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Date Posted: 24/10/06 4:23pm
Author: Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq. (Parker Nose and Ointment, whoops!!!!)
Subject: Re: Mavis Tweedale
In reply to: Parker Nose and Ointment, Solicitors 's message, "Re: Open Letter to MFCC" on 24/10/06 12:14pm

My good fellows, Parker Nose and Ointment, Solicitors and Commissioners for Oaths. Mevagissey, Luton, and Grimsby

Let me say I am sorry to hear you client has suffered due to "The 137th Annual Running of the Goats Festival" however if your Mavis Tweedale was wandering about on the day(‘s) of the "The 137th Annual Running of the Goats Festival" she would have been forewarned of the impending stampede. The council of Mevagissey had dispatched several "sound trucks" to warn the likes of your Mavis Tweedale’s to stay off the streets from October 14th through the 17th due to the 137th Annual Running of the Goats Festival. It isn’t like we didn’t warn you there would be , rabid goats running through Mevagissey for a couple of days.


On behalf of Mevagissey, Luton, and Grimsby, I would like to thank all the volunteers who have scraped up at least 87 hectares of goat dung to be flown to an undisclosed location in France.


Since you describe your clients injuries as "The upshot is, Mavis and Cyril completed the race and won by a record margin of 22 lengths but since the events of that day she has been unable to look the vicar of St. Chadwick s Church in the eye again." I would conclude that you are looking to litigate with The council of Mevagissey. However looking at the official rules of the "The 137th Annual Running of the Goats Festival" you would be well to note paragraph 7A-450V part 3 which quite plainly states.

7A-450V part 3: In so much as any resident, transient or other party, in the first or second and third party. Interfere with the goats in any way the penalty will be 100 lifetimes +30, in the case of Mavis Tweedale we find her guilty of just mildly distracting the goats so the fine will be reduced. So Mrs. Mavis Tweedale surrender yourself before it’s too late. Reverend Mason, the vicar of St. Chadwicks is ready to absolve you now, he just wants a peek! So prepare to meet you maker.

However as Mavis Tweedale was the first across the finish line we would like to make an offer, our firm is prepared to pay .15 per pound for Mavis Tweedale fat (rendered)


Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law

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