| Subject: major mia (sorry long post) |
Author:
fran
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Date Posted: 10:29:57 03/27/05 Sun
Hi. I'm not sure how this post will be taken. I know a lot of you are ana, and mia doesn't get mentioned much. All I can say is please don't judge me harshly - I'm doing that myself. I'm reading posts about people eating 400 calories a day. I truly wish I was them. I've just worked out the number of calories I've eaten this afternoon, and I quit at 10,000. Ok, so I purged, but a percentage of those calories will have been absorbed, which is why I'm 15 pounds heavier than I was 3 weeks ago. I don't know how it happened, but I've completely lost control. I feel like a fraud on this board because I'm not thin - in fact I'm getting closer and closer to overweight. I'm doing the sensible things - not fasting, exercising, keeping busy, etc, but there seems to be an irresistible force pulling me towards food. In other ways my life is improving so much - i'm working, not spending all my life in hospital, not cutting (much), doing things with friends. Why has my eating gone haywire? I'm trying to do a self-help programme. I start each day determined, but by mid-afternoon, all sense of reason has gone. I think i've proved my strength of character by still being alive after the past few years. Surely i can beat this? Anyone out there having similar experiences, please say. Rationally, i know being thin isn't worth this - my teeth are rotting, i constantly throw up blood, i go dizzy, i can't eat without feeling sick whether i like it or not, and - final irony - i'm not even thin. I've never had enough sympathy with addicts - now i find i am one. I always thought that if you just had enough self-control... Anyway, like i said, please don't judge me, and please, someone out there say you know what is happening to me and that there's a way out. Sorry for the long post.
fran
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