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| Subject: Re: hurt again | |
Author: Rowan | [ Next Thread |
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] Date Posted: 25/01/07 15:50 In reply to: sweetsong 's message, "hurt again" on 22/01/07 9:52 I must agree with you on that point Sweetsong. Honesty must go hand in hand with integrity. Honesty should stem from genuine care and respect of the other(s). There are times when a 'white lie' is necessary in order to prevent hurt, other times when it is best simply to stay silent on the matter, if your opinion is likely to cause pain. Sweetsong, people are usually cruel to others because of a feeling of inadequacy and/or unhappiness in themselves (I am not pointing a finger at any forum member here, but your family and friends). When you are fulfilled, happy and love yourself unconditionally, this reflects in your relationships with others. So it seems that the cruel comments of your sisters stem from jealousy, not from what is actually true. Also you seem to be giving out a strong feeling of being a victim - bullies, who are often in pain, make themselves feel stronger by picking on those who appear weaker than they themselves are. I believe that all experiences in our lives happen for a reason - to make us wiser and more loving beings. It might be helpful, rather than feel all this pain and victimisation, to sit quietly and reflect if there is anything you are doing which is encouraging others to be cruel. Maybe you are unknowingly attracted to a certain type of person who has this aspect to their personality, for instance. Maybe these feelings you have are simply an indication of your lack of self esteem and these people are in your life at the moment to help you to realise this and encourage you to work on it. I would suggest you look for some self help books about loving and accepting yourself first.Also you may find some of the buddhist literature on loving kindness to be useful. I used to be very insecure myself and always seemed to have a feeling that people were judging me. This either made me put up barriers or become needy in my relationships - both, drove people away or stopped them approaching me. You, Sweetsong are a blessed and beautiful soul and equal to everyone on this planet. You are unique and should rejoice in that uniqueness. Love is like water - the more you try and grasp it, the quicker it slips through your fingers. True love gives without expecting return. Once you have learned to love and respect yourself unconditionally, you will find that it will spill out towards others with ease. And in return, like a mirror, the love you give out freely, will come back to you many times over. Don't forget, that most of the cruelty or thoughtlessness of other people is due to their own issues and nothing to do with you at all. I think it is important not to take every little slight, personally - there are times when you have to swallow the hurt, forgive and move on. There may be other times when you actually have a distorted view of the situation, because of your feeling of insecurity. In that case, rather than stay silent, feeling terrible, be honest and discuss your feelings with that person. Chance is, you've gor them completely wrong! And for those instances when a person hurts you with deliberate intent, move on and away from them. There are plenty of others out there with kinder hearts! We are all human, we all struggle, we all mess up at times, we need to forgive ourselves and forgive others. Let go of your pain and hurt Sweetsong - it is eating away at your heart. Just let it go and keep your face to the sun :) Blessings, Rowan xx [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
| [> Subject: Re: hurt again | |
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Author: Pilgrim [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 25/01/07 16:26 Wow! What wise words Rowan. Very well written. On the subject of honesty being cruel or not.... I have a friend who used to be very fond of the expression "The truth can be cruel." Usually said after they had said something completely offensive to someone. One day they were telling me about how they had said such and such to so and so and then said "The truth can be cruel." I couldn't take it any more and said, " The truth is never cruel. It is person telling the truth that is being cruel. Truth can almost always be worded in such a way that it is not cruel." An example of this is when my wife and I went looking for her a dress for a special occasion. I had watched her try on many outfits and come out to show me with an expression on her face that said NOTHING LOOKS GOOD ON ME. Then she tried on one that I thought was not very pretty. She came out beaming with excitement and said:"How do I look!?" I really didn't like the dress. But she was so excited and I could tell she thought it looked wonderful. So I said: "You look beautiful!" And SHE did. Her face was smiling, her posture was confident. She was glowing. Every time she wore that dress I focused on how wonderful she felt and not the fact that I personally didn't like the dress. Now thinking back on it I think it was my favorite dress she has ever had. I could have been brutally honest about the dress but chose instead to be very honest about how she looked in the dress. Sorry I went on so long but I think it is important that we be as careful with how we are honest as we are with being honest. Pilgrim [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |