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Date Posted: 9/12/06 9:07pm
Author: Jason Reynolds
Subject: Free Horse Racing System
Hello
I have formulated a winning horse racing system which I would like to post on this messageboard.
I have called my system `Vaguely James,` I wish you all the success in the world with it!
Step One:
Horse must be a chestnut, 5 to 9 years old, 17.6 hands high, ideally called Bertie`s Revenge.
Step Two:
3yo races preferably although any race type will do.
Step Three:
Low fields best, 2 to 26 runners optimum.
Step Four:
Horse must be 5th in the betting in the Sun Newspaper and 50/1 or much, much higher.
Step Five:
Jockey should be a claiming apprentice with the middle name of Amadaus.
Step Six:
Horse must have come 8th in its last race and 9th in any April.
Step Seven
Owner of horse must be called Ingrid Von Oppenheimer.
Step Eight:
Horse must have a had a recent nasal tube operation and have
a perpendicular lower mandebil.
Step Nine:
Race must be run on any day other than that one.
Step Ten:
Finally, horse must ideally weigh 487 kilos, or have a really bushy tail that sways about in the wind.
Anyway I wish you the best of luck with my system, don`t forget, never gamble with more than you can afford to lose!
Regards
Jason Reynolds
Full time professional gambler for many years and inventor of the plastic fork.
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Replies:[>
Re: Free Horse Racing System -- Bernard Lowenstein,
12/12/06 12:53am
Jason,
I must say your plastic fork invention has been a Godsend, many a day I spend at the horse track eating a tub of potato salad with one. However your "system" seems to baffle me, I went to the track today and following your instructions bet on a chestnut mare 7 years old, 17.6 hands high, called Bertie`s Revenge in the 3 yo race. 22 others were entered but only 18 ran, it was listed 5th in the Sun at 1000:1 odds and the jockey was Rudolph Amadaus Glockenspeil. The last race was run on the 9th of April and came in 9th. I spoke with the owner Ingrid Von Oppenheimer and ascertained that Bertie`s Revenge had just had a recent nasal tube operation and had plastic surgery to assure a perpendicular lower mandebil. The horse was 487 kilos, and had a really bushy tail that sways about in the wind.
Anyway to cut to the chase, I mortgaged my home, bet all the money and Bertie`s Revenge pulled up lame in the first turn. I haven’t gone home yet as I fear either my wife or my bookmaker will be waiting. What did I do wrong, you said it was foolproof? By the way you weren’t the inventor of the "Spork" by any chance? I sure do love sporks as they keep the drippy stuff off my trousers while I eat potato salad.
Anxiously hiding,
Bernard Lowenstein
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[> [>
Re: Free Horse Racing System -- Jason Reynolds,
13/12/06 1:25pm
Dear Bernard
Thank you for your heartfelt message.
Had you not been so impatient you would have read the "addendum" to my message regarding my "system" and would have saved yourself a house, a marriage, 4 orphaned children and a few stray unwanted pets but lets just let bygones be bygones and say we have both been taught a harsh lesson by this sequence of events - and shall we agree: your hastiness to acquire wealth on the cheap.
Please see the addendum below which I was going to place today.
Addendum to "My System"
*************************************************************
... Because if you bet more than you can afford to lose the chances are you will lose your house, your wife, your children (not to mention your poor pets) so take my advice, don`t be a dimwit and never, EVER, gamble unless you are single and without any ties. Then and only then does the "anything goes" rule apply!
*************************************************************
NB: Any losses incurred as a result of using my system formerly known as "My System" and latterly as "The System"
are the responsibity of the individual(s) themselves and cannot be construde as evidence in a court of law against the systems inventor. Added to which, gambling is a mugs game, we all know it is, after all when was the last time you saw a destitute bookie?.. I rest my case..
Sincrerely and Withouht Prejudiced Regards
Jason Reynolds
Small business advisor and former racing systems devisor now retired.
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Re: Free Horse Racing System -- Bernard Lowenstein, 13/12/06 7:00pm
Jason,
Thank you for elaborating on the "system" I can see now what a fool I was to try and make a fortune in just one afternoon at the track. Seems the wife convinced the bookie I was dead, when I did slink home she was waiting with a cast iron pot. The resulting blood spatter and several teeth imbedded in the door frame were enough for him. I still can’t go home as she is still furious at the prospect of being homeless. So for now I have learned my lesson, I’ll just keep eating cold burnt bangers out of the skip and sleeping in a damp tunnel in the underground.
The one good thing coming from this however is I have discovered I have quite a knack for training rats, might be able to make a few bob putting on shows here on the platform.
Bernard Lowenstein
Former bettor , aspiring rat trainer
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[> [> [>
Re: Free Horse Racing System -- Grochowski, 12/07/07 10:11am
>Dear Bernard
>Thank you for your heartfelt message.
>
>Had you not been so impatient you would have read the
>"addendum" to my message regarding my "system" and
>would have saved yourself a house, a marriage, 4
>orphaned children and a few stray unwanted pets but
>lets just let bygones be bygones and say we have both
>been taught a harsh lesson by this sequence of events
>- and shall we agree: your hastiness to acquire wealth
>on the cheap.
>
>Please see the addendum below which I was going to
>place today.
>
>Addendum to "My System"
>*******************************************************
>******
>... Because if you bet more than you can afford to
>lose the chances are you will lose your house, your
>wife, your children (not to mention your poor pets) so
>take my advice, don`t be a dimwit and never, EVER,
>gamble unless you are single and without any ties.
>Then and only then does the "anything goes" rule
>apply!
>*******************************************************
>******
>
>NB: Any losses incurred as a result of using my system
>formerly known as "My System" and latterly as "The
>System"
>are the responsibity of the individual(s) themselves
>and cannot be construde as evidence in a court of law
>against the systems inventor. Added to which, gambling
>is a mugs game, we all know it is, after all when was
>the last time you saw a destitute bookie?.. I rest my
>case..
>
>Sincrerely and Withouht Prejudiced Regards
>
>Jason Reynolds
>Small business advisor and former racing systems
>devisor now retired.
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