VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, [3], 4 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 10:14:12 11/21/02 Thu
Author: Katherine and Luoodles
Subject: Singer Shower part Two

~Shower Day~


“Lu, did you get the little hot dogs?? I can’t make babies in a blanket without the little hot dogs?”

“Are you insane? Half the people we know ALREADY think I cook children! I’m not giving them anything ELSE to run with. They’ll have a FIELD day for crying out loud!”

“Oh, Lu, that was a long time ago. I’m sure everyone has forgotten by now!”

“Yeah, right. Think of something else!”

“Fine—I’ll call them PIGS—but it doesn’t go with our theme!” said an exasperated Katherine

“Theme, what theme?” asked Lu. “When did we get a theme??”

“Oh Tiner!!!” Katherine called. “Would you be so kind so to come here for a moment, dear?”

“Tiner????…Katherine…WHY is Tiner in my house?”

“Oh hush. We need help and you know it. Tiner volunteered! Now be quiet! You’ll hurt his feelings!”

“Yes Ma’am?” Tiner responded arriving from the living room.

“Tell Lu what the theme is, dear.”

“No theme, Ma’am,” Tiner explained, turning to go.

“Drats! I was sure there was a theme!” exclaimed Katherine.

“Hold it, Tiner!”

“Yes, Lu?”

“What exactly are you DOING in my living room?”

“I’m arranging flowers, Ma’am. It’s kind of hard because the blooms are so small and dainty...but…it’s the only thing I could find to pick.”

“To pick? What did you pi….MY CHRISTMAS CACTUS!!!! You picked the BLOOMS off my CHRISTMAS CACTUS????!!!!!!! AAIGHHHH!!!!!!”

“Lu! Lu! Get a grip! I’ll get you ANOTHER Christmas Cactus! For crying out loud. Let go of his NECK!!!!! Luuuuuu!!!!! SWACK! Sigh. You maniac! It’s JUST a Christmas cactus. What’s WRONG with you?”

“I want that nut out of my house! O-U-T!”

“He said he’d stay and help clean up,” Katherine cajoled.

“He did?” Lu asked, instantly softening at the prospect of actual help.

“Yup.”

“And he knows HOW to clean up? I mean...that Mic guy came w/ his stupid vacuum and all HE did was put MUD on my floor!”

“I guarantee you that he will clean up and NOT put mud on your floor.”

“O.K. Well.. I guess he can stay then,” Lu said, straightening Tiner’s collar. “But he’s YOUR responsibility!”

“Fine. Sheesh!”

“And I better not find out he’s got a muddy kangaroo with him!!!”

“Oh good grief. He has NO kangaroo! Besides, he’s too busy keeping an eye on Psycho Kitty.”

“ Oh no. Tell me you did NOT bring that deranged cat!!”

“Ummm…”

“You DID!”

“Oh Lu! She’s not deranged. She’s just a little...unsociable. Besides, she adores Lt. Singer and I think…”

“Katherine?” Lu interrupted, peering into a wildly swinging, empty bird cage

“Yes?”

“WHERE are my parakeets?”

“Parakeets?”

“Yes. Tweety Pie and Pete. They used to LIVE here in this cage.”

“Ummmm…”

“Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh NO!!!!! That beast of yours ate my tweety birds!!!”

“ Maybe not… Maybe they’re just… vacationing. Yes! You know… flying SOUTH for the winter and all. Then whispering to Tiner, “Back me up here, would ya??!!”

“Oh uhh...YES Ma’am,” replied a startled Tiner. “In fact, when I got here I could have SWORN I saw two little birds with tiny pieces of luggage flying South!” he exclaimed, pointing towards the setting sun for extra emphasis.

“That’s West.”

“Uh...I mean...THAT way…” he tried again.

“That’s NORTH!”

“Well… they were probably taking the long way to avoid traffic, Ma’am!”

“Tiner you IDIOT!” Katherine whispered, but was interrupted by Lu.

“Really? Well...I guess that DOES make sense. You really saw them?”

“Uh… Yes, Ma’am. I sure did.”

“Well…OK...Katherine...you lucked out. THIS time.”

Katherine mutters to herself, “When I catch that furball...I’ll...I’ll...”

Just then, she spots a tail sticking out from under the tablecloth with a lone parakeet feather lying near by. Luckily, she is rescued by...

DING DONG DING DONG DING DING DING DONG DONG DONG

“Lu, that is the freakiest door bell I’ve ever heard.”

“Brigitte broke it.”

“Oh she did not!”

“No, really! I’m telling you she did! Apparently they don’t have door bells in France and well.. she kept PLAYING with the thing and.. she broke it!”

“Lu…. They have door bells in France.”

“Well.. I don’t know...but...she broke it. I plan to send her a bill first chance I get!”

“Oh for crying out loud. Just get the door!...It could be your flyboy.”

“Ooooooo….. Really? Oh BOY!!!! Here I COME, HARMKINS!!!!!” screeched Luoodles, making a beeline for the front door.

~Thud~

“AAAAUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTT!!! Owwww!!!! WHO MOVED the COFFEE TABLE!? Oh wait.. let me GUESS! TINER!!!!!”

“Lu… don’t forget the door! Remember the door!”

“Oh right! I’ll be right...ooof...there…ow….Harmie!!” Limping quickly to the door, Lu flung it open. “HARMY!!!!” she exclaimed, flinging herself on the startled figure standing in front of her.”

“Wait a minute… You...you...you’re not Harmkins! Where’s my Harmkins?!” Lu wailed, peering around behind the mystery guest.

“I don’t know and I don’t care…and frankly I’m getting tired of answering these sorts of questions over and over!” snorted the stranger. “And would you please get off of me?! You’re heavy!”

“Wait a minute….. I know you…You’re...What are YOU doing on my doorstep?! Oh Mrs. BINGO!!!! Diiiiiiinne…”

“LU! You stop that right now!” Katherine shrieked, yanking Lu by the hair. “Stop assaulting our guests!”

“I DIDN’T!”

“Oh don’t play dumb with me. I heard you! It just so happens I tied up that yellow behemoth of yours!”

“Gasp! You… TIED up Mrs. Bingo? With a ROPE?! I’m calling PETA!!!!”

“Oh would you please just...sigh…You know.. I don’t know WHY I always agree to do these things with you.”

Lu gives Katherine her best blank stare. “Look, I just want to know who invited...” Lu points to the figure in the doorway.

Just then Tiner appears. “KIP! Glad you could make it! Have any trouble with my directions?”

“Katherine!!!!!!!”

Ignoring Lu, Katherine turns to Kip. “Umm...Come in, Sir. Glad you could make it. Tiner, take Mr. Kip’s coat. Ummm…Can I offer you a Child...er...Chicken finger, Sir?”

“Chickens don’t have fingers,” Kip replied drolly.

“Oh gee whiz! I’m outa here. Call me when Harmkins gets here.”

As Lu goes back up the steps, Katherine notices a handsome figure and a woman coming up the walk.

“Bud! Harriet...so glad you could make it. You two come on in. Ooooohh Luuuuuuu...Harriet and Bud are here!”

“Hi Harriet, Bud! Oh thanks for picking up the cake. Tiner, would you put that in the kitchen for Harriet, please?”

“Thank you, Tiner. Be sure to put that someplace cool,” instructed Harriet. “Lu, what a lovely home you have. Are those real fur cushions on the couch?”

“Fur cushions??? Uh..no, uhh… dog hair . Sorry ‘bout that, ummm… Gack.”

Ding Ding Dong! Ding Ding Dong! Ding Ding Dong Dong Ding!

“Why is the doorbell playing JingleBells?” asked Katherine.

“Oh I fixed it Ma’am. I heard Miss Lu say she didn’t like that French music so I thought I’d surprise her.”

“Tiner… she’s going to kill you! Not to mention that I’ll be monkey meat when she figures it out! What were you THINKING?!”

“What the…Was that...the doorbell?!! Harmkins? COMING HARMKINS!!!!!” screamed Lu racing to the door and flinging it open once again. “Oh, Hi Admiral,” Lu said sadly, her countenance falling. “Oh...and Meredith, ~cough~ so glad you could come.”

“Thanks for inviting us. By the way, I LOVE that door bell! You know...I once studied to be an electrician...if you like I could turn the volume up a bit and add some…”

“Uh...Meredith, don’t you have something for Lu?” the Admiral interrupted.

“Oh yes! Silly me. Here. I made some macaroni salad. It’s an old family recipe!”

“Oh wonderful! I just love macaroni salad! You guys come in and make yourself at home. I’ll just put this in the kitchen for safe keeping.”

Two minutes later...

“YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWCCCCCCCCHHHHH!!!!!”

Katherine comes racing from the living room.

“Lu, are you OK??? Oh my WORD, your gums are bleeding??? What happened???”

“Murridet maaath maaakkroneh saalaath.”

“What? I don’t understand you?”

Lu points to bowl on counter.

“MURRIDET!!!!”

Katherine walks over to the counter and looks in the bowl. “Oh, for heaven’s sakes. It would have helped if she COOKED the macaroni!” >sigh<

Katherine dumps the contents of the bowl into the trashcan.

“It’s OK Lu, she can’t hurt anyone else now. Here, put this icepack on your jaw.”

Lu SIGHS

DingDingDong DingDingDong Ding Ding Dong Ding Dong Ding Dong!

“Good grief!” exclaimed Katherine, shooting a look at Tiner. “It sounds like the Lone Ranger’s at the door!”

“It was Meredith, Ma’am. She made me help her and…”

“Didth I hearrrthhhh the thoorbell? COMINTH HAMMKKIINNNSSS!!!!!”

Once again Lu throws open the door. “Oh, Guumnny. Ift’s you. Sheeshpht. Yofth coulthd have shavtpth.”

“Rigghht… Uhh.. Ma’am...is your doorbell SUPPOSED to be hanging out by it’s wires like that?”

“Whapht? I’mfph sorry.. I didn’tph hear you, whatph did you say.. there’s so much background noisepht…”

“Uh.. Nevermind.. may I come in?”

“Oh surepht! Entre Vois!”

“Huh?”

“Sigh...Get in the housphth!”

“Oh.” Gunny mutters as he gingerly steps into the room.

And so follows the ritual each time the doorbell rings. Lu manages to fly to the door and assault every person that appears.

Ding!!! Ding!!! Dong!!! DING DONG!!!! DONG DONG DONG DONG DONG!

“Let me guess… Close Encounters?” says an exasperated Katherine.

“Well...she thought it would be appropriate, Ma’am. I told her not to do it!”

“Sigh…Tiner...oh, nevermind.”

“Was that the door bell I heard?” Shrieks Lu from the kitchen.

Everyone utters in unison, “COMING HARMKINS!!!!!” and quickly stands aside so Lu can tear through the room.

Throwing open the door, a dejected Luoodles ushers in Mac who edges along the outside of the doorway, eyeballing the now dancing and crackling tangle of doorbell wires.

“He’s not coming, is he?” asks Luoodles, oblivious to what Meredith has done.

“It’s OK Lu. Harm’s just like that.” says Mac as she puts her arm across Lu’s shoulders. “Umm… Lu… about that door bell of yours…”

But Lu doesn’t hear and sadly saunters back into the kitchen to help with the preparations.

“What the heck is wrong with you?” inquires Katherine as she pours flour into the mixing bowl.

“SSSSSOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBB...Harmkins isn’t coming to the party!”

“I told her not to get her hopes up,” said Mac sympathetically. “Hey, can I do anything to help?”

“Sure. I’ve got Bud cutting vegetables. How ‘bout you arrange them on this platter?” says Katherine.

“DOES NOBODY CARE THAT I’M DEPRESSED???” says Luoodles.

“Of course, I care.” says Katherine. “Here, maybe helping me make the brownies will help.”

“I do like Brownies…”

~Lu turns on mixer~

WWWWHHHHHHOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFF

“GACK!!!! Turn it off! Turn it OFF! Turn the MIXER OFF!!!!!! Sigh… Lu, you go help Meredith.”

~An even more dejected Lu saunters over to Meredith~

“Oh hi, Lu! Are you going to help me? Katherine told me my job was to watch the microwave.”

“Uh...there’s nothing in the microwave, Meredith…”

“Oh I took care of that. Apparently Katherine had forgotten what with all the goings on. Anyway, I thought I’d conduct an experiment.”

“An experiment?”

“Yes. I bet you didn’t know one of my hobbies was experimenting!”

“No…. can’t say that I did… Umm.. Exactly what KIND of experi...Uh...~Lu peers into the appliance~...Meredith...what did you put in my microwave?”

“Oh don’t worry. Just the normal stuff.”

“Like for instance????”

“Well...you know that tin of cookies Cmdr. Manetti brought? Well...I thought they would be SO much better warm. You know there’s nothing like WARM cookies to brighten the mood. So…I’m heating them up. I’m going to compare them to the COLD cookies and see which is better!!!”

“Oh...Um...well...I guess that’s o.k. then…”

ZzzzzZZZppphhHHHHHHTTTTTZAAPP~~~

“What on EARTH!”

“Wow...it looks like LIGHTNING in there. That’s pretty cool. Did I ever tell you I studied to be a Weather Prognosticator?!”

“Meredith… TELL me you took the cookies OUT of the tin before you warmed them!!!!”

“Of course not, silly. That was all part of the experiment.”

“Kkkkkkaaaaaattttttthhhhhhhheeeeerrrrrriiiinnnnneeeeeee!!!!!

ZZZppttt!Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Diiiiing Dongzzpphhtt! Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Dong

“Oh, thank goodness.. SAVED by the BELL… Oh good grief… The MARINE Hymn? Tiner!!! You MUST STOP MEREDITH!”

“I’m sorry Ma’am...I’m TRYING It’s just that… well… she SCARES me, Ma’am.”

“I know the feeling.” Katherine mumbled.

“What’s that Ma’am?”

“I said, ‘WHO scares you MORE, Meredith or Lu?”

“Good point, Ma’am.”

“Ding DingZZZppttt! Ding Ding Ding DingZzzpphhhttthh!! Diiiiing Dong Ding Ding Ding Ding DingZAP! Ding Dong” the bell rang again, only this time even more erratically.

“COMING HARMKINS!!!!!” screeched Luoodles, making a beeline for the front door.

~Thud~

“AAAAUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTT!!! Tiner!!! Would you STOP moving the coffee table?!?!?!?”

Lu ~covered in flour, still bleeding at the gums, bruised from tripping over the coffee table, and picking up all sorts of odd objects after being magnetized by the microwave experiment~ smoothes her hair and opens the door.

“ Is this101 Shuddering Shipper Lane, DeNile, USA?” asked the figure standing before her.

“Harmkins??? whispered Lu.

“Who wants to know?” Harm asked, backing away.

“Oh Harm, you’re such a kidder. It’s me...Luoodles!”

“ Ha ha ha ha ha!!!”

“Come here and give me a big wet kiss!”

“I don’t think so!”

“But...but...bu...~Lu catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror~...AAAAAIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! KATHERINE...why didn’t you warn me???? Oh Sssssooooobbbbbbb!!!”

“Quick Katherine, get behind me. I’ll protect you!” offers Bud. “She won’t hit a guy on crutche...”

“SWACK!!”

“OW! She… HIT me! Haaaaarrrrriiiiieeett!!!!!!!” Bud screams, crutching off and revealing Katherine bent down in a crouched position.

“Uh.. Oh.. HI, Lu…” Katherine stammered, straightening up. “ I was just uh.. doing my calistenics! 1 2 3 ! Touch those uh.. knees…!” “Hey! Gosh.. uh.. you know that stapler stuck to your forehead is VERY becoming! Yes! My, you’ve certainly taken accessorizing to a whole new level!” ~Just then a fancy convertible pulls in the drive~ “Lu, you’ll have to kill me later, Singer’s here!! EVERYBODY—she’s HERE. HIDE!”

Chaos ensues as people dive under furniture, hide behind curtains and search for the perfect hiding spot. Lu shrieks and dashes off to the bedroom to change clothes and clean up.

Zzzzphhhtt!!Ding Ding DONG...Ding Ding DONG...Ding Dong Ding Zzzpffftttpphhhtthh!!!Dong Ding Dong DingZZpffthhthhh!

“Psst...Tiner...The BARNEY song???? Gimme a break!”

“Ma’am, you said you wanted it fixed.”

Katherine slaps herself on the forehead.

~Singer presses the bell again~

Ding Zzzzzzppppftth!!! WHOOOOSHHHPPPUUUFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!

“Uhhhh... do I smell smoke?” asked Katherine.

“Oh this is FABULOUS! Do you have a garden hose?!! When I was in college, I was the volunteer firewoman for our floor and I...”.

Meredith is interrupted mid-sentence. “NNNNNOOOOOOOOO” cries the already tense crowd.

“Just asking,” says a stunned Meredith.

“Lu! Get out here! We need to answer the DOOR!”

“I’m here! I’m here! Just trying to get the flour out of my hair...and this stupid STAPLER!”

“Uh.. It’s fine! It’s fine.. Uh.. It looks like a fancy uhh.. Clip!” Katherine stammered.

Lu glares at Katherine.

“Right…O.k. Ready? Here we go!”

Throwing open the door they are shocked at the sight of Lt. Singer literally smoking with singed hair and a burnt purse.

“Come in...we’ve been expecting you!”

“Who the heck are you? I just got a weird phone call that I was supposed to meet my true love here... in the middle of nowhere... ~grumble grumble~ And what is with this doorbell...I think my teeth are singed.”

“Sorry about that.” Katherine tries to think of a diplomatic answer. She has none. “It’s that Meredith person again. Don’t ask.”

“Surprise. Welcome to your baby shower!” exclaims Lu.

Everyone steps out from their hiding places and half-heartedly says, “Surprise.”

“Uh.. Thanks.. I think… ”

Lu looks carefully at Loren noticing the smoke. “Loren! SHAME on you! You know smoking is not healthy for your baby!”

Loren glares incredulously at Lu.

“Ooo…. O.K then… moving right along. Loren, why don’t you come sit here in this very nice chair Tiner decorated for yo….GACK!!!!! Tiner!!! I told you bears and bunnies! BEARS and BUNNIES!!! What on earth is THIS?”

Stepping forward Tiner proudly explained, “It’s for the ‘First Female JAG, Ma’am! You know that’s always been Loren’s dream. I just wanted to make her extra happy on this special day!”

“But.. it’s an ANCHOR! You want her to SIT on an ANCHOR? How did you get that thing IN here! That’s not my chair decorated… That’s an ANCHOR! I’m surprised that giant thing hasn’t fallen right through my..”

TWWUUUMMMPPPP!!!!!!!!!! CRAASSSSSHHHHH!!!!

“floor. Sigh…”

“Time for gifts!” yells an excited Tiner.

~To be continued~

OK, now’s YOUR turn to become a part of the story (thank Michelle for the idea! LOL!). Just let us know what YOU would give Singer as a shower gift and we’ll incorporate it into the story.


END PART II

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

[ Contact Forum Admin ]

Forum timezone: GMT-5
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.