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Date Posted: 01:57:44 11/14/01 Wed
Author: BRIDGETTE
Author Host/IP: 205.188.193.156
Subject: JUST FOUND THIS SITE- share knowledge?

Hi!
I just found this site, and I've read most of the profiles listed. Makes me think that my problems are fairly insignificant. I have also had a strange childhood- homelessness and molestation, but I had finally thought at the age of 26 that my life was secure with my mate of 10 yrs, my job, my new house, despite anxiety, depression, and panick. Boy was I wrong!
I blame myself- I let panick disorder take away my ability to drive, and finally my ability to cope with a high stress sales career, which I had enjoyed in the past. I had a fight with my drug-dependant partner over a month ago, and left with some of my stuff. I was tired of the situation- he was abusive- but I had an idea in the back of my mind that I would go back to my security zone, but fought that and realized that I'm better off without him. I am now feeling my loss, of my house, my dog, my partner. Some days are good, some are really bad. I've fought depression since childhood, but it seems to be really bad now. I tell myself I WILL NOT GIVE UP. I WILL NOT LET IT WIN. I WILL NOT HARM MYSELF. LIFE WILL GET BETTER. I WILL FIND SOMEONE WHO IS FOR ME SOMEDAY. I AM STILL BREATHING, AND I INTEND TO CONTINUE. Iam thankfull for my mom, who has given me a place to hang my hat until my house is sold or settled. I am dependant on alchohol to keep my spirits up in the evening. I have never taken medication- I'm afraid of it, scared it will take whatever sanity I have left. I would really like some feedback on that subject, and would like to offer my own knowledge to any one who is in need. I have time and love to give. Has anyone tried herbal remedies? I have tried kava, it works pretty well depending on how you take it. -bridgette embrikal@oal.com

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