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Date Posted: 02:29:07 04/21/01 Sat
Author: ~~Lauren
Subject: ...people only talk about themselves because it's all they know and they are too lazy to go any further...

I see: my fingers moving much slower than my head...as always...

I need: a really good hug right now. Not one of those "hey you're my quasi-friend who I like cuz everyone else does" hugs...but a good fucking hug where I can barely breathe and my arms get tingly...a Luke M. hug...

I find: it hard to believe that I am a senior in high school and that all this time that I've been complaining about "high school bullshit"...I've just done it to myself by not moving...

I want: to be that halo of light around a star...

I have: a pounding in my ears that you wouldn't understand, but is my constant source of self and safe...

I wish: I could tell the difference between reality and harsh, and that I could warn myself against the harsh...

I love: my friends, all of them...here and lost forever...

I miss: my best friend and the comfort he brought...and believing in things more than I wanted to. Do you know what it's like to believe in something more than you want to? It's absolutely wonderful. It helps you live...

I fear: clowns and goats and that damn platypus and dying alone...

I feel: my dog licking me cuz she's hungry, my own hunger, and a slight feeling of self-loathing because it's late at night and I'm wrapped in a blanket alone and some people out there that are supposed to love me just make me feel like I'm constantly falling from their gaze and there is nothing I can do about it...

I smell: nothing...the inside of my nose is burning...

I think: that lately, there is nothing like a good dose of Will to make my day better...

I crave: a pear...a good one...

I wonder: what it must feel like to break away with yourself for a minute, and just walk in the outside...i dunno...test the waters out there for a bit...see if you can drown as easily as you can on the inside...

I regret: never admitting my regrets to a certain someone...


Right now, I feel like: breathing slowly...

Right now, I hear: the dumb cars whizzing past my road...

I just don't understand: my parents. If I ever become either one of my parents, I will combust somehow...for they are the epitome of what I don't want to be...the only thing they did right, was me...

I like Jessica Martins because: she's smart and easy to talk to and pretty and she likes me back...and cuz we can talk in the regent for four hours.

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