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>A very well-told explanation, Debbie, and I enjoyed >reading it very much. I can fully understand why you >blew up at having (in your view) your honesty >questioned, and it was also clear why you mother >thought you were indeed being less than honest the >night before when she asked and you didn't tell her in >some more direct words that you had sort of given >"light" attention to studying for that exam. > >She felt she had specifically asked if you were ready >for it, meaning--to her--had you studied hard and were >you ready to get a good grade on that exam? You told >her you were ready, and you honestly thought you were! >You didn't realize until too late (on the exam) that >your studying in that case had been too superficial >and not up to the job. I think we are all prone to >talk "past each other" at times, and sometimes, as in >this case, hurt feelings can follow later. > >I have had some interesting reactions myself to your >report, however, that I would like to toss to you. >These are similar reactions to those I have felt in >the past on reading your reports on the spankings you >have gotten from your mother. They are simply >triggered because of very real differences I see all >the time in what different people feel constitutes a >real spanking. >One reaction to your note is that while what you >describe as your spanking would be a perfectly >acceptable spanking in the view of many people, the >spanking you describe would not be considered a "good >spanking" or a "real spanking" in the view of many >other parents or caretakers, myself included. > >It is a marked difference in how people feel about >"proper" or "good" spankings that can be highlighted >by the pretty extreme difference in the way you get >spanked now and in the way Laura was first getting >spanked by her mother for example. > >While that is an extreme example, the difference in >the two views I see all the time as to what >constitutes a "good spanking" for a teenage girl can >be even better described by comparing your report of >the spanking you just got from your mother with the >spanking from her aunt that Laura gave us in her last >report about her spankings. While not as extreme in >severity as those she reported that her mother was >first giving her (those awful and "severe strappings" >she got), her aunt's most recent spanking of Laura is >a better case in point. That spanking was, as we all >have seen, many times more extreme than the spanking >you just got from your mother but that spanking of >Laura by her aunt was quite typical nonetheless of the >spankings many teens on this site report getting and >that many parents here report giving. > >This is NOT a criticism of your mother. It is not a >slap at the :mild" spanking your mother just gave you, >or at your report about that spanking. It is simply an >observation that in the eyes of many spanking parents, >and also in the eyes of many children and teens now >receiving spankings, that spanking you just got would >not be described as typical, nor as a "good spanking" >by a large group of spanking parents, nor by a lot of >the teens who report getting spanked on here. > >In sum, the difference is this. > >Some people, like you and your mother, feel a "good >spanking" has been delivered if it is applied to a >bare bottom with hand or implement and continues until >the person spanked has a red stinging bottom AND is on >the verge of tears, or has just--just!--broken into >tears. That is the norm for many youngsters and teens >who are spanked by parents. > >However, others, quite a few in number, and in my >opinion probably in the majority of spanking parents, >feel it is not a "real spanking" or a "good spanking" >unless the person spanked is, for want of a better >description, "a bawling mess" before the spanking >stops. They feel it is not a "good spanking" or a >"real spanking" unless a very red bottom and thighs >has been obtained, and unless during the spanking that >was a lot of very definite kicking and begging for the >spanking to stop, and unless the spanking continued >until the person being spanked was crying almost >hysterically before the spanking actually ends. > >Lastly, those latter "good spankings" would very >typically end with the one spanked doing a pretty >active "spanky dance" of some kind before obtaining >the comforting hugs and kisses that one would hope >would follow all spankings. > >So, in your case, Debbie, I suspect that most of the >parents who post on these sites, and most of the >spanked children and teens who report on their >spankings, would not consider the spanking you >reported from your mother to be "a good proper >spanking". Fine, but so what? > >In your case, Debbie, as long as you and your mother >are both satisfied that a "good spanking" was >delivered for the--again for want of a better >phrase--"bad conduct" in question, that is all that >need be said. No one else's opinion matters. > >The issue may be a little clouded here because you >didn't really feel you deserved that spanking (you >hadn't actually been dishonest), but you did note you >were definitely wrong to blow up at your mother the >way you did. So, again--if you are both satisfied now >and there are no hard feelings, then the spanking is >what it is and quite properly--case closed! > >I do have a few thoughtful questions for you though, >Debbie. If you choose to answer them, please don't >snap off any answers but rather think about them a bit >before you answer. I would really be interested in >your answers. > >My questions do not involve any kind of criticism of >your mother, but they grow out of my own feelings >about spanking as a form or discipline. I feel that >almost all parents who choose spanking as a discipline >tool--spanking beyond let's say the four or five year >old children--must at some level, in some way, kind of >enjoy their spanking duties. > >If I am right, then once this majority of parents >feels satisfied that a spanking has been earned and >that a spanking is needed for the benefit of the >youngster or teen, I feel that most of these parents >enjoy (whether they admit it to themselves or not) >many aspects of the spanking ritual. > >They enjoy the baring of the child (the baring of the >bottom or the fully baring of the person), they enjoy >seeing the painful anticipation on the part of the one >to be spanked (they can easily empathize with those >feelings), they enjoy the sight of the child placed >over their lap, or over a chair, or on a bed or couch >with a pillow raising the bottom and waiting for a >spanking. They enjoy the feel of their bare hand and >palm smacking the bouncing flesh of the bottom. They >enjoy the heat they feel from the spanked area as they >spank, and they enjoy the reactions of the spanked >child or teen throughout--including the crying during >and after because that tells them they are doing a >good job and getting the results they want. They also >enjoy the "making up" touching and feeling afterwards, >the cuddles and kisses and hugs (why wouldn't they?). > >In this last spanking incident you report so well, >Debbie, I think you would agree that it was--by almost >any standard--a rather minor offense for which you >were spanked in this case. Did you have any sense at >all that maybe--just maybe--over the last couple of >months or so of that long, long no-spanking period you >went through wile "spanking" was "on the table" but >unused, that your mother was maybe secretly waiting >for, maybe unconsciously hoping for, you to give her >SOME reason to spank. If one spanks for some kind of >fairly minor misconduct, that might seem like some >support for that conclusion. Was your mother, do you >think, even unconsciously hoping that a reason or >cause would come up for her to spank you again. > >That question is not a knock or criticism of your >mother at all. It would be a perfectly normal feeling >for a parent to have when she and her child have >agreed that spankings are "on the table" and when in >fact, either consciously or unconsciously, she truly >kind of likes the task of spanking you--WHEN SPANKING >IS NEEDED! > >What do you think about that, Debbie? It is an >interesting speculation given the really minor nature >of your offense that your mother decided to spank you >for in this instance. > >Note also that this time she kept you bare-bottomed >over her lap for what you considered an "endless and >uncomfortable time"--but which was a perfectly >understandable period for a parent who was quietly >enjoying the sight of her pretty daughter's naked >bottom over her lap, feelin it and being well aware it >is tantalizingly waiting to be spanked by her. The >kind of wait you report is quite sensible and >reasonable viewed that way--true? > >Note that as she has done in the past, your mother was >in no hurry to get your spanking over. She waited >before starting and then she spanked you first with >her hand and for a fairly long time. She spanked first >fairly moderately you report but then with definitely >harder strokes, reminding you again just how much a >spanking with the hand stings and hurts. And then, if >we first remind ourselves that this spanking was for a >pretty minor offense, and it took place after a rather >heated discussion between you two first about whether >it was actually "earned", your mother did not stop >there. She picked up the wooden hairbrush and >proceeded (as she did on previous spankings) to spank >you fairly good with that. Note that she was sitting >with you over her lap at the time, your bottom turning >color without question as she spanked with the >hairbrush, taking her time and spanking you until you >were on the verge of tears (or starting to shed a >few). This seems consistent with someone who is >enjoying the task at hand does it not? (She isn't >skipping the use of the hairbrush or rushing through >that part of your spanking.) > >You don't report it, but you would normally have been >making some sounds before she finished--like OWWW OWWW >OWWW!--or something like that. If you weren't then >that tells us that she could not have been spanking >you very hard at all--so I assume you were making SOME >noises. In any event, your mother was not white hot >angry when she spanked you. She wasn't acting upset at >that moment. She started the spanking wigth a soft, >"Well, we better get this over with"--so she was not >spanking in anger or when upset with you at the time. > >Doesn't this whole spanking, Debbie, thinking it over >now in retrospect, suggest to you that your mother >quite naturally enjoyed the prospect and the event of >having her pretty daughter bare-bottomed over her lap >again, that she enjoyed spanking you with her hand, >and then with the hairbrush, and without pushing it to >an extreme or excess of any kind, she was very likely >enjoying the whole business of spanking you again >until your bottom was "stinging good" and you were on >the verge of real tears? > >If you think I might be right, and where your mother >has been so terrific with you about your feeling >(quite correct it seems clear) that you did need some >spankings from time to time to keep you on track when >you messed up (rather than groundings or other less >satisfying punishments), you might--without telling >her your full thoughts on this--suggest to your mother >that maybe she should consider spanking you like once >a month, or perhaps even twice a month if you think >you could handle that, so that the wonderful >relationship you two have will continue on an even >keel and not run into misunderstandings like that last >one you just had. Just a thought, but it is possible >that both of you might benefit from such an >arrangement. > >I'll look forward to your thoughts on these questions >if you don't mind answering them. I really enjoyed >your note. Denice

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