An little summing up & questionaire for more problems prevailing -- QUEER SISTERS FORUM

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Subject: An little summing up & questionaire for more problems prevailing

Author:
^sanbofan^

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Date Posted: 19:13:29 01/15/04 Thu

It seems like there's been a debate between two group here:Supporters of
(1) Traditional relationship -Pro 1-1
(2) Open relationship -Pro 1-1/ 1-many

Everyone can identify themselves, but no one can identify themselves 100% belongs to her group . It may be clear now, but may not be clear in the future.

Pro-Trad may become Pro-Open
Pro-Open may become Pro-Trad

Some might think that they are crossed bordered.

The most essential thing is to ensure your partner / targeted partner belongs to the same group as yours, unless either you don't mind / she doesn't mind.

The second crucial one is to inform her at the earliest possible where you might want to have a change of group.

The most common problem for lesbian-society is uncertainty of sexual preferences in terms of identity. Even pure may switch at times. It is not that we should not put focus on classification, but it creates real problems that not all of us have encountered.

The second problem lies here with Trad/Open relationship.

The above just my stupid thoughts. Hope to listen to your views on it, to see what you have encountered / heard from your aquintainces..

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Replies:

[> Subject: 我不反對別人奉行一對一, 但在我而言, 一對一未必是最佳的戀愛模式. 今天與honey談及, 她亦同意在同一時間愛上二人甚至三四五人根本不是奇事, 有愛的感覺就是有, 亦不能用所謂"控制"及"道德"去衡量. 同意如果你是那種一對十的人, 請在投入一段認真的感情前要與對方有共識, 別要找些100%一對一支持者談戀愛, 以免發一個電郵, 玩一次icq或打一個電話都會引致醋意大生, 就很沒意思了. 自問本人的道德標準在一般人眼中是不合格的, 但我選擇自己喜愛的模式, 並不渴望做信天翁及企鵝; 或許只能說, 信天翁及企鵝不是我那杯茶, 我不會和他們交配. 要做, 找貓, 狗, 馬, 大象, 獅子, 老虎, 羊, 熊貓或人好了!

Author:
doggie ho
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Date Posted: 22:53:21 01/15/04 Thu

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[> [> Subject: 我非常認同妳們的愛情觀，麻煩妳介紹妳的女友我識啦，我相信她可以應付多一個!
Author: 路人 [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 23:28:18 01/15/04 Thu [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: 唉...... 介紹俾妳識，佢就會鍾意妳架啦咩! 我女友唔鍾意道德家架。同埋呢，open relation唔代表係人都鍾意播! 我就算識到妳都唔會鍾意妳啦!
Author: will [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 13:30:20 01/16/04 Fri [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> Subject: 哈哈! 鍾唔鍾意就要問問我honey先知道! 不過十分同竟open r/s 不等於見一個就一定鍾意一個, 亦不一定等於濫. 例如我鍾意文人, 我honey就係o刺. Will, thanks for your statement. I appreciate.
Author: doggie ho [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 14:16:17 01/16/04 Fri [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Thanks doggie ho. 就像同性戀，不認識同性戀的人，就常會覺得女同性戀者係女人都會鍾意。
Author: will [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 14:45:58 01/19/04 Mon [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: 麻煩這位will小姐看清楚我說什麼先，我說"非常認同妳們的愛情觀"，我是贊成doggie ho說的open relation，will小姐妳是不是很討厭道德家?妳想針對道德家還是想回我呢?妳針對錯人了，我不是道德家。真的莫明奇妙，沒人說喜歡妳的女友，想認識別人就代表會喜歡對方，這樣的思想會不會很老土呢，雖然妳很出名，至少我知道自己見過妳，不好意思我對妳一點興趣也沒有，跟妳一樣我都是open relation，不代表什麼人都鍾意，但都會尊重自己不喜歡的人。doggie ho就比較有禮貌一點了，不慚自稱文人，至少人家都會說問問女友先，原來妳的女友喜歡文人，可惜我只是粗人，謝謝妳的回應^^

Author:
路人
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Date Posted: 17:13:19 01/16/04 Fri

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[> [> [> [> Subject: 唉....... 兜得很難看.......看清楚才串人吧!
Author: will [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 14:37:19 01/19/04 Mon [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: 哈哈~~我以為只有死雞才撐飯蓋，原來人都會!
Author: 路人 [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 18:20:12 01/26/04 Mon [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Accept it, people change. This is a fact that we all have to accept it, not a particular "lesbian problem".

Author:
Bing
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Date Posted: 00:02:54 01/16/04 Fri

Dear ^sanbofan^,
Honestly, the problem is you like things to be CLEAR CUT and things are not often this way. As you have wrote yourself, people's preference might change as time goes.
I really don't think that it is a problem to have "variety" in sexual orientation and I don't see why people can not "switch" if they want to...
Accept it, people change. This is a fact that we all have to accept it, not a particular "lesbian problem".Identity is a complicated thing. If you want to have a so called "Pure" les group, join one or start one. Don't put down others who have different views with you. However, I do agree with you that it is important "to ensure your partner / targeted partner belongs to the same group as yours, unless either you don't mind / she doesn't mind."This is quite basic in any kind of relationship. BTW, Agreed with doggie ho completely. Love should not have boundaries or condition. If my partner loves someone else and find happiness with that person but still wants to stay with me, I can't see why I should condemn her or leave her for that. Love is a choice, not regulations or dos and don'ts.

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[> Subject: 戀愛的課題是廣泛的，不管是同性戀或異性戀者都會遇上的問題。發生在異性戀者身上的愛情觀，就會影響了下一代，但異性戀者也許在婚前的戀愛史一大堆，年青時候可以怎樣愛都可以，有些可能是一對十或一對二十也好，但到了想結婚的時候，有些人都會收心養性，最後只能選擇一個步入教堂，結婚生子，幸好我的父母都是其中表表者，假如我的父母在婚後，仍然抱著一對十的愛情觀，我可能會有好多媽媽或者好多爸爸，我想沒人會喜歡這麼多爸爸媽媽，所以我非謝感謝父母沒有這樣的愛情觀，讓他們的下一代感覺好受很多，當然一樣米養百樣人，在我朋友當中，有些真的有好多爸爸或媽媽，也許世事沒有對錯或絕對，但我只知道那些朋友為了父母的戀愛史帶來這麼多爸爸媽媽，在心裡是介懷和活得不快樂，異性戀者他們的愛情觀是牽涉了對下一代的責任。

Author:
一對一
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Date Posted: 05:25:29 01/16/04 Fri

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[> Subject: 而我們同性戀者的戀愛課題呢，我們也許是沒有下一代的牽累責任，像是只需要對伴侶交代便可以，只能說遇上怎樣的人便談怎樣的戀愛，妳跟一個只喜歡一對一的人，說妳要一對十，她理妳都傻，或妳跟一個喜歡一對二十的人，說妳只想一對一，她只會對妳說謊她心裡只得妳一個，然後轉頭再去找她餘下的十九個，專一的人說自己是對的，花心的人認為自己更對，不用互相排互異己，找回跟自己一樣的人便可以了，這樣才會多點快樂少點痛苦，但以我所見，不是這麼多朋友喜歡自己的伴侶是花心的，最重要是花心的人能光明正大，能跟對方說"我是花心的喜歡以一對二十，妳願意跟我一起嗎?"，不要所有戀人都是騙回來的。

Author:
一對一
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Date Posted: 05:33:03 01/16/04 Fri

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[> [> Subject: 可能妳是一對一人所以想不到多對多，這不是一對10，我自己對多，當然對方也可以對多啦。認識別人的第一天便告訢她自己是多對多，這是真的會發生的，不要以為沒有可能。
Author: will [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 13:42:26 01/16/04 Fri [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: BTW, 老爸滾,難道我要叫二奶甚至隻雞做老母?相信香港都冇乜人有10個老爸或老母吧?
Author: 老歪 [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 16:09:02 01/16/04 Fri [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: 睡�踨D豝躓蛷衄侐�橾譫𢓁ㄛ笭衄𢜔嗣�眭蜄?��舑屾�!
Author: BB [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 17:20:21 01/16/04 Fri [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: 睡�踨D豝躓蛷衄侐�橾譫𢓁ㄛ笭衄𢜔嗣�眭蜄?��舑屾�!窣褧肮媼騷飲�鎚砦挓砦10�挼?
Author: BB [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 17:27:18 01/16/04 Fri [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> Subject: 扂祥𩂰�y庲橾譫ㄛ扂淩腔�舑屾!𢬿砑綎衄�𩂰窣褧肮媼騷飲�鎚請橾譫!?
Author: 俉 [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 01:09:15 01/17/04 Sat [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: 你老豆去包二奶同叫雞，重要你認佢地做老母，你重吾快d去同妳老母報串!!
Author: 正 [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 04:55:08 01/17/04 Sat [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: 不能以理服人則侮蔑他人，與其狂吠於此，不如星期日去維園啦！
Author: 己 [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 10:32:07 01/20/04 Tue [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: 1 to 1 or 1 to many, I think it's not just a matter of own preference but also depend on the amount of time and energy you have. Enjoy while you still have the time and energy to do so cos one day, you may be so occupied with 'stuffs' in life you can't even take care of yourself. Needless to say that 'n' gf. Or one day, u will wanna settle down and just be with one, the one who you wanna spend the rest of your life with. Why agrue, afterall, I like dogs and you like cats then pick someone who like cats so that u won't end up living with a bunch of dogs. Life's simple, don't make it so complex, just love and enjoy.

Author:
Qoo
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Date Posted: 00:37:53 01/21/04 Wed

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