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>Dear Debbie, first, I was really astonished to get >this further note showing that you did not just blow >off my comments, did not just dig in and stick to what >seemed an “entrenched view” that you had more or >less formed, the view that there was no way you would >ever consider asking your mother for more spankings, >and instead it seems clear, you are trying hard to >keep an open mind on the subject and consider other >views. That is truly remarkable, and for a 16 year old >girl to keep her perspective open like that, as I >noted, is truly astonishing! > >Are there possible benefits for you and your mother to >a situation where maybe—just MAYBE—she continued >to possibly give you more regular spankings for the >next year or so for example? You don’t know, and I >don't know really. But you tend to at least want to >think about that, to think it through a bit more and >keep an open mind and not just slam the door and nail >it shut. Thinking a bit more about it is the purpose >of your hypothetical, and that is a step that is very >much to your considerable credit. Again, you surprise >me and once again I have to say you are an amazing >young lady. > >Could there possibly be some genuine benefits for both >of you, for your mother and you, in the long, long >view of things, if she were to spank you more >frequently over the next year or so than has been the >case in this last year for example? I think that >truly that is the underlying question in the >hypothetical case you have asked me to respond to. > >This tells me, Debbie, that you really are a >thoughtful and intelligently questioning young lady >and one who is not afraid to confront even your own >“set” views and give them a second look. First I >think you need to know a bit more about me, and second >we would need to add a few things to your hypothetical >to bring the scenario into a more realistic fact >situation, one closer to a possible scenario between >you and your mother. > >First, you should know I am 37 now, happily married, >spanked fairly frequently but always fairly (I >thought) growing up by my very religious parents, even >though they did spank at times without a specific >cause because they felt that given my stress level or >mood or cranky and snappish conduct told them that I >needed a spanking to "reset my buttons" and to shake >me up and get me out of those surly or cranky moods. > >I was spanked for offenses, yes, but also whenever >they just felt I really needed one (and they told me >that without any attempt to "find" a specific offense >as a reason. "Your lady, your attitude this last three >days has been unacceptable. I am fed up with your >short and nasty answers. Get the paddle and bring it >to the living room." And that was that. And in truth, >even right after the fact, I knew they were right and >knew I needed that spanking and I always felt 100 % >better after my mother stepped in and dealt with my >nasty moods. > >I was spanked when they felt I needed it right through >my senior year in high school at 18. I met my husband >in college, and got married in our senior year when I >was 22. I had studied child psychology and almost >continued in an advanced degree program in that >direction but passed on that when we married and had >children of our own. > >We now have two children, a girl 14 and a boy 12 and >my husband is an executive in the high tech industry >and is away a lot, meaning much (most!) of the >”child raising” problems over the years have >fallen to me—which is fine, I love my role as >mother more than any other and more than any academic >interests. > >Although neither of us are religious conservatives >like my parents, we both believed in and I have used >spanking as a primary means of discipline with our two >children, and this seems to have worked very well for >us. Our children are both happy and well-adjusted, >both very good students, very athletic, active in a >wide range of student activities—and both >college-bound it would appear. > >My two kids have a pretty solid grasp of what the >rules of behavior are for them, in school and at home, >and they know that when they break certain rules the >chances that they will be spanked by me are very good. > At their ages now, the girl only gets spanked about >once or twice a month and the boy just slightly more >often. He’ll go two months with only two spankings, >but then hit a bad patch and maybe get three spankings >in one month (last month being a case in point). > >Their attitudes are very good, their school work is >excellent, and overall their relationship with me is >really very good—exceptional--with lots of physical >contact between us. Hugs and kisses are daily not a >once a week sort of thing. Lap time with me in the >evening is common for both. > >Now let me stop here and do the “close friend of the >family” hypothetical in a separate post tomorrow. >(This one already needs to be published in three >volumes—LOL!) The hypothetical is a very good way to >discuss the problem we are concerned about, Debbie, >but some additional "facts" are needed to create a >true spanking scenario for the very good family friend >with permission to discipline and the "bad conduct" of >the girl who does not make it home by her curfew. >Tomorrow, love--I'll try to find some time to deal >with that in a useful and helpful way (I hope). Denice

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