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| Subject: Am I being unreasonable? | |
Author: Lilly from the Valley | [ Next Thread |
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] Date Posted: 1/05/07 17:11 Hello BP There is something that is eating away at me and I wonder if I can call upon your thoughts. I divorced some years ago; went through hell and back, but have been with my partner for around 7 or so years. We are all happy, have everything we need and are truly blessed. My ex husband (and father of my daughter) came round today (which he often does but I dont mind as it means he sees our daughter, as these days she spending less and less time with him). He began chatting nicely (should have seen it coming I suppose - leopards dont change their spots do they?). Anyway, he then advised me that he is cashing in an endowment we took out 12 months prior to our divorce. He said he was having some financial problems and I didnt mind did I (meaning that I didnt mind if he took all the cash from its surrender). Half of me felt very mean in stating that well yes, I actually do mind. When that endowment was taken out, I was working full time and contributing to the home, including paying the childminder. I feel I have contributed to the 12 months I was still married to him and have stated that I deserve the equivalent percentage of that. He went absolutely bolistic and began tittle tattling about all the nitty little things he used to pay for and before I knew it, we had a row (1st one in years). He then walked out and slammed the door. The other half of me now feels very mean cos I dont need the money, I just feel I have a right to it and have earned it. He is, I am afraid an habitual liar and has told me many things over the years in an effort to my agreeing to miss his maintenance payments from time to time, which I have done. I know what advice I would give to one of you lovely folk if the boot were on the other foot, but I cant help feeling very guilty - and thats exactly how he used to make me feel when we were together. What are you thoughts - please dont be afraid to tell me I am being unreasonable, I really wont mind. BUA - Lil (not normally one to hang her dirty washing out) [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
[> Subject:  Re: Am I being unreasonable?
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Author: whitewolf [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 1/05/07 17:23 Hello lovely Lil, Take the advice you would give, stop feeling guilty and please don't be so hard on yourself. :) "...but I cant help feeling very guilty - and thats exactly how he used to make me feel when we were together..." so don't give him this power any longer. Stand strong and proud ((((hugs)))) Bright Blessings whitewolf [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: Paganwolf (Steaming) [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 1/05/07 17:26 No you are not being unreasonable. Half that is yours,legally, end of discussion. His financial concerns are his alone and nothing to do with you, you weren't to blame for them were you? why should you feel guilty? And if he wants to bang on about what he paid for during the marriage,thats fine but remember, a marriage is gaive and take and I bet if you wanted to be as picky as him, you could mention things you paid for. In short, what i'd say is the endowment is in two names, both should get 50% of it. Then if you don't want to assist, that is your choice and nothing to do with him. He is bullying you, psycologically but bullying none the less. His problems are not yours so I wouldn't allow that to influence any decision he makes. Remember, you can always remind him that half of something is better than nothing because if there is a formal request for maintenance, you can claim that back with interest from him. Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear but you asked. Blessings and light Paganwolf )0( [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: Lilly from the Valley [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 1/05/07 18:41 Thank you both. I know you are right. In fact shortly after I sent the posting here he called me to say that I was right & he would go through the paperwork with me. Guess I gave him food for thought when I mentioned seeking legal advice on that and a few other things I wont mention here. Thank you for your wise words WW and PW - it was just what I needed to hear. Blessings Lil [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: zenwind [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 1/05/07 19:06 Do not feel guility dear Lily. Be gentle on your sweet self. I echo what WW and PW have said - could not have said it better. Wishing you the very best for a peaceful and fair outcome. Will think of you through what must be a difficult and stressful time. namaste zenwind /\ [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: sam spaniel [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 2/05/07 12:40 don't get me wrong lil hun.... but it seems he intimidated you when you were in the relationship with him.... you are no longer in that relationship and have not been for some time.... he should realise that and also know that he has no right to try to have a hold over you with such a thing as this issue.. you are only too right . you are entitled to some of the money and i see nothing wrong with you standing up for your rights.... you go girl!! My ex had a hold over me with things like guilt trips for silly little things he had done for me in the past and made me feel as if i owed him something in return. i soon let him know that he has no right to interfere in my life any more and i put him in his place... you gotta do it... i will light a candle for you tonight to send you some stringth.. stand up for yourself when you know it's right!! take care lovely sam xx [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: Pilgrim [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 2/05/07 14:24 What's yours is yours and you should not feel guilty for wanting it. Whether you need it or not is beside the point. It is yours and you should have it available to you to use in whatever fashion you choose. Your not being unreasonable at all. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: Lilly from the Valley [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 4/05/07 8:44 Thank you all for your wise words. I feel a little guilty in asking for advice when there are so many more needy than I and when so many of you, who have much bigger problems to face right now, still have the time to respond to me. What will be will be and it will be for the good of all - I know that. I think all the feelings of being controlled probably came rushing back in that one horrible day and weakened me. Thank you again beautiful people. The strong, fearsome Lily is now back in the Garden! LOL Love and peace to you all. Lil [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: Dragonlady [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 4/05/07 17:11 Sorry to be late in on this one but I agree with what WW and PW said. It is your right and you should most definitely not feel guilty about it. He has obviously realised that too whic is good. Blessings Dragonlady [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |