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Date Posted: 22:38:29 10/30/01 Tue
Author: Sandy
Author Host/IP: 64.0.99.137
Subject: Jonathan
In reply to: Jonathan 's message, "Back from vacation" on 03:44:43 10/28/01 Sun

That's some exchange. A little like banging your head against a wall, doesn't seem like either of you are accomplishing much. Still I can see why you try. As for myself, I gave up a long time ago trying to explain my feelings or anything else to my dad. It's pointless and a waste of time and energy. Good news is that I've managed to put a lot of the hurt and anger and inner rage away. Those plagued me for years. I resented the way he raised us, all the nights he beat my mom up and called us sorry, worthless SOBs. I resented the violence and total lack of love from him. Now I think that somehow I've managed to just push it away or insulate myself from that pain because there's nothing I can do about it and I've come to the realization that for whatever reason he'll never see that he did anything wrong. Now he's almost 77 years old, he's mellowed out a lot, doesn't drink that much anymore, he's shrunk...literally...when I look at him, he sure doesn't look as scary as he did when I was a child. I outweigh him and I'm probably taller than he is. A while back I made the mistake of mentioning that I thought my older brother has some depression problems and that's probably why he has a hard time with alcohol. My dad went off the wall and said that if we sit around and dwell on our problems we could all be depressed and that depression is "all in your head". Well actually it is, isn't it, but not in the way he means. I found out real quick that he's not the person to talk to about any of this. My solution for dealing with my dad is to see him in small doses. If he's in a good mood, spend a little more time. If it's obvious that he's in one of his negative moods...find a way to retreat quickly. Seems to work in my case.

I'm glad that for the most part your vacation went pretty well. The sandcastle sounds nice. I really want to go to the beach..haven't seen the ocean in a while and here we are 2 hours from it.

I hope you get things worked out with your parents for your sake.

Take care,
Sandy

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