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Date Posted: 11:38:11 11/21/05 Mon
Author: S'peer -- Scarth
Subject: I know you're going to keep turning away,
In reply to: Halzay(Elizabeth) and Salzay 's message, "Don't walk too close..." on 12:18:28 11/20/05 Sun

S’peer watched Sally go with an affectionate smile – listening absently to Halzay and Elizabeth’s conversation. Even Scarth wouldn’t call Salzay by her name just quite yet – and he had somehow decided never to use Halzay’s again, unless he really, really had to. He turned his head to look at the greenrider when she began to speak for the second time, dark brown eyes meeting hers, deadly serious now that his daughter had gone and there was no reason to tone things down.

“More than dirt, greenrider.” And here, at last, he had found a way to distance himself from her. This last was true. He had watched the weyrlings a few times – spoken to a few of the older ones. Well…more than just spoken to, in all truth and honesty. He and G’rein had formed a lasting bond after Grenith’s first flight. But although he had noticed Halzay because of her looks and her smile, he hadn’t ever spoken to her – it had always been clear, from G’rein’s remarks or from snatches of conversation he had overheard, that she was looking for commitment. And commitment wasn’t something S’peer had ever been looking for. It was part of a dragonrider’s lifestyle to sleep around, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit that he just didn’t have the same values as her. Besides, she had been just a child compared to him – and most of the weyrlings had kept away from him after he assaulted bluerider M’red. “You were just too young for me.”

Too young for you to corrupt, you mean. Scarth remarked – not hiding it from Elizabeth, so he didn’t let Halzay hear – his tone of voice torn between amusement and sorrow. The sad thing was, S’peer actually had felt that way.

S’peer nodded at the greenrider’s explanation, the anger leaving him as quickly as it had come. Scarth’s influence was as quick as lightning, and somehow words found their way into S’peer’s mouth. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to jump to conclusions. I’m just used to people assuming that by now…” He shrugged, giving her a small, rueful smile. “Are you alright with this? I don’t want to be Sally’s father if it’s going to hurt you.” Mentally, of course. S’peer had practised keeping a rein on his temper – he wasn’t going to hurt Halzay again, if he could help it. Without drink to fuel the fire, he knew he was getting better. Except that going from the stage when you can’t get through the day without at least two bottles of wine to not drinking at all was harder than he had ever imagined. “I know saying I’m sorry won’t help. And I know I can’t expect you to forgive me. But if you can just accept that I didn’t mean it…”

He does his best, Elizabeth. Scarth told her. But this is territory he never intended to revisit. Something that could almost have been amusement laced his voice. I didn’t forget you, either…

((I posted Tathan! At last, eheh…))

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