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Date Posted: 10:29:12 03/06/06 Mon
Author: Feathers
Subject: Well!
In reply to: ShanBan 's message, "Addicted.....Enjoy!!" on 23:26:20 03/04/06 Sat

Tell us what you really think about the current state of Keith's personal life, why don'cha! LOL

Okay, trying to make a few non-opinion-based suggestions here:
1) Each new line of dialog gets its own paragraph. Break that dialog out of the pararaphs. It'll stand out better and it'll be easier to see who's speaking what lines.

2) As Moderator, I'm going to ask you to refrain from using the "F" word, even with **'s. I understand it's part of the anger in the story, and once or twice might not rile me too much, but at this point, it's pervasive. No one notices if you DON'T use it, but they sure do notice it when you do. Since you're a newbie, I'll extend you some leeway for now, but let's clean it up a bit for upcoming chapters. Please use the "contact the admin" link if you have any questions, or would like me to review your work before posting. Thank you.

3) Stuck at her giving in to Keith, eh? Hmmm.... How can you have writer's block at this moment??? My word, I could go all kinds of places in my mind at that point! Whew! Okay, so do you want to describe the event? or just the "aftermath". Will they go back to being friends again, or will Keith really break up with "Kate" to be with Shan? If the latter, how does that make Keith look in your mind? He's made a committment to "Kate" (that ring is a symbol of it), so is it all right with you that he break that committment to make one with Shan? And how well does that bode for Keith and Shan's 'til death do us part prospects? Also, if you go the route of breaking up w/ Kate, how are you going to show us that Shan really is Keith's soul mate/perfect match etc after all the "lovey-dovies" w/ Kate? Who's gonna win Kenny and Brad's bet? (I thought that was funny!)

I know, lots of questions, but maybe they'll help you decide where you want to go.

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