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Date Posted: 14:00:05 07/24/05 Sun
Author: Elaini (Rishanath), Wylan, and Elatyr
Subject: I hate my life

I hate the people in it


Elaini was now walking, head low, through the barracks, hoping to find some empty weyr to sleep in, as she had countless nights before. She straitened the baby-carriers on both her chest and back, the front of which held her precious baby girl, the back her beloved baby boy. Her twins were everything to her now, and she hated that they couldn’t live comfortably. After three months of fleeing from the sight of her weyrmate, W’ntyr of bronze Garneth, she knew she could not go back to the weyr they had so long ago shared. Her delicate, tanned hand went from adjusting the girl’s straps to her stomach, and she had to hold back tears. Looking down again, her eyes defied her, and tears fell onto the slightly swollen stomach. She was now three months pregnant, and she hadn’t told anyone.

The large dragon that had so long ago been a shining, dusky emerald was now a harsh grey-green, and followed her rider with the same somber stance as her ‘Laini. Oh, how Rishanath would love to be under the protective wing of her bronze love... And how much she’d give to see her Elaini in the arms of the one she loved! But, it was impossible now. For when one betrayal leads to another, it is improbable that they’d ever be together... ever.

I hate the choices we make


Elaini held her tears in once more as she remembered that fateful day. One day had changed her life. The day Shrineth rose.

Now, she knew she could not blame the golden beauty, but oh, how she wished to have someone to blame! That was when her W’ntyr, the love of her life, had left her, trying to coax the gold into his affection. Well, it was sharding good that the gold had seen through that lying sneak! She pushed back the thoughts of his innocence immediately. She knew it was wrong, what he’d done. It was just that simple.

Something else bothered her, too, though. The betrayal she’d committed afterwards. Some may say that it was only natural to want someone who’d once been close nearby, and even that it could’ve been in dragon emotion that she’d done it, but she knew she was guilty. She’d done wrong. But she couldn’t re-do it now. She was pregnant, and she was scorching sure that it wasn’t W’ntyr’s child.

I hate the way I can’t control life


Elaini was almost positive that the child was X’thrall’s. Sure, there was a small chance that it was indeed W’ntyr’s, and she’d been pregnant through the flight, but she doubted it. It was an illegitimate child. It was conceived away from true love, away from even flight-lust. And that she couldn’t bear to live with, knowing she had inflicted such a fate on one so innocent.

Of course, Elaini had thought many times on simply taking a short drop between, but she couldn’t do that. Elaini, kill another living person on purpose? Not likely to ever happen.

But most of all, I hate myself


Elaini sighed as she found another empty weyr near the back. A little big, probably for a blue, but it would do for tonight. She watched as Rishanath settled less-than-comfortably on the couch, and walked over to the bed, sitting down. She took Wylan out from his baby-carrier in the back, and Elatyr from hers in the front. Both children were the dearest things in her life now, and she felt horrible for condemning them to a fatherless life.

Perhaps, when they were older, she’d ask them if they wanted to live with Daddy. She winced as she thought the word; what she wouldn’t give to have taken W’ntyr out of the area at the moment of the flight, to lead him away! She knew he didn’t mean it... but she couldn’t ask for forgiveness now. Sighing, she made two little cots from the blankets, and set the children in them comfortably. Then, she turned, and settled on the now blanket-less bed. It was nowhere near as comfortable as the bed she’d shared with W’ntyr... but he’d never want her back now, not after all she’d done to him...

Perhaps one day she’d tell him she was sorry. But, maybe it would be better to leave him alone. He had his own life... probably without her by now.

I don’t deserve redemption


((Hello... I'm back! Anyway... GC? Pup? Can someone reply to my poor baby? I'd LOVE W'ntyr to find her... but...))

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