A comment for the author inside the post -- The Fire Side

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Subject: A comment for the author inside the post

Author:
Melias
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Date Posted: 17:04:22 12/25/03 Thu
In reply to: Swordslash 's message, "Sinistria: Remain in the Shadows" on 21:23:25 12/09/03 Tue

I will say out right that it is not great, but has potential. To help length and storyline, mystify and expand on more things, rather than bluntly stating them forth. For example, in the first couple sentences, you could make more out of it. "In the world of Eldin, there are many realms, the largest of these being Torathii. Throughout the realm are large towns and many obscure villages.* It was in one of these villiges where one of Eldin's most beloved heroes grew up." Just adding slight expansions like that will help add flesh to your story.
*(if you want you can make this , and)

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Replies:

Subject Author Date

That's kind of what I've been thinking. I've been comparing it to other stories on this board and it just isn't that good. I wish Lancepaw would delete this post so I could work on the beginning again! (NT) Swordslash the Thoughtful 13:28:44 12/28/03 Sun

No! Don't give up on it! It's a very good story, I love the names a lot. (NT) Sekin Brightfall 22:06:41 12/29/03 Mon