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Subject: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Steph [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 13:29:26 12/11/25 Thu Hello everyone, I'm Stephanie, but everyone calls me Steph. I'm a mother to two littles, Caroline who is 6, and Aidan who is 4. We live in the south US where spanking is more commonly discussed and not so taboo. My husband and I also do spank both of our kids when needed. We were at our home group Bible study last Friday with many other couples. We were studying Proverbs, and naturally the topic of "the rod" and spanking came up. We all have families of our own, and we all had somewhat different views on how we spank, what we spank for, etc. and the conversation ended up being a bit of a rabbit trail that lasted quite a while. We all agreed that spanking was something we all supported and used, but some of the details we differed on of course. Out of 7 couples, we found that: 1. Four spanked on bare bottoms only or almost only, one sometimes spanked bare and sometimes not, and two did not. 2. All but 1 used something other than their hand to spank. 3. For kids my son and daughter's age, we all agreed that anywhere from 1 to 2 times a month was pretty standard. 4. Most agreed that teenagers were too old for spanking, but two couples with 13 and 14 year olds still spanked them occasionally. (We all agreed to disagree, but I personally would rather not when my kids get older). 5. We all agreed that you should always wait to spank until after you have calmed down. For our family, basically all spankings are done with skirts up or pants and undies down, and we use a wooden spoon just for spanking. We spank like our parents spanked us growing up, basically just some fast smacks until we think they have enough and we can see some telltale redness. I don't know how long it takes exactly, but maybe it's about a minute for a spanking for Caroline and less than that for Aidan. Some of our friends didn't go into as much detail as others, but it sounds like the "procedure" is pretty similar for most people. We didn't pry, but those are the details people were comfortable with sharing. So now I want to ask people in the internet world, what exactly makes a "normal spanking" for you? Either when growing up or with your own kids? Steph [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Cory to Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 13:48:49 12/11/25 Thu Hi Steph, It's great to meet you. Your children are blessed to have you as their parents. I was raised with spankings growing up, and my Dad was the parent that gave the spankings. If I was acting up, my Dad would say "Cory do we need to go to the bathroom?" If my behavior did not have a quick change, then I had the dreaded walk to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, I had to stand at the bathroom counter, put my hands flat on the counter, like palm side down, and I was facing the sink (there was a large mirror above the bathroom counter and sink.) Once in this position, my Dad started spanking my bottom. My pants never came down for the spankings, so I had a lot of padding because I was spanked over my jeans on my butt with his hand. I was a fighter during my spankings, I would drop to my knees on the floor out of reflex and to get my butt away from the spanking, and I would cover my bottom trying to block the spanks. My Dad would just stand me back up, pin my hands to the counter, and wear my butt out with his hand. I'm an only child, but I honestly feel like I deserved to have my pants lowered for bare bottom spankings. I think I would have listened to that more, I think.

[> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 15:25:14 12/11/25 Thu Hi Cory, It is nice to meet you, too. We certainly do try our best! Your dad's methods are similar to the way one of our friends from Bible study spanks their kids. They do use a wooden paint stick but they have their kids put their hands up on the wall. They are also coincidentally also ones that do not spank on bare behinds, either. I personally do not know how I could deliver enough sting with just my hand over pants, even though my children are still young. My husband maybe because he is stronger. So that lines up with what your dad did! But when we all talked about why or why not to spank bare, it was clear that the biggest reason was to see what we were doing and make sure that we didn't spank too hard. That goes for me and my husband, too. We always have to deal with kicking feet during spankings too, so we always do it with them over our knees. I don't know if Aidan or Caroline would stay still enough otherwise, and I don't want to accidentally spank anywhere else other than their rumps!

[> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Cory to Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 15:41:14 12/11/25 Thu Hi Steph, What do you think about how I would drop to the floor on my knees during the spanking? How do you handle your children if they are acting up in public? Are they taken to the bathroom or to the car? Feel free to email me.

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 16:49:14 12/11/25 Thu Hi Cory, We don't ever spank any extra for struggling or kicking during a spanking. Spankings hurt. We have a responsibility to keep our kids still enough to not injure them, because they don't know any better. That's my view! We don't really spank in public areas. We spanked Caroline once in a rest stop restroom, but that is the exception because we were on a trip and couldn't wait to arrive home long enough. We otherwise do wait til they are home, though!

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Cory to Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 17:03:35 12/11/25 Thu Hi Steph, What did Caroline do that you had to stop at a rest stop and spank her in the bathroom? I have had a couple of those happen to me during trips from Southern California to Reno, NV. I didn't like getting back in the car and sitting on my freshly spanked bottom. I did not like having to ride in the car, knowing that I was going to get a spanking when we got home, that was tortuous. In these instances, I would start crying in the car on the way home, just knowing that I had a spanking coming.

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 18:43:27 12/11/25 Thu Hi Cory, Caroline decided to kick at the back of my seat during the car ride because she didn't get a candy from the vending machine at the previous rest stop. When we told her to stop, she threw goldfish from her snack cup up at the front of the car and it hit the windshield, while my husbad was driving. To be honest, that was the hardest longest spanking we have ever given her. We could NOT have that while on the road! I understand that feeling! We don't deliberately try to prolong the anxiety, but we also don't feel right spanking out of the house unless there is no other realistic option. But there are always pros and cons to that!

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Brooke [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 05:34:01 12/12/25 Fri Hello Steph. How did the rest stop spanking go? Would you share details?

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 05:59:32 12/12/25 Fri Hello Brooke, nice to meet you! Well, basically once the goldfish splattered over the front of the car, my husband immediately found a spot on the shoulder to pull over. We didn't spank right there, because it wasn't exactly a super safe place to stop for long term, but we very firmly lectured her that throwing things in the car was extremely dangerous and that she was never to do that again. Caroline knew we meant business, and she was very apologetic almost right away, but we told her that she earned herself a spanking at the next rest stop. We were driving into Kansas on the way to visit family and we still had like 3 hours to go, so the next rest stop we found was a very secluded one with a couple of family restrooms. I took Caroline into one, shut the door, and I took her shorts and panties down and got her over my lap while I sat on top of the toilet lid. It wasn't perfect by any means, but it was sufficient. I didn't have a wooden spoon or anything with me to use, so I just spanked her with my hand. Caroline screamed bloody murder at first, but I just spanked through it until her behind was red and she was obviously contrite and crying uncontrollably. We were thankfully the only ones there, so I could take my time spanking her and not rush. I didn't have my spoon, so I made up for it by spanking longer. It's the only time we've ever spanked on the road and hopefully the only time we'll need to! We would much rather wait til they are at home first. But Caroline has never done anything like that again, so it seems to have worked! Best, Steph

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Brooke [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06:03:05 12/12/25 Fri Hello Steph. Wow! How old was she? Was anyone around when she was receiving her spanking?

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06:41:11 12/12/25 Fri Hi Brooke! It was just this past June, so she was still six. And thankfully no one else was there... we do not wish to spank in public unless we have no other choice, mainly because we want to avoid drama or prying eyes. I am sure most parents where we are from would be sympathetic, but there are some that I am sure would not be! Steph

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Brooke [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06:44:05 12/12/25 Fri Hello Steph! Totally! Does your husband also give spankings?

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 08:31:20 12/12/25 Fri He does, but I typically do most often. If I am there, I always just take over for it. He supports me and is pro-spanking but feels more squeamish about it than I do.

[> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: bodack [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 15:45:51 12/11/25 Thu I am a seventy year old male who grew up in the south but my Dad did not believe in spanking so I was never spanked.Just from talking with people six licks seemed to be common. Sometimes bare sometimes not. Some with hands. belt,switches wooden spoons and hair brushes. As for age I knew girls who were spanked in HS. On these forums you will find post' from college students who still get spanked and of course the occasional wife.

[> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 16:55:57 12/11/25 Thu Hi, That sounds like about what we commonly see, too. A lot more than six licks for us, but if you are using something big, that makes sense to do less. I'd be personally afraid of leaving a bruise for that, though. I knew some girls... me included, who got spanked is HS too. There were a few times I probably deserved it, but I also didn't think it helped me all the time then either. I actually really resented it when I was older. I know there are some people who have experienced it and it worked for them, but not for me. And spanked wife... I know that it exists, but I definitely do not subscribe to that myself, I will admit!

[> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: bodack [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 23:17:50 12/11/25 Thu some parents are using Lexan paddles because they don't bruise. I know parents who are sanctimoneous about not being abusive because they don't spank their kids while being verbally and emotionally abusive. Can you tell us more about the spankings you and your friends.friends got?

[> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Morten [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01:12:42 12/12/25 Fri Hi Steph very nice to meet you I am from europe and grew up in a christian family to and is still active in a church in our home when we earned a spanking it was over dad knee 3-4 firm swats on the clothed bottom then a hug after a spanking I had to stay in my room till I stopped crying and was ready to say sorry I cried for about 5 minuts and would stay in my room for about 20 minuts feeling sorry for my self but once I started to get bored I got out and told my parents I was sorry not many people where live spank anymore even in christian families so cant tell much about how it is now but when was younger I thouht hand spanking like I got was most common but have learned that many friends from church got spanked with wooden spoon too because their parent took verses about the rod more serious than my parents that just used their hand Morten

[> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Anna to Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07:09:27 12/12/25 Fri Hi Steph, Nice to meet you. I am a single to five children. Girls age 19,17 and 13. Two boys ages 15 and 12. All five are spanked when needed. I spank OTK on bare bottom with hand and paddle. My oldest girl has only been spanked a couple of times and has not been spanked in several months. I doubt if I would spank her now that she is in college. The other four are spanked at least once a month. I have also spanked at a rest stop when traveling. I carry my paddle with me in my purse. I would give them several swats with the paddle on top of their clothing with a promise that they will receive another spanking if they did not straighten up.

[> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 09:38:16 12/12/25 Fri Hi Anna, Nice to meet you, too! Big family, as well! We do certainly have people in our church and in our neck of the woods who also do spank their teenagers and preteens. My husband and I are not sure about it with our kids when they become teens, even though we experienced the same thing ourselves when we were teens, but we don't think it is abusive either if done right. I certainly did regret not having some kind of spanking tool with me at the rest stop... we probably ought to take it with us when we are on long road trips again just in case, lol. Since your children are much older than mine, I would assume you have to probably spank them a lot worse, correct? How do they react to you still spanking them? Are they understanding of it? Steph

[> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Anna to Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 05:09:58 12/13/25 Sat Hi Steph, You are correct when I spank them. Depending on their age and why they are being spanked depends on the length and swats that is given. As for as their reaction, they still plead and beg like they did when they were younger and it still goes on deaf ears. They know if they resist or fight me on the spanking, that I will call their uncle and he will come and spank them first then they get the original spanking from me. That has only happened once and that was to my oldest son when he turned 13.

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 09:48:37 12/13/25 Sat Hi Anna, Oh wow, well I am glad that you have some backup from a family member to make sure you have cooperation! I am sure that one time their uncle stepped in sent a message to the rest of your kids that you weren't bluffing! Aidan still begs a lot, but Caroline less than when she was 4. I think she understands better now that when mommy and daddy say she is getting a spanking, she isn't getting out of it. But I am sure she will have times where she begs anyway no matter what! Steph

[> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Louise Vancisic [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 08:15:23 12/12/25 Fri Steph. At those ages, why would you ever use anything but your hand? I was hand spanked at age 12 and quite effectively.

[> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 09:42:42 12/12/25 Fri Hi Louise, That is a fair question. It has more so to do with the teaching on use of the rod from Scripture. We try to use a neutral instrument to spank with instead of our hands, unless of course we don't have one. But we also know that they are only 6 and 4 years old, so we do not use any big tools like paddles, either. The wooden spoon I typically use is lightweight and smooth, so I don't need to worry about it leaving bruises or being inappropriately harsh. That's my main reasoning! Steph

[> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Destiny [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11:16:21 12/12/25 Fri Hi Steph! Thank you for your testimony. I grew up in a secular family, and there was no spanking. I got married. and had two children, a daughter now 8 and son now 5.I got divorced and later found, at the invitation of a friend, a wonderful Evangelical church. Cutting to the chase, I learned the importance of spanking, and boy did mine need it! I started hand spanking (bare bottom). There was certainly improvement. Later my daughter's Sunday School teacher gave us a wooden spoon, inscribed "Spoon of Correction" I now spank them both with the spoon (bare bottom). I spank until bottoms are red all over and all "protest crying" has stopped. Afterward we hug and talk about why I had to spank, including why God has instructed parents to spank. It is wonderful that I have the support and guidance of moms at church. The rod has changed our family. The kids are not only better behaved, but happier. God Bless! Destiny

[> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12:24:34 12/12/25 Fri Hi Destiny! I am sorry to hear that you had to split from your husband. I am sure that was not easy for you or your children, but I am sure it was ultimately for the best! Yes, we also are members at an Evangelical Church where spanking is encouraged and taught about rather frequently. It was nice of your Sunday School teacher to even provide you with something to use, wow! It is great having that support. :) I love that description: "protest crying" really is different than the true, sorry crying you get after you've given them a spanking, that is for sure! Have you found that you have needed to escalate how much you spank for your eldest as she's gotten older? Steph

[> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Destiny [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 13:44:52 12/12/25 Fri Hey Steph, Thank you for your kind words.Yes, the divorce was a hard thing.But there were some serious problems. We are a healthier family now, and I am finally open to having a good man join us:) I think my daughter's Sunday School teacher gave us the spoon, because she thought my daughter needed it!!! There were several weeks when as soon as we got home, based on the report of the teacher, DD was going over my knee. We also had some discussions on best way to spank. She was Biblical about it. The amount of spankings has really decreased. But my spankings have gotten harder. I am no longer afraid their bottoms will break --lol Destiny

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 15:08:49 12/12/25 Fri Destiny, I wish you the best about finding a man that will be good for you and your family. :) Haha well I see, then! That makes a lot of sense... she was probably desperate for you to use it, then! Lol. How did you end up changing your spanking method based on her advice? Likewise! I used to spank Caroline more when she was four than I do now, but the spankings for us have also gotten harder and longer. Aidan is kind of following a similar pattern so far, too. And yes... their bottoms are more durable than you first think, and can take more spanking than I thought at first, too. Finding that balance is hard sometimes but I have had... well, a lot of opportunities to practice? Lol Steph

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Cracked 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Author: Old Hippie Girl to Steph & Destiny [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 14:30:57 12/13/25 Sat

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Cracked 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Author: Destiny [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 15:11:00 12/13/25 Sat LOL

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Cracked 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Author: Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 16:07:19 12/13/25 Sat Haha well... one way to avoid that happening is just pulling them down? ;) This... CRACKED me up. Thank you for sharing some silliness!

[> Subject: Re: a sore point for me Author: bodack [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 14:29:51 12/12/25 Fri I get a little irritated when spanking parents and christian are used together. My high school girlfriend was a Baptist Sunday school teacher, her Uncle was a Pastor and her Father was a Deacon. She used a belt on her little brother and she got spanked by both parents.Her mother was Jewish.I heard a Jewish girl get spanked in my apt complex when we were in High School.Having worked with a number of Muslims I can tell you they spank too. My Father was Methodist and he didn't believe in spanking, my Mother was Catholic and she did.

[> [> Subject: Re: a sore point for me Author: Brooke [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11:37:05 12/13/25 Sat Hello Bodack! My family is Catholic and you that me and my sisters received many spankings but my parents did really talk about religion and spanking. How were the spankings that you heard given?

[> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Taylor [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 10:09:50 12/15/25 Mon We are proud parents of a delightful adopted seven year old girl, and a two year old son we were blessed with soon after adopting his sister. I w s brought up with spanking, and have actually always believed in it, even as a kid. However, because of her background we were reluctant to spank our daughter. I did occasionally spank. But they were few and far between and weak (not even bare as I had been spanked). The product of our neglect was an increasingly insolent spoiled child. After talking with my mom, and much prayer, we decided we were doing no favors to our daughter. I now spank and it is the difference between light and day. She is sweet and once again a delight. I spank her bare rear with my hand, with her positioned over my lap. I spank hard, alternating cheeks the way my mom did I spank for about a minute I suppose. Afterwards we hug and talk. I think she feels the same sense of catharsis I did as a child. Our son is too young to spank, but we are not going to delay as we did with his sister O

[> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Brooke [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12:02:59 12/15/25 Mon Hello. Do you spank in her bedroom?

[> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Taylor [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 09:55:37 12/16/25 Tue Hi Brooke, I spank in her bedroom, except a couple times when we were away from home and she needed immediate discipline. Taylor

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Brooke [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 10:17:57 12/16/25 Tue Hello Taylor. What was her reaction to receiving her first spanking?

[> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Steph [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 19:16:59 12/15/25 Mon Hi Taylor, I am glad that you were able to realize the benefits of spanking in time for your daughter to be raised better, like y'all were growing up! It really does have a tendency to make our kids sweeter after the fact, too... and overall just more stable and grounded, even. Kids need consistent expectations and boundaries, and sometimes a spanking is the best way to ensure those boundaries stay up. What started spanking at age 3 for our kids, and those spankings were of course much shorter than what Caroline especially gets now that she is 6. Do y'all have a similar starting age? Best, Steph

[> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Taylor [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 10:25:37 12/16/25 Tue Hi Steph, I appreciate your thoughtful comments. Your remarks about spanking making our kids sweeter reminded me of a book I read in college while preparing a research paper (I was a social worker major) where I tried to make the case for spanking: One spring morning we visited with Hannah, a mother of seven. Having just cleaned up from weeding the garden, she invited us into her living room, where we talked about child rearing. We told her that some of our friends who are dentists, nurses, and doctors say that, compared to many non-Amish children they encounter, Amish offspring are quiet, well mannered, and well behaved. “Why might that be?” we asked. Without hesitation or a trace of humor, Hanna responded, “Oh, it’s the spanking that makes them so nice.” Hannah explained that, when children are about two years old, their wills need to be broken. If it’s not done at that stage, she said, they will likely become disobedient and rebellious adults. The spanking helps correct them and “make them nice.” Another mother explained that when children are old enough to fold their hands at prayer time, they are also old enough to be reprimanded with light spanks when disobedient…https://epointchurch.wordpress.com/2011/01/27/amish-on-spanking/ Our son will start getting some light hand spanks at age three, if not a little sooner(my mom says spanking was invented for the "terrible twos"lol). Our daughter will start getting my hairbrush at eight(the age I started getting it) or sooner if needed. Taylor

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Jen [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 04:27:52 12/18/25 Thu Hi Taylor, Yes indeed, the Amish have it right when it comes to spanking, in my opinion! And to do it earlier on so you don't have to do it as frequently later on. It sounds like we have similar sorts of timelines with our kids and when to start in general! I started with a hard but light wooden spoon for both of ours already, but when Caroline turns maybe 7-8 we may indeed switch to something a little bigger, too. I have found that as Caroline has gotten older her spankings have needed to get a little longer, too. But I am sure that will be the case for Aidan, too. Best, Jen

[> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Callum [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 14:26:06 12/17/25 Wed Hey Steph, spanking us teens was very much a live option. Parents believed most things should be dealt with by talking with teens. But if my behaviour was either repeated or serious, a hiding was a very real possibility. To spank us boys, Dad used a yardstick and made me bend over the back of the seat. My hands had to be either palms on the seat or holding the arms to keep them out the way. The aspect of the spankings that varied a lot was the number of whacks, which varied on the seriousness of the conduct. If it was on lower end of the scale, a few hits (maybe 4-6) was enough. But if it was very serious then the number went way up.

[> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Jamie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 03:48:45 12/18/25 Thu A typical spanking was a otk spanking with pants and underwear down over a parental knee. Not always in bedroom and once by dad on the kitchen floor. Don't ask why he did not bring me to a chair. It just happened that way. Then 20 or so spanks. Spanked infrequent. Last spanking at 13 and threatened once by mom at 15.

[> Subject: Re: What is a "normal" spanking for y'all? Author: Grumpy [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 15:28:15 12/19/25 Fri What post-spanking behavior merits a second trip over your lap for more? It seems that the dumbest words I ever heard from some kid were “that didn’t hurt,” which produced an immediate second dose. If you did put them back over, was the second spanking worse?