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Date Posted: 03:44:53 09/03/01 Mon
Author: Quila
Subject: 4:35 am.

I can't sleep. You just left 3 minutes ago and now it's 4:35 in the morning. When you drove off, I watched as your car disappeared into the fog as the hum of the engine blended into the silence. My eyes started to burn and I slowly walked back into the house, getting a picture of the moment to hold in my memory forever. Usually, it's the happy times when you drive off so sudden-- because I know I will see you again. But not tonight. Or today I should say. I wonder if it's the last time I saw you drive off like that. I felt so lonely standing by myself under the foggy light in the middle of the street. I felt a lonliness I never felt before.
Tears started rolling down my cheek as I walked back inside. I felt like I was crying more than tears. And then that feeling came over me. Then I started crying hard. I hurried inside, shutting the door quickly as I leaned on it, sliding down to the floor. My head was on my knees and I couldn't stop crying.
Lost. Iscolated. Too simple to relate to how I'll get by without you. I have no other person in my life like you. Tonight, I felt that both you and I expressed sides to one another that we never have before. I saw a gentle, soft look in your eyes as you shared your true feelings on things with me. I felt like you needed me there. Like we needed no one else but each other. I listened to you and looked right into your eyes, something hard for me to do. But tonight, it was easy. Being with you, listening to your heart, made me feel genuinely happy. I wish you could feel the happiness I felt, something that has been hard for me to feel lately. But I was happy. No other place would be as good as simply sharing a blanket with you having a heart-to-heart talk. When you ask me what I would think if you left tomorrow, and I said 'lost'-- that's exactly how I would feel. I really don't want you to go. I couldn't stand not knowing you're close to me.

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