what you gave me
    but you took it all away today
    - so now what do i do, without you?

    [chorus:]
    & when it all comes down to us
    & i'm standing in your dust
    cuz they all told you to leave,
    what does that leave but little me?
    little, insignificant me.


    you were all i had left
    now you're gone with the rest
    & you don't need me to make a mess
    - but what will i do without you?

    [chorus]

    so i wasn't what you needed -
    does that mean you leave me behind?

    [chorus x2]

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  • So i started it... -- Hobbes, 00:03:18 05/29/01 Tue

    "The paramedics said there was nothing unusual, just the way it goes, eighty some years and the inevitable kerplunk, the system goes down, lights blink out and there you have it, another body on the floor surrounded by things that don't mean much to anyone except to the one who can't take any of them along."

    "So I demonstrated my unflagging devotion to her memory by immediately developing a heavy crush on this stripper who had Thumper Tatooed right beneath her G-string, barely an inch from her shaved pussy, or as she liked to call it --- The Happiest Place On Earth."

    -- House of Leaves

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  • "suicide by you" -- Jessica!, 15:24:49 05/28/01 Mon



    and i killed myself again today,
    with words i shouldn't have said
    and things you shouldn't have read.

    and it felt pretty good at the time,
    like maybe it was a good idea to get mad
    at something that wasn't your fault.
    cuz at least that way,
    i was feeling something,
    and it was anything at all.

    i'm new at this.
    i've never had anything like you,
    that could possibly mean
    anything to me.
    and it was more than i could handle
    when i wasn't just as good as you.

    your perfection is only you.

    you've killed
    myself.

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  • "of course you can" -- JaySnyder, 04:20:38 05/28/01 Mon
    and you ask if i miss yesterday.
    almost always.
    remembering to trust my father
    is perhaps a cut too deep for decay.

    and an old voice
    can become stiff
    as soon as you become
    any less
    than the man
    in those pictures

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  • Now summer is O-N on! -- -Willie, 09:10:12 05/28/01 Mon
    This is crazy. It's 6 a.m. and I haven't slept. I was out till 4 stealing shit and just driving with Val. We stole a dragon head, some balloons off a mailbox, a ceramic angel, a huge ATM banner, a plastic goose and so much other shit...since then I've read comics and watched music videos...and now "The Prophecy" starring Cristopher Walken is on, so I'm out...Val rules!

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  • i hope you're all happy at the regent. cos i'm just fine at home, with my home-made regent place mat! -- saira khan, 02:08:21 05/28/01 Mon

    stripped of emotion
    and sitting bare
    i cling to your sleeve now more than ever.

    and i utter warnings cos i know it so well.
    it would be ideal to protect you from my familiarity,
    covering your ears and eyes and heart all at the same time,
    but my shield tends to falter when i break.
    and i know you.
    you'll make a catch for it
    during that backwards second.

    it's greedy and selfish of me to point out the negatives,
    just so you'll listen.
    i do it anyway.

    my shelves are being taken apart now.
    and the worst part is,
    i recognize the stained hands.

    someone walk on my back already.
    it's about time.

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  • miss you -- chaoschick, 21:48:58 05/27/01 Sun
    Reach down deep into my soul
    to try to find any feeling.
    Pick me up and stay a while.
    I love the sound of your voice
    and the feel of your kiss
    Twisting in the breeze
    fluttering down from seemingly no where.
    Will you stay with me tonight?
    I need you now.
    dakr empty corridors
    that surround my very thoughts.
    Staring at the phone
    willing it to ring.
    feeling the wind
    whip through my hair
    and caress my skin
    climbing the rungs
    of my life.
    sometimes falling and
    needing to start over.
    I miss your kiss
    hold me, touch me
    peek into my very soul.
    watch the sights around me
    go by in slow motion
    and i'm still longing
    for the feel of your leather
    jacket against me
    and the scent of your cologne.

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  • "In all Honesty"..yeah i don't know what i'm talking about- i wrote this over 4 days...so it's 4 days of mixed emotions combined to make one...or something -- Sima, 21:13:19 05/26/01 Sat


    Staring at the inside of my eyes
    was never so inviting
    My stained chapped lips
    have endured your silence
    and this tiptoe dance we do
    is only a casual waltz to the
    heavy hearted.
    Hidden gestures and
    your starving appetite
    allows too much hollow air
    between us-
    which is all the more fuel to feed
    to the fire of these talking walls.
    Speaking whispered secrets
    among disturbed ears,
    still deaf to your sincere intentions,
    is all the more reason
    to avoid the confrontations.

    All in all,
    if this means falling from
    your good graces-
    so be it

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  • old faithful -- jess-lane, 16:54:26 05/27/01 Sun


    oh well
    when you know me, you know me
    sweetheart
    and i guess thats why i need you
    babe
    the circumstance are just circumstance
    and we'll just wait it out
    you'll always be
    my
    beau

    our agreement without words
    has been spoken for in several ways
    but i still find hilarity
    in your confidence
    while we still wait

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  • Watching the Gallows -- Crysta, 06:46:01 05/27/01 Sun
    Trepidant shock undulated within the chaos of the crowd
    As they stared disbelieving what light had brought forth.
    Tiny dancer,
    Shining lucid white at center stage.

    Coverless,
    She stood balanced by the force of their glares,
    Gently waving side to side like a bare leaf in the breeze,
    And she felt gripped by the weight of their horror.

    “Let them know me now,”
    She thought,
    Running a finger over her breast
    And resisting the urge to shelter her soft triangle.

    The morning revived in a flash,
    Lightning strikes of passion
    While love poured down like rain
    And heat turned water to steam,
    But it was over…

    All that remained was the trickle
    Running along the inner side of her thigh,
    Exposing the truth
    No other could bear to admit.

    “See me in my naked state,
    So full of all that could complete me,
    And know that by your denial of life’s true form
    You rot beneath your societal robes.”

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  • Every way is out -- Hobbes, 01:11:46 05/26/01 Sat

    I'm trying so damn hard to live on the surface
    with these talking dead bodies
    giving up my original color
    just to blend
    into grey
    and "No man is an island"
    and Every way is out --
    if you know the way...

    but any idiot can talk in revelations,
    pawn a proverb
    and trust its wisdom...
    just look at me.
    but in order to see the difference

    you have to look away.


    [Unconventional ways of orginizing black scratches
    [All rules a side
    [They do not work here
    [your guess is your interpretation, and it's as good as mine


    All of this helps me feel like I'm atleast trying
    not to lay so neatly
    into the patterns that have been cut out
    but i know that even authenticity is influenced
    because today is what yesterday can't come with out

    And of course...

    I know the way.
    I know my perfect posion, it tastes likes bliss.
    I know how to stop the bleeding,
    but this person would be too badly missed.

    I know the way... everyway is out

    but i don't know if i want to leave

    with a head so full of doubt.

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  • ...To Reflections... -- ~~Lauren, 20:23:25 05/26/01 Sat


    likewise, I'm sure...
    all of your reasons for
    pressing me against my own air.
    it's always too bright out
    for the two of us,
    and much too crowded
    in this dark empty room.

    you never have enough space for me
    or my I Love You's -

    come to think of it,
    I don't think you've ever accepted
    my warm.
    though, someone else's skin is
    surely cleaner than mine.

    likewise, I'm sure...
    this scraping I hear
    on the inside walls of my mouth.
    you told me it was my fault.

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  • ...Punishment... -- ~~Lauren, 20:08:33 05/26/01 Sat



    you left me -
    uncalled for.
    and you see
    right
    through me -
    yet tell me
    you know all I do
    wrong.

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  • my computer class excursions led to this. -- saira khan, the local pakaskani, 16:01:30 05/25/01 Fri

    tolerance fades
    with yesterday's ripples.
    using the words uttered too low to hear
    clashing against your hard-htting whistle.

    jeans in a pile by the door,
    damaged.
    and the newspaper repeats
    its daily tragedies
    while i practice my angry face in front of the mirror.

    "you're still stuck on that?"
    is the incredulous question thrown at me a little too often.

    "no, of course not"
    i lie.
    i'm a good liar when i don't smile.

    but all the while my heart smiles
    at you being alone.

    i always liked the sound of my voice grating opposite your throat.

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  • ~ -- *********, 22:40:44 05/24/01 Thu
    I hate how you can change from good to evil in a split second.
    you pretend you care then you step on my heart and watch my last drop of blood trickle out of my body.
    i'm sick of believing your lies, sick of falling for every little line you whisper into my ear.
    it's been so long since i've been without you, its hard.
    i cant take your bitterness anymore, you have mo morals.
    you have feelings and i cant hurt them yet all you do is hurt mine.
    im sick of your ways, i wish i never met you.
    i've tried to get away from you but you wont leave my heart.
    your heart and mine together become discombobulated.
    dont lead me on into believing what we have is true.
    you're a self-centered arrogant prick and i wish you luck in everything you do.
    it is you. it is me. but it is no longer me and you.

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  • tears never fallen, again -- 3M, 17:36:39 05/23/01 Wed
    its taken so long
    to hear the words
    i say
    only to myself,
    and i've been
    left out
    of the conference room
    of my own mind,
    when the decision
    was made,
    my consent i gave
    to further the execution
    of myself once again,
    i've been crying inside
    at everything i've done
    without even knowing
    my own nomenclature,
    so what now
    should i call myself
    so i will listen
    when i get slapped
    on my wrist,
    which only hurts enough
    to make me flinch
    and if i squeeze
    i might just get a tear,
    but it won't go anywhere
    they never do,
    they just hang there
    on the end of my nose,
    until they get
    to full of themselves
    to hang on anymore

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  • some things suck ass -- saira khan, 22:00:35 05/23/01 Wed

    catching flies stuck in air.
    that's what we're left to do.
    and it's not that i ran away from you,
    i just couldn't take being held under anymore.

    so all those skeptic looks,
    they are with reason i suppose.
    and my knees are a bit shaky without your support.

    i know when i can't look you in the eyes
    is when all respect is lost.
    and familiarity is just another dice that rolls in singles.

    what's new?

    and now you're sitting right in the middle of it all.
    my immaturity doesn't fit your intelligence,
    as you remind me so constantly.

    infuriated with thoughts that can only be defined as negative.
    or hostile.
    things really aren't that different now.

    there's a story behind every bent straw,
    and my face sits there.
    and you say "jerk"
    as loud as you might,
    but the feeble punch lacks the effort.
    no point is ever proven.

    perhaps you find satisfaction in never progressing
    and only furthering yourself.

    eloquence in your words
    with your penetrating laugh that divides hearts.
    i apologize to anyone who will cross your path.
    my help didn't change none.

    "i didn't cause that much hurt"
    is your weak defense.

    justification shouldn't be needed when it comes to raw emotions set straight.

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  • this is why i never get close to people. -- saira khan, 22:17:18 05/23/01 Wed

    an unanswered phone call
    that unravels me.
    decoded through your breathing
    is a desperate message that i can't read
    when you shut my eyes.

    catch now what you need
    because these compliments won't be tossed around forever.

    problems develop
    without my consent.
    it started with paranoia
    that ended up being my psychic ability once again.

    i really dont care
    except for that empty lining coating all of me.

    funny how raised eyebrows tell your life.

    and ask me why you lack qualities i admire.
    simply enough, your tongue's black
    and it's spreading fast.

    those i lean on the hardest trail after you.
    nothings changed.
    cept now i fall into one fall
    followed by another
    and another.

    there's got to be a stop button.

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  • my poor baby had the inside of nose ripped out today. yucky. -- Jessica!, 00:44:01 05/24/01 Thu



    "I still have so much music in my head. I haven't said anything yet, and I have still so much to say."

    -maurice Ravel

    "True artists are not judged solely by the nature and quality of their work. They can be recognized by their capacity to change, to adapt, to leave achievements behind, to move into areas that may be uncomfortable and unexpected, even risking complete disaster."

    -david Toop

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  • subject -- arizona, 02:11:38 05/24/01 Thu
    well I wake up
    open my eyes
    and brush the world to the side

    I can no longer deal with these words
    that deal with me

    Driving down the same road that I've driven a million times before seems different now that It's a road less traveled I no longer see it as my home I only see it as a part of me The smells that comes with the drive reminds me of places that I've been to millions of times where nothing mattered but little did I know that eventually it would mean everything It would be my cosmetic inner makeup of my body and mind the road is still there and so am I where am i going with this as I travel this road the road is the same as it has always been and will always be just as I am going to be who I am forever because I can't change myself and I wouldn't want to change myself this is me and my body and my mind and everyone must learn to deal with that fact and anyone who has to learn to deal with that fact is not worth dealing with the faces that have delt with me for years are the ones that will deal with me for years because if they stick around that long they are more than a meer friend or a meere enemy either way it is to my advantage because I will make the best of it

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  • wll, this just describes my thoughts to a"T" right now..or sumthing...i started out with just one line..then the whole song..geez. -- JenCook, 22:01:13 05/22/01 Tue
    I Do ~ Lisa Loeb

    When I'm done with thinking
    Then I'm done with you
    When I'm done with crying
    And then I'm done with you
    When I feel so tired
    And then I'm done with you

    You know everybody feels this way sometimes
    Everybody feels this way

    And I do
    You can't hear it
    But I do
    You can't hear it
    But I do

    You're trying to convince me
    That what I've done's not right
    And I get so frustrated
    I stay up every night
    You ask me for an answer
    And I'm so tired that I'm up in the air
    I'm up in the air

    You know everybody feels this way sometimes
    Everybody feels this way

    And I do
    You can't hear it
    But I do
    You can't hear it

    But I'm feeling this way
    Just because you say
    I will be ignored
    And I will be denied
    And I could be erased
    I could be brushed aside
    And I will get scared
    And I will get shoved down
    But I feel like I do
    'Cause you push me around

    I'm starting to ignore you
    I doubted you so long
    I'm tired of over-thinking
    I know you don't belong
    Now I'm asking questions
    No one pushes me around
    Oh everybody feels this way sometimes
    Everybody feels this way
    And I do
    You can't hear it
    But I do
    You don't seem angry but I do
    I do
    I do
    I do

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  • ...SideWalker... -- ~~Lauren, 15:05:31 05/23/01 Wed

    I'm all you ever
    asked for
    but less than you
    can deal with right now.
    you ask to hold my hand
    so you can spring me back up
    after you kick me to the curb.
    I can be just as bad
    on this curb
    as you like dreaming that I am,
    back home with you.

    there will be no spring this year 'round.

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  • "a speck, is all" -- Jessica!, 15:07:01 05/22/01 Tue
    you lack attention to detail.

    so am i that small of a
    - speck of dust -
    that you don't even think it odd
    you've brushed me off your shoulder?

    & it used to mean so much,
    when we became an us.

    now it's you,
    & not even me,
    though i've tried to be,
    plenty.

    & if you were here now,
    reading over my shoulder,
    i wouldn't even have an apology ready.


    you don't even try
    to rhyme
    with me.

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  • For the greater guilt -- Hobbes, 04:27:38 05/23/01 Wed

    My presence will only make the circle lopsided
    my absence
    will be for the greater guilt
    that i have wanted all along

    Cold red...
    could u cover me
    in a Zenith afterglow

    Empty head...
    could you write to me
    on the black sheets of a night pillow

    Fuck the front
    it makes me fear
    the older me

    Im injured by superstition
    there is no more truth
    Kill joy's artistic medium
    IS THE OLDER ME

    it's the price i pay
    to feel significant

    free publishing
    and a handful of subscribers
    taking the attention of a stranger
    faking my intentions to a stranger

    all for the greater guilt
    that is me

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  • i dunno.....having a not-so-hot day -- JenCook, 20:51:27 05/21/01 Mon
    You just don't get it
    we've put up with all your shit
    and the time is finally here
    we hope this brings on a bit of fear
    For we have so much on you
    and we're not sure what to do
    but we're leaning towards turning you in
    this time you lose, and we..well, we win.
    So thanks for the hurt, thanks for the pain
    thank you for everything that you did in vain
    For what you've taken from us, for all the screaming,
    for being ashamed, we're now redeaming.
    So jump of a bridge for all I care
    just try and test me if you dare.
    I won't cry, won't ever shed a single tear
    if we get you put away for forever and a year
    because you've made my life a living nightmare
    everytime you looked at me with that stoned stare.
    Like it or not, you did this on your own
    and now you'll end up cold and alone
    and noone will care if you sit in a cell
    in dirty sheets drinking water from hell.
    This is you, by the devil painted.
    my waters clean, yours is tainted.

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  • ~ -- ~, 19:40:54 05/22/01 Tue
    Why did you call me?
    I was doing well.
    You had to call me.
    I don't need you
    and your other personality.
    You twisted my mind and my ways.
    Drove me to an insanity of sadness.
    Leave for Florida soon.
    I don't need any more tears running down my cheeks.
    You are the root to the cause of their wetness.
    I don't need you.
    Don't ever dial my number again
    and have fun in Florida.

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  • i am the ruler of this place and i can't even post anything but things other people have already said. i bite the big one, eh? -- Jessica!, 23:54:22 05/21/01 Mon

    "i am dying to tell you -

    i've been so damn tired."


    -guster

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  • thoughts on god -- me, 23:46:28 05/21/01 Mon
    im beginning to stop
    or slow down i mean
    the light is turning red
    to stop me gradually
    and to allow me to
    watch all the mighty power
    that you give others
    while im left with their receipt
    so maybe it was my mistake
    but maybe it was yours
    because as I stopped
    I also stopped
    believing in you
    and in your "red"
    you'll eventually need
    me beside you
    but Ill be passing
    enjoying my "green"

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  • Arg -- sean, 18:18:06 05/21/01 Mon
    I'm one sandwich sort of a picnic.

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  • "Trodden" -- Jen Sim, 22:25:48 05/20/01 Sun

    Lifting burdens won't fix
    your posture
    I've carried the weight
    of your world and
    you're still so introverted.
    Even your shoulders point toward
    yourself
    It's hard to believe
    your body
    hasn't bent along your spine yet.

    When you fold into
    yourself
    it'll be because you never
    held your own

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  • y..i dunno where i get these things from........heh.....i haven't written in a while. -- JenCook, 22:30:46 05/19/01 Sat
    So you'll sit there,
    all 106 pounds of you,
    with a ciagarette in the right
    and a diet Coke in your left,
    and you'll wonder why you're all alone.
    And you'll sit there,
    in the back left corner,
    you with your Christina Aguliera hair
    and your lavender pants.
    (lavender's in now..or so you read
    in the latest 17 Magazine.)
    and you'll watch, as people
    congregate around HER.
    And she'll walk by then,
    all 105 pounds of her,
    with a cigarette in her left
    and a Martini in the right,
    and smile as your jaw drops
    and hits the floor as you realize
    you've been doing it all wrong.
    So you'll switch hands then,
    and maybe the strain
    of your left arm
    will help you lose
    that one pound.
    (or so you hope)
    And you'll turn around
    and watch
    the silvery reflection of yourself
    hit the side of the trash can
    and dent from the impact,
    as you call the waiter over
    to order a dry one.

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  • Its pretty hard to breathe in all the air in the world. -- Arbitrary Words, 00:35:28 05/21/01 Mon
    as plain as day
    we spit out words
    but still you'd never see
    even when they hit your eyes,
    and thats the humor in it all
    we've been blinding you
    for so very long
    with our oh so burdening friendship,
    maybe its just our way
    of saying hello
    or as it is meant to say goodbye.
    soul mates or forever friends
    means nothing to you
    because your at forevers end,
    selfishness has never meant so much
    as it did the day
    you cut your own umbillical cord
    just to choke your friends.
    when everyones dead
    and all the air is yours,
    who will be left
    to hear you breathe?

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  • When you know your gonna bleed and you still cut yourself. -- Arbitrary Words, 20:13:39 05/18/01 Fri
    you'd think that
    a cut on the wrist
    would hurt pretty bad
    when your bleeding to death,
    but still you stare
    at whats draining you completely
    your very life squadering
    just before your eyes.
    your self destruction
    doesn't say much for us
    because we stand by and watch as well,
    but for us this has been a long time coming
    and we know
    what the turnout is.
    when your bled dry of all you know,
    all that makes you breathe,
    only then when there is
    nothing left for you to watch,
    will you still never realize
    just whats wrong with you.
    and thats when you fade,
    so just close your eyes
    and pucker up to the darkness,
    because its been a long time coming
    and its here to stay.

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  • Finger threaded -- Hobbes, 04:36:47 05/20/01 Sun

    Plush apologies
    filling the empty side of a bed
    her crossed legs
    slouching shoulders
    and a box of letters
    sitting on the other end


    Green gold
    dripping from her neck
    swelling into pools
    on her thighs

    One by one
    letters into the flame
    burning in a candle
    on the window's edge

    A loss of
    Social sanity
    crushed by the weighted burden
    from an unwanted
    Superficial
    vanity

    One by one
    into the flame

    Fingers crossed
    Fingers threaded

    And Still...
    things are slipping through

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  • ooo -- saira, 02:25:14 05/19/01 Sat

    anyone working 12 to 6 tomorrow? i need a ride in...

    call me anytime your little heart desires cos i have my own line!!!! (and i got hair dye on it... damn) 363-6593. i know i'm not supposed to post phone numbers, but it's not like anyone knows the area code's 732. so it's cool.

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  • No one will understand this except Saira Khan... -- Jessica!, 22:23:04 05/18/01 Fri


    As it turns out, the Communist wins again.

    Looks like I won't be needing those Pakistani eggs after all.


    ... But I'll keep the toothpaste in my back pocket.

    Just in case.

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  • Attention!! -- JenCook, 19:51:21 05/18/01 Fri
    So, you may all rest easy, I'm home from my first driving lesson in one peice. :)

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  • ass-kissers suck. -- Jessica!, 12:24:37 05/18/01 Fri


    "i didn't come this far for you to make this hard for me."


    "why did you come here?
    you weren't invited.
    you were on the outside - stay on the outside."


    "with all the things that you could be,
    you never could learn how to be me."




    -lisa loeb

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  • ...ReQuiver... -- ~~Lauren, 00:57:32 05/18/01 Fri


    blinking came back today.
    and all the things that used to be
    everyday
    came with it.
    and my heated cheeks make your
    cold shoulder steam.
    and it's never good enough for you
    unless you're on some extreme end
    of the list you think I have
    streaming along after me
    on thick paper with pure black ink.

    and the movement in my ankles came back today
    with just enough time for me
    to run from you
    and the shadow that creeps around me.
    tight resemblance.
    your high pitch means nothing now;
    now that I have this dull ear.
    and the old days found their way back in.

    so you're sitting on my couch
    touching my leg again.
    and you take the control,
    but I finally keep mine this time.
    I've finally kept the time with you...
    and this dance can belong to us both, this time.

    ...and I can put my eyes to rest again,
    this stinging's made it so unclear.

    blinking came back today.

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  • lyric theft, once again -- Hobbes, 03:03:06 05/18/01 Fri
    "There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
    Mildewed and smoldering, STRANGLED BY OUR COVETING (God i love that line)
    I've done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing
    Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication."

    "Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any
    Sense of compassion"

    Excerpt from "Schism" by Tool

    This band writes excellent lyrics (even though their sound is a little bit too metal for me)

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  • *schizophrenia - an intentional separation from reality -- Jessica!, 13:09:58 05/17/01 Thu


    "Don't mistake a shadow for Reality."

    -Mr. Mabie

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  • I think I just might go ahead & kill myself over this one. -- Jessica!, 00:15:10 05/17/01 Thu
    So I haven't been bringing my most private/prized possession in to school lately - my red book - cuz I'm always kinda secretly afraid someone might read it that I don't want to be reading it.

    But today, I decided I'd bring it in, look @ it during various parts of the day, whatever ... Just have it with me since it's been a long time since I've had it in school ...

    Yeah, well listen to what THIS FUCKING DUMBASS does ...

    I fucking lost it.

    I have an idea of where it is, but even that idea leads to too many other bad possible-scenarios in my head, of certain others picking it up, READING IT ...

    Even though I've let others "skim" through it, about 95% of that book SHOULD NEVER BE READ by anyone's eyes but my OWN ... It is the absolute MOST PERSONAL POSSESSION I OWN.

    & I am fuckin' tramautized.

    And if I don't fucking find that thing ... God. Who knows what I'll do.


    ... What a dumbass, eh?

    I always knew I was dumb ... I guess I just never really knew HOW dumb.

    This proved it.

    ARRRRRRRGHHHH.

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  • i'm rambling..."Apparently" -- sima, 01:24:38 05/17/01 Thu

    I guess to you,
    erasing it from the backs of your eyes,
    the only part I've ever seen,
    is almost as good as pretending
    ten second conversations
    are an adequate substitution
    for all the hours of nothings
    we've created

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  • My Lady Frankenstein -- Hobbes, 03:43:06 05/16/01 Wed

    "Justine never knew the rules"
    --- Smashing Pumpkins


    Stop.
    Please Stop.
    Pause for just a second.
    Stop the world around you.
    Try to grasp the true size of your life.
    Appreciate your humbled stupidity for a minute.

    Agnostic or Devoted
    It really doesn't matter

    Stop.
    Please Stop.
    Pause for just a second.
    Stop the world around you.

    Let's imagine all of the possibilities.
    Let's ridicule the way things have evolved.
    Everything is hilarious to those who can seperate themselves from what they are inevitably a part of,
    but then...
    even laughter is a mystery.

    Stop.
    So many things go overlooked now.
    So Please Stop.

    Let us awe and marvel at the unknown energy causing your heart to beat at this exact moment...
    and the sensation of the pleasure felt
    when that energy is released
    or shared
    with another person.
    A soul?
    maybe
    Name it if you will...
    if you must.

    Watch a lighting storm.
    Electrons surging through unstable elements.
    How is something like that not amazing anymore?

    Stop.
    Please Stop.
    Your greatest gift was your ability to see through the distortion.
    Don't loose that.
    Decision's brink will soon push you.
    So please stop.
    Pause for just a second.
    Stop the world around you.

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  • Having trouble writing -- Crysta, 15:49:49 05/16/01 Wed
    I sit here, staring at the screen, just wanting to bless my words in euphemisms and symbolism. To try pour all of the mess inside my head into neat little lines and stanzas. So much to share, so many repressed thoughts, and yet to type one word of truth, tears shade my eyes, and I can no longer see through the walls I've always built around me. Daring people to poke holes into them, or jump over.

    I sit here, wanting to shed my clothes and relish in my imperfections.

    But its truth only my own bleeding ears will ever hear.

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  • HOBBES! -- -E, 12:45:44 05/15/01 Tue
    Hey Hobbes! I graduate on Saturday, May 26 at 3:30. Can u make it? PLEASE TRY TO! :) Then right after that, were taking off to South Padre Island til about Tuesday. I really want u to come with us and I miss you really bad. Call me OK?

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  • Breaking the melted sand -- Hobbes, 04:02:53 05/15/01 Tue

    It was the day after i pulled the melted sand from my arm, but i still felt millions of small pieces resonating beneath my skin.
    People were sleeping on coffee tables, floors, bathtubs... you know, anywhere.
    I felt like i was five again, waking up and not knowing where in the hell i was.

    It was a relief to see you under my arm...
    you look so beautiful when you sleep.

    confusion faded to comfort
    I always wondered how it was that you always made me feel like i had to be responsible --
    to be mature.

    You would never guess how tough you were
    from the way that the sweet smell of your hair
    saturated the air right then
    or from the way that your petite siloute was drawn
    with your long eyelashes, protruding lips and innocent smile

    No... you definetly looked like a good girl.


    I kissed your forehead before making my way to the bathroom,
    stepping over the shattered remains of the first guitar i ever owned...
    shattered into tiny little black pieces.
    Shit, i thought.
    but it was symbolic, i guess
    or just a bitch, either one.
    I had a headache, i didn't want to analyze shit right then.

    I felt out of place walking around in a house full of sleeping bodies. They were friends from school. But i was not one of them, i was further away from their ideas the closer i came to know them.

    I finally made my way to the bathroom and locked both of arms on the sink counter. I slowly pulled my head up to face myself once again... for yet another day.

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  • Your Sweater is Green -- TheCreature, 17:16:48 05/11/01 Fri
    How can you speak of
    Who you dont know?
    Your sweater's not red
    It's green you know

    Maybe your humor
    Is as dry as sand
    Maybe your jokes
    Are kind of bland
    Maybe you dont give your hair
    A chance to grow
    Just like you leave no chance
    For this girl you dont know
    Maybe your ears
    Wish to hear words not spoken
    Maybe they speak too low
    Or maybe your ears are broken
    Maybe the gleam in her eyes
    Blinds your self esteem
    Maybe you feel her eyes
    Are taking over 'your' team
    Maybe you yell so loud
    You dont hear what you say
    Maybe you do this
    Every single day
    Maybe you do try
    Too hard at times
    Maybe you can only be yourself
    In these little rhymes
    Maybe your two left feet argue
    Over which one gets to kick you
    Maybe you ARE tone deaf
    Maybe misfits MAKE UP your crew
    And maybe she means almost everything to me
    And you, you're ONLY a name
    And your face and your life
    They aren't even part of the game
    And you DONT make me laugh
    In fact you make me sad
    In my eyes, she is everything
    That you wish you had

    Your sweater's so green...
    But you only see red...

    You try to outsmart them
    You try to be pretty
    You try to be funny
    You try to be witty
    You cant be "perfect" with
    Little dances or jokes
    Or song and numbers, hair lengths
    Or talks over cokes
    Or eye color, voice pitch
    Or lipstick, mascara
    Get over it, girlfriend
    Admit your jealous ________.

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  • just wanted to actually attempt to write something but it was a bad attempt -- rYaN, 22:29:25 05/15/01 Tue
    i woke up
    to the dead silence
    and the aching
    of my head
    i arose to the sounds
    of a quiet
    suicide of purity
    and the rebirth
    of all that is sinister
    thoughts penetrating
    the walls of my brain
    without a hault
    to their rambunctious
    ability to drive a man
    to the brink of insanity
    from the safe shallow depths
    of knowledge and belief
    that is now washed away
    with the rain as
    it washes away
    the virginity of love

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  • "testing you" -- Jessica!, 00:29:18 05/15/01 Tue


    & you chose the color of understanding,
    the way it shades exactly right
    right at the moment
    when we all walk away,
    not knowing what the hell is going on.

    that probably was a bad thing
    on your part,
    cuz it leaves you alone
    wherever you stand.

    as for me,
    i chose the color of understanding
    when our heads are clear.
    that way, you could never see me
    all the way clearly,
    cuz your head is never there,

    where i am.


    & this is not a test
    anymore.

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  • The Color of Influence -- Hobbes, 02:47:13 05/14/01 Mon
    Welecome to Dream City...



    Dig behind my eyes.

    I am no different there.

    I, like you, am the color of influence.

    I use a borrowed knowledge
    I use a borrowed language
    to form these ideas and bring shape to my questions.
    How can i call this creativity
    when the very words i am speaking were created for me?
    I am operating within the structure of another man's genius.

    I, so much like you, would like to call this my own.
    But I am the color of influence
    I am the shade of another man's shadow

    I am the extended imagination of thoughts already started
    By the great thinkers before me
    Who have long since parted

    I was handed an idea in Dream city
    I held a dissolving key in Dream city

    Great thinkers gather in Dream city
    both present and past…

    To paint me all of the colors

    Of influence.

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  • from "sometimes" by Ours -- Hobbes, 01:53:53 05/15/01 Tue

    "If i was to give in..... the fire would soon begin"

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  • "i'm a sunburn slap upon your arm - " -- Jessica!, 23:52:57 05/14/01 Mon


    "you're a headless woman,
    you're a hurricane.
    you will heal my heart up?
    no - i will heal my own heart up, 'cuz you are hurting.

    i'm a sunburn slap upon your arm -
    i'll twist you till you break

    - & you're a hurricane."


    -lisa loeb

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  • ...one of my favorite poems of mine... -- ~~Lauren, 21:49:50 05/13/01 Sun


    6.12.00

    hey, baby.
    wanna say hey.
    wanna tell you that just cuz there's a vacancy sign up
    don't mean come on in.
    in fact, stay out for a while.
    my head needs the air.
    it's been kinda steamy in here from
    all the shit that's hit the fan.
    it broke my fan.
    jesus, but i can't barely breath
    and now you wanna take my space even more.
    hey, doll.
    wanna say hey.
    wanna say i thought i had room
    but i ain't so sure anymore.
    ya see, i just realized just how small i wasn't.
    that i was really all folded up
    like one of them paper fans.
    hey, love.
    wanna say hey.
    wanna ask you to stop waving around your pretty fan.
    i'm sick of being waved around to cure your heat.
    just cuz you want people to see the pretty colors on the fan,
    on me.
    oh,how pretty i am if you'll let me.
    hey, heart.
    wanna say hey.
    wanna say i left you for this one.
    for this one that just cared about being cool from the hot.
    just cared about getting me to make him cool.
    wanna say i'm sorry heart.
    wanna say hey.
    hey, heart.

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  • pour will... -- saira, 03:04:38 05/13/01 Sun

    will...

    thank you for being more responsible than me tonight. and you hadda deal with so much. and i feel bad cos i left, but you know how anal my parents are. i hope everything was okay afterwards.

    and erik, i'm glad you're okay. we were all worried.

    i hope we can all smile more when we hang out, and not be the mopey teenagers that we all tend to be (tho i think all of us have very valid reasons to mope)

    my throat hurts a lot.

    you're a good friend will. thanks.

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  • Message to my soul partner, where ever she is -- s, 02:02:21 05/11/01 Fri
    believe me
    the brightness in one little spark
    is the most amazing pressure

    Overwhelming worry,tomorrow may as well be dead
    all i hear sometimes,is a small guilt
    forming circles around
    me

    like a legionaire
    who is under seige
    we were always warned against.

    but honestly
    when everything was against you
    when you're everywhere
    but home
    i make mine yours

    in some life

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  • "Loner" -- Jen Sim, 02:16:53 05/11/01 Fri

    Failing to disturb
    your desolate slumber
    has kept me knowing now that
    I'll never feel
    as important
    as the first time
    you tossed me under your bed,
    for four days,
    and left my skin
    to rust from
    the stale air.

    I find
    it's easier to become
    attached to the springs
    in your mattress
    than to any part of you.

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  • Smear -- Hobbes, 03:43:10 05/11/01 Fri

    I just wanted to make up

    but I just ruined your make up

    And Everyday and Everything
    is just perfect
    right before i wake up

    It started with the longest conversation we never had...
    Small kisses by your ear
    down your neck
    and on your shoulders

    Fingers around your lips...
    then through your hair
    before finally tracing the invisible lines and shapes
    that were soaked into your skin

    It was a precious silence
    so fragile that we were afraid to break it...

    And now I really wish that i hadn't.



    I just wanted to make up

    But i just ruined your make up

    And all the days and all the things were just perfect...

    right before the break up.

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  • . . . -- ~~Lauren, 15:42:45 05/12/01 Sat


    seems I should be sweating over the fact
    that you're the only person
    who's never left me with cold feet.

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  • cAnT... sLeEp... EDGE FEST IS TODAY!! -- Hobbes, 08:40:28 05/12/01 Sat
    WHy i feel special right now...


    WEEZER,FUEL,ORGY,OLEANDER,DEXTER FREEBISH,THE CULT,ALIEN ANT FARM,LIFEHOUSE

    Guest spots from the locals: DOLLYBRAID, THE TOADIES,and DEEP BLUE SOMETHING

    All in one day!! I think im going to wet myself.

    oh yeah, Poe was in the studio (KDGE studio,the edge, hence the name... edge fest)with her brother Mark Z. Danielewski all day Friday for the concert tommorow (i think they might step on stage too)
    Anyway, earlier he was signing copies of his book "House of Leaves" down at TOWER and i had him sign a copy of the one i just bought (yea, i had to see what all the hype was about with this damn book so i bought one).
    I just wanted to rub that in cuz i know Jess has been frothing from the mouth over that book forever now --- I think everyone in the country has.

    I think you can watch the concert it live at www.KDGE.com

    You see?! I'm special right?? ... right??

    ok, so maybe not.
    but if anyone's weekend is going to be cooler than my weekend than i'd like to know.

    Hmmmm... I wonder if 4:40 in the morning is to early to leave...

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  • here's a poem of sorts. and psst, i think val's a nice girl even tho she didn't think i looked like an old lady after i tried so damn hard. heh. like you. -- saira, 16:17:15 05/09/01 Wed


    you ripped my eyes apart.
    yesterday.

    and i glued them back together,
    so i could see what makes me break to the core.
    that sick fascination of mine to see when and how i'll finally commit.

    alienation doesn't help when you're hunting for yourself in a stranger's arms.

    diabolical scheming portrays how years can make no difference if there aren't thoughts to back it up.
    and when you darken with each rational note,
    i sometimes fear that we can never go back.

    so here i am.
    not throwing myself, but giving myself.
    away and to you.
    a gift for the gods,
    an offering never to be bestowed again.
    so don't linger on your decision and know your words will echo down your spine.

    and it's the last chance to give me a first.
    cos i know those fleeting looks can't suffice.
    if you think it's worth it then don't look when you step.

    or else walk away.

    you'll get far without my burden.
    but it'll feel like all you've done is revisited my grave.
    each night from now.
    but i'm already gone,
    even if i deny that i am when i'm not.

    save yourself from your own desire for acceptance.
    and i'll stop your heart.
    make it faster and softer.
    and have it entirely as ours.

    here's the last good-bye.
    if that's what you choose.

    so sorry
    the back of my head isn't as expressive as you'd think.

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  • They, and the omniscient pronouns -- Hobbes, 06:31:38 05/10/01 Thu

    The father was the uniform He wore,
    it was the role He played not so well.

    ...and They say that at this exact moment
    we are floating on a rock suspended in space, yet we still
    find ways to feel important during the day.

    The mother was the uniform She wore,
    it was the role She played not so well.

    ...and They say that **time would become meaningless if there were too much of it, yet we fear death and often consider its intrusion a tragic event in life.**(Our lady Peace)

    The nonperson was a uniform He wore,
    it was the role He played not so well.

    ...and They say that change will take time,yet we abruptly age on a new idea in less than a day --- there is never progression.

    God was a uniform He wore,
    it was the role He played not so well.

    ...and They say that you will meet yesterday's stranger one day too late...

    maybe They are right with that one.

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  • saira's helping me through my writer's block, she always was my muse.. -- sima, 01:45:07 05/10/01 Thu

    "Infestation"

    Months of you
    have rolled over my spine
    and we still haven't decided
    which of our eyes
    are shut to your mouth

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  • stuff i wrote cos i did and i posted cos i did too. -- saira, 01:02:56 05/09/01 Wed


    those one-word sentences are the hardest to get out.

    with each write over,
    that dent on my face deepens.
    i rub so hard it tears to pieces and peaces.
    rips right through my good intentions.

    i worry about the silliest little things.
    it's better to remember than it is to think of you.

    so i had a relapse today.
    no big deal.
    it can be ignored and passed over as more of my nonsensical talks.

    clips of feets dangling,
    that's what i remember (think of) best.

    selective memory.
    boy, i definetly have that.
    s'for the best tho.
    i like to cause a ripple,
    but i leave it up to you to form the wrinkles that form the empty space around my eyes.

    it's a normal thing, i tell him.
    we all go through it.
    cept i wonder if you did.
    or if you still do.

    it's a wonder that you feel anything at all.
    those arms lie limp at my/your sides.

    choose whatever makes you happiest when you close your eyes away.

    showering three times a day drowns nothing.
    believe me.
    and those scrub marks just show more wasted efforts.

    i have a friend everyday,
    just sometimes i remember (think of) them harder.
    it's not easy to forget what keeps your lips wet and your feet dry.

    every minute rambles off my tongue,
    and it's nice to know it's misinterpreted enough to be the right.

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  • Chorus Senior Farewells -- sima, 21:46:09 05/09/01 Wed


    I was gonna be the junior to bid farewell to Jess, but I figured that Dana would want to..so yeah...Sara, has anyone claimed you? cos if not, i will if you want me to. argh, but andrea might want to- er she might want to for Mieke..whatever, let me know.

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  • how to be in with the 80s new wave scene -- saira khan, 01:17:01 05/10/01 Thu

    Here's How:

    Hairstyle is critical. Hair must either be short in back and long in front or very short all around. Side parts will always help these styles.

    "Wings" cut in over one or both sides are considered 'de rigeur'. Bangs should "swoop" over one eye.

    "Tails", (tiny ponytails about 1/2 inch thick usually found at the back or side backs of the head) are always a right choice.

    Remember, achieving a "loft" to your hair is essential, be sure to slather your hair with plenty of Aqua-Net (white can with pink label), metallic and glitter hair gels and mouses and be sure to use a pick and hair dryer to retain that "crunch".

    Hair color is equally as important as style. Think extremes. Bleached white, dyed a magenta, blue, yellow, any day-glo or unnatural color or jet black.

    Old man suits with skinny lapels in shimmering "sharkskin" fabrics for men. May also be substituted by very expensive pastel Armani suits with big shoulders.

    Tight cocktail dresses from the 50s are acceptable forms of dress for women. Also included are crinolines, 50s prom dresses, gloves, and "cat-eye" glasses.

    Skinny ties should be worn with suits. Bolo ties may be substitued.

    Stiletto heels with pointy toes are acceptable shoes for the gals. Heck, any kind of pointy toed shoe is preffered for both men and women.

    Red lipstick and heavy black eyeliner for both men and women, eyeshadow choices should be in combinations no less than three colors.

    Wearing a Sony Walkman everywhere you go certainly will help your "look".

    Ambiguous sexuality is fundamental. Boys might be boys or girls and vice versa.

    When bustin' a move on the dancefloor be sure to use plenty of jerky, electric, machine-like motions. Robot dancing is acceptable.

    Affect a British accent...even if you are from Nebraska.
    Rubber bracelets! Rubber bracelets! Rubber bracelets!

    Tips:

    Image is everything.

    Haircut is essential.

    Poor shoe choices will aways give you away as the poseur you really are.

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  • i just wrote a song. it's good. -- Jessic@, 04:56:08 05/07/01 Mon


    "song for someone"

    you never notice anything
    unless it spits in your face
    & i'd never have the guts to

    you'd never see
    anything good in me
    & now you'll never have the chance to

    - then it all falls down around you

    [chorus:]
    i used to sit & watch you bleed
    till i realized it wasn't all because of me
    cuz you only cry
    cuz it's the only way we'd stop to notice

    & this'll all hurt in the end
    though you'll never feel it now
    & i'm almost glad you don't

    cuz ignorance is good
    but payback's even better
    & baby, i watch it all rake in

    - & i won't fall down around you

    [repeat chorus]

    & you will get all that you deserve -
    you will get yours.

    [repeat chorus]

    - i used to sit & watch you bleed
    till i realized it wasn't all because of me
    cuz you only cry cuz you know
    it's the only way -
    - you only cry
    cuz it's the only way
    we'd stop to notice

    la da dee da ....

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  • AHHHHH. -- Jessic@, the ruler of this stinkin' place., 15:08:59 05/09/01 Wed


    You all make this board stink.

    More poetry. Less fighting.



    Bye.

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  • broken -- Roxy, 22:29:45 05/08/01 Tue
    did the pieces of my broken heart
    scratch ur hands as they crashed unexpectedly to the ground.
    I didn't mean to hurt those same hands that touched my soul
    and pounched my eyes.
    But I couldn't help but cry when u said we would jump together,
    and u counted to three,
    and i watched u get smaller and smaller as i stared up.
    the rocks didn't even prepare me for the pain of knowing u stayed behind.
    and as i waited for the funeral precession of my dreams to pass,
    i saw u smile at the blonde who stood near by,
    and then slowly walk off the bridge with her.

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  • saves the day -- dave, 21:45:00 05/08/01 Tue
    i didn't mean to trespass through your dreams
    but you should be thankful anyway
    cause you might not wake up some day
    thats just the way it goes.

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  • Night Cries in Morning's Smile -- Crysta, 13:52:00 05/07/01 Mon
    The jackals came that night
    While the clouds clapped and glittered,
    And the rain ran like fingers over my skin.
    Naked in the sinking ground,
    They sought the jugular
    To take my blood and breath.
    But I was gone long before
    Their kisses laid me to rest.

    Yet I woke,
    With leaves in my hair and dirt under my nails,
    A scar branding my neck...
    My muscles were sore and tired,
    But I stood to wash in the stream,
    Back to beginnings.

    Time can't be erased,
    Only denied and circled over
    In child-like spirals.
    Dizzying and sickening.

    Interchangeable- love for time, time for love...

    Clean,
    My veins pulsate,
    Visible under my translucent coverings,
    And the sun comes for warmth.

    Vulnerability drives the hunger,
    Completing the circle in grotesque motivation.

    I lay in wait.

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  • .... -- saira, 00:57:50 05/08/01 Tue

    better to laugh at the slip of your face
    than to cry over the realisation of your deception.

    it's nice when i feel your eyes talking bad.
    cos at least i'm in your vernacular.
    and those whispers you scream
    echo from ear to ear.

    excuses pile up,
    preparing me for my own inevitable collapse...
    but it just makes things more comfortable while i wait.

    and you know something's wrong
    when you don't realize what's wrong
    and your smile's crying.

    it's better if it was crying for me rather than at me.

    and i encounter those closest to you
    and they don't even know half of it.
    and all of it.
    cos nothing's all we get with you.

    but i do glance over my shoulder sometimes,
    to see the very best of me dancing on my shadow.
    and it doesn't even hurt.

    and i'm still laughing,
    as you draw out your misery and place it on a wall for everyone to admire.
    i guess my absense angered you.

    i never had much admiration for the work depicting me in halves.

    i don't really care what you think about me.
    i hate those looks tho.
    cos i'm paranoid, and every finger is aimed right between my eyes.

    my blind spot.

    ridiculous me.
    heading away from you finds me on your far left.
    ...still, it's far.

    and i never listen to that voice of reason
    who repeatedly dented me with anti-you messages.
    but now that stabbing behind my ribs is a painful reminder
    of any doubt i once gathered.

    driven forwards
    and backwards
    till you knew i was lost
    over you.

    it's time to go in reverse, ahead.

    silence means i have nothing left to say.

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  • just an experimental way of thinking/writing -- Jessic@, 02:53:05 05/07/01 Mon



    "art"

    i like this new way you think,
    where i can get mad at everything i want
    and it can always be my fault,
    cuz it's easier on your stress
    that way.

    i think i'm scared to feel you
    from the inside in any other way
    than i already know.

    that fly's been sitting on that wall for days,
    listening to everything you have to say.

    but it ain't art
    just cuz it's on your wall.

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  • fuckin' wow. this should be my slogan. -- Jessic@, 02:29:28 05/07/01 Mon

    "Procrastination is much like masturbation: You're fucking yourself."

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  • i dont get myself -- saira, 03:55:33 05/05/01 Sat


    and given the selection
    of every head,
    you do.
    cos you can.

    it's all good until day breaks the night.
    cos moonlight makes everything less real.

    so turn off that damn talk radio.
    that's all i hear sometimes.
    as i sit and talk to strangers for an hour,
    when me and you, we speak through clenched teeth.

    i'll show you the steps
    so you can follow in tune.
    but it's definetly not up to me to lead.
    i've done that, each day.
    and my face hurts from it.

    i feel guilty over my guilt towards you.
    cos i know it's well-deserved.
    all of it.

    reactions are the worst.
    cos they always come, and not the way you want.
    or at least not the way i want.

    but the best part about it all is how a shrug can do so much.
    even if it's practiced each day.
    it's still a shrug, after all.

    don't let your kisses become a game.
    cos then i never want to win.
    and i do so bad.
    until i apply some real thought and then i laugh.

    there's plent of lip to throw at you
    that you can catch neatly between your thumbs.

    it's not good to be welcomed back from sitting beside you.

    with every explanation you give my head tilts a bit more.
    and the only thing that keeps me from completely falling away is that sense of humor of mine.
    it always holds me at the wrong times.

    i still hate to think.
    but i won't take you up on any offer.
    not no more.

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  • ...The Trouble With Me... -- ~~Lauren, 19:26:57 05/04/01 Fri


    lay me down, punk,
    and pull me aside.
    this hip sway has you
    dazzled.
    wouldn't ever tell you
    how choppy this water is.
    move me on, baby,
    because nothing makes it slow
    except your unclear smile.

    that sweat that pours you down
    and livens me up
    has the scent of everything
    I've ever done wrong.

    wake me up, kid,
    and let me see how much I want
    everything I've had all along
    and taken for granted.
    leave me here, shifted,
    and left out to dry.

    lay me down, punk,
    and get me to see
    how tight you can get.

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  • yummy -- saira, 02:59:37 05/05/01 Sat

    i have olives!

    but i could still use some more.

    other than the HUGE jumbo sized jar from ryan.

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  • ...Over Heals... -- ~~Lauren, 19:01:29 05/04/01 Fri


    today, I promised myself,
    over a steaming cup of fresh tears,
    that this would be the last time

    that you push me into falling for you.

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  • this is really not my style, i was trying something different though...uhm "Excusable" -- Sima, 02:11:20 05/04/01 Fri

    She's thinking of how much it must hurt
    knowing from her own experience-
    She couldn't stand to play the game
    any longer
    than her eyes could stay open

    It's that self-inflicted pain
    that she never understood
    the meaning of
    but felt the need to share

    Un-phased eyes dart back
    looking somewhere
    beyond her unweathered smile

    But she digs her crimson nails
    only a bit further
    expecting him to catch her glare
    at any moment now

    She would never learn
    that her reputation precedes her
    and everything she says
    is so sugarcoated
    that blatant hatred
    seems like a new facade

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  • result of being ditched -- saira, 01:26:17 05/04/01 Fri


    sometimes.
    all the time.

    my innocent eyes can't see past that face of yours.
    or any other face.
    and i submit myself to believe in what i want to believe.
    not what i know i really should.

    in all actuality,
    it's reality
    that i don't wanna face.

    i do my best too. i really do.
    i stretch my neck so far,
    but you still hinder my view of sight.
    and time.

    arrogance is something i wish i possess.
    and you deny that it rests on the bridge of your nose.
    but i guess y'can't see that far anyway.

    it's too tight around here,
    and each time i place myself under your aim
    my waist gets thinner.

    disecting the very essence of me.
    that's your talent.
    i always admired your talents y'know.
    i really did.
    well, until they made less of me.
    until they made every day planned ahead of time for you.
    and you didn't even have to say a word to make the mark,
    cos it was already stamped

    like a cattle.
    aimless never went with me.
    until that aimless circling of your name.
    over
    and over
    again.
    hoping that defining it will make you more fake.
    fake enough to please me.

    and i pride myself for being so real.
    and all i want to do is wear your clothes and play pretend.
    it's good, pretend is.
    just as long as we remember the door.
    i forget tho, and you.
    you lock the door on me.

    i get scared sometimes so much that my insides scream.
    and i swallow it down so hard and fast.

    you can't tell.
    but then again, you wouldn't.

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  • a letter about ATTITUDE this chick at the thrift shop gave me i like it so i thought i'd share it -- rYaN, 23:16:01 05/03/01 Thu
    attitude is more important than facts. it is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, that what other people think, say or do. it is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. it will make or break a business..a home..a friendship..an organization. the remarkable thing is, you have a choice every day of what your attitude will be. we cannot change our past..we cannot change the actions of others. we cannot change the inevitable. the only thing we can change is our attitude. life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

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  • ugh -- saira, 20:18:06 05/03/01 Thu


    you guys...

    i'm sad. i've been ditched by fran. AGAIN. after all that crap too about me "ditching" him. grrr. so come tomorrow, saira khan will be sitting on her ass waiting for olives from ryan on sunday.

    i HATE the formal.

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  • ...Riser... -- ~~Lauren, 14:19:58 05/03/01 Thu


    and I sit transfixed
    in the darkness -
    so black and gray compared to your light -
    and I can't help but let
    the envy swarm around me
    and the heat of a
    light-hearted steam crush
    my sight. Something so powerful
    should be kept back from me
    in elastic chains,
    so I may reach out and touch
    and stroke and kiss -
    yet push away when I feel that
    warmth under my eyes,
    warning my tongue to be ready
    to lap up the tears.
    two moonbeams in daylight -
    you hide the cloud casts on the
    night sky -
    and it's because of you
    that I fight this hurt and
    smooth/smash past this hesitation.

    you make me move forward from my backward laps.

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  • poetry -- saira, 15:52:11 05/03/01 Thu

    alright. i'm incredibly extremely totally picky. and i haveta choose a poem and a poet. so i can analyze the poem and talk about the author/composer. so yea... help me find one. i wanted to use a jess martins original, but mr. kennedy said he wants someone "famous" psssht. and it has to be an american poet. and yea. gimme some ideas.

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  • "soap" -- Jessic@, 01:46:26 05/03/01 Thu


    so they kissed, and things were stuck.

    and she said, "these are the things i want to do with you;
    have your baby, cook your rice,
    make our bed after restless nights."
    and all he can hear is the way the floor creaks
    as he shifts his weight from foot to foot,
    left to right, in all his discomfort.

    commitment wasn't part of this soap-opera plan,
    and she sees it in his wrinkles.

    so

    she

    says:

    "and all your implications
    make me push myself away
    and all these stairs i fall between
    keep getting in the way

    cuz time goes when you need it most,
    but stays when all you need
    is somewhere there, like me -
    when i'm the last one that you'd see.

    i don't want to have to shock you
    just to make you see i'm there."

    then she falls away,

    and he barely even notices

    the sound.

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  • Hyperactivity -- Crysta, 01:36:01 05/03/01 Thu
    Bring the water to a boil and let it simmer,
    Add in the pasta and watch it soften…
    Hot flashes rushing inside this body
    Spark the song I scream,
    “You’ve give me fever,”
    While I beat my head against the air,
    Sugar coursing through my veins.

    Trying to run faster than the thoughts
    Burying their graves beyond my lips
    And the pot boils over,
    But as I turn down the heat
    Sweat beads on my upper lip.

    Spin in circles, empty the dishwasher,
    Watching as a knife taps my forearm
    And imaging the blood trickle down my wrist,
    But instead I throw them- the knives the forks the spoons-
    Into their select little spaces, ORDER ORDER ORDER!

    Where’s my select little space?

    Drenched now,
    Shivering cold and clammy in that suffocating little box,
    As I read the time to cook,
    Nothing-NOTHING- breathes down there,
    It’s a little box in my hand
    Shouting “FIVE MORE MINUTES!”

    What can I do in five more minutes?

    Jerking I scream my song and flail my shrinking arms,
    But I remember you and your sunlight,
    Warm comforting light,
    Covering my face with your gentle touch
    As you search my eyes for the truth beyond my smile.

    I can’t stop shaking as the truth and misconceptions squeeze me relentlessly,
    I never realized how soaked I stood in bubbling wetness
    When I tried to be so dry and cold.

    And I felt cold damnit!

    Here I am stinking of your sweetness.

    Then I stare at her in disgust as she shoves the gag down my throat,
    Knowing what I choked on long before-grotesque and engorged.
    She had to remind me that she is the victim- she will die at my expense,
    Unless I hold her, and tell her its all my fault.

    Calmed,
    I hid her pills and ran off to be alone in the arms of play,
    And I’ll make my dinner for half.

    [ Edit | View ]

  • "i don't know why you try to be so real." -- Jessic@, 01:23:25 05/03/01 Thu


    "i know that you're away,
    but you're not gone."

    "don't you try for anyone but yourself?
    you do for me - don't you."

    "no one had ever looked at me like you
    before you did."

    "i don't know why you try to be so real."

    -howie day
    from "Kristina"

    [ Edit | View ]

  • wowzers -- saira, 00:45:58 05/02/01 Wed


    i went from having 5 million and one plans for formal night.

    now i'm down to one "maybe" and he was so bitchin at me for limitting our bonding time (i almost said bondage)

    BUT, my brother jon fiero always comes through. so yea. i'll be fine.

    if anyone has olives, bring em to school tomorrow. preferably the green ones... i'm kinda craving em.

    [ Edit | View ]

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  • BLAH! -- rYaN, 22:03:53 05/02/01 Wed
    and you think
    that your untouchable
    but i don't want
    to touch you
    the faces doubled
    as the time progresses
    the two separate lives
    you lead shine
    the flaws of each other
    the pain in my heart
    has more weight in bulk
    than the aching knot
    on your head
    from the bed i slept
    beside you oh so peaceful
    i was the hand you held
    when everything was against you
    now i lay my head
    against the wall that
    my fist have penetrated into
    so many times
    i wait to rejoice
    for the day
    that i wash myslef
    clean of you
    with the tears
    of my forgetfulness

    [ Edit | View ]

  • First time post-er, uhm it's titled "Scorcher" -- Mildred, 01:36:44 05/02/01 Wed

    You've got my arms caught
    in your door
    and you're yelling at me
    to run

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  • I'm saying it now, cuz I may not have the courage later.... -- ~~Lauren, 18:33:06 05/01/01 Tue



    For the remainder of the year...


    If anyone has any favors to ask me or what not...



    the answer is no.

    I simply cannot do it anymore.... My senior year is already ruined...might as well TRY to relax from now on.



    Sorry...I know it sounds bitchy. But no.

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  • First time post-er, uhm the title is "Scorcher" -- Mildred, 01:35:03 05/02/01 Wed

    You've got my arms caught
    in your door
    and you're yelling at me
    to run

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  • A simple thought that makes itself so complex with all its simplicity. -- Jessic@, 23:23:57 05/01/01 Tue


    "life can only be understood backwards,
    but we have to live it forwards."

    -from "uncle", a short film on atomfilms.com

    [ Edit | View ]

  • dirty -- gewgaw, 21:37:09 05/01/01 Tue
    Sun stricken
    Life taken
    Desolate,
    The verge of dispute.

    [ Edit | View ]

  • i'm having a bad day.. -- JenCook, 01:52:11 05/01/01 Tue
    i just don't know what it is
    and i'm such a know it all
    and why don't i know it
    this one time
    that could end up being
    the end of the beginning
    if I don't decode myself right.
    I'm trying to hold on
    when i feel like letting go
    but..only sometimes...
    I'm stretching out for you
    but now my arms could wrap
    around to china.
    you're so distant
    and i'm trying to remember
    that you really do care
    and that maybe eventually
    you'll rise to my level..
    of maturity, that is.
    But I'm reaching so far
    and still your mind
    wonders even faster
    and it seems my heart
    is always two steps behind.

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  • if you blink twice, then you'll see my crazy smile. -- saira, 20:34:33 04/30/01 Mon
    with a hand smearing your expression about,
    your chunks of hair remain plastered in the wind.
    your shoe lace follows you.
    the only thing that ever follows you anywhere.

    it's kinda nice to know that your fall is always one step away.
    in a weird, irrational sense that is.

    with that pressed flower sitting in your breast pocket.
    that's your crazy sentimental side.
    always wanting to remember what you once tasted.
    even if it was only a mirage dented in your palm.

    and all those wheepy looks.
    they're the worst.
    cos y'know they all run off after patting your shoulder.
    continuing their life that they lay out each morning.
    right besides their shirt and stockings.

    it's confusing, sometimes.
    to see people laugh,
    and then turn right back around, their first in the air.
    a puzzled look means nothing nowadays.
    just another expression to be thrown into the pile.

    you did try.
    once and twice.
    but somehow it wasn't suited for you to
    breathe in foul air.

    and i promise.
    i do.
    whenever you stand there squinting,
    trying to figure out if the sun hates you or not,
    i'll stand too.

    cos it's allergy season.
    and if you're not half dead yet,
    then i bet your head stands crooked from afar.

    and you'll provide a short violation of my normal variety.

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  • In the words of a Nigger (not a black person) -- saen, 02:02:39 05/01/01 Tue
    "you wanna make out for five minutes then"
    NO
    "Your sure?"
    NAH THATS OK
    "Ok then"

    [ Edit | View ]

  • "Confinement" ...it's supposed to sound like i'm babbling, like something you would say when you're really tired. -- sima, 20:38:06 04/30/01 Mon

    My bed is undone
    for the third day
    running-
    through your intoxicating sleep
    I can still find my way
    back home-
    I know how to wear my skin
    without your nails
    under it

    [ Edit | View ]

  • "Anticipation"...i'm still deciding if I want the last two lines there, so yeah. -- Sima, 02:09:59 04/30/01 Mon

    You're pushing 90
    in the left-lane
    and I'm wondering just when
    you'll slow down and notice
    that you're racing to my house
    but I'm right next to you.

    You never had the best vision
    even with your perscription glasses
    the rushing shades of green
    are too thick to see through
    my face is, by now, used to
    getting lost in your background.

    And I could shout your name
    a thousand times over
    but I'll never sing it
    in the key you ask for
    when you're listening.

    You never know a person
    until you've stepped inside them
    and I'll smile when you
    reach my door
    and see that
    I've been here,
    between your ears all along.



    I know you'll get here sooner or later,
    but every moment is worth the journey.

    [ Edit | View ]

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  • NFG freakin RAWKS!!!!!!!!, k bye -- arizona, 02:07:45 04/30/01 Mon
    eyesore

    forget me not
    those weren't your words
    i'm home haven't you heard the ring?
    the sound of my voice
    i know it isn't much
    that's why i say your name
    when i fall, when i hit the bottom
    girl, play on
    the boys will stay even if you're gone
    go girl, play on
    the boys will stay even if you're gone
    i've missed you
    those weren't your words
    seeing you became a charm
    and everyday, i wish i could
    everyday...
    i say your name
    when i fall, when i hit the bottom
    girl, play on
    the boys will stay even if you're gone
    go girl, play on
    the boys will stay even if you're gone
    i say your name
    when i fall, when i hit the bottom
    girl, play on
    the boys will stay even if you're gone
    go girl, play on
    the boys will stay even if you're gone

    [ Edit | View ]

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  • this is the never-ending finish to a day that sucks ass -- saira, 22:54:45 04/29/01 Sun
    i hate being appropriate for you.
    with just the right step,
    in the right tune.
    everything to satisfy your control over a negative me.

    stepping away into you.
    but always walking.
    and when it's spoiled once,
    the scar appears with each listen.

    and it is so hard to escape when the first
    thing i hit is your name.
    twice over.
    it's pointless to place your true self in a
    guarded pocket when all you want is to be known.
    cos each time you change your name,
    you lose yourself from me.

    so you're placing pennies
    on your eye lids when you sleep.
    that is why we're here, after all.
    to sleep all the time.
    only some dreams seem much more real.

    and when i wake up to another dream,
    i still taste you everywhere.
    and i find myself inhaling you with every blink.

    you record each word that slipped by,
    only to replay it in my face.
    i'm in the black until my spine is curved.

    as the collection builds up, you stuff your mattress,
    the one i lose myself in.
    but i always have enough fear to be found.

    i hate watching you walk away because in the corner
    of my eye i always see you stumble.
    and that's my heart beating itself up again.
    i would expect it to fall apart any minute now,
    but you know how to hold it so it screams.

    but when we confront each other,
    i'll read your anger or your lust.
    whatever it is that's left in your defiant mind.
    maybe i'll behave accordingly,
    cos to displease you would cut lies on my tongue.

    one-armed embraces are all i can steal from you,
    and that's only when you're looking at me looking at you looking at your face.
    one side of me is always left cold.

    [ Edit | View ]

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  • Goodnight -- Arizona, 03:46:04 04/30/01 Mon
    I call upon you tonight
    To find no answer
    I called upon you for years
    To find no answers

    Why would this change now.

    And if you looked for me,
    Would you have any idea where to start your search.
    I would have to doubt that.
    Do you know why?
    Because for for 13 years you never came to see me
    You never came to watch me graduate
    You never came to watch me play at something I enjoyed
    You never saw me accomplish anything.

    And then you stopped all communications
    You stopped sending me cards
    Cards for holidays and occasions that you didn't care for
    Send me your money and see if I notice
    But let it me known I only noticed your signature.

    I'm sorry to sound as if I'm complaining,
    But it's hard not to be,
    When you lay in your bed
    alone,
    Wondering if your ever think of me
    Wondering what went wrong
    To make you disown me so fast and emotion free

    So explain yourself one day,
    Cause I would very much like to know how you feel
    And someday understand
    As I meet everyone that has stood behind you
    In the shadows
    Don't think I have forgotten them
    They are just as guilty of taking a part of my life away, as you are.

    So until you come forward

    Good Luck and Good Night

    [ Edit | View ]

  • Family -- arizona, 03:29:20 04/30/01 Mon
    as i sit here and type
    i can only wonder
    when do you think of me
    or have you pushed me out of your mind
    so that way i truelly won't matter
    cause i don't

    not that i care,
    i only care that you would tell me why it is,
    why can't you come to my face
    and tell me what is that went wrong years ago

    but instead,
    right now,
    you sit in your hospital bed
    and wait to get better
    and you will
    and walk with your cain
    and continue to ignore my existance

    but how did this happen
    since when i was little i was "spoiled" whenever in your presence.

    but honestly
    lay in your bed
    and push me out of your mind
    but i bet it's not hard to do
    since it's been this way for years

    blacklist me from your love
    and black list me from my family
    continue in your fun
    cause i'm done with you

    i hope i never hear from you again

    this is something that should be in a girls novel
    not in real life,
    but live your life
    and stay out of mine
    for when you die
    you will not see me in line
    you will see me living my life
    not affected by your life

    ironic isn't it?

    [ Edit | View ]

  • this will solve all probles and make everyone friends again -- ()()======================D - - - - - - - - ............, 00:29:28 04/30/01 Mon
    i will show you my penis.

    [ Edit | View ]

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  • ugh -- saira, 02:08:19 04/29/01 Sun

    wanna know what kills me?

    sittin in english class, reading catcher in the rye.
    i love that book.
    but mr. kennedy thinks we're a bunch of morons and stops to analyze the stupidest things EVER. i mean, we're not morons. we can piece the story together.

    so as he sits there, having us "analyze" holden's state of mental instability, i'm ready to rip my eyelashes out. this poor boy can't even breathe without having mr. kennedy interrupt and say "his heavy breathing cleary indicates the struggle he went through when he was a child and allie died..."

    wow. i'm just weird tho. but it bugs me out. i'm pretty sure jd salinger didn't make every little thing have a deeper meaning into it. he can write stuff and not expect it to have it psychoanalyzed.

    and that is why school sucks ass and i have senioritis.

    [ Edit | View ]

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  • wow -- saira, 00:59:53 04/30/01 Mon

    jess,

    i just learned why you hate anonymous posts.
    my board is full of em.
    and they're mean.
    but it's a-ok.

    [ Edit | View ]

  • - the beginnings of some song i'm attempting to write. can't decide on guitar or piano. -- jessic@, 13:50:20 04/29/01 Sun
    it's phone conversations you've practiced before
    & things you know you'd like to say
    & time after time you arrive at my door
    from three thousand miles away

    & you only get just as much as you give
    & we both know it isn't that much
    but sometimes it's all that you need to live
    'cuz time couldn't make me budge

    & it made me smile when i was afraid
    that i had forgotten how
    but you lost it all in the choices you made
    'cuz nothing can save you now



    ... you are an ocean, & i don't know how to swim.

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  • ? -- jessic@, 13:54:17 04/29/01 Sun

    "what's the matter with the truth -
    did i offend your ears?"


    -aimee mann

    [ Edit | View ]

  • valentine. -- jessic@, 13:38:56 04/29/01 Sun



    "your good intentions count for little anymore.
    if you're sorry, why wage war?"

    "could another point of view,
    biased and untrue,
    tear me away from you?"

    "apologies are breaking me -
    constants aren't so constant anymore."


    -tguk.

    [ Edit | View ]

  • sometimes i make more sense when i sleep -- saira, 01:59:21 04/29/01 Sun
    maybe i am a one-dimensional character.
    exhausting every inch of bone
    to make an effortless submission to you.
    and you randomly break off a branch
    and place it on my lap.
    like that will condone everything else.

    i hate how our conversations are one-act plays.
    planned out so carefully in the deep ridges of our minds.
    so that we won't cross each other.
    distance always made your posture sag.

    and i wear your shoulders across my chest,
    hoping that your pulse will climb across.
    any moment now.
    but a moment's much too fleeting, some say.

    you don't say.

    my whispered lips are numb from
    calling your unanswered name.
    but i love to feel you crack under my fingers,
    and with great care i reapply the barriers
    that came down with you.

    a little deception never brings harm.
    but when you hide your heart forever, it's better left unmoved.

    sometimes i'm crazy.
    as i hug my knees so tight
    that i'm inverted.

    listening to you radiate can lift the
    oppression off my side and into your middle.

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  • Silence Destroyed -- Crysta, 14:46:35 04/28/01 Sat
    Disbelief in your frown,
    As you see that time grew distance between you and I,
    Each proving thought pushed back,
    Sacrificed,
    For us,
    And they all lay in blood.

    Why your tears leave a trail of red,
    As the dead pile in heaves,
    Each day disentegrating one morsel of our dream.

    Now time together is shared apart.

    Blind kisses,
    Blunt confessions of love,
    Overwhelming worry,
    But sealed our words choke in the depths of our throats,
    And we stay silent.

    Resurrection spoken,
    We need to dig and grow beyond our distance,
    And share eachother's presence.

    [ Edit | View ]

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  • maybe an explanation, maybe just another random quote. you decide. -- Jessica, 17:45:51 04/28/01 Sat


    "it's in the soul to feel such things,
    but weak to watch without speaking.

    & oh, what mercy sadness brings."


    -sheryl crow

    [ Edit | View ]

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  • "Your" -- gewgaw, 18:47:39 04/27/01 Fri
    set up on a table
    like papers well worth reading
    someone elses coffee grows cold
    only inches from being knocked over
    by your melodic tool,
    the microphone cord tangled as your hair is at times
    and the vertical dance routine of the books
    does your beauty justice,
    you don't notice
    but the little girl off to your left
    has just sucked up all the inspiration a spunge can't,
    and with all eyes on you
    for being the only gifted one in the room,
    all sorrows turn to unified amazement
    as we await our next favorite song
    that we've never heard before,
    categories like Certification and Networking Systems
    turn more lifeless every second
    because nobody is there for reading
    but they no what you are about/


    you amaze me in those oh so great ways/

    [ Edit | View ]

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  • true intentions -- erik, 01:43:07 04/26/01 Thu
    i'm letting it all go, i just don't care anymore, i just wanna say this nice and clear, cause all i intended from the start was to get jess to stop with the "nobody likes me" stuff, my reasoning is, that over the course of this year, jess has pulled this "nobody likes me" act a few times, and each time it does this, shakes the whole group up and gets us frustrated, i was simply sick of it, no one is out to get jess, at least not till she starts with the "fuck you all" and "you all make me sick" crap. if you are gonna complain numerous times of how nobody likes you, telling us stuff like that does jack shit to help, and when you don't enjoy, or make it enjoyable when we do hang out, nothing is gonna get better, i didn't mean it as a hate message, it was more of a constructive criticism, but whatever, i could care less now, since i'm a pussy , and i am so devastated that sara likes jess better and i'm dumb, and i guess that makes my life nothing, i'm gonna go and cry

    [ Edit | View ]

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  • Some things.... -- some person, 01:05:42 04/27/01 Fri
    some things are not worth fighting for. some people are not worth fighting for. and more importantly, some people are not worth fighting WITH. as a neutral, 3rd person witness, i'd like to say that if everyone would take responsibility for what they've said, done, and PRETENDED TO BE......the "circle" would be a lot happier. cuz let's face it, we can't vote someone off the island because we're tired of hearing "fuck you", and the song about eating worms...(nobody likes me, everybody hates me....) but in all honesty, very little time remains that we can still call "ours". so lets make the best of it. erik....just chill guy, relax for a hot minute. and jess, stop with the games. we've all seen this movie already.

    [ Edit | View ]

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  • I think I have led most of my life according to this idea, but I just heard it two weeks ago. -- gewgaw, 18:37:38 04/27/01 Fri


    "When someone tells you to hold on a minute or to wait a second, you tell them fuck you. Theres no time to waist, not one second to loose, so tell them fuck you. Or next thing you know it, you'll be eating crushed up peas and being pushed around by some acne faced kid who couldn't give less of a damn about your geriatric ass."

    [ Edit | View ]

  • a fitting quote,,,,from Mr. Big -- ?, 01:50:02 04/26/01 Thu
    Build up your confidence
    So you can be on top for once
    wake up who cares about
    Little boys that talk too much

    [ Edit | View ]

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  • From the Junior's Point of View... -- JenCook, 18:30:16 04/25/01 Wed
    all right..Taking back some things I've said due to anger/hurt/ etc. and just from a sideline view ..type of revelation..or sumthing, not saying anyone's right or wrong..but....I find it amazing..as much as we can deny it, this is all hypocrisy, is it not? We continue to complain about others complaining and the cycle just keeps on going. And so it goes, on and on, and becomes a competition of who can say "Fu*k You" the most , until we all are turning our backs on eachother. Now, my stance on this thing is sure I'm hurt and so maybe I did lose a little trust in people due to gossip and such but, I'm not one to hold grudges.(my situation) And as for the rest of you...you guys are all leaving me. And all I'm thinking is how many of you guys really will stay in touch with me and which of you I'll never talk to again. and Which of you will even remember me at all. Because that's the reality of it all. I can honestly say that I only expect to talk to maybe 2 of you at most, and that's sad. I know I can't just say "Forgive and Forget"...b/c it's hard and I know I can't do it ..but can you all at least try your best to just make these last few months halfway decent? suck it up, I know I'm trying to,...ya know...just try to take it all with a grain of salt and then come like august and september it'll all be over. ...Sure, there are those I don't like..and there are a few I can honestly say I hate..but...there are always people you don't like and I've come to realize recently that there's nothing we can do about it but just pretend that they're not there...so...can we try to at least end it on a good note? If we keep up this "You Suck More" competition we're all gonna end up old and lonely..I can see it now. My brain hurts. and the fighting is driving me up a wall for God's sake. thanks. that's all....

    [ Edit | View ]

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  • ...hehehe... -- ~~Lauren, 14:22:12 04/26/01 Thu



    My favorite thing in the world is sitting in Graphics class and hearing Jessica get mad at the computer and talk to herself.


    it's a riot.

    [ Edit | View ]

  • i call it "things you say when you want friends" -- wild guess?, 20:45:22 04/25/01 Wed
    ... Fuck you.

    Fuck you all.

    I'm so fucking tired of it.

    You all make me fucking sick.

    ... Fuck you for that.



    (and stop telling me to stop like your some big person, cause i know your tough and all cause you can call me a pussy, wait i think i feel a tear, but i know your not really tough, you don't bother me and as much as you say i'm wasting my time, if you look at all the times you've fought with everyone, you'd realize you wasted your life, heres a little list in chronological order:

    Mattyo
    Sara
    Stacy
    Lauren
    Ryan
    Me

    its funny how you had friends in the first place.

    [ Edit | View ]

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