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Date Posted: 16:16:55 05/27/02 Mon
In reply to: gumgum 's message, "dear ele@kim.home" on 14:09:16 05/25/02 Sat

um... i don't feel so good after reading your now status of mind, i read it a few times. it's indeed "heavy", but it's not a bad thing for sure. being "heavy" is the way you used to be and i'm sure when you were a kid, you're one of those "heavy" kids too. i don't know what happened that night and what did those "old friends" talk about. but i think you have never totally agreed with them at all since the first day, am i right? you're on the way searching for your own "place", you're never totally in line with them at all. they maybe just temporary working partners of you at certain time at certain stage for certain goal. besides, everyone has their own experiences and ways of seeing lives and ways of improving the world. their ways may no longer "valid" to you as you have had different kind of experiences now. your goal is different now. but if we can "communicate" with ppl with different views, it's still very good. it's my problem. i always can't find ways or a bigger heart to really communicate with ppl with different ways of thinking. "theory" is nothing evil, it's evil when we totally lose our "human-ness" and be invaded and overwhelmed by those theoretical way of thinking. theory is limited and only can answer questions in a partial way. and it's not for every living beings. i think we know very well real ppl can never rely on "theory" to conceive and create meaning of their lives.

i just hope what you've undergone, or what i've undergone can make us a better and also "lighter" (not light-hearted of coz, lighter when u think more and be more enlightened) person. and also, may our "sufferings" let us more eager to "communicate" with others, no matter how different and disagreeable they are. most of the time, language fails us and prejudice blinds us (best example is me).

so, don't make a "predicition" that you'll be ultimately lonely, it will come true if you believe it (as you told me). there're so many mind barriers to separate each of us and make us feel lonely.

i don't know if i'm in the right channel with you or got the meaning you really intended at. but sincerely, don't portrait yourself as a lonely kid, and try to communicate with others in a better and easily comprehensible way.

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