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Date Posted: 14:42:11 03/20/00 Mon
Author: hairytoes
Subject: When in the world did you not like Mulder?
In reply to: kande 's message, "Afraid I have to disagree" on 12:05:28 03/20/00 Mon

Sure, he can be an ass sometimes, but last night was definitely not one of those times. He wasn't just concerned that Scully made him worry, he was really really really really concerned for her welfare. Really. What about: "If we don't get to Agent Scully, it may be the last time we see her alive." (When you think about it, that is a pretty dumb quote gramatically. But that wasn't my point.)

I thought his anger and concern were very very similar to the feelings a parent has when his child is in danger. Yes, part of it was "how could you make me worry", but most of it was "how could you do something so stupid" "what if something really really bad happened" "I'm going to do anything I can to get my baby back" "I hope you learned your lesson, missy" and "I'm really really mad at you, but more importantly, I'm glad you're okay." If anything, you should be upset over Mulder treating Scully like a child. Even then, the parent-child protection instinct is a valid feeling for someone who loves another person, for someone who has watched that person grow and learn, and for someone who has grown and learned themselves through the experiences together. Part of the duty of the parent, I've always thought, is to impart knowledge of one's own pains and struggles and lessons- to show your children the consequences of ill-advised paths, of mistakes you have made so that they do not have to make the same mistakes themselves. "With all the mistakes you've seen me make, Scully, how could you fall into the same trap yourself?," in other words. Of course, this vicarious learning doesn't always work. There are some lessons that children need to learn on their own, some pains that they need to experience first hand for the consequences to be real. Another duty of the parent is to provide acceptance after your child has taken a fall, to let them know that they'll always have a place to come back to. It is not, however, the duty of the parent to conceal his anger, to give the child the impression that there aren't consequences in the home as well as those out in the real world. Unconditional love does not mean never being upset. Unconditional love means knowing that there will be times when the other will be upset, and being okay with that. Mulder's reaction, IMO, was completely valid.

hairytoes

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