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Date Posted: 17:31:39 11/18/02 Mon
Author: dasf
Subject: sdf

Katherine and Luoodles request the honor of your presence at a
BABY SHOWER
for
LIEUTENANT LOREN SINGER
On Wednesday, 20 November at one o’clock in the afternoon
at the home of
Luoodles
101 Shuddering Shipper Lane
DeNile, USA

DIRECTIONS: Follow the dirt road until you see another dirt road—hang a left and keep the windows closed. Finally, you’ll see a gravel road on the right. Turn left. Not THAT far left!!! Watch out for my tree!!!>sigh< And before you start complaining about how far Lu lives, let us take this opportunity to remind you that we COULD have held this at Katherine’s! Exactly. Interplanetary SPACE travel anyone? We thought not. So quit your complaining and watch out for my Magnolias!!

Please RSVP to Katherine or Luoodles at
1-800-OMY-GOSH

Now remember, it’s a SURPRISE!



“Oh yeah. It’s a surprise alright,” Harm sighed, tossing the invitation back to Mac. “Do they not have PAMPHLETS about this sort of thing in Russia? I mean, did it not occur to ANYONE that PERHAPS…?” Harm scowled, massaging the steadily increasing pain in his forehead. Besides that, am I the ONLY one in my family that knows how to keep his pants zipped?!”

“Unfortunately,” Mac sighed wearily.

“What?”

“I said, ‘Apparently!’” ~Tick tock~ ~Tick tock!~

“What’s that sound?” Harm asked, looking around. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what? I didn’t...” ~Tick~ “...hear...” ~Tock~ “...anything.” ~Tick~ Why? ~Tock~

“That’s odd. I could have SWORN I heard a clock ticking.”

“Nope... ~Bong! Bong! Bong!~...I didn’t hear a ~Bong! Bong! Bong!~ thing! So, what are you going to get her?” ~Tick Tock! Tick Tock!~

“There it goes again! I can’t believe you don’t HEAR that!”


INSIDE FOR THE REST!


“Oh for crying out loud. It’s ME, O.k.?! My biological clock has been going off like Big Ben! Are you satisfied?!”

“Oh. Uhhh… Sorry Mac, uhh.. Wow. Is that how it happens? You women are so MYSTERIOUS!”

“Well, apparently we are to YOU, Harm. I mean has it never occurred to you that PERHAPS you should DO something? I mean besides OGLE me?”

Puzzled, Harm stared blankly at Mac. Just as he was about to comment there was a knock at the door.
~knock, knock~

“Who’s there?” Harm asked, exceedingly relieved he had been rescued.

“Sturgis.”

“Sturgis who?!” Mac replied in frustration, her potential ‘moment’ with Harm once again foiled.

“Sturgis COLD outside! Would one of you knuckleheads let me IN?!”

~Harm shrugged sheepishly at Mac and opened the door~

“You two will NOT believe what I just found in my mailbox!” Sturgis announced standing in the doorway and waving the invitation.

“Come in!” Harm exclaimed, practically dragging Sturgis thru the door.

“Whoa! Watch the uniform!” a surprised Sturgis complained. “Anyway, look what I have.”

“Yep. We have one too,” Harm sighed.

“Well, are you going?”

“Ummmm...I think I’m crashing my TomCat that night.”

“I think I’m helping him,” Mac added.

“Rrriiiggghhhtttt. So.. You’re both going then?”

“Yes,” they both sighed heavily.

“Good! Anyway, I think it will be fun! I just love babies!” Sturgis grinned.

~Tick Tock! Tick Tock!~

“What on earth?” Sturgis questioned.

Harm violently shook his head “No,” but it was too late.

“Did you hear that?” Sturgis continued, “It sounds like a clock!” Looking about, his eyes zoned in on the unexpected source. Mac!

~BONG! BONG! BONG!!

“What the …” Surgis jumped back, startled and confused.

Mac glared at them both and stomped out the door slapping Harm on the back of his head as she left. ~Bong Bong Bong!~

~Meanwhile, in the Admiral’s office~

“TINER!!!!” the Admiral barked.

“Yes, sir!”

“What’s the meaning of this?” he demanded, handing Tiner the invitation.
“Well, Sir. It seems that someone is throwing Lt. Singer a Baby Shower??? Sir, who would do such a thing? Oh my gosh, Sir.. do you suppose it was.. MEREDITH?”

“Please, No!” the Admiral gasped, his eyes widening with fear. Quickly scanning the invitation, he was at once relieved and alarmed upon discovering the host was not Meredith, but in fact the bizarre Alien woman and her sidekick LUnatic.

“Wait ‘til I tell Gunny!” Tiner grinned merrily until he caught the Admirals irritated glare.

“Sorry, sir,” Tiner said, sheepishly leaving the office and closing the door behind him.

Safely back at his desk Tiner grinned again and quickly dialed a number. ~ring ring~ “Yes Operator, may I have Afghanistan please...yes, I’ll hold...Hello, Gunny?! Oh you are NOT going to believe this….”

~Over at the Roberts’ residence~

“Harriet, Sweetie, I’m going out to get the ma…”

“I’LL DO IT!!!” Harriet yelled, zooming past Bud.

Deftly tripping Harriet with his crutch, Bud continued. “I said, I’ll GET it.” Stepping over Harriet’s prone form Bud happily continued to the mailbox.

“Okie dokie,” came Harriet’s unsteady reply, as she shook her head in an effort to clear her vision.

“Let’s see...electric bill...phone bill...Star Trek Magazine...a One Way Ticket to a Galaxy Far, Far Away...Those Harmy Ladies...Ha ha! They’re such a bunch of kidders over there!… Bloomingdale’s sale book...hmmm...what’s this? YIKES!!!!! HARRRRRIIIEEEETTTTTT!!!!!”

“What is it! Are you OK?” Harriet screeched, leaping up to sprint to the kitchen. “Let me get you a glass of wat…!” Oooofff…THUD!

Stepping back over Harriet, Bud examined an envelope. “It’s from those scary ladies!”

“Which Scary ladies?” Harriet moaned, attempting to bring the piece of mail into focus. “ALL the ladies you know scare ME! Especially the ones who walk around chanting ‘BLA’ all the time. Brrr...they give me the willies!”
~Ignoring Harriet, Bud gingerly opened the letter. ~

“WHAT?! What is it?! BUD!! Are you in PAIN? What do they want? I’ll run and get your medicat….” Oooofff…THUD! “BUD? Sweetie? Are you TRIPPING me??!!” Harriet whimpered with incredulity. “I ..I don’t believe it!”

“I’m sorry, Sweetie.. It’s just that it’s so darn much FUN! Anyway, you won’t believe this either! They’re throwing a baby shower...for Lt. Singer!!!!”

~~~~~~~

~Meanwhile, at Babies B Us...~

“Goodness lands sake,” Lt. Manetti drawled. “Look at this registry! Why, it’s ovah 12 payages!”

“Manetti… forgive me for asking but… WHERE did you say you were from again?”

“Ahm from Suthern Japayan, Ma’am.”

“Oh, of course,” Mac replied, arching an eyebrow. Changing the subject, Mac turned toward a particularly large store display. “What on EARTH is a Diaper Genie?” she asked, a look of puzzlement on her face.

“Oh—those ah wondaful, Ma’am,” Manetti explained. “You just put that diahpuh in theya and it just sucks all that stank right out of the rooum.”

“I’d be afraid Singer would put the BABY in there!”

“From whut Ia’ve heard, Ma’am, that wouldn’t surprise me none. Hey now, isn’t that the Admiral ova yonda? Admiral! Ova heyuh!” shouted Manetti.

“Ladies, am I glad to see you!” exclaimed an exasperated AJ.

“Likewise, Sir.”

“Look,” the Admiral sighed, “I have no idea what to get Lt. Singer. Any suggestions?”

“How about a transfer, Sir?” suggested Mac hopefully.

“Ohr at least an exceptionly lawung mahternity leave, Suh,” Manetti offered.

~Glaring at his two officers the Admiral suddenly turned thoughtful, as if for a moment considering these options. A slight smile appeared on his lips, but then just as quickly vanished as he dismissed the tempting notion.~

“I think I’ll just close my eyes, and get whatever I pick up,” he said finally.

~Scrunching his eyes, AJ turned away from the pair and pointed~

“What’d you choose, Suh?” asked Manetti trying to peer over the Admiral’s shoulder.

“I’m not sure...” he answered, looking quizzically at the object now resting in his hand. “It appears to be some sort of … siphon?

“Here...let me see, Sir.” offered Mac.

Taking the item from his hands, she barely repressed a giggle as realization dawned. Trying valiantly to regain her composure, she showed the object to Manetti, who in turn nearly laughed out loud in amusement.

“What’s so funny?” A.J. questioned.

“Beggin’ the Admiral’s pardon,” Manetti smiled, “but, you’ah gettin Lt. Singer ah ….breast pump, Suh.”

“~sigh~” groaned the Admiral, “Best out of three!”


To be continued…..

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