Some odd poems of mine - feedback please -- The Fire Side

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Subject: Some odd poems of mine - feedback please

Author:
Swordslash
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Date Posted: 20:50:34 12/16/03 Tue

Lying on my bed of leaves
Staring at the sky so blue
And bright with the sunlight
That covers my face like a blanket
Of wavering light.
The sky (though bright today),
Can be dark,
Cloudy, and
Gloomy as though crying.
I watch as the leaves twirl and float.
Drift on to the autumn ground,
Like wraiths among the wind.
And the wind wails that the
Brown,
Falling leaves,
Are almost gone.
A blowing breeze,
Soughs against my face,
Like a mother�s touch.
I stare into the green-brown depths,
That ripples like waves in the ocean.
A sapphire horizon,
And floating gently,
Diamond clouds.
With a ruby sun,
Staring at me -
Like the eye of a dragon,
Curled up
High in the sky.

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Replies:

Subject Author Date

Great imagery! I like it! (NT) Jade 18:28:07 12/17/03 Wed

Thanks!! Here is another poem from real life... please let me know what you think. My English teacher said it was good, but I want to see what other people think. Swordslash 14:59:24 12/20/03 Sat

Uuuummm, what I dont get ole chap,*A sand colored female hare with brown paws and ears comments,*is th' first 2 lines. It says, 'The golden retriever lies still,' an' ta me, that means it's dead. But, then yer talking about what it does when it's alive wot!! (NT) -- Steadykick, 21:41:16 12/20/03 Sat

You have a great style, I'd like to see more of your poems. (NT) Jade (now known as haikugirl) 22:30:10 12/20/03 Sat

He just lieing there! haven't you ever seen a dog do that before? I have two at home, including the golden retriever that the poem is based on, and he does it all the time! (NT) Swordslash 22:07:31 12/22/03 Mon

Ok!Ok!Ok*She shields her face with her paws*You said ta' tell ya' what we bloomin' well thought of the jolly poem wot wot!*Waggles her brown ears (NT) -- Steadykick, 20:04:24 12/28/03 Sun

*laughs* Clearly you're a warrior - most others would think of sleeping or (as I said) just lieing there! (NT) Swordslash 14:23:11 12/29/03 Mon

*Claps* Awesome poems Swordslash!!!!!! (NT) -- Sekin Brightfall, 20:35:53 12/29/03 Mon

*laughs* I support you, Sekin. It seems you're returning the favor! thanks (NT) Swordslash 22:13:42 01/01/04 Thu